THE SANCTUARY (8 page)

“That could be the name of a country western song, don’t you think?” Julia asked.

“
Then I’m walking in Memphis
,” Sonya sang.

“
Put on my blue suede shoes
,” Liz chimed

“
Touched down in the land of the Delta Blues in the middle of the pouring rain
,”

Sonya sang.

Liz grabbed Sonya and pulled her to her feet. They began swaying and singing as loudly as they could as they continued the lyrics. Sonya and Liz did a little two-step as they began the next chorus. They stood still with their arms around each other’s waist as they soulfully sang the last line once more with deliberate exaggeration, “
But do I really feel the way I feel?”

Grace ducked down in her chair, feigning embarrassment, while Julia and Lydia applauded. Liz and Sonya took their bows. Early morning shoppers who caught part of their performance clapped and cheered.

“Time to pack it up, girls,” Lydia said as she emptied her coffee dregs onto the asphalt.

“Where have you been? What have you been up to? Tell us everything,” Sonya said to Liz after they had turned in Liz’s rental car and got the camper onto the highway.

“I was over in the rainforest of Borneo working on a film project. Animal World asked me to do a documentary on orangutans. There’s a big conservation center there, and we were able to get government permission to shoot in Tanjung Putting National Park. It’s a remarkable place, seemingly untouched by time and man. Y’all know how I feel about protecting animals so when I got a chance to do this, I jumped at it. Even if it was like a hundred and fifty degrees because of the humidity. Even if you felt like eating, you still wouldn’t gain weight with the way you sweat.”

“I would die,” Julia said.

“I have to admit that I had serious doubts about my survival that first day. Then you sort of get used to your clothes being sticky with sweat all the time. Can you believe my daughter, who lives in designer jeans and Elizabeth Arden makeup, had no problem? Took to everything like a pro,” Liz said with pride.

“Of course she did. Like mother, like daughter,” Julia said. She had always looked up to Liz and most admired her tenacity and sense of adventure.

“Anyway, the special airs in about two months and wait until you see it. The film opens with me holding a baby orangutan in my lap. Its fat fingers are curled around mine, and you’ll just die, it is so precious. Oh, and guess whom I saw while I was there? I passed Scarlett Johansson coming out of the bathroom at the airport. I think she was on some goodwill ambassador tour. I got her to go on camera and talk about Borneo and how important it is to save the orangutans. When Grace and I left the jungle and I was finally able to access my messages, I changed our reservations ASAP, rented a car, and drove until I caught up with y’all.”

“I appreciate your efforts. I’m glad you made it. Now it’s a real reunion,” Lydia said.

“We may have to change her nickname to Sneaky Jules. If Julia hadn’t reached out to me pretending to be you, and Sonya hadn’t left daily messages giving me updates as to your whereabouts I never would have found you. When I read the last one, I thought it was a joke or a mistake, but I wanted to surprise y’all. So, I took a chance that you gals just might really be crazy enough to rent a camper and spend the night in the Wal-Mart parking lot,” Liz said.

“I knew you’d make it,” Julia said.

“Are you kidding? We made a pact,” Liz said. “I’m so sorry about David and for missing the funeral, Lydia. Like I said, I forgot my phone, and it was days before we got back there. Even then I wasn’t able to call or check messages because the damn rain and forest canopy obliterates cell phone reception most of the time. The stupid airline wouldn’t allow me to use my cell phone, thanks to some recent terrorism attempt. By the time I could call, I decided to surprise you.”

“Color me surprised!” Lydia said.

“I’ve got the gist of what’s going on, thanks to all the emails and texts. So I’ll do some research along the way and reach out to some good contacts, and we’ll find out what we need to know by the time we get there. By the way, where are we headed to next?”

“A shopper’s paradise—the Mall of America!” Lydia announced. “More than five hundred shops just waiting for us.”

“Now you’re talking!” Grace said. “I need some new clothes!”

“Is that why there are clothes scattered all over your room and still your closet door won’t close—because you need
more
clothes?” Liz asked.

