The Redemption (30 page)

“Not really. I’m more worried about the fact that I can’t stop thinking about a man who seems to have stopped thinking about me.” I laugh at the end though I’m not really amused, just trying to cover my awkward real emotions.

“When our hearts are involved, we’re always at risk. But there’s no fun in safe.”

“Nope, there’s no fun in safe.” I look at the ring of flowers wrapped around my wrist and remember how free I felt from the ties of my past. These flowers represented the life I chose, not the one my family had chosen for me. “Yeah, if I’d played it safe, I’d be married to a banker or insurance broker in Boston, attending luncheons in Chanel suits.”

She laughs. “I love a good Chanel suit, but not on you. You’re way too vibrant for something like that.” She pauses, then says, “How long has it been since you spent time together, just the two of you?”

“When he told me he was going to show me how much he cares.”

Holli’s smile is heard through the phone. “Well, time will only tell, but I have a good feeling about you two.”

“I appreciate you listening. Oh, and while I have you on the phone. Lunch soon?”

“Definitely. I’m in town next week, but leave for a week after that for a shoot in New York.”

“Awesome. We’ll catch up next week.”

She says, “Anytime, my friend. Bye.”

“Night.”

Laying there, I acknowledge my feelings instead of hiding from them. I miss Dex. I miss snuggling with him and taking drives up the coast to watch sunsets. I liked him in my life and I think my heart just got used to him being around. It leaves me thinking about the promise he made to me on the beach in Miami, wondering if it was fleeting in the moment, just like the sunset that night.

I bury my face into the pillow, refusing to sit here and wallow. After a minute, I roll over and turn out the lamp and go to sleep.

Three months after our ride up the coast and two days after my call to Holli, I receive a letter. The return address lists Caggiano as the sender. I flip it over in my hands a few times before sitting down on the couch and dumping the rest of the mail on the coffee table. The letter remains next to me for a good five minutes before I brace myself for the worst and open it.

Dear Rochelle,

I thought the days without you would get easier than being tortured with your untouchable beauty. Each passing day offers a new form of cruelty and I have to stop my reflex of reaching for the phone and calling you, driving to your house, or writing you a letter.

I’ve failed as you can see. I’m starting to think that it’s not about proving myself good enough so I can have more of you, but more about learning to enjoy what simple pleasures I’m given—your smile, for instance. I could write a song about the way your smile brightens my soul, filling it with light and hope, something pure that never existed there before.

Your eyes—the way they pinch at the corner when you’re frustrated and widen when you’re happy. The golden brown brings new meaning to the word brilliance.

The laugh that makes me want to become a comedian just to hear it more. The olive of your skin that makes me crave to lick every inch as well as caress it. These days I’d settle for a simple touch.

Your beauty exudes all that you are on the inside. I find myself wanting to consume your every breath and mark you as mine. Weaknesses I’m struggling to overcome.

But when you hit bottom, sometimes you’re given the gift of clarity. Me without you is never the answer. I need you. The way you make me feel… it’s good enough. It makes me better because you’re around. It made me realize that when I’m with you, I’m good enough.

Love,

Dex

I reread the letter seven times before I run around my couch, my world full of hope again as I hold it to my heart. I love being a mom and responsible, but sometimes it’s just good to be a giddy girl again.

“Dance party, Mama,” CJ says, running after me.

I bend down and smile, then kiss him on the head. “Yes, we should have a dance party.” Grabbing the remote, I flick on the music and then find an upbeat pop song. He jumps on the couch and I set the letter down on the table before standing on the hearth and shaking my booty. “Neil?” I call out. “Come dance with us.”

I turn up the music just as he peeks his head around the corner. With a smile on his face, he comes in and jumps up on the hearth with me and starts dancing too.

Later that night in bed, I reread the letter and wonder if I should write back or call or do nothing. I’m not sure, but maybe he’s telling me what he can’t say to me in person. Maybe that’s why I don’t see him much these days. He’s struggling to respect the boundaries I put in place. And now it’s my turn to respect him and to protect him. I tuck the letter in my nightstand and go to bed with a smile beaming from my heart.

The following day, around 10 a.m. my gate buzzer sounds. I get up from the kitchen table where I have a bunch of files spread out and answer it. Depressing the button, I say, “Who is it?”

“FedEx. I’ve got a package for Rochelle Floros.”

I look through the camera and see the delivery guy standing there with a small box in his hands. Buzzing him in, I watch as he sets it on the front step and knocks. I open the door and sign for the package before closing it and locking it behind me.

