The Queen of Cool (20 page)

“
And Earl’s a great guy,”
Lo said.

“
I like watching him with
the kids,” Mandy said. “They go to the park every day at ten. It’s
neat to see them have such a great time.”

“
She’s really great with
numbers and she’s married to a great guy,” Lo said. “Maybe you
could be like Lisa.”

“
Maybe,” Mandy
said.

“
Will you try?” Lo
asked.

Mandy nodded.

“
Where’s Alisha?” Lo
asked.

“
Working with Jaden on some
legal thing for the business,” Mandy said.

“
And?” Lo asked. “You think
they’re…”

“
I think Alisha hates him,”
Mandy shrugged. “But you know how she is. Love? Hate? They’re
pretty close for her.”

“
Someday, she’ll find just
love,” Lo said.

“
I won’t hold my breath,”
Mandy said.

“
Oh honey,” Lo hugged
Mandy. “Don’t give up.”

“
I’m just sad,” Mandy
said.

“
Me too,” Lo said. “Listen,
you don’t have to come with me.”

“
No, you’re right,” Mandy
said. “It’s good to think about something else. Dad wouldn’t want
us to mope.”

“
He wouldn’t,” Lo said. “I
need to check in with Yazmin and freshen up.”

“
Ten minutes,” Mandy
said.

Lo watched Mandy go to her room and went to
find Yazmin. She was standing behind her.

“
And?” Yazmin said in soft
tones.

“
Three weeks,” Lo said.
“How is that possible?”

“
How is anything possible?”
Yazmin asked. “How is it possible that you would save me? How is it
possible that Mutt would be Mr. Don’s best friend? What did those
doctors say?”

“
They think I’ll miscarry,”
Lo said.

“
We’ll get Vera’s
grandmother,” Yazmin said. “She’ll know.”

Lo nodded.

“
Listen,” Lo said. “I think
we should keep all of this quiet.”

“
Too much danger for the
baby,” Yazmin said. “You’re right.”

“
And Mutt?” Lo
asked.

“
I’m very…” Yazmin closed
her eyes. “Frightened.”

“
But?” Lo asked.

“
He told me
this morning that he would always take care of me,” Yazmin’s eyes
slid over Lo’s face. “I thought I’d have to choose between you or
him. He said I don’t ever have to choose. I can have
both
. I don’t understand, really, but that’s what he said. He
has always said what you say.”

“
That you’re an amazing
person and a wonderful friend?” Lo smiled.

“
No, only you say that,”
Yazmin blushed. “He said I belong to me and only me. I can choose
to do whatever I wish to do with whatever life I have
left.”

“
And?” Lo asked. “What do
you choose?”

“
Can I have a baby or two?”
Yazmin’s sorrow and hope rose at the same time. “A man who will
worship me like Mr. Don worshiped you? My own home? My momma could
come to stay with me to help with the babies? Could I
have…?”

Yazmin shook her head at the childhood
dreams she had given up on. Lo hugged her.

“
Do you remember what you
told me when I went to my first competition?” Lo asked. “Remember I
was too scared to go out for the first round?”

Yazmin shook her head.

“
You said, ‘When we’re
scared is the exact time we have to push ourselves. We must take
one little step and then the next until we reach our goal.
Otherwise, someone else will get the prize we’ve worked so hard
for.’ You don’t want someone else to get your prize, do you
Yazmin?”

“
What if he…?” Yazmin
couldn’t finish the flood of ‘What ifs’.

“
What if he does?” Lo
shrugged. “We’ll deal with it if it happens. To me, under the
scruff and Muttness, he has a great heart. He’s waited almost ten
years for you.”

“
Will you talk to him with
me?” Yazmin asked.

“
Of course,” Lo
said.

“
I was just going to ask
the same thing,” Mandy said as she walked toward them. “Will you go
with me to talk to Will?”

“
Of course,” Lo said. “I
don’t think either of you need me, but I’m happy to do whatever I
can.”

“
You are good at not
putting up with bullshit,” Mandy said.

“
And knowing what to do
next,” Yazmin smiled.