“I need more than a new outfit,” Julia said. “I need a whole new look. Look at me. I’ve become fat and frumpy.”

“We could all stand to lose a few pounds, except Liz,” Sonya said. “Girl, you need to put on some weight. Julia, you have a Marilyn Monroe physique. If you wear the right clothes, you’ll look voluptuous.”

“Oh, I would love it if you’d show me how.”

“I can help you with a makeover and Sonya could help you pull together some chic outfits and Lydia could do something fabulous with your hair, I’m sure,” Liz said.

“Y’all wouldn’t mind?”

“We’d love it,” Liz assured her.

“If only you could do something about those awful dreams I’m having then you really would be perfect,” Julia said.

“What dreams?” Lydia asked curiously.

“I used to have these bad dreams that started right after my aunt died. I was almost four years old, and I’ve the nightmares off and on ever since. I rarely have them anymore, maybe because I don’t go into a deep sleep cycle. It’s weird, but they started again recently, and I think that John is fed up with me. He thinks I should have dealt with all of this a long time ago. I think he’s angry that I’m too chicken to deal with it.”

She couldn’t bring herself to tell them that she had seen a therapist and was close to finding out what the nightmares were all about when she stopped going to therapy. She didn’t want them to know that she was more terrified of what he might tell her than she was of the nightmares. They already thought she had too many fears and phobias.

“Is this the dream about your mother and aunt?” Sonya asked, recalling Julia telling her about it one night during college after waking up screaming.

Julia nodded. “It’s awful, and it’s not just a dream. It’s something I saw one night when I was a child and for some reason, I can’t get it out of my mind. I was almost four years old. I was awakened by loud voices. I realized they belonged to my mother and aunt. I crawled out of bed and opened my bedroom door. I saw my mother and Aunt V at the end of the hall at the top of the stairs. They were yelling at each other. Aunt V was shaking her finger in my mother’s face. That made my mother really mad. She pushed my aunt. They started shoving each other. Suddenly, my parents’ bedroom door opened, and my father appeared. His hair was all messed up, and he was wearing pajama bottoms and a T-shirt. I guess they woke him up, too. And he didn’t look too happy about it. That’s when I heard this terrible scream, and I looked back down the hall where I saw Aunt V falling backwards. She was waving her arms in the air and flailing wildly and then I couldn’t see her anymore. I will never forget hearing that long scream as she tumbled down all those steps—and then silence.”

Julia paused long enough to take a deep, calming breath. “My father started yelling and my mother started crying. She got hysterical. He grabbed her and started shaking her. It looked like he’s hurting her. Then he slapped her. This scared me a lot, so being a kid, I closed the door and ducked under the covers. I remember crying myself to sleep. The next day they told me that Aunt Vivica was dead. They said there had been a terrible accident.”

“Poor Jules. Why didn’t you ever tell me this?” Lydia asked.

“I didn’t want to talk about it. I just tried to forget, and I guess that made it worse.”

“What do you think these dreams mean?” Sonya asked.

Julia just shook her head.

“Have you and your father ever talked about this?” Lydia asked.

“I tried a few times over the years, but he always shut me down. Said there was no point rehashing the past. And he forbade me to mention it to my mother. He said it was too painful.”

Liz had remained silent but finally spoke. “You’re probably going to think I’m crazy but hear me out. I was doing some research for a documentary a few years ago about dreams and what they represent. I’m no expert, but I did a lot reading on the subject, and we interviewed dozens of experts. I think there’s something more going on here than just bad dreams. I think that you saw something that you’ve pushed deep down into your subconscious,” Liz said.

“Huh?” Julia said confused.

“I think you’re having what’s called a repressed memory. You saw something that night your aunt died that you don’t want to recall. The fact that it was a forbidden subject even after all these years also indicates that there’s more to the story. I mean, I can understand why your mother didn’t want to dwell on it, but that doesn’t explain why your father wouldn’t allow you to ever mention it. And don’t you think it’s strange that both your mother and her mother committed suicide?” Liz asked.

