The Road to Glory (31 page)

RJ’s eyes went a little wide.
Am I curious?
What kind of stupid question was that?
She sat her bottle down and took Leigh’s hand as she got up from the couch. "Absolutely. I have a feeling this is going to be a night to remember for a long time."

"It should last you a lifetime," the trucker grinned mischievously as she led RJ to the bedroom.

R
J LEANED BACK in the seat of the truck. She kept her face firmly turned to the window as she chewed on the nail of her thumb.
I’ve got to make it clean. Do whatever it takes to make her leave and never come back. I can’t go on like this.

She glanced over at her companion, who at the moment was getting a report on the location of the nearest highway patrol over the CB.
I’ve just been alone too long. What if I fell for the first pretty woman to give me the time of day? Okay, maybe not the first …
She sighed.
Leigh is special woman who deserves more than I can offer her. A once-a-week quickie in a garage is not a life. It’s not what she needs. It’s not even what
I
need.

The pilot’s foot began to bounce nervously as she continued to chew on her thumbnail.
Oh, I just had to go and fall in love with her, didn’t I? Couldn’t keep it to just sex. No. I had to go and get attached. Serves you right, you damn fool.

Over the past couple of days RJ’s mood had worsened with each passing mile. Leigh had hinted several times that she’d be by the diner to see RJ again very soon. And though her heart thrilled to hear the words, at the same time they made things a hundred times more complicated. That she was in love with the woman was one thing. But to have those feelings returned, knowing all the while she was only hours away from ending things outright, was nearly more than RJ could bear. She’d had an upset stomach and headache for twenty-four hours straight and couldn’t see things getting better anytime soon.

She glanced to the clock in the dashboard. Two more hours and she’d be home.

"You’re awfully quiet today, RJ." Leigh peered into her side mirror before smoothly changing lanes. "Are you okay?" She’d asked that several times today but couldn’t help herself. Something wasn’t right.

"Yeah, I’m fine, lass," RJ lied, not knowing how unconvincing she sounded. Every time she looked at Leigh she felt her heart break again. She closed her eyes, forcing the tears away and trying to clear her mind.
God, I’m tired.

*  *  *

"RJ," Leigh’s soft voice coaxed from fitful sleep. "RJ, wake up."

RJ opened her eyes slowly, wishing that Leigh wasn’t running her fingers through her hair. This was going to be hard enough without the sweet, lingering feeling of her touch.

"You have beautiful hair," Leigh whispered affectionately, still gently stroking the wavy auburn locks. "It would look even prettier longer, I’ll bet."

"Yeah?"

Leigh grinned and nodded. "Yeah." She leaned forward and kissed RJ softly on the cheek. "We’re back."

RJ slowly sat up in her seat. She took a deep breath, letting it out explosively when she saw diner staring back at her through the front window of the truck. "So we are." She reached back and grabbed her travel bag, smiling sadly at the canvas duffel full of teddy bears that was tucked just behind the seats. Without looking back at Leigh, she opened the door and climbed down.

The air was warm and dry and held the scent of tall grass, rich soil and home. Fitz’s sign reflected the bright afternoon sun, and RJ could see that another bulb had blown out in her absence.

She was tempted to rush inside and not face Leigh, but couldn’t force her feet to move in time.

Leigh joined her in front of the truck and laid a warm hand on the small of her back, rubbing gently. The simple gesture nearly undid her. "Well," with a shaky hand RJ shifted her bag over one shoulder. "I guess this is where I get off."

Leigh shrugged half-heartedly. She ducked her head and kicked at a rock by her foot. "I wouldn’t mind taking you home. To Glory, I mean." Truth be told, she was hoping for a few more moments together, admitting to herself for the first time that she didn’t want to leave RJ at all. Besides, she’d been wondering about Glory for weeks.

RJ shook her head. "No, that’s okay. My truck is right over there, and I should probably go inside and see if Fitz’s is ready to fall down. With just Pete looking out for it, that’s a definite possibility." She shifted uncomfortably, looking back and forth between Leigh and the diner.

Leigh frowned a little as a growing sense of apprehension blossomed in the pit of her stomach. "Okay." She drew out the word. "At least let me walk you to diner."

