The Roof is on Fire (20 page)

As the guilt for what I had done started to kick in, I tossed and turned until I finally fell asleep. When I did, it felt like I was in a coma.

There I was, standing at the altar in my black tuxedo, looking dope as ever. The church was filled to capacity with Desa Rae's family and friends, as well as mine. My boys were lined up beside me, and we all watched as my beautiful daughter, Chassidy, made her way down the long aisle, dropping flower petals along the way. I couldn't help but to smile because she reminded me so much of Desa Rae. We had a lot to be proud of and today was no exception. It was special, no doubt. After everything that Desa Rae and me had been through, our wedding day had finally arrived. The woman who I loved was about to be my wife, and no words could explain how nervous I felt inside.

Minutes later, the “Here Comes the Bride” theme played. Desa Rae appeared at the back of the church. I could barely breathe—her beauty had taken my breath away. The cream-colored strapless dress she wore was silk. It rested perfectly on her healthy curves and cut right underneath her knees; the dress allowed everyone to get a glimpse of her smooth legs and high-heel shoes that matched her dress. Twisted pearls were gathered around her neck, and her hair was full of loose curls that fell on her shoulders. I had never seen my woman look so fabulous. She had
gone over and above the call of duty for this day. Every eye in the church was glued on her, especially my boys, who all stood in awe.

Desa Rae moved slowly down the aisle with a blank expression on her face. No smile was visible whatsoever. I wondered why she wasn't smiling; I definitely was.

By the time she reached me, several tears had reached the rim of her eyes and poured over. She handed me her flowers to hold while she wiped her tears. I had a handkerchief in my pocket, so I pulled it out and wiped her tears with it. I was surprised by the continuous flowing of her tears because Desa Rae wasn't one to always show her emotions. Everybody waited for her to gather herself, but she couldn't seem to do it. Trying to calm her, I stepped forward to hold her in my arms.

“I know, ma,” I said. “I'm excited about this day too, but you gotta stop cryin', so we can get this show on the road.”

She backed away from me and gazed into my eyes. “Why, Roc?” she asked. “Why did you have to do it?”

I quickly blinked and was caught off guard by her question. My heart dropped to my stomach. I could feel beads of sweat dot my forehead.

“Do what? What are you talkin' about?”

“You know darn well what I'm talking about. How long have you been messing around with another woman?”

Several gasps could be heard throughout the church and a few snickers too. I couldn't even move. It felt like cement had been poured over me. I stared at Desa Rae, in shock that she was standing before me accusing me of being with someone else.

“Answer me, damnit! Open your mouth and answer me,” she demanded.

I suspiciously looked around, trying to play down the noise she was swinging my way. “May…maybe we should go somewhere and talk in private. We really don't want to put our business out there like this, do we?”

She smacked away a tear that had fallen. Anger that I had never seen
before crept across her face. “I don't care if anyone hears what I have to say. And if you refuse to come clean, this shit is about to get real ugly.”

It had already gotten ugly to me, especially with so many people in our business. What was it that she expected me to say? I hadn't been with no other woman, other than the one incident I'd had with Chase. There was no way that Desa Rae had found out about what had happened during my Hell House stay. I wasn't so sure where she was going with this.

I reached out to hold her, but she wouldn't allow me to touch her. “I think you're makin' a big mistake. I haven't been with anyone. Why are you trippin' so hard, ma? When I tell you it's the wrong time and place, I really mean that shit.”

Desa Rae swallowed hard and pointed her finger at me. She spoke through gritted teeth that made me take a few steps back. “You owe me the truth, bastard. You said you loved me, and I'm going to ask you this one more time. Who have you been having sex with?”

By now, I had tuned out everybody. I reached out for her again, trying to talk some sense into her, but she wasn't having it.

“I'm here to marry you. I haven't been seein' nobody else, so why are you accusin' me of somethin' that ain't ever happened?”

Desa Rae pulled out a letter from inside of her wedding gown and unfolded it. Before reading it, she sighed and gazed at me with a pained look in her eyes.

“One week ago, I went to the doctor. His office called yesterday, the day before our wedding, and told me that I needed to come in to discuss the results of my tests. My test for syphilis came back positive, Roc. If you've been faithful to me, please tell me how something like this could've happened?” She waved the letter in my face. “Explain this crap to me. I'm very fucking confused right now.”

I was so embarrassed. When I looked around, not one single person had left. They wanted a response too, but I was speechless. I'd used a condom
when I had sex with Chase, and I knew for a fact that it didn't come off. We did, however, indulge into a lot of sucking on the private parts, but the chances of me catching anything from going down on her was slim to none. Or, that was what I'd thought. Then I thought about Desa Rae getting her freak on with someone else. I wasn't sure what was up with her, but in no way would I stand at the altar and confess to what I'd done.

“I honestly do not know how somethin' like this could've happened, but when is the last time you hooked up with Reggie? You did have sex with him, didn't you?”

I tried to swing that shit back her way, but Desa Rae reached out and slapped the living daylights out of me. My head jerked to the side, and I rubbed my cheek, trying to soothe the hard blow.

“How dare you bring Reggie into your mess? I trusted you, Roc. I trusted that you would finally do right by me, but you just couldn't do it, could you? You couldn't keep your dick in your pants, and now you done gave me a disease that one of those trifling bitches you've been screwing with done passed on to you. You stand there with your lies and think it is okay for you to ruin my wedding day. You ruined this day for me, and I want you out of my life for good!”