“I told you before. There’s some history of mental illness. My grandmother also took her life. I think that’s why I have so many fears and phobias. I’m terrified that I’m going to end up going crazy and/or committing suicide.”

“But you also said that she had terminal cancer and that it was extremely painful and that she suffered for a long time. Sounds like she just wanted to be put out of her misery,” Liz said.

“So what are you getting at?” Sonya asked.

“I’m saying that I think something happened that night that your parents don’t want anyone to know about, especially you. I think you may even know what it is, that you might be suppressing something that’s too painful to remember,” Liz said.

“Like what?” Jules asked.

“You’re going to have to ask your father about that. He’s the only one that can give you any answers,” Liz said.

“Getting my father to talk to me about any of this is going to be harder than giving up chocolate,” Julia said glumly.

Nine

THE BEAST

I
t was time for Julia’s extreme makeover. The Mall of America was the perfect place to find everything they needed for the project. They decided it was best to park the RV in the satellite parking lot and ride the shuttle bus to the mall. There was just too much traffic to even think about maneuvering the Beast.

The women carefully planned their course of action. Lydia headed to the beauty supply store for hair products. Liz and Jules went to the cosmetic counter at Nordstrom where Liz selected makeup—everything from makeup primer to eyeliner. Meanwhile, Sonya scouted out Bloomingdale’s and Nordstrom’s, where they met an hour later to begin shopping for Julia’s new wardrobe.

It took three hours and countless dressing room visits to put together three ensembles for Julia, which included clothing and shoes by Misook Doolittle, Christian Dior, Söfft, and Sudini. Lydia and Sonya sat slumped in their chairs while Liz ran back and forth from the racks to the dressing room carrying clothes. After Liz was done with Julia, the women spent another two hours buying a few goodies for themselves. Super-sized lattes from Starbucks kept them going. When the caffeine buzz began to wear off, they bought more coffee.

“I never thought I’d say this, but if I have to go into one more shop…” Sonya said.

“You? I feel like a freaky science experiment,” Jules said. “You made me wear these awful undergarments that feel like torture.”

“The garment you’re referring to is Spanx, and they are worn by millions of women worldwide. And a full-support bra. You want to show off your God-given gifts by lifting them up and out,” Sonya scolded.

“Oh, I’m lifted all right. My boobs are practically touching my nose,” Jules said. “I’ve always tried to hide them, and now they’re sticking out there so far I’m in danger of toppling forward face down.”

“You can’t hide your light under a basket. Trust me,” said Liz as she looked down at her own breasts. “And why would you want to? Men love these babies!”

“I’ve always been self-conscious about being big-busted, and then when I gained weight and half of it seemed to end up in my boobs, I just started wearing loose clothing and trying to play them down,” Julia said.

“Well, the problem with big boobs is there is no way to hide them. And Liz is right. You shouldn’t try to because men are obsessed with them,” Lydia said.

“Think of them as our best weapons in the Mars versus Venus battle,” Liz said.

“What if we compromise and I wear this awful corset bra thing and skip the girdle?” Jules said.

“No deal. The girdle helps flatten your tummy, effectively shaving off five to ten pounds. Once you lose the weight, you can abandon the girdle if you want. Until then, remember that we must all suffer for our beauty,” Sonya said.

“Can you imagine what it was like back in the day for those poor women who had to wear bustles and corsets and petticoats and hoops? They had to have servants help stuff them into garments that were two sizes too small so that they looked dainty and feminine. They even had to wear shoes that were too small because big feet were considered to be unladylike,” Sonya mused.

“Ta-da!” Grace said as she appeared, wearing a slip of a dress that accentuated her every curve. It was silvery gray with tiny sequins sewn all over it, and it was held in place with two straps that were so thin they were nearly invisible. She looked sexy and sophisticated—more like twenty-seven than seventeen.

