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Authors: Andy Raskin

BOOK: The Ramen King and I
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Even then, it was just an inkling. I told the sushi chef:
“I like your fish. I like your rice. But what I love is that I can taste the relationship between your fish and your rice.”
The chef stopped what he was doing. Then he put down his knife and stared at me. He introduced himself.
“My name is Tetsuo,” he said. Motioning to the waitress, he added, “This is my wife, Junko.”
Junko smiled warmly now. “Nice to meet you.”
When I told them my name, Tetsuo shared that he and Junko were originally from Kobe, and that they had opened Hamako in 1984.
“Those were the days,” he lamented. “Japanese businessmen on expense accounts were always stopping by. A business card was all the sign we needed.”
“Where did you learn Japanese?” Junko asked.
I told her about studying at International Christian University, and how, after business school, I worked as a management consultant for six months in Fukuoka Prefecture, on the southern island of Kyushu.
Tetsuo screamed again, but this time it was at Junko.
“Toroku shite ii yo!”
I wondered if I had misunderstood. Because the meaning of what I thought I heard was, “Go ahead and register him!”
I had not misunderstood, because right after that, Junko walked over to the telephone and pulled out a small notebook. She opened the book, waving a ballpoint pen in the air.
“What did you say your name was?” she asked.
I repeated it.
“Hmm,” Junko said. “We already have a regular customer named Andy.”
She thought for a moment.
“I know. We’ll give you a nickname. We’ll call you Hakata Andy.”
Hakata is the city in Fukuoka Prefecture where I worked as a management consultant.
Junko closed the notebook and clasped her hands together.
“Hakata Andy,” she said, “now you can make a reservation.”
 
 
W
hen I got home I logged on to Chowhound and wrote about the visit to Hamako. I noted agreement with the previous entry about the monkfish liver—not pasty like at other places—and heaped praise on a piece of
mirugai
that was still squirming as it slid down my throat. I bragged about getting the nickname and being able to make reservations.
The subtext of my post was, “I am totally in with Tetsuo and Junko.”
Before my second visit, I called ahead and said it was Hakata Andy. I made a reservation at the counter, and when I arrived, table-bound patrons stared enviously as Junko ushered me toward Tetsuo’s station.
“Hakata Andy!” he said.
I ordered
omakase
, even though I didn’t have a picture of my five starving children. Over the course of an hour, Tetsuo threw sixteen pieces of sushi—including abalone, oyster, and squid with
shiso
leaf—onto the wood tray in front of me.
In
Shota’s Sushi
, when a contestant in the All-Tokyo Rookie Sushi Chef Competition serves a truly great piece of
nigiri
, the next few frames in the comic depict the judges in various states of sushi bliss. Their eyes bulge and their mouths pucker. They look possessed. Then they’re shown hovering over an ocean, as if the sushi has transported them there. Images of shrimps, lobsters, fish, or whatever else they’ve just eaten spin around their heads. While savoring a particularly fine piece of
uni
, one the comic’s judges finds himself hurtling through outer space. “It’s like I’m flying in a universe of amazing sea urchin flavor!” he exclaims.
It wasn’t quite like that at Hamako, and shortly before I asked for the check, I found out one reason why.
“Hakata Andy,” Tetsuo said, “I am about to give you the second-best piece of fatty tuna you will eat in your life.”
With that, he reached his pudgy hand over the glass case and dropped a soft mound of pinkish flesh onto my tray. I pondered the tuna, chopsticks in hand, for some time before gathering enough courage to ask the obvious question.
“How come not first best?”
Tetsuo did not look up from his work.
“You’re not ready yet,” he said.
There are many people who would refuse to patronize a restaurant in which they’re expected to earn the chef’s highest-quality cuisine. What I learned on my first night at the Hamako counter was that I was not one of them. Rather, I committed to becoming Tetsuo’s sushi disciple. I submitted to his will, devoting months to learning his rules. Still I couldn’t help but wonder: What was it about me that made me want to be worthy of first-best fatty tuna?
The biggest challenge early on was appreciating the holy status of the counter. One day a former business school classmate called to say that he was in town from Tokyo and wanted to get together for dinner. He had to wake up early the next morning to catch a bus to Yosemite National Park, so I called Hamako and asked for a reservation at six thirty—right when the restaurant opened.
“I guess you’ll be sitting at a table, then,” Junko said.
“Can’t we sit at the counter?”
“No. The sushi counter opens at seven o’clock.”
It wasn’t clear what she and Tetsuo had to do to “open” the sushi counter. I thought about it and wondered if the policy was Tetsuo’s way of showing that he valued himself. It was as if he were telling customers, “If you want to spend time with me, make it prime time. Don’t be scheduling me in.”
There were rules about the sushi, of course. No “funky” rolls. Nothing spicy. Customers were expected to place orders up front—no follow-on requests. On several occasions, I heard patrons cheerily ask, “What’s fresh tonight?” and then watched as they were ushered out of the restaurant after a scolding from Tetsuo. Junko once revealed to me that she arranged the soy sauce dishes at every place setting so that Tetsuo could see them from his station. When he spotted customers dragging his art through a wasabi mud bath, he cut them off from premium fish.
The most important thing I learned, though, was that sitting at the Hamako counter entailed certain responsibilities, and that chief among them was massaging Tetsuo’s easily bruised ego. Often he would complain about a sushi bar around the corner that was regularly packed with young, beautiful people. “How can that be?” he would ask. “Their sushi chefs aren’t Japanese, and they serve ridiculous rolls stuffed with multiple kinds of fish.” Deep down he must have known that most Americans love ridiculous rolls stuffed with multiple kinds of fish and don’t care about the nationality of their sushi chefs. But I guess he had a hard time accepting that, because he would always follow up with a self-deprecating comment about how his sushi was not what it used to be.
“My hands are getting weak,” he would say. “I guess I should retire.”
I always told him that his sushi was as great as ever, which it was.
 
