The Rhythm of My Heart (35 page)

I start giggling at the thought. “They’re not going to lecture you for one sip, Gracie,” I try to convince her.

“Ha! I’m not even going to tell you how many times Cole has discussed my pelvic floor muscles. You pee yourself a little one time and it becomes a major medical crisis,” she retorts.

Choking on the sip of drink I just took, I stare at my best friend in disbelief. “You… You peed yourself?”

“God! It was like two little dribbles, okay. But everyone has to make a big deal about it. The baby was pushing on my bladder, and I was crying. Sue me.”

I burst into hysterical laughter as the image of Gracie peeing herself flashes through my mind. “Oh, my God! That’s the funniest thing ever,” I exclaim.

“You can laugh about it now, Ashley, but I’ll be laughing and saying I told you so when you’re pregnant, trust me.”

Well, that won’t be happening for a while, so there’s no need to worry about it yet.

“So… Are you going to talk to me?” She asks.

I lean over and place my hand on her stomach. “Has the baby been kicking much today?” I ask.

Grace picks up my hand and moves it to a different spot where I feel the baby moving about. “That’s so incredible, you know. Does it feel weird on the inside?” I know I’m trying to deflect the subject again, but I don’t want to bring down Gracie’s happiness by admitting I’m slightly jealous of her.

“Yes, it is incredible. No, it doesn’t feel too weird, and no, you are not going to distract me because I know you’re not yourself. Come on, Ash; please just tell me what’s going on. Stress isn’t good for the baby, you know.” She pouts at the end for dramatic effect.

I smile because I love this girl fiercely. “You had to use the baby guilt trip, huh?” I giggle, and Gracie smiles innocently in return. “It’s nothing really. I… It’s just seeing how happy you are with Cole; it makes me want that, you know? I want to be loved and adored. I want someone to share my life with.”

Gracie places her hand on top on mine where the baby is still moving about. Her touch is comforting. “It will happen, Ash. I know it will. No one deserves their happily ever after more than you do. Just give it time and your very own prince charming will come charging in and carry you off into the sunset.”

“Yeah, well, this year I’m going to help make it happen. I’m going to put myself out there more, be open to new people and experiences. I should ask Cole if there are any other hot doctors working at the hospital.”

“There’s always Sam,” Gracie says, tentatively.

I snort. I actually snort aloud. “Yeah, thanks, but no thanks,” I tell her.

“You know he’s a really great guy when you get to know him. Give him a chance and I actually think you would like him,” she encourages.

The problem is I do like him. Even when he acts like a complete ass, I’m still attracted to him more than I’ve ever been attracted to any other guy in my life. Sam has acted like a jerk from the moment I met him, which sends me straight into defense mode. I try to make fun of his comments, but too many times his words have hurt, like the night I performed in leather at Pitch and Tone. I was trying to get his attention, but both Sam and his date, basically, called me a whore. I cried for hours that night when I crawled into bed. Sam’s a lost cause and I’m not going to waste my time being attracted to him any longer.

“Maybe he is, but I’m not interested in Sam,” I lie. “And anyway, he’s over there with Nurse Barbie. It doesn’t look like he needs any more friends.”

Looking over in Sam’s direction, I watch as the chick beside him leans in close and whispers something in his ear. Sam smiles at what she’s saying and puts his arm around her waist, pulling her closer. He looks down at her and says something that makes her laugh. She places her hand against his chest in a flirty gesture, causing my stomach to twist into a tight knot.
I’m kidding myself, if I think I can turn off this attraction I have for him.

As if sensing my eyes on him, he looks up and glances around the yard until his blue eyes meet with mine. I quickly look away, but I can feel my cheeks heat with embarrassment from being caught staring at him.
God, he’s gorgeous.
Unable to stop myself, I peer up at him again and find his gaze still locked on me. He raises his eyebrow in question, and then smirks and turns away to place a kiss on Nurse Barbie’s forehead.
Jerk!

“Do you want another drink?” I ask Gracie because I know she just watched the exchange between Sam and me; I don’t want to face any more of her questions. I need some space.

“No, I’m good,” she replies, but I’m not blind to the sad, little, sympathetic smile she gives me.

“Okay. Well, I’m getting a drink; then, I’m going to mingle. Let me know if you need me for anything.”

“Sure, no problem. Only a few more hours till the big countdown, so make sure you find me when it’s time,” she says, rising from her seat, holding her belly.

“Absolutely,” I say, and head straight for the alcohol.

I spend the next few hours chatting with the other guests and introducing myself to the ones I don’t know. I’ve joined April and Allison on the makeshift dance floor for a few songs, but I really couldn’t get into it. Now with only ten minutes until the clock strikes midnight, I need an escape.
There’s no way I’m going to stand here like an idiot while everyone around me rings in the New Year with a kiss.
Slipping inside the house, I decide to head for the shadows of the hallway to wait until it’s all over and then rejoin the party without anyone noticing I’m gone.

Time ticks by slowly as I listen to the all the joyful chatter going on throughout the house. “Suck it up, princess. It will all be over in a few minutes,” I tell myself.

“Down here with all your friends, I see.”

His voice drifts over to me, causing a shiver to run through my body. I can’t let him affect me.

“Leave me alone, Sam,” I say, my voice lacking conviction.

“I didn’t see you with a date tonight.”

“Wow, you’re a genius. That would be because I didn’t bring one,” I sarcastically reply.

“That’s too bad. Now you have no one to kiss when the clock strikes twelve.”

What the hell does he want?

“Why don’t you run back to Nurse Barbie and annoy her with your witty conversation? I’m really not in the mood for your crap tonight, Vagina Man.”

