The Samantha Project (9 page)

The years that followed only got worse for Dave. Working for GlobalLife made Dave a distant memory of his former self, the energetic entrepreneur out to save the world. I never understood why Dave didn’t just leave GlobalLife and retire early. After all, he had made a small fortune when he sold his company, although you would never know it from looking at him or his house.

Around noon, Allie came over. She only had a half day of school. Now that she was back from Greece, she had to finish the semester by doing an independent study project. She still had to put in time at school, but she didn’t have to be there all day, every day.

Allie hugged me the minute I opened the door. “Sam, I am so, so sorry about your parents. I know I told you that in my phone messages like a zillion times, but now that I’m here in person, I have to say it again. You poor thing, I feel terrible. How are you?”

She talked even faster than before, which is what Allie did when she wasn’t comfortable with a topic. We went over and sat in the living room.

“I’m, I don’t know. It’s hard to describe. Part of me still doesn’t believe it. But then I go in their room—and they’re not there. And I wait for them to come home, but they don’t.” I took a breath, trying not to cry, but the tears came anyway.

“Oh, Sam. I don’t know what to say to you. I feel so bad.”

“There’s nothing to say. It just sucks. And I don’t think I’ll ever get past it.”

“Don’t say that. It just happened. You’re not gonna feel better in a couple days. Or weeks. Or even months.”

“I feel so lost without them. I don’t know what to do now.”

“Just take it one day at a time, Sam. Don’t start worrying about all your future plans.”
 

“I’m a mess, Allie. I can’t even go an hour without crying. And you know me. I never cry. Ever.”

“You’re not a mess. You’re normal. And what are you doing here alone? Why didn’t Dave stay home with you?”

“He had to work. He’s really stressed. There’s something going on there. It must be huge because he would never leave me unless it was an emergency.”

Allie looked angry. “
This
is an emergency. What is he thinking? Work can wait.”

“Don’t blame him. He’s really trying. This is hard on him, too.”

“Well, Colin will be here later, right?”

“No. He has practice after school.”

“Practice? You mean basketball? What the hell is wrong with him? He needs to be here, not at some stupid practice.”

“I told him to go. I made him go.”

“Sam, why? He should be here with you. I can’t believe he listened to you. I’m gonna call him.”

“No. I need some time alone.”

“You don’t know what you need. Like you said yourself, you’re a mess. The last thing you need is to sit here, all alone, staring at everything that reminds you of them. I swear, it’s a good thing I’m back.”
 

She called Colin and I didn’t bother stopping her. She wouldn’t have listened anyway.
 

“Hey, Colin. It’s Allie. You’re coming over here after class.” Pause. “Yeah, I know what she said, but you can’t listen to her.” She rolled her eyes as I tried to protest. “She was sitting here all alone. Crying.” Pause. “No, he’s at work.” Pause. “Okay. Bye.”

“You shouldn’t have done that, Allie. Now he’s gonna get in trouble for missing practice.”

“Would you stop? He’s not gonna get in trouble. And he really wants to come over. You know, he was really close to your parents.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“So don’t act like this doesn’t concern him. He needs you just like you need him. He looked awful at school today. I don’t think he’s even slept since it happened.”

Allie stayed until Colin arrived. She gave him a hug. “Sorry if I yelled at you earlier. I didn’t mean to.”

“It’s okay. I needed it. You were right. I don’t know what I was thinking listening to her. See ya, Allie.”

“Hey, I’m right here, you know,” I said, getting up to take his coat. I hugged him. “Thanks for coming. I had kind of a hard day. I thought I’d be fine alone, but then it was so quiet and I went through some music, which made me sad and then . . .”

“You don’t have to explain. You shouldn’t have been here by yourself. I don’t know why Dave thought it was okay to go to work.”

“Don’t be mad at him. He’s super stressed right now. With work and planning the service and me.”

“What about tomorrow and the rest of the week?”

“I don’t know yet. I think we have a meeting at the church tomorrow. I’m not sure what time.”

