The Samantha Project (15 page)

Monday morning marked my last week of high school. My last week of enduring hallways filled with cliques, bullies, and never-ending gossip. I couldn’t believe that it was all about to end.
 

If it weren’t for the accident, it would have been one of the best weeks of my life. My parents would have made the whole week into a celebration. Dad would have been downstairs making his famous pancakes every morning. Mom would have been blasting some crazy music from the ’80s. But instead, I was home alone, getting ready in silence and eating a piece of dry toast.
 

Allie insisted on riding to school together, so she came by and picked me up. In the car she started laughing for no apparent reason.

“What’s so funny?”

“Oh, I heard this girl from school say that you were going to the winter formal. But she was kidding, right?”
 

“No, I’m going,” I muttered.
 

“What? But you make fun of those things! You hate school dances.”

“It means a lot to Colin. And it
is
my last high school dance ever, so why not?”

“Samantha Andrews! I am shocked! How could you not tell me this?” Allie tended to be overdramatic at times, which could be very funny.

“I guess I just forgot.”

“I see you all the time and you didn’t even think to mention this? When did Colin ask you?”

“I don’t know. A couple weeks ago, I guess.”

“A couple weeks ago?! Sam!”
 

“Sorry.”

“So that means you have to get a dress! Let me do it! I could sooo find you the perfect dress.”
 

“I already have a dress,” I said nonchalantly. “Colin picked it out. Last Saturday.”

“What? You let a guy pick out your dress? Oh,
this
I have got to see. After school today.” She glanced at her watch. “Crap, we’re late.”

When we arrived at school, eyes followed us into the parking lot. Allie’s family had money and her father bought her a silver Audi convertible for her eighteenth birthday. It always drew stares, especially from the guys.
 

Allie herself drew stares from guys, but she made it clear long ago that she didn’t date “high school boys.” That didn’t stop them from trying, especially new guys who showed up at our school and weren’t aware of Allie’s rule.
 

We parked next to Brad Meyers, who quickly walked over to open Allie’s door. Brad had been trying to get Allie to be his girlfriend for two years. And even though she wouldn’t officially date him, they were still friends and they went out on dates all the time.
 

“Al, why didn’t you call me last night?” Brad gave her a hug and kissed her on the cheek.

Allie smiled, enjoying the attention. “I’ve been busy. Right, Sam?”

Brad looked over, barely noticing that I was there. “Oh, hi, Sam.” He turned his gaze back to Allie. “Well, I need to know if you’re going to the winter formal with me on Saturday or not?”

“I still don’t know. I have to think about it.”
 

I rolled my eyes. I knew that Allie would go to the dance with Brad, but she wasn’t about to let him know that. She loved stringing him along, playing hard to get, which made Brad want her even more. She was definitely better with guys than I had ever been, not that I had much experience. She always knew what to say; I either froze or said something stupid. That’s another reason why I liked being with Colin. We were long past the awkward stage.

“I’ll call you later, Brad.” Allie waved him away as she grabbed her laptop from the backseat.
 

“I’ve got practice this afternoon, but try me tonight,” Brad said, running off to meet his friends who were filing into school.

“I don’t know why you’re so mean to him, Allie,” I said, laughing at her performance.

“I wasn’t mean to him. I just don’t like him hanging on me every second of the day. A girl needs some space.” She smiled, reveling in her power over Brad.

“You’re such a tease. I’ve gotta get to class. Meet you back here at 2:30?”
 

“Yep. Have fun on your last Monday of high school!” Allie yelled after me.

The day flew by. After school, Allie and I went back to my house to hang out.

“This is not how I pictured my last week of high school,” I said to Allie, who was sitting at my desk painting her nails. “So much has changed since the accident. I don’t even feel like the same person anymore. It’s like I had to be an adult the minute it happened and I wasn’t ready for that.”

“You’ve always been an adult, Sam. In fifth grade you were calculating how much money you would need to save to buy your own house, remember?”

“Well, now I own
this
house. Isn’t that weird? And I own my parents’ car and have to figure out what to do with their money and retirement accounts and insurance policies.” I started to panic just saying it.

