The Salvation of Daniel (The Blue Butterfly Book 2) (3 page)

Her forehead came to rest against mine. “I…” she started as her eyes held mine. “I just feel…” I lifted my hand and wiped my thumb across her cheek, collecting the tiny tear that slowly rolled down her face. My stomach clenched at the sight of it. I was hurting her, yet there was nothing I could do to stop it. “I just feel like you’re not as… into this relationship as me, as I want you to be.”

I slid my hand further up her face, running my thumb across her eye and swiping the wetness that had collected on her long lashes. “Katey… I can’t…”

She swallowed heavily and smiled. “I know, Con. I know.”

I leaned towards her and softly brushed my lips across her mouth, tasting her tears as she opened slightly to me and allowed me to kiss her. I was gentle, trying to show her how much she meant to me, even if I couldn’t voice it.

She moaned and slid her hands around my neck, linking her fingers on the nape of mine and pulling me against her. Her soft lips grew wetter as she wept harder. She knew it was the end. Sliding my hands into the softness of her blonde curls, I attempted to give her what she wanted, what she needed but it wasn’t there.

She sighed into me, her warm breath tickling the surface of my tongue before she pulled away only slightly and ran the tip of her nose down the length of mine. “Goodbye, Connie.”

I squeezed my eyes closed, the pain in my chest becoming almost unbearable. “I’m so sorry, Katey.”

She shook her head. “No. No, don’t be. I knew… You never really let me in.” She shrugged and stepped back. “It’s okay.” The pain on her face pulled at my heart but I had to let her go. I couldn’t return what she gave and it was selfish of me to hold her back from what she could find from another. “I hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for, Connie.”

I nodded and smiled. “And you. And you.”

I watched her unhook her coat from the hook behind the door. She turned, giving me one last smile, tears scurrying down her pretty face. “Be careful,” she whispered.

I didn’t hide the shock on my face. She deserved my honesty if nothing else. I gave her a nod. “You ever need me, Katey. Ever.”

She smiled. “I know. Next time…” She smirked at me. “Next time, make sure you hide your gun better, honey. Not everyone is as okay with that shit as me.”

I chuckled and nodded. “As I said, you ever need me.”

“You’ll go ninja on someone’s ass. I know and thank you.”

I laughed as she winked at me and pulled the door closed behind her.

The room was suddenly too quiet, loneliness once again creeping in and making my soul hurt. I hated how I hurt everyone who tried to get close to me. Yet, it was something that was out of my control. I never let them in. I couldn’t allow them in. My life wasn’t exactly conventional, nor was I what could be deemed as
normal
.

I met Katey around eight months ago and we’d hit it off straight away. She was beautiful, her long, lush blonde hair capturing my attention; the soft bow to her lips had made me instantly want to feel them brush over my skin. Yet, where she had fallen into the trap of emotion, I would never
feel
. I wasn’t capable of feeling. My heart didn’t beat anymore, it died the night after my parents died - the night I found his secret.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, making me jump and bringing me out of the self-pity I never usually allowed myself to slump into.

“I warned you.”

I rolled my eyes. “And hello to you too.”

“This isn’t a damn movie, Connie. What the fuck are you doing?”

I was suddenly angry, my jaw clenched as tight as my fist. “How fucking dare you? My whole life has been a God damn drama. Do you really think I don’t know what I’m doing?”

He scoffed and I pictured him shaking his head. “We’re so close, Connie. You are going to ruin everything by getting too close.”

I smiled to myself. “I’ll never be close enough. I want him. You promised me him. And now, now you’re telling me, what? I can’t have him?”

He hesitated, weighing up his words. He was worried about my recklessness.
I
was worried about my recklessness. “No, I’m not saying that. But the girl is…”

“Her name is Annie.”

“Annie,” he sighed, “is too unstable.”

“She’s four!”

“Exactly! Think what you are doing to her.”

I laughed bitterly. “I’m her aunt. I won’t hurt her.”

“Intentionally.”

I sighed and slumped into the chair. He was right. I would hurt her when all this was over. “She’ll have me when it’s all over. She needs to…”

“To get to know you?” He laughed and I bit my bottom lip. “Is that what you’re doing? Getting her used to you?”

I paused and closed my eyes. “Yes.”

He sighed. “Jesus Christ, Connie.” His tone was heavy with sympathy. I bit back the tears, they would do no good, they never did any good. “We need to move this along. Let us do this without interference. I promise you we will do everything we can to keep her out of it.”

I narrowed my eyes and tipped my head, suspicion curling in my gut. “Don’t do this without me.”

He hesitated and I knew.

“Wait…” The line was already dead. “Fuck!” I slammed my fist on the table. “Fuck!”

I shot up from the chair, the squeal of it against the tiles grating my nerves. Snatching up my coat, I tucked what I needed into the back of my jeans. It was time. It was time to do what was needed. What I had waited two years for.

It was time to set this shit into motion, with or without the go ahead. I couldn’t afford to wait. He had made it pretty clear I was now out of the loop and Daniel was mine. He’d always been mine.

It was time to make him aware of that.

“DADDY.”

I nodded, encouraging her to go ahead as I tucked the sheet in around her, cocooning her in comfort.

She swallowed and eyed me warily. I cocked my head to one side and gave her a soft smile. “It’s okay, baby. Tell me.”

She licked her lips and stared at me for a while. My heart started to race. I could see her anguish, it was almost suffocating. My baby was hurting, worried. I sat on the bed beside her and took her small hand in mine, running my thumb over her knuckles to soothe her. “It’s okay, Annie. Tell me.”