“
Set it up,” Lo said. “I’m
free until Monday. Then it’s all air conditioning, all the
time.”

“
Tomorrow morning,” Yazmin
said. “After church.”

“
I’ll take the afternoon,”
Mandy said.

“
Deal,” Lo said.

Q

Sunday, early morning—5:05 a.m.

Fairmount Historic District, Fort Worth

Days: 42

“
Alisha?” Lo peered at the
shadowy figure moving toward her.

“
Lo! What are you doing
up?” Alisha whispered.

Carrying her heels, Alisha was creeping into
the apartment after a night out. Lo held out her arm and hugged
Alisha. She steered her away from the bedrooms toward the living
area.

“
I heard a noise,” Lo said.
“Since your dad’s visit, I always hope…”

“
Just me,” Alisha
smiled.

“
And just you is a
wonderful sight. I’m glad you’re home,” Lo said. “Coffee? Or are
you off to bed?”

“
Would you mind if we
talked?” Alisha asked. “Or you probably want to sleep…”

“
I love talking with you
Alisha, at any time, any place,” Lo said. “Why don’t you make
coffee while I use the bathroom?”

Alisha nodded. Lo had to bite her tongue to
keep from asking Alisha not to put her heels on the counter.
Catching her look, Alisha gave a guilty smile and waved Lo off to
her bedroom. Smiling, Lo went into her room, used the bathroom and
grabbed a robe. She slipped her feet into some flip flops and
padded back to the kitchen.

“
I was supposed to get the
cinnamon rolls out of the fridge,” Lo leaned over in the
refrigerator. Finding the tray, she brought it out and set it on
the counter.

“
Can we bake them now?”
Alisha asked.

“
Hungry?” Lo furrowed her
brow.

“
Didn’t eat last night,”
Alisha said. “And don’t look like that. I’m an adult. I knew what I
was doing.”

Lo gave a slight nod and set about making
Alisha a quick breakfast burrito. As if she needed warmth, Alisha
stood close to Lo while she cooked. Lo cooked up eggs and a bit of
meatless sausage, and warmed a tortilla with a sprinkling of
cheese. The burrito smelled so good, Lo made one for herself. They
ate quickly. They were soon drinking coffee and watching the early
sunrise.

“
Are you all right?” Lo
asked.

Alisha nodded.

“
Now Ali, I’ve learned to
watch your silences,” Lo said. “Don used to say that when you were
silent, you always needed to talk.”

“
I miss Dad,” Alisha
said.

“
I do too,” Lo sighed.
Wanting to be available for Alisha, Lo tucked away her usual
morning wave of grief. “What’s going on?”

“
I stayed with Jaden last
night,” Alisha said.

Lo felt Alisha’s eyes scour her face for any
sign of judgment. Lo gave her a soft smile.

“
And?” Lo gave a slight
shrug.

“
And I wish I hadn’t,”
Alisha said.

Lo nodded.

“
This is decaf, isn’t it?”
Alisha asked.

“
You’re changing the
topic,” Lo said. “It’s early, Alisha, and you’re talking to your
conversationally limited parent. Let’s stick with one topic at a
time.”

Alisha smiled.

“
What?” Lo
asked.

“
I always liked that about
you, Mom,” Alisha said. “You never could really track the verbal
tap dance. And you never cared who knew it.”

“
It’s not my gift,” Lo
said.

“
But you always know what’s
really being said,” Alisha said. “Dad used to say, ‘Don’t say
anything around Lo if you don’t want her to know what you’re really
talking about.’ I think I was in law school before I figured out
what he meant. You always knew about me and Jaden.”

“
I always knew about you
and someone,” Lo said. “I didn’t know it was him until he told
me.”

“
He told me you ‘tackled
him’ at the warehouse,” Alisha said.

“
I asked him a simple
question,” Lo said.

“
I love the idea of you
tackling him,” Alisha said. “Just the image of little Lo trapping
big Jaden in a half nelson makes me laugh.”

Alisha laughed and Lo smiled.

“
It seems like you need to
talk about Jaden,” Lo said.