“Slow down. Don’t worry about that stuff. It can wait. And if it can’t, you know my mom can help you out with all that financial stuff.” I always admired Allie’s laid-back attitude. Things didn’t worry her like they worried me.
 

“But it’s been almost a month since the accident. I haven’t dealt with any of this and—”

Allie cut me off. “Okay. What do you really need to do, Sam? Seriously, you’re in your last week of school and then it’s Christmas. Can’t this stuff wait until after the New Year?”

“I guess. I just feel like I should be doing more, taking more responsibility, handling it all better.”

“Are you crazy? You’re handling this better than anyone I know. I’d be a total mess if this happened to my parents. And I don’t even get along with them.”

I got up and went to my closet. “Can we talk about something else? Hey, do you want to see my dress?”

“Your dress! I almost forgot! Yes, put it on. I’ve got to see this!”

Allie swooned over the dress, saying she was certain a salesclerk had picked it out. She made suggestions for how I could wear my hair and rifled through my drawers for some earrings to go with the dress. Soon Dave was home and Allie stayed for dinner. I wasn’t ready for her to leave, so we talked for a few more hours before she finally headed home.
 

The rest of the week was better than I expected. By Friday, I felt a little sad that it was all coming to an end. Ever since learning I could graduate a semester early, I’d been counting the days I had remaining at that school. But the last day came too quickly. I wasn’t ready. I actually wanted to have more time there. More time to be a normal teenager and hang out with Colin and Allie.
 

I felt lost. I had more than eight months before college started. What would I do with all that time? Just work at the coffee shop? Read books? I couldn’t go work at my dad’s office. It would be way too sad.
 

In the last hour of my last class of high school, I thought about what I might do next. All of my old decisions and plans seemed so trivial. Since the moment that police officer had arrived at my door, my future felt uncertain. Would I even go to Stanford?
 

My rational side was telling me to stay on the path that I’d decided on years ago. Get my undergraduate degree from Stanford. Then get my Ph.D. and find a job in research.
 

But another part of me wasn’t so sure about that plan. Did I really want to be a scientist or was I just trying to please my parents? I had always loved science. But deep down, a part of me wondered if I should do something else. I had no idea what that was because I had never questioned my future before. But the accident changed all that. And now here I was, in my last class, on the last day of high school. And suddenly I, the person who plans everything to the tiniest detail, wasn’t sure what to do with the rest of my life.

“Samantha, Sam?” A voice startled me from my thoughts. I realized that I had pretty much missed all of my last AP literature class. From the seat behind me, Colin nudged my shoulder to get me to respond.
 

“Yes, Ms. Siegel,” I said, straightening myself up in my chair. “Sorry, what were you saying?”
 

“I was just saying, since this is your last day of high school, do you have any final words to share?” Ms. Siegel asked eagerly.

Was she crazy? I thought. She knows I hate speaking in class. Was she angry at me for graduating early? Her face didn’t seem angry. In fact, she genuinely looked like she was sad to see me go. I guess she really did expect me to have some farewell speech.
 

“Well, I don’t really have anything prepared,” I said, trying not to sound nervous.

“That’s a first,” Colin said, and the whole room laughed. Leave it to Colin, Mr. Popularity, to break the awkward silence in the room. Ha, ha. The girl who is always prepared has nothing this time.
 

I looked back to see him smiling at me. I smiled back. I was thankful for the save.

“Well, I
am
prepared to be done with high school. I’m ready to do new and different things.” Back to awkward silence. I was so bad at this. Colin always had something funny to say. I had nothing.
 

“Like go to school, study, and get straight A’s? Yeah, that will be new and different.” Colin saved the day again. Even more laughs erupted from the class.
 

Thankfully, the bell went off just as the laughter subsided and Ms. Siegel wished us all a nice holiday break.
 

I burst out of my chair and bolted to the door, only to have Colin grab my shoulder. “Hey, slow down. I hope you’re not mad. I was just trying to lighten the mood. I knew you’d be taken off guard by that whole ‘final words’ nonsense. I don’t know what Ms. Siegel was thinking.”

