The Right Time (49 page)

Her lips pursed as she looked away again. “Mormons aren’t any different from anyone else. We have as many gay people as the rest of the country. We just…make it harder to admit to.” Her gaze slowly found its way back to Townsend’s and she blinked slowly. “Admitting it is…”

The poor girl looked like she was about to burst, but didn’t have the guts to spit it out. Townsend wanted to sit next to her, grab her by the shoulders and make her talk, but Jenna wasn’t the kind of person that would work with.

Forcing herself to be patient, Townsend said, “I’ve always had the other problem. Telling people stuff I should have kept to myself.” She showed the most nonjudgmental smile she had at her disposal. “What’s it like to keep stuff inside?”

Her eyes closed as her body shook with pain. Townsend ached to hold her, to tell her it would all be okay. But she didn’t want to freak her out. So she just spoke softly and slowly. “It’s okay, Jenna. You can talk to me. You can tell me anything. Anything at all.”

Her hands went to her eyes, covering them like a child who wanted to be invisible. “I can’t,” she whispered hoarsely.

“Sure you can.” Townsend couldn’t sit still another moment. She got up and walked over to her own bed, hesitating for a moment to let Jenna know she was there. Then she sat next to her, surprised when Jenna lurched for her, arms wrapping around her like a drowning woman clutching a life-ring. “Talk to me,” Townsend urged. Her hand hovered above Jenna’s back for a moment, then she broke through her indecision and stroked her. They’d never been so close before, had never enjoyed more than a quick hug. Being intimate like this—actually feeling soft, springy flesh compress against her own—filled Townsend with a rush of sensation. It had been months since she’d held another person and she was stunned at how good it felt, how much she needed it. “Come on,” she managed, her voice rough and shaky. “You’re safe.”

“I never feel safe,” she whispered. Her pain was so raw it hurt just to hear it fill her voice. “It’s all I think about, but I can’t talk to anyone. I’m so lonely.”

“Talk to me,” Townsend begged. “You don’t have to be lonely.”

Her head lifted and Townsend found herself staring at the tears that glistened on her pale lashes, letting herself really look at her, really see how wholesomely pretty she was. Gently, she stroked her cheek, trying to encourage her. “I’m your friend,” she insisted. “I’m on your side.”

Those pretty eyes closed again and she took in a great, shuddering breath. “I want…” A furrow between her brows looked like it had been etched there—permanently—from worry. Such a lovely face for sorrow to mark.

“Tell me what you want. Please.” Townsend tucked her arms around her, holding her close. Their bodies touched from shoulder to hips, Jenna’s warmth radiating through Townsend’s clothes.

“I want you,” she whispered so softly, Townsend wasn’t sure she’d heard her properly. But when Jenna stopped breathing, and her body turned rigid, Townsend realized she’d heard her perfectly.

Hands shaking, Townsend shifted and grasped her by the shoulders. At arm’s length, she took her in. Face flushed, tear-streaked cheeks, trembling lips. She was achingly beautiful. And so, so fragile. Tongue-tied, Townsend managed to say, “Have you…wanted to be with women before?”

A slight head nod was all she could muster.

“Your whole life?”

Another barely perceptible head nod.

“But you’ve never…”

This time her head shook, decisively. “I’ve never known anyone…”

Oh, fuck!
“And then you learned I was gay—”

“That wasn’t when I started wanting you.” Her breathing was so ragged Townsend thought she might pass out before she could finish her thought. But she soldiered on. “That was the day I met you.”

“Oh, Jenna.” She pulled her close again, feeling her own body start to flush. She had all of the experience in the world when it came to people tossing her onto her back to fuck her. But having someone risk so much to express such tender, tentative feelings toward her was way out of her ken. “If it wasn’t for Hennessy—” She jerked in surprise when those words fell from her lips. But they were true. If not for Hennessy she’d jump right in! What the fuck? How did you go from zero romantic feelings to a whole big bunch in five minutes?

That pretty, delicate face lifted as she pulled away. Despite the heat, Townsend wanted to snake her arms around her and hold her tight, but she reluctantly let her go. Now Jenna looked into her eyes, her face filled with hope. “You like me?”

“I do,” she found herself whispering. “I haven’t thought of you that way before this minute. But I do.”

“You didn’t think of me that way because…?”

She tried to sort out her thoughts, but they were a jumbled mess. “I guess I put you in the unavailable category. Plus, I’ve spent every minute struggling not to obsess over Hennessy.”