Do it, you damn coward. Do it now.
"Okay," she heard herself say. They began a slow walk, with RJ detouring slightly to toss her bag in the bed of her pickup truck. She reached in through the open window, intent on snagging the open pack of cigarettes from the dashboard, but stopped herself. Instead, she fished a nearly empty pack from her pocket, quickly lighting a cigarette. RJ took a deep drag, holding her breath for a long satisfying moment before releasing the smoke into the afternoon breeze. "So," she cleared her throat and picked a tiny piece of tobacco from her tongue. "Will you be going back to see Judith now?"

Leigh’s blinked and her jaw sagged noticeably. "Wa… What?"

RJ tried for nonchalant.
I’m so sorry, lass. Please forgive me.
"I just figured that now that you’re rid of me, you might try your hand at fixing things up with her. She was pretty enough. Nice hair and eyes. You could do worse."
Jesus, I’m dying all over again.

During Leigh’s long, stunned silence, RJ told herself that this was the best thing for both them. That Leigh would be able to get back to her life, while she got back to her eternity. They could never really be together. This was the only way.
Say something, dammit. Anything.

Leigh could tell by the look on RJ’s face that she wasn’t joking. She replayed what had just been said over and over in her mind, feeling the words as though each one were a 2x4 to her chest. "Why – " she stopped and swallowed back the acrid taste that had built up in the back of her throat.
I will not puke.
"Why would I go back to Judith?"
You can’t want that, can you? I don’t understand!
her mind screamed.

"Just seems to me to be the logical thing for you to do." RJ refused to look up from the toe of her boots. She took another drag from her cigarette, releasing the thick white stream of smoke through her nose. "I know I was a pleasant distraction for you, but I think if you went back there you could work things out with her. She’s had plenty of time to cool off."

"I don’t want to work things out with her!" Leigh’s hand shot out and she snatched the cigarette out of RJ’s mouth. She flicked it to the ground and crushed it under her shoe. With the palm of her hand she grasped the taller woman’s chin and forced eye contact. "What in the hell are you talking about?" Her voice was demanding and rough, but RJ couldn’t help but hear her rising panic.

She gulped hard and forced herself to directly meet Leigh’s confused but fiery glare.

"Don’t make this harder than it has to be. Do I really have to explain things, lass?"

Leigh ran her hands through her hair. "I guess you do, RJ. Because I don’t understand what the hell is happening."

"It’s
over
, Leigh. The week is done. Now the best thing you can do is climb in your truck and drive away." Every word tasted foreign and bitter, and her heart cried out for her to stop.

But she didn’t.

"We had fun." RJ shrugged again, pulling her chin from Leigh’s grasp and looking away. "But now the fun is over."

The fun is over?
"You’re dumping me?" Leigh whispered incredulously, trying desperately to figure out what had happened. Things were wonderful between them. Better than wonderful. Sure, she hadn’t said the words yet, but that didn’t make her feelings any less real.

RJ clenched her fists nervously. "C’mon, Leigh." The dull ache in her chest intensified. "It was sex. A week of wonderful sex, granted." She gave the trucker her best roguish look. "But you’ve got to know I’m not exactly the type for anything long term."

"I never asked for anything long term!" But the protest sounded hollow even to Leigh’s own ears. She hadn’t asked for it. But that’s exactly what she found herself wanting.

RJ pointed at the truck. "Look, lass, I really think you need to just climb back in your truck and head down the road. I’m sure if you drive real fast, that pretty waitress will be more than happy to make you feel better." From the corner of her eye she could see Pete and her mother standing in the door of the diner, waiting. RJ could sense their pity, and she would have none of it. She bit her lip and refocused on Leigh. She needed to end this now, before she changed her mind. "I’m sure she’ll be more than happy to make a spot for you in her bed."

Leigh spun away from RJ and moaned out loud as though she was in physical pain. "I thought you loved me!" She whirled back and glared. "You said that." She was yelling now. "I heard you."

The pilot clenched her teeth so hard it felt as though her jaw would break.
You heard that and you still stayed? This is not fair!
She gestured aimlessly. "Pillow talk."

"Why are you doing this?" Tears filled confused eyes.
This isn’t how things were supposed to be. We’re supposed to end up together. I know it.