“Yeah, like that’s going to happen,” Liz said, gesturing for her daughter to go back in the dressing room. “See what I’m dealing with here?” Liz asked her friends. She said no to five more dresses but bought Grace a pair of designer jeans and boots.

Later that night, Julia washed her hair and came outside to where the others sat in folding chairs outside the RV. They were staying at a campground just a few miles from the mall. Liz and Sonya sipped lemonade while Lydia cut and colored Julia’s hair.

“I like your shampoo. It smells nice. Lavender, right?” Lydia asked.

“Yeah, it’s what my mother used. It probably sounds stupid, but I use it because it reminds me of her,” Julia said.

“That’s not stupid. I think it’s great that you have a daily reminder of her,” Lydia said.

“I don’t want anything too drastic, please,” Jules said.

Lydia nodded her head and kept working. She colored Julia’s hair to get rid of a few premature gray hairs and to enrich her natural brown color. Next, she highlighted it, which helped create a soft and pleasing effect around her face. Lydia cut off three inches. With the weight gone, the hair had more body and looked healthier. Gone were the outdated wings that swooned out on each side of her round face, replaced by sexy, spiky bangs. It was a more youthful and trendy look.

“Oh my God,” Julia exclaimed when she saw herself.

“You don’t like it?” Lydia asked worriedly.

“I’m a goddess. How did you do it? It doesn’t even look like me,” Julia said, throwing her arms around Lydia and hugging her tight in appreciation.

“It was easy. You have lovely hair. You just needed to freshen your look, that’s all,” Lydia said modestly.

“Girlfriend, I can’t believe you can do something like that and aren’t using that talent. It’s a real shame,” Sonya said.

“For real. I pay Fernando two hundred bucks to do my hair, and he couldn’t do better than that,” Liz said.

“Okay, Jules, that’ll be two hundred bucks,” Lydia said.

“Seriously, why don’t you open up a salon or something now that David is gone. Oh gosh, I’m sorry, Liddie. I shouldn’t have said that. It was insensitive. What I meant is that you sure could help a lot of women like me,” Julia said.

“I can’t think about the future. Right now I can only think about this road trip and why we’re taking it. Besides, I don’t have the money to start a business, and I don’t think I’d want the hassle of owning one. All that paperwork and licenses, not to mention employees and accountants and taxes and payroll. I think it would take the joy right out of doing hair, but I do enjoy creative challenges. I’ll have to do something to earn a living, but I can’t imagine what.”

Lydia paused to reflect. “I learned how to do a lot of useful things when I was working in community theatre. We didn’t have hair or makeup artists, so we had to learn how to expertly apply makeup and do our own hair. I guess I just have a natural knack for this kind of thing. It wasn’t long before everyone came to me to do their hair and makeup, so I got lots of practice. I loved community theatre because you had to wear so many different hats. One minute you could be sewing a costume or building a prop and the next minute you could be putting fliers in local businesses to promote a show or be on stage performing. You never got bored,” Lydia said.

“So why didn’t you pursue it?” Liz asked.

“I met David and he wanted me home, and that’s where I wanted to be. I didn’t want to spend night after night at the theatre or on the road with some acting troupe instead of spending time with my husband. We were in that newlywed phase where we couldn’t get enough of each other. Does anyone remember those days! Anyway, I got busy taking care of the house and David and doing a lot of volunteer work. He had to travel a lot for work—or so I thought. So I wanted to be home whenever he was rather than at the theatre. I missed it sometimes, but I was happy. I resurrected the Grand Strand Theatre. The gal who put together the Swamp Players moved. After that the group fell apart, and there was no more theatre in Georgetown. It became a movie theater instead. I couldn’t stand that, so I got involved and assembled a theatre group. We were pretty good too if I do say so myself. I learned a lot about marketing and the administrative end of things during that time. After a couple of years, I left the group.”

“Only because you had to take care of your parents,” Julia said.

“I just helped out a bit when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer,” Lydia said.