“Trying not to…?”

“Hennessy’s not good for me at this point.” She blew out a breath and just put it out there. “I rely on her too much. My therapist hounds me to date other people. She says Hennessy’s an addiction.”

“How is that possible?” Jenna’s perceptive gaze traveled all over her face, like the answer to her question was hiding in plain sight.

“Dr. Morrow says I need Hennessy because she’s my safety net. And she thinks Hennessy needs to save me from myself. She says we’re holding each other hostage.”

“And she doesn’t think you’d do that with someone else?”

“I might,” Townsend admitted. “But I wouldn’t have the same baggage with someone new. She thinks I’d be able to hold my own.”

“But you don’t want to,” Jenna said, her gaze penetrating.

“I haven’t…” She swallowed, images flooding her mind so thoroughly she felt a little dizzy. It was so fucking hard to think. To reflect. To decide. Consciously. Soberly. The truth was right there, and she made herself say it. “Until today.”

A stunned smile played at Jenna’s lips, but it evaporated in a second. “You love Hennessy.”

“I think I do. But Dr. Morrow says I don’t know what love is yet. She says I’ll figure it out, but she’s probably lying.”

“Why would she lie?” Jenna asked, so adorably innocent.

“She’s a shrink. She can’t afford to have me blow my brains out on her nice rug. That’d screw up her income stream.”

Jenna flinched, still not used to Townsend’s sense of humor. “Are you…?”

“I’m not suicidal. I’m just sad. Dr. Morrow says the only chance Hennessy and I have is if we take a break and grow up a little—apart.” She closed her eyes and let a favorite image of Hennessy enter her mind. Of her sitting on the dock down in Beaufort, her whole being relaxed and satisfied. Her accent thick and slow. Her lovely mouth curled into a sated smile.

“What does she want you to do?”

“What I’ve been doing. Talk to her less. Write less. See her less. Wait for her to come to me, instead of shoving myself at her every two minutes.”

“And…she hasn’t? Come to you?”

Townsend’s body ached with the pain she’d been feeling ever since Hennessy declared she was spending her final weeks in the country with her family—her earlier offer to get together vanishing without comment. “No. She hasn’t. She knows I’d drop everything to be with her. To have some time to say goodbye. But she…” Biting her lip to staunch the tears, she burrowed into Jenna’s embrace when caring arms tightened around her.

“Maybe she needs a break, too.” Jenna was clearly trying to put some enthusiasm in her words, but it wasn’t working well. “Maybe you’ll figure things out while she’s gone. You could transfer to BU or someplace and be close to her when she gets back.”

“Yeah. Maybe.” Townsend pulled away, sucked in a deep breath and tried to get her emotions in check. That was a nice fantasy, but she knew in her heart it wouldn’t happen. Hennessy would never want her that close. Too distracting. “But I think I’ll be right here at Larkspur.” She tried to offer a genuine smile, but couldn’t manage one. “If I’m lucky, you’ll still be my roomie.”

Jenna’s expression turned dark. “I’ll probably be on my mission. I think this will be my last year in Vermont.”

Suddenly, the thought of losing Jenna hit her like a blow. “You really think you’ll have to go?”

“I do. It was a very big concession to get my parents to let me come this far. After my mission, they want me to finish at BYU.”

“Fuck.” Townsend put her hands up to her eyes and rubbed them. A headache was coming on, landing right behind her eyes, as usual.

“We’ll have this year,” Jenna said, a spark of determination coloring her voice. “Once I go back, I’ll never have this kind of freedom. I need to make the most out of my time away.”

Townsend looked at her closely, seeing the desire in her clear eyes. “If you could do anything, what would you do?”

“Anything?” The flush that colored her cheeks again was so damned adorable. Appealing, too, making her look like a girl who wanted to lose her innocence in the worst way.

“Anything.”

It didn’t take her long to make up her mind. “I’d like to kiss you.”

Those questioning eyes roamed all across Townsend’s face, like Jenna was trying to detect the slightest hesitation. Townsend would have called herself a liar if she’d had this thought just an hour earlier, but she didn’t hesitate. Not for a second. “You know my story,” she said softly. “No matter what Dr. Morrow calls it, I’m bound to Hennessy.”

“I understand,” she said, nodding soberly. “And no matter what I want, I’m going to have to go home after this year. Alone.”