 
T
here’s one date at Hamako I remember.
The woman was Japanese, and she was a fit model for an international clothing chain. We were sitting at the Hamako counter when Tetsuo began doing his pity-party routine about the sushi bar around the corner. This time, when he got to the part about how his hands were getting weak and how he should retire, he went one step further.
“Junko and I have bought a home near Lake Tahoe,” he said. “We’re going to close Hamako in December and retire there.”
I almost spit out a hand roll. He was speaking in Japanese, so I double-checked that I had heard him correctly.
“Did he just say that he’s going to close the restaurant in December?” I asked my date. It was just four months away.
“Yes,” she confirmed. “That’s what he said.”
That’s why I remember her, because she confirmed it.
I looked up at Tetsuo.
“You’re going to close Hamako?”
“In December,” he repeated.
Part of me was sad. But another part was happy, because Tetsuo had apparently shared the news with me before telling anyone else. Was it a sign that he was beginning to see me as worthy of first-best fatty tuna? When I got home, I wrote another post on Chowhound. The title was “Hamako Closing?”
The next night, my cell phone rang. It was Junko, and she sounded upset.
“Hakata Andy, did you write something about us on the Internet?”
I wondered how she had gotten my phone number, but then I remembered her asking for it during the registration process. I also wondered how she knew about the post, given that I had written it under a pseudonym. There was no use denying it.
“Is there a problem?”
“Our phone has been ringing off the hook. People want reservations.”
At any other restaurant, it would not have been a problem. Junko assured me that it was a problem at Hamako.
“The calls are disrupting Tetsuo’s sushi making,” she said. “He’s angry, and he wants you to erase what you wrote from the Internet.”
“Chowhound doesn’t let you erase a post from their site,” I said.
It was the truth.
“I don’t know what a post is,” Junko replied, “and I don’t know what a site is, but can you just erase it?”
“I can’t. It’s impossible.”
Junko made a clicking noise with her tongue. “Then you’ll have to apologize to Tetsuo.”
I felt shame for telling the world that I was close to them. (Even though I posted using a pseudonym, people on Chowhound knew me from the annual Chowhound picnic in Golden Gate Park.) But I was unable to admit that to myself, let alone to Junko.
“Why should I apologize? I mean, Tetsuo never said the information was top secret.”
Junko paused, and then she said the thing that, when I think about it, sometimes makes me cry.
“Hakata Andy, maybe you shouldn’t come back.”
 
 
 
I
told myself that I would just go to other sushi restaurants, and for a long time I wandered from sushi bar to sushi bar. I numbed out on sake bombs and inside-out caterpillar rolls. I sat at the kinds of sushi counters where multiple non-Japanese sushi chefs work in assembly lines, and frat-boy customers toast them with an endless supply of drinks.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Dear Momofuku,
 