I kept shaking my head, saying no. The people in the church were loud, but nothing was louder than a cackling laugh that came from the back of the church. When I turned to see who it was, it was Chase. She laughed uncontrollably and clapped her hands.

“Way to go, Roc,” she shouted. “How's that marriage thing working out for you?”

“Not so good,” Desa Rae said. I felt a jab in my stomach, and when I looked down, she had stabbed me with a knife. I tried to tell her I was sorry, but the pain in my stomach prevented me from saying anything. She smiled and backed away as I tried to break my fall by clinging to her dress. I fell to my knees, but before I hit the floor, the dream came to an abrupt end.

I quickly sat up in bed with a sheen of sweat covering my forehead. That dream had me messed up, and when I looked at the alarm clock, it was almost seven o'clock in the morning. It was another day, yet I wasn't guaranteed another dollar. Not unless I started making some noise in here to get the others out and get my ass home. Chase was first on the list. I planned to have a talk with her today about why I thought she should leave. I was positive that she'd see things my way.

Before I got out of bed, I looked at her bed and she was lying there out like a light. I guess I didn't have to wonder why; maybe because I had knocked her back out and she was still in a coma. The dream had me feeling horrible about fucking her, but a part of me felt as if it was justification for the way Desa Rae made me feel when I called home. She should've known better. I didn't play that kind of shit, and shame on her for thinking that I was the kind of man she could toy with. At the end of the day, what she didn't know wouldn't hurt. No matter what the hell I had dreamed about, what had happened between me and her had to stay a secret.

I took a lengthy shower, especially since I did a quick wash-up last night. I then gave myself a clean shave. When I tossed the blade in the trashcan, I saw several used condoms. The one I had used with Chase was in the kitchen's trashcan, so these condoms had to belong to Jaylin. If not, Jada and Chase were around here doing some freaky shit that didn't make sense. I smiled from the thought of Jada and Jaylin fucking. That was what made sense, especially since they were always playing with each other and hanging around together.

“Dirty dog,” I whispered underneath my breath and laughed again.

I exited the bathroom, dressed in purple and yellow B-ball shorts and a Nike tank shirt that showed my tats. I was somewhat lazy
today, so I didn't feel like working out. Instead, I stopped at the computer to check my fan mail. There was a lot of it, but I was so eager to find out what had happened between Jaylin and Jada that I only replied to one email from Cadeesha in St. Louis.

Roc, I swear that I've been all over St. Louis looking for you. LOL. I'm a forty-something-year-old woman who dates younger men. Your relationship with Desa Rae is so interesting, and I would like to know, from you, what makes you and Desa Rae's relationship work, considering the big age difference?

I had to think about this. After last night, it was obvious that it wasn't working well at all. But I had to give the woman some hope—keep some for myself too—even though there could possibly be serious trouble in paradise.

Cadeesha, what up, ma? If you search hard enough in the Lou for me, you'll definitely find me. Right now, I don't know how my relationship with Desa Rae is working, but I'm hyped about it. I don't believe the success that we've had revolves around our ages as much as it does around two people who understand each others needs, who know the real meaning of compromise, and we recognize that neither of us are perfect. A person can be any age to realize that, so don't be skeptical to date brothers the same age as you. I happened to luck up on a woman who is willing to work with me, especially at a level that I need for her to be. Wish me luck, ‘cause after this Hell House challenge is a wrap, I'mma need all the support I can get. You know how much I love trouble, so say a li'l prayer for Black Love. It's still alive, so never give up on it.

I hurried to shut down the computer. On my way to tease Jaylin about what had gone down between him and Jada, I stopped in the kitchen. I picked up three slices of bacon that Jada must have already cooked. I put the bacon between a buttery biscuit and added grape jelly. I stuck the sandwich in my mouth and jetted to the workout room.

From a distance, I saw Jada and Jaylin inside. He was showing her how to lift weights. They seemed chummy and turned their heads when I opened the door.

“Morning, Roc,” Jada said with a big, bright smile. “I see you couldn't wait to get your hands on my homemade biscuits. I got up real early to make those, especially for you.”

“Aww, that was sweet,” I teased. “I don't have to tell you that you did your thing. You know a nigga appreciate it.”

“You'd better. Jaylin in here tryin' to show me how to quickly shed some pounds. He says that liftin' weights is a good start, but what you got to say about that?”

“I say you're on the right track, but all people have different results. You may lose more weight by doin' aerobics.”

“Yeah, that too,” Jaylin said. “But more than anything, you gon' have to cut your calorie intake in half and exercise a whole lot more than what you're doing.”

“I'm not gon' cut my calories by much, but I will try to exercise more.”

Jaylin wasn't trying to hear that. “If you don't cut your calories, then you're defeating your purpose for losing weight.”

Jada got defensive. “No, I'm not. I heard that people can burn off all calories, no matter how many they eat, by exercisin' for thirty minutes every day. Like, look at Michael Phelps. I heard he eats close to ten-thousand calories a day. He's skinny as a pencil, and all he do is swim.”

“Swim a lot,” Jaylin countered. “A whole lot, where he can afford to eat like that. You, on the other hand, can't.”

“And you, on the other hand, need to stop insultin' me before I shove my foot up your you-know-what.”

“No, I don't know what that is.” Jaylin seemed to have an attitude and he backed away from her.

Jada sat on the weight bench, pouting.