The Reluctant Dom (37 page)

Leah trembled in his arms, curled nearly in a fetal position, but her tears had stopped.

That frightened him.

Seth pressed his lips to her ear. “Love, do you need to feel the bite?”

She nodded but didn't speak.

He shifted position on the sofa, his back to the doorway. He slipped one hand up the outside of her leg, under her shorts.

“Count,” he whispered. He pinched her, as hard as he could, on the inside of her thigh. Leaving a bruise was the least of his concerns but he knew he couldn't take her to the playroom right then.

After a long moment, she whispered, “One.”

“Very good, love. Again.” He pinched her again.

“Two.”

He did it a total of ten times until, finally, tears slid down her face. She buried her face against his shoulder and sobbed.

“Do you want to see him one last time?” Seth asked.

“What did Master want?” she whispered.

Seth looked at Ed.

Ed shook his head.

“Okay, we'll sit here for a while longer, love,” Seth said. “Let's just sit here and wait for a while.”

Leah clung to Seth. “Thank you, Master,” she whispered.

Seth held her tightly against him, his face buried in her hair, and cried his own silent tears.

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Chapter 24

Ed's orders were to stay all night with them and, if necessary, help Seth take Leah to the hospital to have her forcibly sedated. It would be Seth's call if they had to go that far. If so, Seth was to use his power of attorney to do it. Kaden had already talked with their family doctor to assist Seth if it was the course of action needed.

Seth didn't think it was necessary—yet—but he was glad Kaden had thought that far ahead.

Ed waited until Leah cried herself to sleep in Seth's arms to hand him an index card with Kaden's writing on it.

* * * *

1—Day Of

Keep her crying. Your only job for the next twenty-four hours is to feed her, keep fluids in her, hold her, and keep her crying if she's awake and starts to dull down. To take care of her. Do not leave her alone, do not let her out of your sight, not even for her to go to the bathroom. When you have to go, make sure Ed or Tony stands watch over her. Ed will take care of getting the arrangements in order, make the phone calls, and guide you through the process. Tony will come by to stand watch while you sleep in case she gets up without waking you. You've got to be fucking exhausted by now. I'm so sorry, brother. Thank you for staying with me until the end.

I have already talked to Ed and Tony, and they know what to do. What little sleep you can get while they're there, take it.

I love you, dude. And tell her I love her, too.

* * * *

Seth closed his eyes and nodded, handed the card back to Ed.

He leaned in close and whispered into his ear, “I have a lot to give you, some a little at a time, some at certain stages. I'm to save everything for you to have after, if you want to keep it. He really did plan everything.”

Seth nodded.

* * * *

Seth was aware of the sound of low voices, the stretcher rolling across the tile again, the front door opening and shutting. A few moments later, the sound of a vehicle leaving. The nurse stopped in the doorway and whispered something to Ed. Ed nodded and walked over to Seth and leaned in close to whisper in his ear.

“She asked where the sheets are. She said she'd change the bed for you, if you'd like.”

Seth started to tell him, then stopped. “No, I'll do it. Tell her thank you, though.”

Ed nodded. He walked out of the room with her for a few minutes. Seth heard her leave a little while later.

Seth didn't know if Leah was asleep or catatonic but he knew she needed a little while to decompress before he gave her a full session.

He hoped Ed brought ear plugs.

He eventually untangled himself from Leah. She stirred and looked at him.

“Love, we need to take care of a couple of things. Can you help me?”

She numbly nodded.

He helped her to her feet and, with an arm around her waist, led her to the linen closet. “Let's change my sheets for Ed.” He hadn't spent a full night in his own bed in months but he had slept there in the past week during the day, napping when he knew Leah was asleep with Kaden, the Hospice nurse having strict orders to wake him if Leah even so much as coughed in her sleep.

Leah helped him change the sheets, and she gathered the dirty ones to take them out to the garage.

Next, the harder one. Seth helped her walk down the hall to their bedroom. She stopped in the doorway and sobbed, but let him lead her inside.

He'd changed the sheets earlier that morning. The nurse had tossed the disposable pads they'd used on top of the sheets. Frankly, it didn't need changing.