“Well, if he’s gonna be at work again, I’ll stay home from school tomorrow so you’re not alone.”

“No. Don’t do that. He’ll probably be here. And today was just really bad. Maybe tomorrow I won’t be such a mess. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I can’t stop crying.”

“That’s normal, Sam. It’s only been a few days.”

We sat together for the next couple hours, sometimes talking, sometimes silent. It was so much better than sitting there alone. I was grateful that Allie had butted in.
 

Colin’s mom stopped by around five and dropped off a bunch of food. She had all sorts of different casseroles, some to eat now and some to freeze. She put everything away so I didn’t even have to do anything.

Dave finally walked in the door at 6:30, packed down with work files and his computer.
 

“Uncle Dave, I was getting worried.”
 

Dave came over and gave me a quick hug. “Sorry. I should have called.” He seemed completely different from when he had left that morning. He was distant and distracted. I figured it was the stress of work. Or maybe he had just realized that he’d inherited a teenage girl.
 

“Colin, thanks for being here. I meant to get home, but then things got worse at the office.” Dave’s voice trailed off as he walked back to my dad’s office to drop off the stack of work he had brought home.

“Colin’s mom brought us some food,” I called after him. “I could heat it up.”

“I can do it,” Colin got up and went to the kitchen.

Dave raced back to the living room, nervously tapping through messages on his cell phone. “That was nice of her. But I really don’t have time to eat. I’ll just eat something later.”

Dave got his laptop and went back to Dad’s office, shutting the door behind him.
 

Colin seemed annoyed. “What’s his deal? He won’t even eat dinner with you? I’m gonna have to talk to him.”

“No, don’t. It’s just stuff at work. If you want, you can go now. I can eat dinner alone. I’m not even that hungry.”

“No. We’re eating together.” Colin had everything waiting in the kitchen.

After dinner, Colin left and I went up to bed. The next morning I found a note from Dave sitting on the floor outside my room.

Sam, I had to go into work. Got a call last night from Alden—he scheduled an emergency meeting. Be home as soon as I can. I’m meeting with the minister at 4 to finalize details of the service. Call you later. Uncle Dave.

So that explained Dave’s odd behavior. Alden Worthings—Dave’s boss. Actually, he wasn’t Dave’s immediate boss. He was everyone’s boss. He was a high-level executive from the company headquarters in Sweden, and when he came to the office, he made Dave’s life miserable. Luckily he only showed up for a few hours once a year, if that. But he scheduled conference calls more frequently, mainly with Dave.
 

From what Dave said, Alden was not one to show sympathy. But I couldn’t believe that he was making Dave put in so much time at work so soon after the accident. Dave should just quit, I thought. He has plenty of money. Why put up with this?

I went down to the kitchen, where Dave had set out a box of cereal, a bowl, and a glass at the table for me. Granted, it was a giant pasta bowl and a huge glass instead of a cereal bowl and juice glass, but Dave was trying. It was sweet.
 

Colin called on his way to class. “So is he there today?”

“No, but don’t miss school. I’m just gonna sleep this morning. And then this afternoon I’m going to the church with Dave.”

“Well, okay. I’ll call you later.”

I went back to bed, hoping to get through at least half the day without crying. But I kept imagining Mom and Dad downstairs and the silent house was a constant reminder that they were gone. I convinced myself that this was how it would be now. That I’d never feel normal again.

Around noon Dave called, telling me to meet him at the church later. I wasn’t sure I wanted to go, but decided that I would rather know what would happen before, rather than during, my parents’ memorial service. I had never been to a memorial service, so I had no clue what to expect.
 

I was early getting to the church, so I was stuck sitting in a room with the minister. I didn’t go to church that often, but my parents had gone more frequently the past few years and they knew the minister well. In fact he had married them years ago. He was an older man who had a peacefulness about him that relieved some of the tension I was feeling.
 

Finally Dave walked in, looking even more frazzled than the night before. The meeting began. We went over all the details of what would happen at the service. It seemed really long. So many people wanted to speak. Friends of Mom and Dad from work. People I had never met.
 