Alisha nodded.

“
I’m just waiting for the
cinnamon rolls to rise,” Lo smiled.

Alisha tried to smile at Lo. Her slight
smile shifted to a frown and her eyes filled with tears.

“
I hate him, Lo,” Alisha
said. “I hate who he is. I hate his sense of superiority. I hate
the way he talks to people, the cruel way he looks at women,
including me. He looks at me like he owns me. He acts like he owns
me. But…”

Tears slid down Alisha’s face.

“
But?” Lo asked.

“
Like last night,” Alisha
said. “He just assumed I’d stay. And I can’t resist him. I mean, I
made some random gesture to leave and he actually said, ‘You mean I
canceled my other company and you’re just wandering
off?’”

Lo couldn’t help but give an indignant
snort. Alisha smiled at her response.

“
Right,” Alisha sat up a
little straighter. “That should have been my response. But I was
like, ‘Of course not.’ I stayed. I fucked him.”

“
Don’t use that word,
Alisha,” Lo said. “It diminishes you.”

Alisha gave her a big smile.

“
What?” Lo
asked.

“
You’ve always seen me as a
bigger, better person than I actually am,” Alisha said.

“
I see the radiant beauty
you refuse to embrace,” Lo said.

“
Well,
this
radiant beauty stayed with that awful man, knowing full
well how revolting he is, and
this
radiant beauty
feels like a tramp this morning,” Alisha said. “He says he wants to
marry me. Still. He says he’s in love with me. But when the rush is
over, I feel like a tramp.”

Lo forced herself to keep her mouth shut.
Like her father, Alisha would stop talking if she was
interrupted.

“
I crept out of his house
this morning,” Alisha said. “And I promise you, he’ll call around
ten and act like nothing happened. Or even worse, he won’t call and
I’ll spend the day wondering what he thinks of me. Or…”

“
I feel crazy,” Alisha
looked away from Lo and abruptly looked back at her again. “When
I’m with him, I feel crazy. I know you don’t want to hear this, but
I feel like I’m high. All I want to do is get high again.
And…”

Alisha clamped her mouth closed. Her eyes
flooded with tears. Lo held out her hand. As if Lo was a lifeline,
Alisha grabbed onto Lo’s hand.

“
You know who my biological
father is?” Alisha asked.

Lo shook her head.

“
Dad wouldn’t tell me,”
Alisha said. “But Sue Ellen? She was almost proud to tell me. She
said Dad made her promise not to tell us until we asked. She
gloated about the ‘ruse’ she pulled over Dad, like she tricked him.
But Lo, Dad must have known the whole time.”

Lo nodded.

“
When did he figure it
out?” Alisha asked.

“
He had suspicions when Sue
Ellen got pregnant with you,” Lo said. “They wanted more kids from
the beginning. But Sue Ellen didn’t get pregnant. When she got
pregnant with Amanda, he knew for sure. Sue Ellen’s deception ate
at him but, you know, he never really cared who your biological
father was. He told me on… oh, maybe our third date that you girls
were ‘given’ to him. That’s how he talked about you and Amanda. You
were ‘gifts.’ You certainly are a gift to me.”

“
Gift?” Amanda asked. “More
like a curse.”

“
Gift,” Lo said. “To your
father and to me. What does this have to do with Jaden?”

“
Jaden’s the one who told
me Dad wasn’t my father,” Alisha said.

“
Don Downs was your
father,” Lo said.

“
You know what I mean,”
Alisha said. “He was like Sue Ellen. ‘Stupid Don paid for you kids
all these years.’ I had to know. I had a friend do a DNA
test.”

“
And?” Lo asked.

“
And I’m not Dad’s
biological child,” Alisha said.

“
And?” Lo
repeated.

“
I was hysterical,” Alisha
said. “I called Dad and talked to him for like two hours. I called
in the middle of his day; I think he was with a client, and he
talked to me. Marilyn cleared his schedule so he could talk to me
as long as I needed. I was so mad that Jaden knew and I didn’t. But
Dad was right. It would have destroyed me, especially when I was in
high school.”