Leah climbed into bed, grabbed Kaden's pillow, and deeply inhaled.

Seth didn't have the heart to move her.

Ed watched from the hallway and Seth walked over to him. “Just keep your door open in case I need you,” Seth whispered.

Ed nodded and went to get his bag from his car.

Seth slipped into bed with her and wrapped his arms around her. She rocked herself, the pillow in her arms, her eyes squeezed shut. Maybe this wasn't a good idea.

She rocked herself for an hour, Seth trying to hold onto her. She didn't speak, didn't make any noise other than to sniffle and weep.

She finally fell still and he thought maybe she'd cried herself to sleep. When she spoke, her flat, dead voice startled him.

“Please let me die,” she said.

“What?”

“I want to die. I can't do this. It hurts too much. I thought I could but I can't. Please.”

He held her tighter, scared. “No.”

“Please, Master. Let me die.”

He tried not to sob. “No, babe, I can't do that. I won't let you do that. I need you.”

She squeezed the pillow to her. “It hurts. It hurts so bad. I knew it would hurt but it hurts so much.”

“I know, babe. I hurt too. I can't let you die. I promised. You promised him. We promised him.”

She sobbed, cried for hours. Seth lost track of time. Tony arrived and Ed let him in. He brought water to them. Seth had to force her to drink. When Seth got up to go to the bathroom, Tony sat with Leah.

Time blurred for Seth. He didn't even know what time Kaden had died, just that it had been late afternoon and now it was after three in the morning.

Seth dozed, vaguely aware of Tony quietly sitting in the chair in the corner and reading a book. Seth didn't dare let Leah out of his arms, afraid she would hurt herself before he could stop her. The slightest movement, even a subtle change in her breathing, woke him.

In the morning, Seth realized he'd dozed off. Ed sat, reading, in the chair. Leah was asleep. Seth smelled coffee and eggs cooking.

Moving slowly and carefully, Seth got out of bed, used the bathroom, and left Ed watching Leah while he walked to the kitchen.

Tony was cooking breakfast.

Seth poured himself a cup of coffee and sat at the counter. “Thank you,” he hoarsely said.

Tony nodded, scooped some eggs and bacon onto a plate and put it in front of Seth. “I know you don't feel like eating but force it down anyway. You'll need it.”

Seth nodded and complied without question. He felt alternately numb and like he wanted to curl up and die.

Kaden's dead.

The mental heartbeat had reached its inevitable end.

He finished, quickly showered in his old room, then went to relieve Ed. Leah awoke a little after nine. The only indication Seth had was her sudden, sharp intake of breath, followed by a deep, sad sigh.

She didn't open her eyes, hadn't moved, still clutched the pillow.

He waited twenty minutes before gently stroking her cheek. “Honey, you need to get up, go to the bathroom.”

She vigorously shook her head.

Okay, then.

He scooped her up. She wouldn't let go of the pillow, so he let her hold it. He carried her into the bathroom and set her on her feet, forced her to stand. Forget modesty, he pulled her shorts and underwear down, made her sit on the toilet.

She looked like a dead woman walking. The utter lack of emotion on her face scared him. He knew she needed a session. He just didn't know if he could bring himself to do it.

Eventually he heard her go. When he figured she was finished he pulled her to her feet, cleaned her up, and carried her into the bedroom. Tony waited by the door.

“She okay?”

Seth shook his head. “Playroom code is 1218. Can you bring me a crop, please?”

“Moderate or severe?”

“Moderate.”

Tony left. Seth didn't have time or energy to consider how truly freaky that conversation was.

Tony returned a moment later with a suitable crop. Leah was curled on her side, still clutching Kaden's pillow. Seth didn't even care that Tony could see her naked from the waist down. Seth knelt next to her. “Love, do you need to feel the bite?” he whispered.

She didn't respond, just closed her eyes.

He looked at Tony, who nodded.

Seth took a deep breath. “Love,” he said sternly, “do you need to feel the bite?”

After a long moment, she nodded.

Seth didn't have a good angle and carefully lined up his strokes. A paddle would be easier to manage under the circumstances but Seth didn't think he could stand the sound.

