The road (20 page)

Anybody. No. Not far. If you wanted to show where
you were. You mean like to the good guys? Yes. Or anybody that you wanted them
to know where you were. Like who? I dont know. Like God? Yeah. Maybe somebody
like that.

In the morning he built a fire and walked out on
the beach while the boy slept. He was not gone long but he felt a strange
unease and when he got back the boy was standing on the beach wrapped in his
blankets waiting for him. He hurried his steps. By the time he got to him he
was sitting down. What is it? he said. What is it? I dont feel good, Papa. He
cupped the boy's forehead in his hand. He was burning. He picked him up and carried
him to the fire. It's okay, he said. You're going to be okay. I think I'm going
to be sick. It's okay. He sat with him in the sand and held his forehead while
he bent and vomited. He wiped the boy's mouth with his hand. I'm sorry, the boy
said. Shh. You didnt do anything wrong.

He carried him up to the camp and covered him with
blankets. He tried to get him to drink some water. He put more wood on the fire
and knelt with his hand on his forehead. You'll be all right he said. He was
terrified. Dont go away, the boy said. Of course I wont go away. Even for just
a little while. No. I'm right here. Okay. Okay, Papa.

He held him all night, dozing off and waking in
terror, feeling for the boy's heart. In the morning he was no better. He tried
to get him to drink some juice but he would not. He pressed his hand to his
forehead, conjuring up a coolness that would not come. He wiped his white mouth
while he slept. I will do what I promised, he whispered. No matter what. I will
not send you into the darkness alone.

He went through the first-aid kit from the boat
but there was nothing much there of use. Aspirin. Bandages and disinfectant.
Some antibiotics but they had a short shelflife. Still that was all he had and
he helped the boy drink and put one of the capsules on his tongue. He was
soaked in sweat. He'd already stripped him out of the blankets and now he
unzipped him out of his coat and then out of his clothes and moved him away
from the fire. The boy looked up at him. I'm so cold, he said. I know. But you
have a really high temperature and we have to get you cooled off. Can I have
another blanket? Yes. Of course. You wont go away. No. I wont go away.

He carried the boy's filthy clothes into the surf
and washed them, standing shivering in the cold salt water naked from the waist
down and sloshing them up and down and wringing them out. He spread them by the
fire on sticks angled into the sand and piled on more wood and went and sat by
the boy again, smoothing his matted hair. In the evening he opened a can of
soup and set it in the coals and he ate and watched the darkness come up. When
he woke he was lying shivering in the sand and the fire had died almost to ash
and it was black night. He sat up wildly and reached for the boy. Yes, he
whispered. Yes.

He rekindled the fire and he got a cloth and wet
it and put it over the boy's forehead. The wintry dawn was coming and when it
was light enough to see he went into the woods beyond the dunes and came back
dragging a great travois of dead limbs and branches and set about breaking them
up and stacking them near the fire. He crushed aspirins in a cup and dissolved
them in water and put in some sugar and sat and lifted the boy's head and held
the cup while he drank.

He walked the beach, slumped and coughing. He
stood looking out at the dark swells. He was staggering with fatigue. He went
back and sat by the boy and refolded the cloth and wiped his face and then
spread the cloth over his forehead. You have to stay near, he said. You have to
be quick. So you can be with him. Hold him close. Last day of the earth.

The boy slept all day. He kept waking him up to
drink the sugarwater, the boy's dry throat jerking and chugging. You have to
drink he said. Okay, wheezed the boy. He twisted the cup into the sand beside
him and cushioned the folded blanket under his sweaty head and covered him. Are
you cold? he said. But the boy was already asleep.

He tried to stay awake all night but he could not.
He woke endlessly and sat and slapped himself or rose to put wood on the fire.
He held the boy and bent to hear the labored suck of air. His hand on the thin
and laddered ribs. He walked out on the beach to the edge of the light and
stood with his clenched fists on top of his skull and fell to his knees sobbing
in rage.