I never have packages delivered to my home, so the whole thing is odd until I see the sender’s name—Caggiano. I hurry into the kitchen and reach for the scissors to open it. When the flaps are released, I see a Disney hat with mouse ears on top. My name is stitched on the back and the note attached reads:
Wear Me.

Following directions I put the hat on and then dig out the card. A Magic Kingdom ticket falls to the counter. The card says:
Please meet me at 8:30 tonight, the front gates of Disneyland. Ask for Bob Hervine.

Disney at eight-thirty? What is he up to?
I’m too intrigued to not go. Looking at the time, I have hours before the kids are home. I pick up my phone and call Beth. She answers after the first ring every time, which I love. “Hello?”

“Hi, It’s Rochelle.”

“Hi, how’s it going?”

“Good. I wanted to see if you were free tonight, around seven?”

“Sure,” she replies. “You got a hot date?”

I pause to think about it, then reply with a laugh, “I’m not really sure.”

“I’m happy to come over. I don’t have any classes until ten in the morning, so feel free to stay out as long as you like.”

“Thank you. I’ll see you tonight.”

I walk into the bedroom and start rummaging through my clothes to figure out what I should wear. When I go into the bathroom, I burst out laughing that I’m still wearing the mouse ears. I set the hat on my bed along with a sweater just in case it’s chilly and sneakers on the floor since it’s Disney and I’ll be walking a lot. I’d prefer sexy, but for an amusement park, I’m going practical.

I ride the tram from the parking lot to the park. Walking up to the front gates, I’m wondering how I’m ever going to find a Bob Hervine at this hour when it’s dark. As my ticket is taken, a Disney Cast Member says, “Wait right over here please. Bob will be with you momentarily.”

Well, there you go.

“Ms. Floros?”

I turn around to see a stocky man with a rotund belly coming toward me and a huge smile on his face.

“Yes,” I respond. “I’m Rochelle.”

“I’m Bob. Nice to meet you,” he says.

I shake his hand. “Nice to meet you as well.”

He starts walking, but stops, and says, “C’mon. We’re on a tight schedule.”

“Oh.” I hurry to catch up with him. “Sorry.”

“No need to apologize, but Mr. Caggiano has planned something very unique and timing is everything.” He’s walking very fast, so I double my pace. “Mr. Disney built Main Street…”

I get a guided tour, although told very fast, of each main structure we pass and then through the castle. “The fireworks are about to begin.” He smiles. “So we have to hurry. Magic is in the air.”

“Magic?”

On the other side of the castle, the first fireworks shoot into the sky, lighting it up. I watch in awe of the grandeur of the huge display. Bob taps me on the shoulder, and says, “Don’t look there. The real show is over here.”

I follow the direction he gestures in and see Dex standing under the sign, Peter Pan’s Flight. His smile is coy, a bit nervous looking, which is so unlike his usual confidence. I walk over, taking my time, letting him sweat it out a bit. “Hi,” I say.

When he greets me, his smile grows. “Hi.”

“This is a surprise, Dex?”

“Everyone can use a little magic in their life.”

With an elbow nudge, I say, “You, sir, are a charmer.”

“Thank you for coming on such short notice.”

While he adjusts the mouse ears hat on my head, I reply, “How could I resist. I got a hat. I needed to show it off.”

His laugh is contagious, or maybe it’s because we’re at the Happiest Place on Earth… or maybe it’s because I’m happy to be here with him. He nods toward the entrance, and asks, “Wanna go for a ride?”

“Absolutely.”

Taking my hand, he leads me through the winding railings that shape the line, miraculously empty, and I’m having a feeling this was also planned. We walk inside and are greeted by more happy cast members working the ride. Dex guides me onto the little pirate boat and we’re off, through Wendy and her siblings’ bedroom window, starting our own adventure.

It doesn’t dawn on me until we’re in the dark, immersed in the magic. Turning to Dex, I ask, “You brought me to Neverland?” Memories of our Neverland fantasies of the past squeeze my heart. It’s a safe place for us, a place where our pasts don’t matter and the rest of the world disappears just for a little while. A lump forms in my throat as I hold back the heavy emotions wanting to be heard while holding onto the safety bar in front of me. “I don’t know what to say.”

“It’s not about what to say. Here in Neverland, I’m Peter and you’re Wendy, remember? All that other stuff doesn’t matter.”

“I do remember,” I say with a small smile. “In Neverland, no one can touch us.”

“In Neverland, we work.”

The pressures I feel when we’re apart are gone, happiness taking over. Knowing we don’t have much time in such a perfect place, I ask, “Why did you bring me to Neverland tonight?”