The crop was quieter. And harsher.

He kept one hand on her waist and laid a stroke across her ass. She didn't flinch.

Seth continued, a set of ten as hard as he could manage. At the end he curled around her. “Love, we need to do this. Where are we?”

An agonizingly long moment later she whispered, “Green, Master.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. “Set of twenty, love.”

“Twenty, Master.”

He closed his eyes and swallowed his sob. He got back on his knees on the bed. “Count.” He put as much force behind the swing as he could, then waited.

After nearly a minute she whispered, “One, Master.”

“Very good, love.”

It took them nearly twenty minutes to get through the set. But she was talking.

And she cried.

If you could call screaming at the top of your lungs and begging to die crying.

Even Ed and Tony looked near tears.

After an hour she settled down again, glassy-eyed and staring. Ed motioned to Seth, calling him into the hallway.

“Why don't I call her doctor?”

Seth shook his head. “No. Not yet. She has to deal with it now or later. If we dope her up, she'll still have to deal with it. I don't want to resort to that unless she tries to hurt herself.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” He stared through the doorway to the bed. She wouldn't let go of Kaden's pillow, hadn't released it.

* * * *

By that night, he'd managed to get her to go to the bathroom without assistance, although he stood next to her. He took a shower with her, shaved her legs for her, got her to swallow some lukewarm chicken broth and Ensure along with some water.

Tony and Ed both spent the night again and took turns standing watch so Seth could sleep.

The next morning, Seth panicked when he awoke and Leah wasn't in bed with him. Neither Ed nor Tony were in the chair in the corner.

He heard voices in the kitchen and raced out there. Leah sat at the counter, the glassy stare on her face. Ed stood behind her while Tony cooked. She had a cup of coffee on the counter in front of her but it didn't look like she'd drank any.

Seth touched her arm. “Sweetie, are you okay?”

Eventually she slowly swiveled her head to look at him. Huge tears rolled down her cheeks. “He's gone,” she whispered. “I got up to look for him and he's gone.”

He pulled her into his arms. “I know, babe. I'm so sorry.”

“He's gone, Seth. I couldn't find him.”

He looked over her head at Ed.

“She got up an hour ago,” he whispered. “We didn't want to wake you. I woke Tony up, and we followed her around the house. She went outside, wandered around, then came back inside and just walked around for a while. She finally sat down here and wouldn't talk to us. We figured we should let you sleep.”

“Can I go with him?” she asked. “Please Seth, I want to be with him.” The dead tone of her whisper filled him with fear.

He held her tighter, glancing over to the counter. Tony or Ed had apparently hidden the knives from the butcher's block. “We promised Kade, love. You can't leave me. You promised him.”

She shuddered. He scooped her into his arms and carried her to the bedroom. He gave her a set of twenty and held her while she sobbed against him.

After she went back to sleep, Ed quietly walked in and handed him another index card.

2—Aftermath

Keep her crying. Keep her breathing. Don't let her out of your sight, and don't let her get dehydrated. If she asks to kill herself, remind her of her promise. I know I don't need to tell you not to let her do it. Use whatever you can to keep her with you. Even if you have to play dirty and make shit up, whatever. Tell her I'm ordering her to stay with you and serve you. I have faith in you. You are the only one who can keep her safe, buddy. I know you don't want to dope her up but if you have to, I understand. You are there and I'm not, and I know you'll do whatever she needs.

Seth cried as he handed the card back to Ed. He handed Seth another one.

3—Arrangements

Ed will take care of everything. All you need to do is, when he tells you, get her dressed in the outfit in the closet, the one in the garment bag. I already put it together for you. Shoes, everything. Let her keep her formal collar on, the neckline on the shirt will hide it. She'll feel better. It will be held five days after I'm gone, so you've got that much time to get her vertical again. I imagine we're on day two at this point. When you get a moment, when she's sound asleep, let Tony watch her and Ed has something he needs to let you see.

Seth returned the card and studied her. Sound asleep. He nodded and carefully got out of bed. Tony, carrying a book, walked in and settled in the chair again.