The Riches of Mercy (44 page)

"Yes."

"Will I get it?"

"What?"

"The spots. Will I have those?"

"No, I don't think so. That's a special Beau disease."

Merritt grinned.

"Merry, tell me how Beau's been doing at school."

#

Meredith hesitated before knocking on the window. Natalie and Merritt were dozing with the seats back. She went around to the driver's side and knocked, and then opened the door. Merritt groggily sat up.

"Hi, Merry. Colleen's going to take you back to Beau's room, all right? And stay with you."

Merritt turned to Natalie.

"I'm going to talk to Natalie for a while, okay?"

"She was crying."

"I know."

"She cries a lot."

Natalie had her eyes closed, but she was still and tense. Listening. Meredith helped Merritt out of the car. Colleen took his hand. Meredith slipped into the car and shut the door.

Natalie rolled onto her side and opened one eye. Her cheeks were puffy. Her nose ran.

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said those things," Meredith said.

"You were right." Natalie rolled back onto her back, just when Meredith wanted to touch her.

"No, I wasn't. I was wrong. I was just so scared. When they came and got me and said there was an emergency, I had to get down to the hospital or--I didn't know what was going on. I only knew I was really far away, and I felt so helpless. Natalie, I was terrified."

"When you feel that way you should come to me, not yell at me."

"I'm coming to you now. Natalie, please. I'm still scared."

Natalie shifted, meeting her gaze. "How do you think I feel?"

Meredith closed her eyes. She wrung her hands. She didn't want to know how Natalie felt, how awful it must be, day in and day out. "Natalie--"

"Every time they turn us away from the prison on visiting day. Every time I don't get a letter. You could be in there, hurt, or, I don't know. I hate not knowing."

Tears dripped onto Meredith's hands. "I'm sorry."

Since they were in this raw place, their defenses weakened, their pain already exposed, Natalie offered up the rest. "I don't know how much longer I can do this."

"Are you unhappy?"

"It's not--I just don't know why I'm doing this. It's endless. It feels, I don't know."

"You don't love my children."

Natalie met her eyes. "I don't mind taking them to school, or helping them with their homework, or putting them to bed, or staying all night at the hospital holding their hands. I do love them, Merry. As much as I love you. But everything is a reminder of what I don't have, instead of what I do. It's just so empty. Even loving them is empty."

Meredith cupped her cheek, gratified when Natalie didn't flinch away.

"I need you," Meredith said.

"I'm not doing a very good job."

"Yes, you are. Natalie, I'm scared of everything. You're the only thing I'm not scared of."

"Even if I--"

"Even if you leave. If you want to. I trust you, Natalie."

Natalie covered Meredith's hand. "You're only saying that because you don't have any other options."

"I have plenty. Foster care. Uncle Hank. Vince's parents. I choose you."

"I choose you. I wish you were here to choose."

"It won't be long, my love," Meredith said.

Natalie closed her eyes with Meredith's fingers stroking her face.

#

Despite the hospital noises, the family managed to sleep until six. Meredith curled around Beau and Natalie and Merritt slept in the second bed. Then the morning shift came through and everyone wanted to see Meredith. She was dragged out into the main lobby and hugged and pawed while Natalie tried to get the cranky children moving.

Theresa brought Doctor Radoni in. Beau was less pink. "Took the liberty," he said to Natalie, "Of filling your prednisone prescription. The pills are pretty big. Can he swallow them?"

"Can we cut them in half?"

"Sure. Three times a day, so you'll have to talk to the school nurse."

"I will."

"We can leave?" Beau asked.

"We sure can. We have to take Merritt to school."

Merritt frowned.

"I want to go to school too," Beau said.

"Oh, Beau."

"He'll be all right," Radoni said.

"Don't you want to spend time with your mommy?"

"I want to do both."

Radoni handed Natalie the prescription bag and slipped out. He paused at the doorway. "Oh, one more thing. Dr. Wheeler asked Theresa to set up an appointment for all three of you in about three weeks, when the prednisone's worn off. For a meningitis vaccination. Said he was tired of hearing about it."

Natalie grinned.

"More shots," Beau said.

"That's right. Come on. Let's get Merry and go."