The minister said that my parents had requested that their ashes be placed in Crane Lake on the outskirts of town, where they had their first date. I wondered when they had planned this. It seemed creepy that my parents had even considered their deaths.
 

After the church meeting we stopped for dinner.
 

“So are things bad at work right now? Is it because of Dr. Worthings?”

“Yes. He’s got some important people coming to town for a meeting. There’s a big project we’ve been working on. It’s a little behind and the people invested in it want answers or they might pull the plug on the whole thing. There’s a lot at stake.”

“That must be tough, dealing with me, and work, and the . . .” I still couldn’t find the words to describe what happened to my parents. Tragedy? Death? Accident? Nothing sounded right. “Well, you know, a lot’s been going on.”

Dave suddenly sounded concerned. “I don’t want you worrying about that, Sam. You have enough going on. I just need to put in some extra hours for a few weeks. But I’ll definitely be at your parents’ service, no matter what Alden says.”

“What? He doesn’t want to give you tomorrow off for the service? That’s ridiculous.”

“I know, I know,” he said, shaking his head.

Dinner ended with both of us lost in our own thoughts. How could Dr. Worthings deny Dave time off for the memorial service? How could he be that cold and heartless?
 

I remembered a few years back, when my dad was offered a job with GlobalLife and he turned it down. He would have made five times what he was making at the university. It was clear now why he’d turned down the offer.

When we got home, there was a small box on the front porch. It was from Colin. A card attached to the top said,
“Sorry I missed you. I got you a few things. Just wanted to let you know that I’m thinking about you. I’ll call you later. Colin.”

“What’s it say?” Dave didn’t get the whole privacy thing with teenagers.

“It’s from Colin. Says he’ll call later.”

“That guy. He’s a keeper, Sam. I know they say not to marry your high school sweetheart, but I think I’d make an exception with that one.”

I rolled my eyes and tossed my coat on the hook. “I’m going upstairs. Night, Uncle Dave.”
 

“Wait. It’s still early. I was hoping we could talk. You haven’t said anything about the service. How are you feeling about tomorrow?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. I just want it over with. Can I go now?”

“Sure, honey. We’ll talk in the morning.”

I went up to my room and plopped down on my bed, looking at the size 13 shoebox Colin had left. Must have been all he could find. Probably from his new basketball shoes. I opened it and found a box of chocolate-covered peanuts, some grape-flavored candy, a box of blueberry tea, a CD, a necklace made with a thin black rope and blue stone, and another note from Colin.

“Sam. Don’t be mad that I gave you this stuff. I know you don’t allow presents outside of holidays and birthdays but I’m giving you one anyway because when times are tough, it’s nice to be around your favorite things. And since I’m not there (ha, ha!), this stuff will have to do. Seriously though, I’m always here for you, Sam, for whatever you need. Love you! Colin.”

I slumped back on my pillows, letting the note fall back in the box. The gift was perfect, but it was too much. I felt guilty accepting it. I decided that I had to talk to Colin about our future. Not tomorrow, not that week, but soon. I couldn’t let his feelings for me keep getting deeper and deeper. Despite what Allie had said, I couldn’t see my relationship with Colin continuing once I started Stanford.
 

I put the necklace on; it was a perfect fit. Colin knew that I wasn’t the type of girl who wore sparkly jewelry. I was the girl who liked funky jewelry with cool stones and simple designs. The necklace was exactly what I would have picked, which made the gesture so much sweeter.
 

I played the CD expecting some sappy love songs but instead found it was a mix of cheesy ’80s music—the type my parents used to play all the time. They were the songs I actually didn’t mind—upbeat pop songs with corny lyrics. It was so much better than a mix of love ballads. Friend or boyfriend, Colin was a keeper. Dave was right.

I woke up Wednesday morning wishing the day were already over. I had heard people say that funerals helped you move on. That they provided some type of closure. But what did that mean? That I would move on and forget about my parents? That I would accept their death?
 

How could I have closure when just a week before, at that very hour, Mom and I were having breakfast while Dad was getting ready for work?