"Doing what, Leigh? Being true to my nature?" RJ forced out a cruel laugh. "Do I look like the type of person who wants to have someone attached to them?"

"I … I thought –"

"You thought wrong. Leigh, you don’t really believe you’re the only woman that I’ve had here, do you?" RJ closed her eyes briefly before forcing the next words from her lips. "You were my Tuesday afternoon distraction."

SMACK!

The sound of the loud slap rang out in the quiet parking lot. "You bitch." Leigh’s face turned bright red. "That’s a lie and you know it."

RJ felt the slap deep into her soul and knew she deserved that and ten times worse.
Yes, it is, love.
She nearly faltered in her determination, but a deep breath allowed her to press on. "You give yourself a lot of credit, Leigh Matthews. That’s one helluva ego you have." She pulled another cigarette from the pack, letting the empty wrapper fall to the ground. She lit it and tossed the match over her shoulder. "What’s the matter? Don’t like it when someone beats you at your own game? Don’t care for it when someone uses
you
for a quick fuck?"

Through Leigh’s astonishment and mounting anger, the truth in the words still tore at her.
Is that what this is? Some sort of cosmic revenge for enjoying women?
But she’d never led anyone on. Not like this. "Quick fuck," Leigh laughed humorously, saying it out loud to make it sound real. "Now, I see."

RJ let out a shaky breath. "Finally." She plucked her cigarette from her mouth and waved toward the rig again. "So why don’t you go ahead and head back to the waitress. Though I have no doubt you’ve got one in every city between here and Seattle."

Leigh took a step closer to RJ, crossing the boundaries of her personal space as though they didn’t exist. "Smoking is a nasty habit, RJ. It could kill you." She patted RJ’s chest with startling tenderness. "Enjoy your cigarette." With that, she turned on her heels and began marching back to her truck. Tears blurred her vision and when she was far enough from RJ so that she was certain that she couldn’t hear, Leigh let out a gentle sob, her shoulders shaking.

As she walked past RJ’s rusted pickup, she kicked at one of the tires, cursing at the instant pain it caused her foot. "Piece of shit truck!" Fury and embarrassment washed over her and when she saw the crowbar lying in the pickup bed, she didn’t hesitate for even a second. She snatched it up and set out to demolish old machine.

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph!" RJ spun around when she heard the first sounds of glass breaking. But Leigh managed to shatter three windows, the front windshield, and put a huge hole in the back glass before RJ could make it back to her. "Have you lost your senses?" she yelled as she tried to grab the crowbar away from the furious blonde. "Christ, if you’re mad at me then hit me! Don’t take it out of my truck."

"Fine!" Leigh threw down the crowbar and took a swing at RJ, barely missing her as the auburn-haired woman ducked out of the way.

"Shit." The pilot continued to back up as Leigh kept swinging at her. "I hope this is making you feel better, because you look like a lunatic."

The words only made Leigh madder, and she cried out her frustration at not being able to do any real damage as RJ ducked and weaved out of her way.

"C’mon now and calm down. You give yourself a couple of weeks and you’ll have forgotten I even exist."

Leigh swung again and again, grunting when she managed to graze RJ’s shoulder, the impact causing the taller woman to wince. "I don’t want to forget you!" she cried. Suddenly she froze as the realization of what she was doing hit home. The energy seemed to drain from her body and like a rag doll she fell limply to her knees, panting. "That’s not what I want." Her voice broke.
I want you.
She looked up at RJ hopefully, hot tears spilling over. "Please, RJ." Leigh stiffened when her lover didn’t answer. "Is that what you want? For me to forget everything?"

RJ felt her carefully measured control slipping. It wasn’t supposed to be this horrible. This was too hard. She wanted nothing more than to pull Leigh into her arms, beg her forgiveness, and promise they would be together forever. But as sure as she was standing there RJ knew one thing with soul-shattering certainty. Her own heart’s desire wasn’t a possibility. Her hands shaped white-knuckled fists. "Yes," she ground out harshly before turning and walking away.

She left Leigh on her knees in the dirt, crying. With her back to her lover, she allowed her own tears to fall. RJ could hear the love of her life — and afterlife — pick herself up, dust herself off, and stomp back toward her rig.