The Revelation (10 page)

“Not so awks after all, huh?” Kat says
playfully.

Henn flashes a shy smile. “Not nearly as awks as it
could have been,” he agrees. “She made it easy.”

Kat grins and grabs the phone. “Hey, girl. Isn’t he
the cutest? I know, right? Sure, I’ll send you a picture.” She
lowers her voice. “Word on the street is he’s a
phenomenal
kisser, too.” She beams a smile at Henn and giggles. “Yeah, I will.
Okay, bye, Banana. Thanks again.”

Kat puts her phone down, grins devilishly, and
steeples her fingers like a cartoon villain. “Oh, my darling Henny,
I have a
feeling
.”

“About what?”

“About
you
and my dear friend Hannah Banana
Montana Millikin
.
What’s your sign?”

“My
sign
? Sagittarius.”

Kat’s face lights up. “Ah, the explorer. Well, that
makes perfect sense. And super-duper perfect with Leo.”

“Hannah’s a Leo?” I ask.

Kat nods. “And Sag-Leo is a fabulous combo. Maybe
when we’re done saving the world all four of us can go out to
dinner some time?”

“I’d be up for that,” I say.

Henn shrugs and makes a face like he’s got nothing
to lose. “Um. Sure.”

Kat scrolls through the photos on her phone for a
moment. When she finds what she’s looking for, she hands her phone
to Henn. “That’s Hannah,” she says.

Henn looks at the phone. “Wow. She’s super cute.” He
blushes. “Yeah, I’d totally be up for dinner. Sounds great.”

“Awesome.” Kat’s eyes are positively sparkling. She
plops her phone onto the bed next to her. “Okay, boys. I’m gonna
brush my teeth and wash my face and then,
voila,
I’ll be
Oksana Belenko for as long needed.”

With that, she hops out of bed in her itty-bitty
G-string and barely-there tank top and sashays to the bathroom on
her long, toned legs, her blonde hair falling down her
back—completely unaware of, or not giving a shit about, the male
shrapnel she’s leaving behind in her glorious wake.

Kat

I’m practically peeing myself with laughter.

Josh, Henn, and Reed are telling the story of how
Josh wound up with “YOLO” inked onto his ass, and Will, Carmen, and
I are laughing so hard, we can barely keep ourselves upright at the
table.

As it turned out, Josh, Henn and I weren’t called
upon to make the money transfers today. At around four o’ clock our
time, Sarah and Jonas called to tell us we were free until eight
tomorrow morning, at which time they wanted us to station ourselves
outside the first bank on our agenda, ready to go at their signal.
Which meant that after Josh, Henn, and I did a little shopping for
clothes befitting the wealthy pimpstress Oksana Belenko, we decided
to let off a little steam and have a great meal together.

“Let’s call Reed,” Josh suggested. “Get the band
back together.”

As it turned out, Reed was on his way to the airport
with Will and Carmen when Josh called, but at his friend’s
invitation to dinner, he turned his car around. And now Josh, Henn,
Reed, Will, Carmen and I are sitting together in a five-star
restaurant, half-way through our amazing meal, laughing ’til tears
pour down our faces.

“You
knew
I had the quote wrong the whole
time?” Josh shouts at Reed, incredulous. “After ten years, this is
the first time I’m hearing this part of the story.”

Reed is laughing so hard, he’s crying. “Of course, I
knew. You were dead in the water, bro. Everyone knew it. It wasn’t
even close.”

“Then why the hell did you goad me on like
that?”

“And miss watching you to get ‘YOLO’ tattooed onto
your ass?”

Josh can’t believe his ears. “For all these years, I
thought you didn’t know. I thought you were being fair and
impartial.”

Reed shakes his head, laughing. “Hell no. I was Team
Henn all the way. It served you right, bro
.
You were being a
total dick about it.”

Henn is howling with laughter. “You’re demented,
Reed.”

“Hey, all in good fun.”

“Fun for
you
, maybe,” Josh says. “You’re not
the one with YOLO tattooed on his ass.”

“Aw, bad tattoos happen to the best of us,” Will
says, slapping Josh on the shoulder. “Look at this.” Will rolls up
his sleeve and shows Josh a tattoo on his forearm—and I immediately
slap my hand over my mouth at the sight of it. Oh my God, no.
Will’s got a
dragon
on his arm—one of the tattoos on my
so-called list of no-no’s.

“Oh, look, a
dragon,
” Josh says, smiling, his
facial expression morphing into one of pure glee. “Do you see that,
Kitty Kat?”

