The Redeemer (9 page)
“Hello, sir. You’re looking well,” I said.
“Where have you been?”
“Why, on the job of course; you know me, work, work, work.” He rose from his throne and circled around me. I pretended I wasn’t nervous and continued to chatter.
“Yes, sir, this was a long assignment, but I think I’ve got a complete report ready for you now. I know how you are about being thorough.” He circled me again. “So, that’s what I’ve been: thorough. Shall I tell you about Jesus?”
“You smell funny.”
“Oh, that, it’s from the smog. I had to fly right through it to get back. You wouldn’t believe how the humans have messed up the environment.”
“You smell like water.”
I held a claw hand up to my nose and sniffed.
“Why, you’re right; nothing gets by you, sir.”
His facial expression was a cross between curiosity and accusation.
“Why do you smell like water?”
“I took a bath. I got to thinking how Jesus is really Adonai, and being supernatural, He would smell me, and I’d be found out— spying on Him, for your sake, of course. So I hopped in the river to rinse off. It must have worked.”
Satan held up his claw hand, which meant I should stop talking. He sat back down on his throne.
“Do I take it He’s still there?”
“Yes, sir. All grown up now.”
“Does He know who He is?”
“Yes, I’m sure of it. When He was a little boy about twelve years old, He went to the priest at the temple, and while I wasn’t in the room, I’m certain the priest told Him. But if that weren’t enough, after we were baptized…” I realized what I’d said and tried to swallow my runaway tongue.
Satan glared at me.
“What I mean is, Jesus went down to the Jordan where His cousin was baptizing people and—”
“You were baptized?”
“Me? Certainly not. I had to get in the river to hear what was being said. I knew you’d want a recount of every word, so it was necessary—”
“You didn’t take a bath; you got baptized.” His voice was void of emotion.
My chin dropped to my chest, and my wings drooped to touch the floor.
“It was an accident, sir.”
“Why aren’t you dead?”
“Sir?”
“Baptismal water is the same as holy water. It burns demons. We can’t get near it. Why didn’t it hurt you?”
Think fast, or I will be dead.
“Physics, sir. Yes, that must have been it. Jesus was surrounded by this surreal aura, and I was standing close to Him—just to hear, mind you—and I must have been in the aura without realizing it. And you know a negative number and a positive number of the same value cancel each other out to equal zero. I hear it works the same way in spiritual matters, so the normally negative water for me was zeroed out by the positive aura in the same space.”
Satan’s eyes glazed over, but I continued my explanation.
“And so I was neither hurt by the one nor helped by the other.”
“In other words you still equal zero.”
My head drooped again, but I dared not defend myself.
“Shall I go back to the earth, sir?”
“Forget it. I’ve got another job for you.”
Satan walked over to his mirror and flexed his biceps.
“I live to serve.” I bowed my head.
He turned around and admired his backside.
“There’s no one like me, you know,” he said flicking his tail for effect.
“I’ve said that many times, sir.”
“You’re not just saying it—you mean it, right?”
“Um, well, yes,” I babbled. “To be sure.”
Where’s he going with this?
“I’ve decided to call Jesus out,” he said as he continued to look approvingly at himself in the mirror.
“Your Evilness, whatever do you mean?”
“Just what I said.” He started boxing with his reflection. “Did you think I’d let Him steal what’s mine?” He whirled around and punched at me. “I can take Him, you know.”
“I’m sure you can, Your Highness,” I dodged the uppercut. “What kind of fight are you expecting—and when?” The disbelief must have been all over my face.
“Soon. And it doesn’t matter; I’m ready. Don’t ever doubt me.”
“It’s not that I don’t think you could win in an even match,” I scrambled, “because I certainly do, but have you considered that, although you are mighty to be feared, Jesus is Adonai—Son of Yahweh, omnipotent, King of kings, God of gods, Lion of Judah…”
He glared at me. “He can’t use His powers.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Of course you don’t, because you give God too much credit. He’s not as all-knowing as you think. God fenced Himself in from the beginning. He was foolish to think humanity could stand up against me when He put Adam and Even in charge of the earth; He set the rules of engagement. That pair lost it as humans; Jesus can only take it back as a human. If He uses His supernatural ability for His own advantage, I win.”