It rained briefly in the night, a light patter on
the tarp. He pulled it over them and turned and lay holding the child, watching
the blue flames through the plastic. He fell into a dreamless sleep.

When he woke again he hardly knew where he was.
The fire had died, the rain had ceased. He threw back the tarp and pushed
himself up on his elbows. Gray daylight. The boy was watching him. Papa, he
said. Yes. I'm right here. Can I have a drink of water? Yes. Yes, of course you
can. How are you feeling? I feel kind of weird. Are you hungry? I'm just really
thirsty. Let me get the water. He pushed back the blankets and rose and walked
out past the dead fire and got the boy's cup and filled it out of the plastic
water jug and came back and knelt and held the cup for him. You're going to be
okay, he said. The boy drank. He nodded and looked at his father. Then he drank
the rest of the water. More, he said.

He built a fire and propped the boy's wet clothes
up and brought him a can of apple juice. Do you remember anything? he said.
About what? About being sick. I remember shooting the flaregun. Do you remember
getting the stuff from the boat? He sat sipping the juice. He looked up. I'm
not a retard, he said. I know. I had some weird dreams. What about? I dont want
to tell you. That's okay. I want you to brush your teeth. With real toothpaste.
Yes.

Okay.

He checked all the foodtins but he could find
nothing suspect. He threw out a few that looked pretty rusty. They sat that
evening by the fire and the boy drank hot soup and the man turned his steaming
clothes on the sticks and sat watching him until the boy became embarrassed.
Stop watching me, Papa, he said. Okay.

But he didnt.

In two day's time they were walking the beach as
far as the headland and back, trudging along in their plastic bootees. They ate
huge meals and he put up a sailcloth leanto with ropes and poles against the
wind. They pruned down their stores to a manageable load for the cart and he
thought they might leave in two more days. Then coming back to the camp late in
the day he saw bootprints in the sand. He stopped and stood looking down the
beach. Oh Christ, he said. Oh Christ. What is it, Papa? He pulled the pistol
from his belt. Come on he said. Hurry.

The tarp was gone. Their blankets. The waterbottle
and their campsite store of food. The sailcloth was blown up into the dunes.
Their shoes were gone. He ran up through the swale of seaoats where he'd left
the cart but the cart was gone. Everything. You stupid ass, he said. You stupid
ass. The boy was standing there wide-eyed. What happened, Papa? They took
everything. Come on. The boy looked up. He was beginning to cry. Stay with me,
the man said. Stay right with me.

He could see the tracks of the cart where they
sloughed up through the loose sand. Bootprints. How many? He lost the track on
the better ground beyond the bracken and then picked it up again. When they got
to the road he stopped the boy with his hand. The road was exposed to the wind
from the sea and it was blown free of ash save for patches here and there. Dont
step in the road, he said. And stop crying. We need to get all the sand off of
our feet. Here. Sit down. He untied the wrappings and shook them out and tied
them back again. I want you to help, he said. We're looking for sand. Sand in
the road. Even just a little bit. To see which way they went. Okay? Okay.

They set off down the blacktop in opposite
directions. He'd not gone far before the boy called out. Here it is, Papa. They
went this way. When he got there the boy was crouched in the road. Right here,
he said. It was a half teaspoon of beachsand tilted from somewhere in the
understructure of the grocery cart. The man stood and looked out down the road.
Good work, he said. Let's go.

They set off at a jogtrot. A pace he thought he'd
be able to keep up but he couldnt. He had to stop, leaning over and coughing.
He looked up at the boy, wheezing. We'll have to walk, he said. If they hear us
they'll hide by the side of the road. Come on. How many are there, Papa? I dont
know. Maybe just one. Are we going to kill them? I dont know.