“So…you just want to see how it feels to kiss a girl?” Her whole body was heating up, like someone had cranked up her thermostat.

Jenna’s eyes closed as her lips parted. How had Townsend never noticed how lovely they were? Pink and smooth and full. “I just want to know what I’m missing.”

Townsend leaned to her right, letting her body rest against Jenna’s. “Let’s see what we’ve been missing,” she agreed.

A hand caressed her cheek, then soft, supple lips settled upon her own. Townsend breathed in, amazed by the sensations that filled her. Concern, and tenderness and care. Care for Jenna. For the awful situation she was in. But it was the desire that surprised her. Pulsing, pounding desire. Desire she hadn’t felt since she’d held Hennessy in her arms. Her body wanted more. Much, much more.

Fingers slid down her neck, then trailed across sensitive skin to pull her close. Her mouth opened as Jenna’s tongue slipped inside, making the pulse between her legs beat with an insistent thrumming. She wasn’t sure if she’d pushed or Jenna had fallen, but soon they were on their sides, mouths pressed together rabidly. Jenna hadn’t had sex before. Townsend was sure of that. But she’d clearly fantasized about it a lot. No one got this hot this fast unless they’d been craving it like crazy. She couldn’t just jump in, though. This meant something to Jenna. She was consciously diving into a pool full of sin. “Is this what you want?” Townsend asked, breaking away from a heated kiss.

“Yes.” Complete confidence. “I want you.”

“Are you sure?”

Jenna pulled away and lifted up, resting on a braced arm. Her gaze burned with determination. “Every person I’ve asked, every book I’ve read, every therapist I’ve gone to tells me this is wrong. But it’s what I want. It’s what I need.”

“You want…?” Townsend was blown away. She didn’t just want a few kisses.

“I do,” she said. “I don’t know what to do, but I know what I want.”

She searched her eyes for the answer. “Tell me what you want, Jenna.”

Placing her hand on Townsend’s shoulder, she let it trail down until it settled on her biceps. Her eyes grew wide as it moved forward, inch by inch, then brushed over her breast, which instantly tingled with sensation. “I want to touch you. Everywhere.”

Thoughts of Hennessy filled her mind. Then Jenna’s fingers found her nipple, making it harden as she stared at it, clearly enthralled.

Townsend had promised Hennessy she’d get serious about therapy. And she had. That meant following her therapist’s advice, even when it seemed crazy. She couldn’t delude herself into thinking she was doing this for Hennessy’s sake, but she was determined to break her addiction to her beloved baby girl so she might be able to love her as a person, not a crutch. If this is what it took….

Forcing Hennessy from her mind, she shifted her hips and looked down on Jenna, face flushed with desire, lips parted, her gorgeous eyes looking at Townsend for care, for guidance. She dipped her head and placed a lush kiss to her lips, lost in sensation.

Hennessy charged off the
plane, rushing to make use of every minute she’d have with Townsend. It wasn’t going to be a lot of minutes, just sixty, but she’d gone out of her way to route through Boston, and Townsend had gone out of her way to drive down from Vermont to send her off.

She was nervous—embarrassingly so. Not just about having to say goodbye to Townsend for a year, but at the thought of leaving the country. She knew there were plenty of problems in America, but she loved her country and all of its quirks, and wasn’t looking forward to being immersed in a new culture. It was necessary for her mental health, though. She’d never admit this to Townsend, but a big part of the reason she’d tried for the program was to get some breathing room. Once she was out of the country she could excuse away Townsend’s distance as required, rather than chosen.

After barreling around a corner, she saw her—finally. Standing in line for a coffee, looking good enough to eat. How could the woman continue to look better and better? Blonde hair a little longer now, sleek and straight as it lay against her toned shoulders. Jeans that fit like they were made just for her showed off the mouth-watering curve of her ass. Hennessy was staring right at it when Townsend turned and met her gaze.

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?”

“That’s one of my expressions,” Hennessy said, laughing nervously. Their bodies connected, arms encircling the other as they held on for a long, gentle hug. “I’ve missed you,” Hennessy murmured, letting her face linger against Townsend’s sweet smelling neck.

“I’ve missed you, too.” Townsend put her hands on Hennessy’s arms and gently moved her away. As her eyes shifted to her hands, she let out a laugh. “We’re about six shades different, baby girl. I was outside all summer, and I believe I’ve proven that sunblock can work.”