Should I tell him Jesus blew on a bird and it came back to life?
“Mighty one, do you suppose there could be a loophole in the rules?”
“Like?”
“Um, well, is there some way Jesus could do something like, oh, I don’t know, say, like bringing a dead bird back to life? Could He do it without violating any authorized use of His power?”
When Satan didn’t answer right away, I knew I was on to something. I pressed in.
“For example, remember how Moses could do all those miraculous things: hail, frogs, plague, etc. How did he do it since he wasn’t God and couldn’t call upon any supernatural ability?”
Satan looked at me as if I were too simple-minded to live.
“Take a guess.” He went back to punching the air.
Of course! I should have known! Ruah Ha Kadosh.
“Do you mean Ruah Ha Kadosh could do something miraculous through Jesus, and it wouldn’t be the same as Jesus doing it on His own?”
Satan didn’t answer. I knew I must be right.
All the same, I was beginning to worry about Jesus. I didn’t know how He might be at anger management. Satan does know how to push buttons. If Jesus lost His temper, He might respond to Satan’s challenge out of reflex, jump the gun so to speak, and blast him to microbes instead of allowing Ruah Ha Kadosh to take the initiative.
“Cancel your appointments for the next month. You’re going to coach me,” Satan said. “Not that I need it. One on one, He doesn’t have a chance.” He punched the air again. “You can see that, right?”
“Clear as crystal, mighty one.”
“It’s the talking part I want to practice. I haven’t had a worthy debate opponent since”—he paused as if remembering—“since a long time ago.”
Since your debate skills got you exiled from heaven.
“But, sir, shouldn’t you send Him a message? How will Jesus know you’re planning a confrontation?”
Satan paused as if remembering something. When the memory passed, he answered.
“I assure you, He knows.”
F
OR THE NEXT
forty days Satan had me stand in front of him every morning and drill him on the Word of God. Of course, I wasn’t allowed to tell him if he gave the wrong answer.
“Who does Scripture say is the apple of God’s eye?” I asked.
“Me.”
“Actually, it’s Israel.”
“Don’t try to tell me who God’s favorite is. I was always the apple of His eye.”
“My prince, although without doubt you were the favorite, the Scripture in question is referring to the Jews.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“I know. It’s probably a misprint, but I’m sure this is the edition Jesus will be using.”
So it continued until the fortieth day, when I went to Satan’s quarters as usual to go over the day’s lesson.
“It’s time to go,” he said as he checked himself out in the mirror one more time.
“Good luck, sir. I’m sure you’ll do well.”
“You’re coming with me.”
“Me? But I’d be of no help in a fight. Molech would be a better choice.”
“Molech can’t spell. I want this carefully documented. Bring your notebook.”
I felt weak in my knees.
“But sir, are you sure you know where Jesus is? He tends to ramble from place to place.”
“He’s in the desert—waiting for me. Now come along, and don’t lag behind.”
I had no choice but to follow him out to the ledge where we would launch off toward the earth. All I could think about was what it would look like to Jesus when He saw me arrive with Satan.
Jesus will see me with Satan and believe I’m on his side. All my work to build my case will be for nothing. What can I do?
Then I had an idea. I stepped right in front of Satan as he was about to lift off.
“What are you doing?” he yelled as he back flapped to keep his balance.
“Sorry, sir, but I just realized a potential breach in protocol.”
“Protocol?”
“Yes, you see, a monarch like yourself always has a forerunner to pave the way for him. You know, to make sure everybody knows someone important is about to arrive.”
Satan looked skeptical and annoyed.
“It’s true, sir. Just think about it. God doesn’t just show up some place. He sends an angel to announce His coming. If you appear in the desert with no forerunner, Jesus won’t take you seriously.”
“He won’t?”
“Let’s take no chances. You’re going to want every competitive advantage. Now just wait here, say half an hour, give me time to get to the earth and announce that the prince of the air is about to arrive.”
