The Roman (11 page)

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might be, and I felt a malicious pleasure in seeing my father so completely lose his self-control in her presence. Tullia now turned her attention to the other guests and greeted some of them in a friendly way and others superciliously. The old ladies had much to whisper about with their heads together, but she took no notice of their spiteful glances. She would eat only a few sweetmeats and drink a little wine, but she asked me to sit beside her on the couch. �It�s not unseemly,� she said, �although you are fully grown now. I could be your mother.� With her soft hand she stroked the back of my neck, sighed and then looked in my eyes so that I felt a tingling all over my body. My father noticed and came up to us with his hands clenched. �Leave my boy alone,� he said briskly. �You�ve already caused me enough trouble.� Tullia shook her head sadly and sighed. �If anyone has helped you, Marcus,� she said, �then it was I in your manhood days. Once I even traveled all the way to Alexandria after you, but don�t think I would do it again. It is only for your son�s sake that I have come to warn you. Valeria Messalina is offended that Claudius has given your son his name and sent him the ring of knighthood without consulting her. For that reason there are certain other persons who are curious about you and your son and want to favor all those with whom this shameless woman seeks a quarrel. It is a difficult choice that awaits you, Marcus.� �I don�t want to be involved, or even to know about such things,� cried my father in despair. �I can�t believe that after all these years you immediately want to involve me in one of your intrigues in which I can lose my good reputation just as I have managed to retrieve it. Shame on you, Tullia.� But Tullia teasingly laughed aloud and brushed her hand across my father�s. �Now I see why I was so insane about you once, Marcus,� she said. �No other man has ever been able to pronounce my name so delightfully.� And to tell the truth, when my father spoke her name there was a touch of melancholy in his voice. Of course I could not possibly

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what such a fine noble woman could see in my father. Aunt Laelia came up to us, tittering cheerfully, and gave my father a playful slap on the cheek. You�re not sitting here squabbling like a pair of young lovers, .ire you?� she said warningly. �It�s high time you calmed down, my dear Tullia. You�ve already had four husbands and the last one has hardly had time to grow cold in his grave.� Exactly, dear Laelia,� admitted Tullia. �It is time I calmed down. That is why I am so unutterably glad to have found Marcus again. His presence calms me wonderfully.� She turned to me. But you, young Achilles,� she went on, �your new sword makes my mind uneasy. If only I were ten years younger, I should ask von to come with me to look at the moon. But old as I am, I cannot. Go then and amuse yourself. Your father and I have much to settle together.� When she mentioned the moon, I was disturbed and went up to the upper floor to remove my armor. I felt my shorn hair and my smooth cheeks and was suddenly disappointed and sad, for I had been waiting for this day for so long and had dreamed about it and now nothing was as I had expected. But I had to fulfill my promise to the oracle in Daphne. I went out the back way and in the kitchen acknowledged the good wishes of the sweating slaves. I told them to eat and drink as much as they could manage, for there would be no more guests arriving now. At the gate I dutifully straightened up the almost extinguished torches and thought sadly that this was perhaps the greatest and most solemn day of my life. Life is just like a torch which at first burns clearly and then is extinguished in fumes and smoke. A girl wrapped in a brown mantle stepped out from the dark shadows of the wall. Minitus, Minutus,� she whispered. �I want to wish you happiness and have brought you these cakes which I baked for you myself. I was going to leave them with the slaves, but fate was kind to me and let me meet you myself.� With horror, I recognized Claudia, against whom Aunt Laelia had warned me. But at the same time I was flattered that this strange girl had found out the day of my majority in order to