Even with the little light shining on my hiding spot, I can see the fire ignite in his eyes.

“Well, at least Nurse Barbie doesn’t go around calling people by stupid names. What should we call you, Ashley? I think we need to find you a pretty, little name,” he snaps at me.

“Go to hell, Sam,” I say, turning and walking a few feet away but he follows right behind me.

“No really, what about we call you, Ashley, the Ice Queen. That certainly seems appropriate.”

I spin around fuming. All I wanted was a few minutes alone; now, he’s in here spewing his asshole lines. I’m sure he gets some sick pleasure out of hurting me.

“What is your problem? I asked you to leave me alone.” My voice has risen along with my anger, and if he keeps this up, I’m seriously going to lose my shit.

“I’ve got it!” he exclaims, clicking his fingers and completely ignoring my request to leave me alone. “Ashley, the Frigid Florist. Yep, that’s definitely it.” He eyes are narrowed at me and my anger erupts, my hand flying out and slapping him straight across his perfect face.

Trying desperately to hold the tears, which are pricking the back of eyes at bay, I bite my lip hard in an effort to concentrate on the pain instead of the tears. I just stare at the gorgeous man before me completely gutted, but there’s no way I’m going to let him win. When he takes a menacing step toward me, I put both hands up to his chest and push him hard, causing him to stumble back a few steps.

“I’m not frigid, you asshole, and I’m not an ice queen either. You bring out the worst in me because, from the moment we met, you took an instant dislike to me for no reason at all. You don’t even fucking know me,” I yell at him and shove his chest again. “You make fun of me or belittle me every chance you get. It’s obvious you hate me, but you’ve never even given me a fucking chance.”

Suddenly, he’s towering over me, moving closer and closer, making me take several steps in retreat. “Hit me again, Ashley, and see what happens. Don’t play innocent and act like you’ve been anything but sweet.”

“It’s called a defense mechanism, you idiot. Do you think it doesn’t hurt when you say the shit you do? I’m fucking human, Sam. If you hurt me, I’m going to hurt you right back. You think I’m a bitch, but you don’t even realize what an asshole you’ve been. The one time I did try to get your attention, you implied that I looked like a goddamn whore.” I can hear everyone on the back deck start shouting the countdown until the New Year and instantly all the fight I have left in me deflates.

Shaking my head slowly, I look up at his confused, angry expression. “You know what, Sam? I don’t care; I really don’t. I’ll be polite for Gracie and Cole’s sake, but other than that, I don’t want anything to do with you.” I lower my head and turn to walk away as the chorus of ‘Happy New Year’ rings out through the night.
Yeah, Happy New Year, Ashley.

Before I even know what’s happening, I’m being spun around and my body is pinned against the wall , his hands beside my head caging me in. “You drive me fucking crazy, you know that,” he growls through gritted teeth, and before I can answer, his mouth crashes into mine in an aggressive, bruising kiss. I stand there, frozen and stunned by the unexpectedness of his actions.

Sam pulls back slightly and pants. “Kiss me back, goddamn it. Kiss me back.” Then with less force than before, his lips connect with mine again, his tongue glides across my mouth seeking entry and I’m done for. All the anger I held for him drains away; the attraction and desire I’ve felt since the first time I laid eyes on him comes rushing back tenfold, igniting a lust-fueled fire through my veins, and I have no idea how to extinguish it.

My hands are everywhere, gripping his hair, and then, pulling at his shirt. As they snake their way under his shirt to his toned stomach, something snaps inside me and I’m kissing him wildly. Uncontrolled and desperate need takes over and I’m moaning through my frenzied assault on his mouth.

When he pushes his hips into me, the feel of his straining erection against my belly and the firm groping of his hand on my breast has me pulling away from his mouth and crying out, “Ahhhh.”

As he grinds against me, I claw at his back wanting him closer. I’m completely overwhelmed by the sensations, which are wreaking havoc on my body and my mind. As his kisses blaze a trail from my mouth to my neck, shivers ripple up my spine and steal my breath.

“Sam, oh, shit, Sam,” I gasp.

“Sam?” a female voice calls out from behind us, breaking into our passionate, steamy exchange.

He slowly pulls back and his eyes are like storm clouds shrouded with too many emotions for me to read. He searches mine looking for answers to unspoken questions.

“Sam,” the voice calls again. “Are you in here?”

I heave a frustrated sigh.

“I don’t hate you,” he murmurs as he nibbles my bottom lip, and then sucks it into his mouth to soothe the sting. “I don’t hate you,” he repeats, as he steps back, turns and walks away from me without a backward glance.

I watch him walking away, utterly confused by his parting words.
What the hell just happened?
I hold my breath when I see him approach Nurse Barbie and say something; when her face falls, I can’t help the little drop of hope that blooms inside me. Hope for what, I don’t know. But what I do know is that the attraction and feelings that I have for Dr. Sam Evans aren’t healthy for me, and I’m damn sure that I’ll be left a shattered, broken mess in his wake.

Chapter 43

Sam….

The down side to having Christmas day off work was that Cole and I had to work New Year’s Day. This meant that we were only able to have a few drinks last night, and after kissing Ashley in the darkened hallway in Cole’s house, I’m seriously wishing I was drunk off my ass.

That woman is so far under my skin, I don’t know what the hell to do. When I saw her walk out of the kitchen and move away from the partygoers just before midnight, the urge to follow her was too hard to resist. Then, of course, when I saw her standing there, I lost all rational thought and made a stupid comment about her having no friends. But did I stop there? No, of course, I didn’t; my mouth started spewing out even more shit.