Read The Private Life of Mrs Sharma Online
Authors: Ratika Kapur
The Private Life of Mrs Sharma (13 page)
And he was. He was thinking of me last night, and he has thought about me every night since we met each other at his hotel last Saturday. This is what he told me when we met each other at the mall today.
Yes, we met each other today. After seven days of keeping quiet, Vineet finally called me up this morning, and it was not even eight o'clock, I think, and he said that he was very, very sorry for not calling me up or smsing me for so many days, but he had been very, very busy at work and there had been a lot of tension at home. Obviously I knew that he was lying. But I was not angry. How could I be? If you give a person an elephant to swallow, if you tell him, somebody who you have given your body to, somebody who you gave your body to just one or two minutes before, if you tell him, Oh, you know, I have a husband and a child, then what can you expect? The person needs some time to digest it. So I told him that he should not worry, that I was not angry and that it was understandable
that he could not talk to me for so many days. And then when he asked me if I could meet him at Select Citywalk mall in the afternoon today, I agreed.
But Vineet is an odd person sometimes. Actually, what I should say is that sometimes he behaves oddly. I had thought that when we would meet his mouth would not know what to say, his eyes would not know where to look, his hands would not know what to do with this new woman standing in front of him, this new used woman. But when he met me at the Metro station, it seemed as if I was the sweet same Renuka from the week before, the girl of his dreams, that sweet Renuka who was probably just twenty-five years of age and worked in a doctor's office, that sweet Renuka who probably lived with her parents and brother somewhere near the Hauz Khas Metro station. When he met me it seemed as if there was no husband and child. It seemed as if it was still only Vineet and me in this world.
I have spent many hours at night-time, when sleep will not come, thinking about why I like to meet Vineet, why I waste such a lot of time loitering around with him, and I think I finally understand the reason now. When we are together it is only the two of us in this world. No husband, no child, no in-laws. I know that I am not supposed to say this, but the truth is that when I am with Vineet I totally forget them all, all my family, except for the two or three times that I have talked about Bobby. Maybe this is what it feels like to be on holiday, the type of holiday that my husband keeps telling me to take when he thinks that I am feeling too tense or worried about something. But Sharma Sahib, I am not like your stupid lizards any more. I know how to slip away.
So we met each other outside the Metro station, Vineet and I, and from there we decided to take an auto to the mall, and even there at the mall for the three hours that we spent walking around all the beautiful showrooms, or sitting, sitting and talking, sitting and eating, or sometimes just sitting quietly, even there it seemed as if it was only him and me, it seemed as if the words that I had spoken the Saturday before had never been spoken and my husband and son still remained hidden deep inside me. It was so nice, I was feeling so calm and happy, but then when we left the mall and started walking towards the Metro station, Vineet suddenly, just like that, said, How is Bobby? I pretended that I had not heard him, but again he said, How is Bobby? Actually, it did not happen exactly like that. Actually, as we first started walking, Vineet said, I want to take you on a holiday to the mountains. The mountains? I said. Yes, he said, I remember how you told me that you wanted to see snow, so I talked to Neha's brother, who is a travel agent, and he told me that Rohtang Pass, which is near Manali, has snow even in summer, and there are very nice, modern Volvo buses to Manali with clean toilets and DVD players, and it is only a twelve-hour overnight journey from here. Before I could answer, Vineet then said, And don't worry, we can take Bobby with us, and then again, before I could say something, Vineet said, How is Bobby?
How is Bobby? I wanted to shout. I wanted to shout, Stop! I wanted to tell Vineet that this was already a holiday for me, this, these moments alone with him, away from all my problems, away from my Bobby, this was enough of a holiday, and I did not need to go all the way to Manali, as
long as Vineet did not ask about Bobby. But again Vineet said, How is Bobby?