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wish me happiness. Quite unexpectedly a great rush of joy went through me when I saw her thick black eyebrows, her wide mouth and sunburned skin. She was different from all the aging soured guests who had gathered in our house. Claudia was living and real and genuine. She was my friend. Claudia shyly brushed her hand across my cheek and was not at all as arrogant and self-confident as when we had first met. �Minutus,� she whispered. �You�ve probably heard evil things about me, but I am not as bad as people make out. In fact I want to think only good thoughts now I have met you. In that way you�ve brought me happiness.� We began to walk side by side toward the Moon temple. Claudia adjusted my toga at the neck and together we ate one of her cakes by taking turns at biting into it, just as we had done with her cheese at the library. The cake was spiced with honey and caraway. Claudia said she had collected the honey and caraway herself and ground the wheat-flour with her own hands in an old hand mill. As we walked she did not take my arm, but shyly avoided touching me. Filled with my manhood, I took her arm and steered her around the potholes in the street. She sighed happily. In strictest confidence, I told her about my promise and said that I was now on my way to the Moon temple with my votive gift in a silver box. �Ugh, that temple has a bad reputation!� cried Claudia. �Immoral mysteries go on there behind barred doors at night. It was a good thing I was standing outside your house. If you�d gone there alone, you might have lost more than your gift. �1 don�t even bother to watch the State sacrifices any longer,� she went on. �The gods are just stone and wood. That lying old man in Palatine is reviving old ceremonies just to bind people more firmly with the old chains. I have my own sacred tree and a clear sacrificial well. If I�m sad I go to the oracle at the Vatican and look at the birds flying.� �You talk like my father,� I said. �He did not even want to let a seer read in a liver for me. But powers and witchcraft exist. Even sensible people admit that. So I prefer to fulfill my promise rather than not.� We had reached the temple, which stood sunk in the ground.

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Fortunately the door stood wide open and inside a few small lamps were burning, but there was no one in sight as I hung my silver box up among the other temple gifts. I should really have rung the bell to summon the priestess, but to be honest I was afraid of her and did not at that particular moment wish to see her pale white face. I hurriedly dipped the tips of my fingers into the holy oil and rubbed them on the stone egg. Claudia smiled in amusement and placed a cake on the priestess� empty stool as a gift. Then we ran out of the temple like two naughty children. Outside in front of the temple, we kissed each other. Claudia held my head between her hands. �Has your father already betrothed you,� she asked jealously, or have you only been shown some Roman girls to choose from? That is usually part of the coming of age ceremonies.� I had not given even a thought to why Aunt Laelia�s old friends had brought a couple of small girls with them. They had stared at me with their fingers in their mouths. I thought they had been allowed to come to taste the sweetmeats and cakes. �No, no,� I replied in fright. �My father has by no means considered marrying me to anyone.� �Oh, if only I could control myself and tell you clearly my thoughts,� said Claudia sadly. �Don�t bind yourself to anyone too soon, will you? That brings a great deal of unhappiness. There an� (Bough marriage breakers in Rome already. You probably still think the difference in our ages very great since I am five years older than you are. But as the years go by and you do your military service, the difference will seem less. You have eaten a cake I have baked and kissed my lips of your own free will. That does not tie you in any way, but I take it as a sign that I am not entirely repugnant to you. So I can do no more than ask you to remember me sometimes and not tie yourself to anyone else without first telling me.� I had not the slightest intention of marrying, so I thought her request reasonable. I kissed her again and was warmed by holding her In my arms. That I can promise you:� I said, �as long as you don�t always want to be with me wherever I am. In fact I�ve never liked giggling girls of my own age and I like you because you are more mature and because you read books. I can�t remember the poets describing

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marriage ceremonies in their love poems. On the contrary, they describe love as free and untrammeled. It has nothing to do with hearth and home but is about the scent of roses and moonlight.� Claudia was upset and drew back a little. �You don�t know what you�re saying,� she said reproachfully. �Why shouldn�t I think about the scarlet veil, the saffron yellow mantle and the girdle with two knots. That is the innermost thought in every woman�s mind when she strokes a man�s cheeks and kisses his lips.� Her protestations made me pull her roughly back into my arms, to kiss her reluctant lips and warm throat. But Claudia struggled free, gave me a sharp slap over the ear and burst into tears, which she then wiped away with the back of her hand. �I thought you had other thoughts about me;� she sobbed. �This is all the thanks I get for controlling myself and believing only good of you. But you only want to fling me down on my back over there by the wall and press my knees apart to satisfy your lust. I�m not that sort of girl.� Her tears made me weaken and cool down. �You�re strong enough to defend yourself,� I said sullenly, �and I don�t even know if I could do what you say. I�ve never played about with slave-women and neither did my nurse seduce me. There�s no need for you to cry, for you�re certainly much more experienced in these matters than I am.� Claudia was astonished at toy words and forgot to cry as she stared at me in wonder. �Are you telling me the truth?� she said �I�ve always thought that boys behave like more monkeys. The more noble they are the more monkey like their habits.. But if you�re, the telling me the truth then I have even more reason to control trembling body. You would despise me if I gratified our desires. Our pleasure would be short-lived and soon forgotten.� My cheek was stinging and the disappointment in my body made me snap at her, �You obviously know best.� Without looking at her, I began to walk homeward. She hesitated for a moment and then slowly followed me and we said nothing to each other for a while. But in the end I had to burst out laughing. It was pleasant that she came with me so humbly.