“That is not true, and you know it,” Julia said reproachfully. “Lydia did everything from taking her mother to every chemo treatment to fixing dinner for her father. I remember you even had wigs made when her hair fell out because your mom was so heartbroken over losing her gorgeous hair. You kept Sparky until your mother was better so that they wouldn’t have to worry about taking care of the dog. You spent hours sitting with your mother to make sure she didn’t need anything or that she never felt alone. You made those specialty smoothies and protein shakes because they were the only thing she could keep down. She needed to gain weight after losing so much during chemo and get her strength back. You took care of their house and bills and everything. I don’t know how you managed.”

“It really wasn’t that big a deal, although my mother was pretty sick from her cancer treatments for a few months. We watched a lot of old television, which I learned to appreciate. I hate that she got sick, but I never regretted the time I spent with her. Those are moments I’ll cherish. I’ve always felt guilty about not being there for my little brother when he died, so I was determined that wouldn’t happen with my mother, too.”

“That’s crazy, Liddie. You were a kid. You were not responsible for Tommy. Besides, I was the one who talked you into going to Charleston with my mom and me that day,” Julia scolded.

“Yeah, but I should have said no. If I had been home, maybe I could have done something. I could have saved him,” Lydia said.

“That is crazy. He had leukemia and had lived longer than the doctors expected, according to what Julia told me years ago when I asked about Tommy. She also said that you watched over him like a hawk, choosing to stay home whenever you could to take care of him. You were entitled to go off with your best friend for the day and have some fun,” Sonya said.

“That may be true, but I’ve always felt that it was my fault. Right or wrong, I have always felt guilty. Then my father died of a stroke several months after my mother’s cancer came back, and she succumbed to it this time. She just didn’t have another long fight in her. I was so heartbroken that I contemplated suicide. I would never have done it, but I briefly flirted with the idea. I was such a mess. I just shut down. Poor David. He had to put up with me, and I was awful to him when I even acknowledged his presence.”

“That’s understandable,” Sonya said. “I’m sure he understood.”

“I’m not so sure. You don’t know how terribly I behaved. I yelled at him over nothing or refused to talk to him. It was a bad time. It almost cost me my marriage. David was so lonely and miserable that he told me he was going to move out for a while and give me some space,” Lydia confided. “That was the wake-up call I needed. I realized that I had better pull myself out of my funk, or I was going to lose my husband. We had such a good marriage except for that. I thought we could talk about anything. So what is this all about?” Lydia asked.

“Liddie, are you sure you want to know? Maybe since David’s gone, you should just let it go if there’s no chance of getting the money back. What if the truth leads you to more pain?” Sonya asked.

“I know what you’re saying, but I need to know. I
have
to know,” Lydia said. “It’s more than being broke and wondering where the money went—and having some ridiculous fantasy that maybe I can get some of it back. It’s why he kept this huge secret, you know? But I am worried about what I’m going to do now. I’ve got no money and have never had a job except as an actor, and there’s not a lot of demand for thirty-nine-year-old actresses in the greater Georgetown area. What am I going to do? Who can I turn to? I have no family. I’m all alone now.”

“Wrong! You have us,” Jules said. “We’ll always be here.”

“I know, but you will all go back to your own lives soon, and we’ll lose touch again.”

“No way. We got off track for a while, but we’re going to make a new pact right now that nothing will ever come between us again,” Julia said.

“The resurrection of the CGFs,” Liz echoed.

“The renaissance of the CGFs,” Sonya said.

“And no more secrets. We’ll share what’s going on no matter what it is,” Julia said as she jumped up to help Grace who was juggling a tray of milkshakes she’d volunteered to go get at a nearby ice cream parlor.

Liz patted the chair for Julia to sit down. She handed Julia a headband to keep her hair away from her face. Next, she got out the new makeup. She blotted and patted and fussed over Julia for the next thirty minutes, refusing to let her see a mirror. Stepping back to study her work, Liz nodded with satisfaction. She finally handed Julia the little mirror so that she could see herself.