Vineet did not understand that it was after so many days that my mind felt free when I was with him today, and that I did not want this short time of calm and happiness to end. He did not understand that I just wanted this little holiday from my useless son to go on for a little bit more time, and so I just said to Vineet, He is fine, Bobby is well and truly fine, and since we were walking by Max Super Speciality Hospital at that time, I quickly tried to talk about it instead, and I told him how my friend Rosie brought me here last year to show it to me and it was so beautiful inside, and so clean, that for one or two seconds I had thought that I was standing in the middle of the Taj Palace Hotel. And the hospital actually was just like a five-star hotel and just like a five-star hotel it had a fancy reception and lobby, and staff who were dressed in very smart and stylish uniforms, and I was telling Vineet all this, and I also told him about how Doctor Sahib is a Senior Consultant here, and I kept blabbering on and on because I was hoping that Vineet would forget about the Bobby topic, but what can I say? He kept coming back to the topic. He did not understand. Just like each and every man that I know, Vineet did not understand that from time to time there are things other than her children that a woman thinks about, that from time to time there are things other than her children that make a woman happy.
Finally I gave up. I gave up, and I don't know why but I told Vineet about how Bobby had suddenly told me yesterday that he wanted to leave school. And Vineet said some useful things.
He said that I should be careful about how I react. Children these days don't obey the stick, he said. They obey reason. And he gave me some more examples from his own life. I know that a man without a child is actually just a child himself, no matter how old he is, but I understood the value of his words. The only problem is that these were not the type of words that I wanted from him. Actually, the truth is that I did not want any words at all from him, but if words were the only things that we had this afternoon, then at least they should have been about the actions that they were substituting for.
We took some photos. Vineet took photos of me sitting by the fountains outside the mall, standing on the escalator inside it, and a few other photos. He also made me take photos of him on my phone, one in front of the Nike showroom and two of him leaning against a fancy red SUV. There is also one photo on my phone that he took of both of us eating ice cream at the food court, both of us smiling. It is in front of me now, this photo of Vineet and me. I am going to delete it, and all the others, and not because of Bobby. Bobby could not care about his mother just now, he would not even care if his mother was with another man. Bobby is too busy in his own world, too busy thinking about cooking and leaving school. Just like Bobby is too busy to study or read the newspaper that I especially subscribed to for him, Bobby is too busy to think about his mother. No, I will delete the photos because I hate photos, all photos. Look at this photo of Vineet and me,
leaning into each other, eating strawberry ice cream, smiling, smiling like a young, happily married couple. I am young in this photo. I am wearing the yellow and orange suit that I bought in Lajpat Nagar last summer. I look as young as Vineet. Look at this photo. What story does it tell? It seems that after the photo is taken, this nice young couple will walk back to their flat somewhere nearby and quietly unlock the door because there is nobody inside, and then they will take off all their clothes without words or worry and do the thing that they want to do more than anything else in the whole world, the thing that Vineet and I had actually wanted to do but could not do today. See? Photos are lies. Stories. And what about these other photos here in front of me that my husband put in frames and hung on the wall above our bed even though I begged him and begged him not to do that. Here on the left, my sweet Bobby at age four in his coat and tie, and next to this, a studio photo of my husband and me with baby Bobby in my arms, and there, up there on the right below the tube light, in black and white, my mother and father, alive. Photos will tell you lies, photos will break your heart.
I have never been on a holiday, actually, except for my honeymoon, seventeen years ago, when my husband and I went to Jaipur, and we went alone, without any family members, and we stayed in a hotel so there was no cooking or cleaning, and in the daytime we came to know the city and at night-time we came to know each other. It is a nice thing to do, a holiday. Doctor Sahib takes many holidays, and almost every one of them abroad. It is actually like running away. I am sure that you have seen those advertisements that travel agents put in magazines and newspapers, advertisements like European Getaway or Tropical Escape or Mountain Hideaway, and what not. Why are these holidays given such names? These companies understand that people want to get away from their problems, they want to escape and hide from all their big and small problems. So, in our early married life whenever my husband suggested that we go on a holiday I just said no because at that time it did not seem that there was any
big problem to run away from and also it seemed foolish to spend such a lot of money just to see some new place when you could see so many new and different places on TV. But now it is different. Now, by God's grace, my husband has a good job in Dubai and so I have a little bit of money. Now, I also have problems that I want to run away from. But does this mean I will just get up and go on a holiday with some man that I met on the Metro?
No.