“What will you say about me?”
“Huh?”
“What words will you use to describe me? I want to know what you plan to tell Jesus about my arrival.”
“Oh, well,”
think, think, think
, “I’ll say, uh, ‘Behold the coming of,’”
splutter, cough, deep inhale
, “‘Lord Satan, prince of darkness—”
“‘Ruler of the earth,’ say that,” Satan interrupted.
“Right, I was just about to say that…”
“And say something about my beauty and power.”
“Certainly, I was coming to that part.”
Finally he was satisfied and agreed to give me a half hour’s start.
I folded my wings in the most aerodynamic posture I knew and nose-dived toward the earth.
I hope I can throttle up in time before I crash my head into a rock.
I zoomed over the desert outside of Jerusalem until I spotted Him. Jesus was walking across the barren land. I landed hard right in front of Him.
“Jesus,” I was breathless.
He walked right on by, giving me no heed at all. I hurried to get in front of Him.
“We don’t have much time, and I know You can hear me and see me if You want to.”
He continued to walk, looking down at the desert floor.
“Oh no,” I worried. “You haven’t already done it, have You? You haven’t shut off Your supernatural abilities?”
He kept walking. I couldn’t wait any longer. Satan would show up very soon.
“OK, listen, Jesus, try to hear me. Satan is on his way here to have it out with You. I’m going to be over there by that rock, behind it actually, taking notes for posterity. I just want You to know I’m not
with
him. He made me come. Remember, I tried to warn You.”
I hurried over to the large sandstone formation and scrunched down behind it. The desert breeze stopped as an eerie stillness descended. Satan had arrived. I lifted my head just high enough over the rock to see him glide across the desert floor until he came alongside Jesus.
“You’re looking thin, Adonai—sorry, I hear You want to be called Jesus now.”
Jesus kept walking.
“You’ve proved Your point. You can relax. Your fast is over. I’ve been watching. No need to play the martyr any longer. You must be hungry.” He thrust a rock in front of Jesus’ face. “Change this stone into bread.”
“People do not live on bread alone, but from every word that comes form the mouth of God,” Jesus replied as He kept walking.
Good, good, that’s just what God said.
“People? Well, maybe
people
don’t, but that hardly describes You. You don’t follow rules; You make them. Do whatever you want.” Satan stepped back and put his claw hand to his face mockingly. “Unless, of course, You can’t.”
Jesus kept walking.
Satan made a move like he was about to take Jesus by the arm, but when he reached for Him, it was as if his claw hand had come near an electrical current. He drew it back quickly and grimaced where he was burned. Jesus stopped walking and faced him, and I swear He was suppressing a grin.
Ruah Ha Kadosh is on the job!
Through tight lips Satan spoke. “So, that’s how it is. Come with me, Jesus. Let me show you something.”
Don’t trust him, Jesus. I’ d better go with You.
I’m not sure how we got there, but all at once Jesus and Satan were standing on the very pinnacle of the temple in Jerusalem. I found myself on the lower edge a safe distance away, for which I was grateful. I tend to get vertigo when subjected to heights.
“We both know who You are, but they don’t,” Satan chided Him, pointing to the city below. “Since You’re the Son of God, prove it to them. Nobody down there believes it. They think You’re nothing but the illegitimate son of a Hebrew tramp. They’ve mocked You all Your life. Here’s Your chance to show them who You are. Throw yourself down; You know You won’t get hurt. It’s written: ‘He will command his angels concerning You, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that You will not strike Your foot against a stone.’ Go ahead; show them what You can do. Think how a scene like that would dazzle them. They’ll be sorry they ever gossiped behind Your back.”
Jesus answered him, “It is also written: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.’”
I applauded, but Satan grimaced all the more and turned abruptly.
“Come with me,” he said.
Before I knew it, we were all standing on the highest mountain in Jerusalem.
“Take a look,” Satan urged. “From here You can see every city and every kingdom across the entire earth.”
I wanted to see for myself, but I was afraid to look down. I was standing close to Jesus and considered taking hold of the hem of His garment to hold on for balance.