#

Meredith slid into the booth at Hardee's. Beau followed. She slung an arm around his shoulder. "What time is it?"

"Nearly seven. The boys have to be at school by eight. We should really go home and pack their lunches."

"Just this once, can't we go to the cafeteria?" Merritt asked.

"You want to eat that food?"

"It's what all the other kids eat."

"Square pizza and unspeakable vegetables?"

Beau nodded.

"Merritt?" Natalie asked.

"I like my own lunch. But just this once."

"Just this once," Meredith said.

"And Hardee's for breakfast? It's your lucky day."

"Mommy's back," Merritt said.

"Good point."

Meredith glanced around. She saw faces she recognized from PTA meetings or shopping or neighbors. Some folks were just eating their breakfasts. Others stared. At her, at Natalie, at her and Natalie. "Nat," she said. "I've been thinking."

"About what?"

"Once I'm out, really out, maybe we don't have to stay in Tarpley after all."

"I tried getting you to leave."

"I know. But this was all I knew." Meredith stared hard enough that some people glanced away. "But now that I've been up at Conrad, I've been like, desensitized. I know I can survive someplace else."

"This is your home."

Meredith took Natalie's hand over the table. "You're my home."

"Sweet, but--"

"I know. We'll talk about it later. I just wanted you to know how I feel."

Natalie squeezed her hand.

#

Natalie left Meredith to paw at her stuff while she went to shower. Meredith had been in the living room, gazing around at toys and mementos. When she got out of the shower, wrapped in a robe, Meredith had made it to the upstairs bedroom. She held a picture of Vincent.

"How're you doing? Is it weird? Being here?"

"It's really weird." Meredith turned around. "Mind if I take a shower?"

"It's your house."

Meredith made a face.

"It's a free country?"

"Now I know you're just messing with me."

"Yes, ma'am."

Meredith went into the bathroom. "I'm sorry. It must be a major disruption to have me here so unexpectedly. And the hospital and all."

"Everything else is a major disruption. This is fine. I just don't want to get used to it."

The water went on.

They hadn't really touched other than some hand-holding in the car. Natalie felt the trepidation, the distance between them. She craved Meredith but she still stung from the rebuke. She was still worried about the kids.

The hollowness threatened to explode if she touched Meredith and Meredith didn't want it. And yet, she craved it. She sat on the bed and glanced at the clock. 10:14 a.m. Only two days ago she'd been complaining to Jake. She'd concocted a getaway plan. Now here she was with Meredith in her shower. She scooted up on the bed, lying back on the pillows. Maybe if she took a nap, she could wake up without the sinking feeling of ennui.

The water shut off.

Meredith came out, hair wet. Naked. "That felt so great. I missed my shower. I almost cried."

"Because you missed your shower?"

"I miss everything." Meredith sat on the bed.

"Even me?"

Meredith twisted, tucking her cheek against Natalie's arm. "Especially you. Don't make me cry."

"I won't."

"Good."

"How's prison?"

Meredith laughed. "How's the case?"

"Same."

"Same."

Natalie turned on her side and pulled Meredith closer. "I can't believe you're really here."

"Did you secretly get Beau stung by a bee to spring me?"

"I would never."

Meredith nuzzled her neck.

"I wish I was clever."

"Oh, you are. You just save it for someone else's kid."

"He pays me."

Meredith snorted.

Natalie rubbed Meredith's back, marveling at how good it felt. Marveling at how her mood could change so swiftly.

"Before you ask," Meredith said.

"Yes?"

"I'm not sleepy."

"All right."

"I don't want anything to eat."

"Okay."

"I think the house is perfectly clean."

Natalie rolled onto her back, bringing Meredith with her. Meredith dug her elbows into Natalie's shoulders, enough to rise up and see Natalie's face.

"It's the middle of the morning," Natalie said. "What do you want to do?"

"I want to, hm. I want to pretend nothing else exists."

"Not even--?"

Meredith touched her lips. "Not even."

Natalie tried to keep the doubts to herself. The expectation that a few stolen moments with Meredith could combat the days and months without her, or their arguments wouldn't intensify, the boys would get older and less cute and more independent and it would be harder to protect them. She might never have a case that would make her rich and famous, not after hobbling away from the last one.