“Are you kidding? I’m not mad. You saved me from my last few minutes of high school humiliation,” I said, grabbing his shirtsleeve to drag him away from class before Ms. Siegel approached me with her own words of wisdom. “Let’s just get out of here. I’m done. I’m finally done! Can you believe it?”

Colin dropped his backpack to the floor and formally held out his hand. “Congratulations, graduate. I’m happy for you. Well, I’m really not because now I’ll hardly ever see you.”

I pushed his hand away and went in for a hug. “That’s not true. In fact you’ll probably see me even more. I’ll have way more free time now that I don’t have to worry about homework or tests,” I said dreamily.

“Yeah, go ahead, rub it in. But enjoy it while you can. I’m sure Stanford will pile on the work.”
 

When we got to our lockers, I tossed the few items that remained into my backpack. “Well, who knows. Maybe I won’t even go.” My voice trailed off. Why had I said that?
 

Colin slammed his locker shut, then grabbed my arm to get my attention. “Did you just say you might not go to Stanford? Tell me you didn’t just say that. Tell me you didn’t even think that.”

“What? No, of course not. I was kidding.” The uneasiness in my voice wasn’t convincing him.

“Sam, you’ve worked your whole life for this. Are you seriously thinking of not going?”

“I told you I was kidding. Geez, relax.” I broke my arm from his hold and closed my locker. I was suddenly angry. Why was he getting so upset about what I did with my future? Couldn’t I change my mind? Couldn’t I make a decision that went against what people expected from me?
 

“I’ve got to go. I’ll talk to you later, okay?” I headed out the door and Colin followed behind me.

“Hey, what about tomorrow? When should I come over?”
 

I almost forgot. Tomorrow was the winter formal. “Um, I guess 7:30? 7:45?”

“The dance starts at 8.” Colin laughed. “I’m taking you to dinner first. We’re not just going to the dance. What kind of guy do you think I am?”

“Oh, then whatever gives us enough time. 7 maybe?”

“We have reservations at 7, so I’ll need to pick you up by at least 6:45. But don’t you want to hang out before the dance? It’s Saturday. We could see a movie. Come on. Let’s celebrate. It’s your first day as a high school graduate.”
 

I hated hearing the word. Celebrate. It still felt so wrong to even think about celebrating anything, in any way, so soon after my parents’ deaths.

“I can’t. Allie’s coming over. I’ve got to get all prettied up for the dance, you know. That will take all day.”

“All right.” Colin paused. “But you really don’t need any ‘prettying up.’ You know that, right? By the way, who says ‘prettied up’? You’re a strange girl, Samantha.” He laughed, then kissed the top of my head as I got into my car. “Hey, how about a real kiss, graduate?”

I got back out and gave him a real kiss, just as two football players got into the car next to me. “Wooo, someone’s gettin’ it tonight.”
 

I pulled away to give them a dirty look, but they were already in the car. Such idiots.
Another
reason why I was in such a hurry to get out of high school.

“Ignore them,” Colin said as I climbed back in the car. “I’ll see you tomorrow. 6:45. No, 6:30. Don’t want to be late for dinner.”
 

Any other girl would have spent her last night of high school out with her friends, but I wanted to be alone. I suddenly felt completely overwhelmed with my future, and I needed time to think. Besides, Colin had to stay home that night to hang out with some relatives who were visiting from out of town. I told Allie I had plans with Uncle Dave so she wouldn’t insist on coming over.

As I drove home, the thought suddenly hit me that Uncle Dave might be planning some type of surprise graduation party or special dinner for me. I pulled into the driveway, expecting to see his car home early from work. But it wasn’t there.
 

I got out of my car and was greeted by a strong and frigid wind. Typical Minnesota winter, I thought. Going to Stanford would at least get me out of the cold. I zipped my coat and ran to the mailbox. As I raced back to the house, the wind caught a piece of the mail and blew it down the street. I ran after it, searching the street to see where it went.