“You won’t be cross?”

I shook my head. “No.”

“Promise?”

I ran my finger over my chest in a cross. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”

She seemed to relax with my promise. “Mummy’s coming.”

For the longest moment I couldn’t breathe. My lungs squeaked in protest when only a trickle of air managed to find its way past the clog in my throat. My teeth chewed furiously on the inside of my cheek as I tried to control the anger that surged through me. “Mummy is dead.” I didn’t mean for it to come out as sternly as it did.

Annie flinched and nodded, pulling her lips into her mouth to try and stop herself from crying. “I’m sorry, Daddy.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose, desperately trying to control the emotion driving my heart into a dangerous pace. “No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap.”

Her eyes pooled with tears, marbling the bright blue of her irises. My heart broke for her. She couldn’t seem to move beyond the reasoning that Mae wasn’t with us.

“Baby.” I brought her fingers to my mouth and kissed them. “You have to stop this. They’re just dreams, Annie. Mummy… you know where mummy is, you tend her resting place and sing to her. You know this, Annie.”

She nodded. “But… It’s not a dream, I pinched myself last time to make sure. She comes, Daddy. She talks to me at night. We play I Spy and talk about school, and… and… you.”

I narrowed my eyes. Something wasn’t right. She was adamant, enthusiastic as she spoke. “What does Mummy ask?”

She shrugged. “How you met. If you’re a good daddy. Who else lives here…?”

“Baby.” I snatched her hand more firmly than intended. Something was seriously wrong here. “Listen to me, Annie. Mummy knows how we met, she would not ask that of you. What does she look like?”

Her eyes widened further with my sharp tone, releasing one of her fat tears down her chubby cheek. “Like… like me. She has black hair, and pretty blue eyes.” She smiled as the image of her mother played in her mind.

It didn’t make sense. Mae wouldn’t ask those questions. I growled at myself. Now I was falling into the trap, believing the make-believe stories of a four-year-old girl.

“Time to sleep, Annie.” I didn’t know what to say to her. Everything I tried didn’t work. The pit of my stomach hurt when I realised my baby could be ill, like her mother had been.

I watched her, my chest aching with so much emotion as she snuggled back down under the covers.

“Daddy?” she whispered, her large round eyes locking onto mine. I nodded. “How… how did you meet Mummy?”

I closed my eyes as the pressurised storm in my chest threatened an overload. My heart cried out as memories assaulted me. “We met at the beach, baby.”

She smiled up at me. “Were you both in your bathing costumes?”

My lips twitched at her innocent excitement. “We were, and Mummy was so very beautiful.”

“Did you build castles and eat ice-cream?”

“We did.” I smiled back at her, believing my own lies. “And we flew a kite like we always do when we visit the seaside.” Her tears subsided although mine threatened to push past the dam I had built to hold them at bay. “Now, sleep.”

She nodded and screwed up her fist, kissing it, then flung it at me as was our night time ritual. I copied her actions, blowing her my own invisible kiss. “Love you to the moon,” I whispered as I kissed her forehead.

“Love you to the sun.”

I flicked off her lamp and walked to the window to pull her curtains closed. The rain beat hard on the window, the intensity of the summer heat driving the rain as it attempted to freshen the scorched air.

I squinted at a figure standing in the middle of the road in front of the house. What stupid person would do that? Standing in both the rain and the road? Perhaps they had a death wish.

Looking closer I figured it was a female with the curve of her hips and legs in tight jeans. Her face was down, hoody pulled over her head to shield herself from the torrent pelting down on her. Both hands were shoved into her pockets as she studied the bounce of the rain on the hot tarmac, steam rising as soon as the large drops hit the hot ground.

Everything stilled, the air physically hovering around me as particles floated as if gravity had been switched off. Air gushed from my lungs, the contents of my stomach rushing up my throat with the explosion of shock when she looked straight up at me.

Blue eyes locked onto mine, bright blue eyes that peeked out from behind a curtain of ebony hair.

A choked sob rushed from me, the tight clench of my heart crippling me. “Mae?”

“Daddy?” I shook my head and turned to Annie. She sat up in bed staring at me. “Is she here?”

“I…” The world was wrong. Time and reality shifted. She died. I’d watched her die. I held her in my arms as she took her last breath. How?
How?

I palmed the window, wiping the condensation that had formed with my hot breath. The rain continued to rebound off the ground. The trees swayed with the breeze that had suddenly descended. Next door’s cat ran from one bush to the other seeking shelter from the weather. Yet no one stood on the road, nor did they appear to be elsewhere. My eyes hunted feverishly, looking, scanning – hoping.

Nothing. No one.

I blinked once, twice, trying to focus on what wasn’t there. Relief coursed through me… but so did disappointment. It was crazy, stupid. I knew she was dead. Fuck, I had killed her myself. I knew it wasn’t real, but a tiny sliver of hope had formed inside me. The talk with Annie had placed images in my head. That’s all it had been. But sadness started to overwhelm me, eat at my soul.

I closed my eyes, trying to see her in my mind. All that came was the woman I had seen moments ago. A ghost of my past. A hallucination that continued to torment me.

“Daddy?” Annie urged.

“No,” I whispered. “No, baby. Just next door’s cat again.”

I needed a drink. I needed the oblivion only alcohol and sex could offer. Memories, cruel, twisted memories played on repeat in my head, threatening to drown me in their punishing torture.