They went on. It was already late in the day and
it was another hour and deep into the long dusk before they overtook the thief,
bent over the loaded cart, trundling down the road before them. When he looked
back and saw them he tried to run with the cart but it was useless and finally
he stopped and stood behind the cart holding a butcher knife. When he saw the
pistol he stepped back but he didnt drop the knife. Get away from the cart, the
man said. He looked at them. He looked at the boy. He was an outcast from one
of the communes and the fingers of his right hand had been cut away. He tried
to hide it behind him. A sort of fleshy spatula. The cart was piled high. He'd
taken everything. Get away from the cart and put down the knife. He looked
around. As if there might be help somewhere. Scrawny, sullen, bearded, filthy.
His old plastic coat held together with tape. The pistol was a double action
but the man cocked it anyway. Two loud clicks. Otherwise only their breathing
in the silence of the salt moorland. They could smell him in his stinking rags.
If you dont put down the knife and get away from the cart, the man said, I'm
going to blow your brains out. The thief looked at the child and what he saw
was very sobering to him. He laid the knife on top of the blankets and backed
away and stood. Back. More. He stepped back again. Papa? the boy said. Be
quiet. He kept his eyes on the thief. Goddamn you, he said. Papa please dont
kill the man. The thief's eyes swung wildly. The boy was crying. Come on, man.
I done what you said. Listen to the boy. Take your clothes off. What?

Take them off. Every goddamned stitch. Come on.
Dont do this. I'll kill you where you stand. Dont do this, man. I wont tell you
again. All right. All right. Just take it easy. He stripped slowly and piled
his vile rags in the road. The shoes. Come on, man. The shoes. The thief looked
at the boy. The boy had turned away and put his hands over his ears. Okay, he
said. Okay. He sat naked in the road and began to unlace the rotting pieces of
leather laced to his feet. Then he stood up, holding them in one hand. Put them
in the cart. He stepped forward and placed the shoes on top of the blankets and
stepped back. Standing there raw and naked, filthy, starving. Covering himself
with his hand. He was already shivering. Put the clothes in. He bent and
scooped up the rags in his arms and piled them on top of the shoes. He stood
there holding himself. Dont do this, man. You didnt mind doing it to us. I'm
begging you. Papa, the boy said. Come on. Listen to the kid. You tried to kill
us. I'm starving, man. You'd have done the same. You took everything. Come on,
man. I'll die. I'm going to leave you the way you left us. Come on. I'm begging
you. He pulled the cart back and swung it around and put the pistol on top and
looked at the boy. Let's go, he said. And they set out along the road south,
with the boy crying and looking back at the nude and slatlike creature standing
there in the road shivering and hugging himself. Oh Papa, he sobbed. Stop it. I
cant stop it. What do you think would have happened to us if we hadnt caught
him? Just stop it. I'm trying.

When they got to the curve in the road the man was
still standing there. There was no place for him to go. The boy kept looking
back and when he could no longer see him he stopped and then he just sat down
in the road sobbing. The man pulled up and stood looking at him. He dug their
shoes out of the cart and sat down and began to take the wrappings off the
boy's feet. You have to stop crying, he said. I cant. He put on their shoes and
then stood and walked back up the road but he couldnt see the thief. He came
back and stood over the boy. He's gone, he said. Come on. He's not gone, the
boy said. He looked up. His face streaked with soot. He's not. What do you want
to do? Just help him, Papa. Just help him. The man looked back up the road. He
was just hungry, Papa. He's going to die. He's going to die anyway. He's so scared,
Papa. The man squatted and looked at him. I'm scared, he said. Do you
understand? I'm scared. The boy didnt answer. He just sat there with his head
bowed, sobbing. You're not the one who has to worry about everything. The boy
said something but he couldnt understand him. What? he said. He looked up, his
wet and grimy face. Yes I am, he said. I am the one.

They wheeled the tottering cart back up the road
and stood there in the cold and the gathering dark and called but no one came.
He's afraid to answer, Papa. Is this where we stopped? I dont know. I think so.
They went up the road calling out in the empty dusk, their voices lost over the
darkening shorelands. They stopped and stood with their hands cupped to their
mouths, hallooing mindlessly into the waste. Finally he piled the man's shoes
and clothes in the road. He put a rock on top of them. We have to go, he said.
We have to go.