See, whatever you do, good or bad, right or wrong, it is very, very important to set limits. And I know my limits, and I have set them. I can meet Vineet from time to time, enjoy his mind, enjoy his body. But I am a good woman. I have a child and a husband and in-laws and a job, and I have duties towards each and every one of these, and I don't like to boast, but the truth is that I have always fulfilled my duties without fail and I will keep fulfilling my duties until the day that I die. Nobody, and surely not Vineet, can ever stop me, and so, obviously not, I will not just forget everything and go on a stupid holiday just like that with Vineet.
The truth is that I am quite shocked that Vineet could think such thoughts, and I am even more shocked that he could share such thoughts with me. It is one thing that he suggested that we, Vineet and I, go on a holiday, but he also dared to suggest that we take my son with us! Has he gone mad? Does he think that I have gone mad? See, to some extent I can understand that a young man can have foolish romantic thoughts, even though Vineet is actually not that young. I can try to understand that
he has dreams about being with me in the mountains, sitting by the fire, lying naked with me in a warm bed, rolling around in the snow, and what not. But how, how could he want to pull Bobby into this dream? This thing that Vineet and I share, this relationship, or whatever it is that you want to call it, this is about a modern man and a modern woman and sex and a certain type of friendship, and that is all. Nothing else, nobody else, and surely not my son. Doesn't Vineet understand this? Isn't this what he also wants?
Maybe Vineet is confused. Maybe he thinks that the only way to make me part my legs is through my child, that if he talks about my dear son Bobby he can make me do whatever he wants. But, whatever the reason is for Vineet always wanting to talk about Bobby, and now, wanting to invite him on a holiday, which, even after twenty-four hours, I still just cannot believe, whatever it is, Vineet better understand, and understand once and for all, that I will not allow it. I will not allow him to pull my son into this thing. I know that one or two times I was the one to bring up the topic of Bobby, and it was foolish of me, I know, and I know that Vineet gave me some good advice. But not any more. I swear on God that I will never ever bring up the topic of Bobby again, and I will also not allow him to try to talk to me about Bobby ever again. It is one thing if a third person tries to push himself between husband and wife, but it is a totally different thing if he tries to come between parent and child. Bobby is the son of Dheeraj Sharma and that is a God-given fact. Vineet cannot change that, and I will show him gently that he actually does not need to do that. My legs
will part even without any talk of Bobby. Actually, my legs will part only without any talk of Bobby.
Seducing a woman through her child? I know that most people would probably be very shocked by all this. But I would like to explain something here, about marriages in these modern times, and even though I am going to sound like a child who uses the idea of modern times as an excuse for behaving badly, I am sure that it will be clear that this is not what I am trying to do. What I want to say here is that these are modern times and in these modern times modern husbands and modern wives are sometimes forced to live separately, but even if their marriages are different to the marriages of their parents and grandparents, their needs, their needs for love and friendship and sex, are not any different. They are still just men and women with hearts and minds and bodies that have grown up needs. For example, that Anglo nurse that my husband said his roommates go to, and that I am sure my husband also goes to. Far away from their wives this is what they do. What else can they do? Can we blame them? Should we stop them? Wouldn't it be like telling them not to eat? There is this Internet site called Human Digest. It is full of stories of sex, all types of sex, and I know about this only because my husband showed it to me one time many years ago. So there are all these stories of sex, and many of these stories, more than half of them, I am sure, are either about husbands who are working in the Gulf without family doing what not with strangers, or about wives left behind in
India doing what not with their brothers-in-law or servants or neighbours. Now I am not a vulgar woman like some of the vulgar people in these stories who do the types of things that I cannot even speak about, and my husband is also not a vulgar man, so actually I should not compare myself or my husband to the people on this site, but I just want to show that from time to time men and women do these types of things, and they only do them because they have to, not because they want to. The first law of marriage is being together, and if that law has to be broken, as it had to be broken with my husband and me and so many other married couples because we all understood that it was necessary for a better life, if that law of togetherness has to be broken, then other laws of marriage are also automatically broken. That is how it is, in these modern times. And nobody actually wants to do this. Nobody actually wants to slip into a stranger's bed, nobody actually wants to hide. That is the truth, nobody wants to tell lies.