Harue visited me in Philadelphia the next fall. I showed her around the University of Pennsylvania, and she swooned over the Ivy League-ness of the place. She was excited to see firsthand the Gothic architecture and preppy outfits she knew from Japanese fashion magazines. I promised to remain faithful when she went back to Japan, but I broke the promise several weeks later.
A classmate named Nancy invited me to spend New Year’s Eve with her and a group of her friends in Manhattan, and I met them for dinner at a Mexican restaurant in the East Village. It wasn’t so much her friend Kim’s long blond hair or athletic figure that I found irresistible, but the way that she bit her lower lip while talking to me. She said she was a staff writer for an entertainment magazine, and on the side she was composing lyrics to a musical. I asked why she wasn’t eating anything, and Kim explained that she was planning to run the five-kilometer race in Central Park at midnight. My belly was full of beer and beans and it had been more than ten years since my days as a middling member of my high school’s cross-country team, but I wanted so much to be near her that I proposed to the group that we all run the race. It was a bitterly cold night, but all seven of them were up for it. Kim went home to change into her running outfit while I borrowed sneakers and leggings from another of Nancy’s friends. As we gathered again at the starting line, I recalled my high school coach’s moti vational advice, which was to imagine that the greatest thing in life was waiting for you at the finish line. In eleventh grade, I recorded my personal best for five kilometers while imagining a bowl of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese
(
with canned Cheez Whiz, not powdered
)
at the finish line, but during the New Year’s Eve race, right from when the starting gun sounded, I imagined Kim there.
Kim ran in the park every day, but I somehow managed to keep her in my sights. I pursued her down the East Side, and on the last turn, the one near Tavern on the Green, I pulled even. She saw me and smiled, biting her lower lip again. We crossed the finish line together, and a moment later I kissed her. In the future I imagined this time, Kim would write articles and musicals, and I would wear a suit and take a high-paying position in finance. We would run together in the park and have athletic children.
“You move fast,” she said.
Momofuku, as I write these letters to you, I am remembering more details. For instance, I remember that when Kim visited me on the weekends in Philadelphia, I would turn off the ringer on my phone so it went straight to voice mail in case Harue called from Tokyo. I remember e-mailing Harue as if nothing had changed. Once, when I was staying at Kim’s apartment in New York, we went running together in Central Park.
“What’s your favorite book?” Kim asked along the way. Her blond hair was tied back in a ponytail to keep it from flying in her face.
The best book I had ever read was a Japanese comic book called
Cooking Papa.
Actually, it’s a series of comic books
(
later adapted as an animated TV show
)
about a corporate executive who has to hide the fact that he’s a better cook than his wife. Kim was a professional writer, so I felt that my favorite book should not be a comic book.
“Don Quixote,”
I said instead. It was my favorite “book” book.
“What do you like about it?” she asked.
“Well, it’s funny, first of all . . .” I was running, so I had to pause every once in a while to catch my breath. “. . . and there’s a lot of, you know, meta-stuff . . . like characters in the second part of the book . . . who know about Don Quixote from . . . having read the first part. . . . What’s your favorite book?”
Kim found it easier than I did to run and talk at the same time.
“I like anything by John Irving,” she said,

especially
Garp.”
I hadn’t read many “book” books except for the ones required in English courses, but I had seen the movie version of
The World According to Garp.
Mostly what I remembered was the oral sex scene in a car. Still, part of me wanted to get closer to Kim—to really know her—and the talk about books gave me an idea.
“How about . . . after this we hang out . . . and write together?”
Kim kept running. She didn’t say anything for a while, but then she did.
“What do you want to write about?”
“Maybe we could . . . both start with the same sentence and . . . see what we come up with.”
I figured I was the first person to ever propose such a thing, but Kim informed me otherwise.
“Writers call that a prompt,” she said.
Her apartment was close to the park, so we showered there, grabbed pens and a couple of notebooks, and walked up Broadway to the Barnes & Noble at Eighty-first Street. I bought coffee drinks while Kim found a table in the café.
“OK, what do you want to use as the prompt?” she asked.
I opened my notebook, but I couldn’t think of anything.
“Come on,” she said. “Just write down the first thing that pops into your head.”
I wrote down the first thing that popped into my head and showed it to Kim, who read my prompt aloud.
“ ‘Fruit trees are rare in these parts,’ ” she said. “That’s your prompt?”
“Is something wrong with it?”
“It’s a little bleak.”
Ashamed of my bleak prompt, I tried to defend it.
“It could be hopeful. Like, there are precious things in the world, and you have to appreciate them.”
Kim disagreed. “Andy, you’re saying good things are rare in your life.”
I wasn’t saying it. I was just using it as a prompt. Still, rather than discuss with Kim how embarrassed I felt, I made an effort to never be bleak around her again. I stayed as upbeat as possible, and not long after that I began looking for a way out. After receiving my MBA, I was hired by an American management consulting firm that had just opened an office in Japan, so when the opportunity arose for a six-month Tokyo posting, I jumped. Kim and I got together the weekend before I left, and we talked about how we were still going to be a couple and how we would wait for each other. Once I got to Japan, though, Harue practically lived in my apartment.
The firm assigned me to work with a department store in Fukuoka Prefecture, on the southern island of Kyushu, and part of my job was teaching executives at the department store about commitment. I gave speeches about how they had to commit to buying inventory, commit to getting to know their customers, commit to vendors, and commit to each other. Meanwhile, I was dating two people. My coworkers knew that I had a girlfriend back in New York, so I had to hide my relationship with Harue.
(
My boss lived across the street from my Tokyo apartment, so when Harue came over, I not only turned off the ringer but also drew the blinds.
)
The queasy feeling in my stomach was now present almost all the time, and I was often depressed. Amazingly, I never made the connection between those feelings and what I was doing. Perhaps on some level I knew because I would write in my journal, “OK, I’m going to end things with Kim.” Then I would write, “OK, I’m going to end things with Harue.” But I was powerless to do either. I had even convinced myself, Momofuku, that it was because I didn’t want to hurt them.
 
Sincerely,
Andy

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