My cheeks burst into flames. Holy crap. Why the heck
did I name dragon tattoos as one of the items on my “social
suicide” list? I was talking out my butt—pulling it out of thin
air. Why the heck did I say that?

Josh looks at me and smirks wickedly and I shoot him
a look that begs him for mercy.

“I got the heart first,” Will says, oblivious to the
nonverbal exchange happening between Josh and me. Will points to a
prominent heart on his dragon’s chest. “My ex-girlfriend and I got
matching hearts.”

Josh’s face lights up at Will’s use of the word
“ex-girlfriend.”

Oh no.
No
. This can’t be happening.

“Oh, so you got the heart with your
girlfriend,
did you?” Josh asks Will. “Who’s now your
ex
-girlfriend?”

“Yeah, I was sure we’d be together forever. But then
she slept with my best friend, so I had to get the dragon to
camouflage it.”

The smile on Josh’s face is positively merciless.
“Hey, Kat. Did you catch that? Will’s got
both
a dragon
tattoo
and
an ex-girlfriend tattoo.” Josh can barely contain
his giddiness. “Imagine that.”

My cheeks are on fire. Why, oh why, did I say all
that stuff to Josh about prohibited tattoos? I was just being
snarky. I had no idea what I was saying.

“What’s so funny?” Will asks, looking confused. “Why
do I feel like I’m missing the joke?”

Oh, God, please, no. This can’t be happening. I
cover my face with my hands.

“Are you feeling like crawling into a hole about
now, PG?” Josh asks.

I nod from behind my hands and Josh hoots with
laughter.

“Well, Will,” Josh begins like he’s teaching a
lesson to a grade-schooler. “Kat here’s got a very specific list of
tattoos that she’s decided in her infinite wisdom are
cliché
and stupid and therefore tantamount to committing ‘social suicide,’
as she so colorfully puts it.”

“And dragons and hearts are both on Kat’s list?”
Will asks.

“No, not hearts, surprisingly. Just dragon and
girlfriend
tattoos.” Josh chuckles happily. “Social suicide,
both of them, Will, I’m sorry to inform you—but they’re simply not
allowed. I guess you’ll have to get that shit lasered, huh?”

“Oh, shit,” Will says. “Yeah, this is a catastrophe.
I’ve got
two
prohibited tattoos? Damn that Stubborn Kat. She
won’t do anything you want her to do
and
she thinks your
tattoos are stupid.”

I’m dying. I’m physically dying. “No, Will, I...” I
begin, but I can’t speak. I’ve never been so frickin’ mortified in
my life.

“And guess what
else
is on Stubborn Kat’s
list?” Josh continues, beaming.

Will shrugs. “I dunno. Flowers? I’ve got flowers for
my momma, too.”

Josh shakes his head. “Nope. Flowers are allowed.
Guess again. I’ll give you a hint: it’s on my ass.”

The entire table erupts with laughter.

“Well, I can’t blame Stubborn Kat for that one,”
Will says.

“Neither can I,” Reed says. “She probably took one
look at your ass and added it to the list.”

“Oh no,” Josh says, laughing. “That’s the best part.
Stubborn Kat came up with this list
before
she’d seen a
single one of my tattoos.”

The table erupts again. Everyone but me is laughing
so hard, they can’t breathe.

“Before?” Will says. “Oh shit. And you hadn’t even
told
her about any of ’em?”

Josh is laughing too hard to speak, so he simply
shakes his head.

I look at Henn, desperate for an ally, and he
flashes me a sympathetic frownie-face. “Hang in there, Kitty Kat,”
he says above the fray.

Josh places his forehead down on the table,
apparently spent from laughing so hard.

“Hey, at least you’ve only got
one
tattoo on
the prohibited list,” Will says. “I’m the loser with
two.
”

I open my mouth to apologize profusely, but nothing
comes out. This is the most embarrassing moment of my life.

“Oh shit, hang on,” Josh says, trying to catch his
breath from laughing. He raises his head from the table, and with
great flourish, rolls up his sleeve to display the dragon tattoo on
his beautiful, bulging bicep.

The whole table loses it again.

And I want to die. I truly want to die.

“YOLO
and
a dragon,” Will says. “Tsk,
tsk.”

Josh wipes his eyes.

“And she said all that shit before she knew any of
your tattoos? Aw, come on someone must have told her. She was just
fucking with you.” Will looks at me. “Please tell me you were just
fucking with him, Stubborn Kat.”

I shake my head, an apologetic look on my face. “I
was just talking out my butt, being a total smart-ass.”