That the sadness in her life could be cleared away by a few kisses was laughable. She should have known at the start. She'd been such a romantic when she'd had money and no attachments.

She stared at the ceiling as Meredith kissed along her collarbone.

Meredith shifted, and soon Natalie felt her robe parted, and then there was bare skin pressing against her, breast to breast, leg to leg. She groaned. Meredith freed her arms from the fabric. Laid her bare.

"I'm doing better in prison," Meredith said, between kisses against Natalie's jaw. "Settling in. But you're doing so much worse, aren't you?"

"I'm okay."

"I should be here." Meredith slid down, kissing her chest, and then her stomach. "Taking care of you." Her fingertips traced Natalie's bad side.

"Merry." Natalie reached for her head.

"I love you."

"I love you, too. Come back."

Meredith lifted her head.

Natalie met her eyes and tugged at her hair. "Here?"

Meredith knelt and hovered until her lips were just over Natalie's.

"I wonder what normal life will be like," Natalie said, as Meredith settled against her. Her hips rose of their own accord, scissoring their legs. The shifting to readjust, to position, became light rocking. A comfortable, warm heat grew in her belly as she kept her hands in Meredith's hair.

"This is normal," Meredith said.

"Come on. This is not normal." Natalie touched Meredith's nose with hers.

"What do you want? Something like Jake and Daniel have?"

"Something like you and Vincent."

Meredith didn't slow her grinding, though consternation came into her expression. "This is nothing like Vincent and I."

"But--"

Meredith kissed the corner of her mouth. "This is so much better." She kissed Natalie's lips fully. Natalie arched into the kiss, using her hands to hold Meredith's head close, so she could nip and explore. Her tongue found Meredith's and the kiss deepened. They moved together, still slowly, but with longer, harder thrusts.

Natalie sighed and broke the kiss. "I love being naked with you."

Meredith grinned.

"I feel like it gives my life purpose."

"What purpose?"

"To be naked with you."

Meredith laughed. Natalie rolled them over so she was on top. Meredith pulled her down for a kiss.

"We have hours," Natalie said.

"When I come back, we'll do other things besides make love."

Natalie pushed into her. "Oh?"

Meredith's eyes closed. "Like chores."

"This isn't a chore?"

Meredith slapped her ass. "You just said it was your purpose in life."

"Hm, but I lied."

Meredith grabbed her hips, arching up. "Oh yeah?"

"My purpose in life is to make you come."

"You're going to have to wait," Meredith said, as she rolled her head against the pillow, panting when Natalie kissed her face.

"I don't think so."

"No? You feel too good for a wham, bam, thank you, ma'am."

Natalie grinned, but settled herself more snuggly against Meredith underneath her. "My leg might disagree."

"That's okay. Put all your weight on me. I can take it."

Natalie kissed Meredith, closing her eyes. They slid together, mouth to mouth, body to body. Meredith's hands moved along Natalie's back, over her ass, up to her neck and shoulders, wherever she could reach. Soon they were moving together more forcefully. Meredith twisted in frustration, trying to make more contact with Natalie's center. Their kisses were light, sloppy brushes of lips between gasps. Natalie rolled, putting more of her weight on her good side.

"Are you ready to concede?"

"To what?" Meredith asked, trying to pull her back.

"To my purpose in life."

Meredith's eyes opened. She met Natalie's. Their movements stilled. Then Meredith turned on her side, facing Natalie, and threw a leg over her hip.

"I'll take that as a yes."

"Please. Hurry."

Natalie moved her hand between Meredith's legs. Meredith pulled her closer, kissing her hard. Natalie groaned, and then lost her breath entirely when Meredith's hand touched her. They moved together, Natalie feeling clumsy but Meredith's cries and kisses showing she didn't seem to mind.

"Natalie."

"I'm right here. With you. Serving the universe."

Meredith kissed her again, and then shuddered, sending vibrations through them both. She slipped away from Natalie to press Natalie's hand against her, jerking. When she finally stilled, gasping for breath, Natalie rolled leisurely onto her. Meredith wrapped her limbs around Natalie. "Thank you."