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She made the most of the opportunity and put her hand on my shoulder. Promise me one more thing, Minutus dear,� she begged. �Don�t go straight to a brothel or to make an offering to Venus, as mast boys do as soon as they receive their togas. If you feel an irresistible desire for something like that, for I know men are ungovernable, then promise to tell me first, even if it hurts me.� I promised her all this as she asked me so persuasively. All I was thinking of was what kind of horse I should get. At that time not even Cleopatra could have competed with a good horse in lily mind. I laughed when I gave my word and told her she was ii nice but rather peculiar girl. We parted smiling and good friends. I was in a good mood afterward. When I got home, my father was just getting into Tullia�s sedan to accompany her home, for the lived at Viminalis on the other side of the city, on the boundary between Altasemita and Esquilina. My father�s eyes were staring and glassy and he did not ask me where I had been, but just told me to go to bed in good time. I suspected that he had drunk a good deal of wine but it was not noticeable from his walk. I slept soundly and long, but was very disappointed when my father was not at home in the morning. I had hoped we could go straight to the stables to choose a horse for me. The house was being cleaned after the feast and Aunt Laelia complained of it headache. I asked where my father had gone so early. Your father is old enough to know what he�s doing,� she replied angrily. �He had a great deal to discuss with his erstwhile friend. Perhaps he stayed the night at Tullia�s house. She has room for more men than him.� Ibrbus and I whiled away the time by playing dice in the bushes In the garden while the cleaners set about the house indoors with their brooms and buckets. Spring was in the air. At last my father returned at midday, unshaven, his eyes wild and bloodshot his hand covered his face with a fold of his toga and there was a lawyer with him carrying scrolls of paper and writing materials. Iburuis gave me a nudge as a sign that it would be wiser to keep quiet. My father, in contrast to his usual behavior, kicked over the cleaners buckets and ordered the slaves to vanish from his sight with all speed. After hastily consulting the lawyer, he called me

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in. Aunt Laelia was weeping copiously and J hardly dared stammer out a question to my father about whether he now had time to come with me to choose a horse. �You and your horse will drive me mad,� he exclaimed. His face was twisted with rage and when one looked at him, it was easy to realize that in his youth he had gone about for years in a state of mental confusion. But he soon regretted his rage. �No, no, it�s all my own fault,� he said. �It�s my own weakness that has driven me into this state. A stroke of ill fortune has changed all my plans. Now I must go back to Antioch without a moment�s delay. So I have allotted to you the income from some of my estates in Caere and my properties here in the city. It will give you more than the annual income of a thousand sesterces required of a knight. Aunt Laelia will have to look after the house. It can be your home. I have also allotted an annuity to Aunt Laelia. And it�s nothing to cry about. My lawyer will be your guardian. He is of an old noble family. You can go and choose a horse together at once if you want to, but I must return to Antioch immediately.� My father was so confused that he was about to rush out on to the street at once to set off on his journey, but the lawyer and Aunt Laelia restrained him. They arranged for his luggage and clothes and food, although he said impatiently that he could hire a wagon at the city gates and go to Puteoli and buy everything he wanted on the way. Suddenly chaos reigned in our house after the cheerful festivities of the previous day. We could not let him go away like an exile, the corner of his mantle hiding his face. So we all went with him, Aunt Laelia, the lawyer, Barbus and I. Last came the slaves carrying his hurriedly packed belongings. When my father reached the Capua gate below Coelius, he let out a deep sigh of relief and began to bid us all farewell, saying that he could already see golden freedom looming ahead of him on the other side of the gate and that he should never have left Antioch. But at the gate, one of the city magistrates came up to us with his official stave in his hand and two powerful policemen behind him. �Are you the Roman knight, Marcus Mezentius Manilianus� he asked my father. �If you are, then there is a lady of high position who has important business with you.