Will hits his forehead with his palm. “Truth is
stranger than fiction, man. This is the best story, ever.”

Josh nods. “I seriously couldn’t believe it. We were
texting and I just stared at my screen, like ‘oh my fucking God,
I’ve hit the mother lode.’”

“Gosh darn it, Stubborn Kat,” Will says, putting on
his cartoon voice. “She sniffs out your stupid tattoos and nails
you to the wall with ’em.”

“Kinda the way some cats curl up with dying people
at a nursing home,” Reed says, and everyone laughs. “Why didn’t you
just tell her, man?” Reed asks Josh.

“No fucking way I was gonna tell her,” Josh says. “I
figured I’d let her find out the good old fashioned way—by seeing
my ass.” He winks and Reed and Will clink their glasses against
Josh’s.

“Atta boy,” Reed says.

I’m peeking at the group from behind my hands,
afraid to come out. My eyes drift to Henn again and he makes a face
that tells me he feels my pain.

“Hey, Stubborn Kat,” Josh says. “Why don’t you tell
the group
all
of your amazing rules. Enlighten us. Amaze us
with what a hip whippersnapper you are.”

“I believe a hip whippersnapper’s actually called a
‘
hippersnapper
,’” Will says.

Everyone at the table (except for me) laughs. I
can’t stop hiding behind my hands. This is sheer pain right
here.

“Aw, come on, babe. ‘You don’t make The Rules, you
just enforce ’em.’ Remember?”

I shake my head. “There’s no way I’m making any
declarations about what’s cool and what’s not in this crowd. Every
man at this table could tattoo Bert and Ernie onto his forehead and
make it look cool,” I say.

Will picks up his napkin and rubs it forcefully
against his forehead. “Well, I guess now would be the time to
remove this makeup on my forehead and show you...”

Everyone laughs, yet again.

“You’re not gonna enlighten us about all The Rules
for Being Cool, Stubborn Kat?” Josh asks.

I shake my head.

“She’s normally not so shy, I swear,” he says.

“Come on, Stubborn Kat,” Will says. “What else is on
the list? We’ve got dragons, YOLO, girlfriends that didn’t work
out, and what? I’ve got two so far—I’m hoping to rack up some more
points before the night is over.”

I put my head on the table and bury my head with my
arms. “Make it stop,” I mumble.

Will laughs.

“Come on, guys,” Henn says. “Make fun of me for a
while, as usual. How ’bout I dance for you?”

“Oh, yeah. Let’s make Henny dance—my favorite
thing!” Reed says, suddenly giddy. He bangs on the table. “Dance
puppet-boy, dance!”

Henn grumbles.

“We’ll definitely have to hit my club after
dinner.”

Everyone agrees.

“But back to Kat’s list,” Will says. “Come on. What
else is on it, Stubborn Kat? I bet I’ve got at least some of the
stuff on the list, whatever it is.”

Josh grabs my hand and kisses it. “You’re not gonna
tell him?”

I shake my head. “I’m never gonna say anything about
anyone’s tattoos ever again, as long as I live.”

Josh grins and looks at Will. “Barbed wire on your
bicep—or a tribal band, unless you’re an Islander. Stubborn Kat was
very specific about that. You got either of those, man?”

“Fuck no. I agree with Stubborn Kat on both. And
yet, right now, I wish so bad I had both so I could pull up my
sleeve and see the look on her face.”

Everyone laughs at the thought, even me.

“Me, too,” Josh says, squeezing my hand. “I never
thought I’d be bummed
not
to have barbed wire.”

“Hey, it’s never too late, Faraday,” Reed says,
laughing. “We’re in Vegas, after all.”

“There you go again, Reed,” Josh says. “Trying to
get me inked with something stupid.” He sips his drink. “Well,
lucky for me, I’m not gonna get drunk tonight, or I’d probably do
it.”

“No, you wouldn’t,” Henn says. “Barbed wire would be
too stupid even for you, Josh.”

“Bite your tongue,” Josh says. “There’s no such
thing as a tattoo that’s ‘too stupid’ for Josh Faraday—not if you
ply me with enough alcohol and double-dare me, anyway.”

“Oh, we know, Mr. ‘Welcome to the Gun Show,’” Reed
says.

Josh, Henn, and Reed burst out laughing.

“‘I double-dare you,’” Reed says, apparently
re-enacting something—and all three guys laugh again, shaking their
heads.

“You’re a Neanderthal, Josh,” Henn says.

Josh sips his drink happily. “I really am.”