The Pride of Jared MacKade (13 page)

“Don’t slice words with me.”

“It’s a very important distinction in my book, Lawyer
MacKade. And since this seems to be a cross-examination, I’ll make it clear and easy. I had sex with the man in the picture you’re holding. I got pregnant. End of story.”

“The hell it is.” Furious, he slapped the picture down on the dresser. “Your father knew. He wouldn’t have kept this, otherwise.”

“Yeah. That occurred to me when I found it.” And the hurt had come with it, but it had been slight and easily dispatched. “So what?”

“So why wasn’t anything done? This isn’t a kid we’re talking about. He had to be over twenty-one.”

“I think he was twenty-four. Maybe twenty-five. It’s hard to remember.”

“And you were a minor. He should have been prosecuted—after your father broke his neck.”

Savannah took a deep breath. “In the first place, my father knew me. He knew that if I’d slept with someone, it was my choice. I was a minor, technically, but I knew exactly what I was doing. It wasn’t a mistake or an accident. I wasn’t forced. And I don’t appreciate you casting blame.”

“Of course there’s blame,” Jared shot back. “That son of a bitch had no right touching a girl your age, then taking off when there were consequences.”

Her eyes lit. “Bryan is not a consequence.”

“You know damn well that’s not what I meant.” Pulling both hands through his hair, he paced away. “There’s no going back and righting wrongs at this point. I want to know what you intend to do now.”

“I intend to cook hamburgers. You’re welcome to stay, or you’re welcome to go.”

“Don’t take that attitude with me.”

“It’s the attitude I’ve got.” Then she sighed. “Jared, why are you gnawing at this thing? I slept with a man ten years ago. I forgot him. He forgot me.” To illustrate, she picked up the photo and dropped it carelessly in the wastebasket beside the dresser. “That’s that.”

“Just that simple?” It was that, Jared realized. Exactly that that gnawed at him. “He didn’t mean anything to you?”

“That’s right.”

“You conceived a child with him, Savannah. That boy who’s down in the yard, playing with his kittens. How can you just dismiss that?”

Temper streaked through her. “You’d prefer a different story, wouldn’t you, Jared? A different story you could live with. One about the poor, innocent, neglected girl looking for love, seduced by an older man, betrayed, abandoned.”

“Isn’t that what happened?”

“You don’t know who I was, what I was, or what I wanted. You don’t want to know, not really. Because when you do, when you hear it, it’ll stick in your craw. How many men has she been with? Can I believe her when she tells me she didn’t sell herself? Even her own father didn’t stand by her, so what does that tell me? Now that I look back, I remember she was ready to hit the sheets with me from the get-go. What kind of a woman have I got myself tangled up with? Isn’t that what you’re wondering, Jared?”

“I’m wondering why there are so many things you don’t tell me. Why you shrug off ten years of your life
and how they affected you. And, yes, I’m wondering what kind of woman you are.”

She threw her head back. “Figure it out.” She started to storm out, then came up hard, toe-to-toe with him. “Keep out of my way.”

“I’m in your way, and you’re in mine. And it’s long past time to settle this. You say you love me, but you pull back every time I touch a nerve, every time I want a clear picture of what brought you to this point in your life.”

“I brought me here. That’s all you need to know.”

“It’s not all I need to know. You can’t build a future without drawing on the past.”

“I can. I have. If you can’t, Jared, it’s your problem. You know what you’re doing?” She tossed the question at him. “You’re harping on a face in a photograph. You’re insulted by it, threatened by it.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Is it? It’s all right for you to have been married before, to have had other women in your life. I haven’t asked you how many or who or why, have I? It’s all right for you to have been wild and reckless, to have sauntered around town with your brothers, looking for trouble or making it. That’s just dandy. Boys will be boys. But with me, it’s different. The problem is, you got tangled up with me before you thought it through. Now you want to shift the pieces around, see if you can make me into more of what seems suitable to the man you are now.”

“You’re putting words in my mouth. And you’re wrong.”

“I say I’m right. And I say the hell with you, MacKade.
The hell with you. You want a victim, or you want a flower, or someone who looks just right at some fund-raiser or professional event. You’ve come to the wrong place. I don’t read Kafka.”

“What in the sweet hell are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about reality. The reality is, I don’t need this kind of grief from you.”

His eyes narrowed. “It’s not just about what you need. Not anymore. That’s reality, Savannah. I don’t have to justify wanting to know how you could toss out that photograph, or dismiss your father’s things and not even tell me you had them. I don’t have to justify asking you what you want from yourself, from me. From us. Or telling you what I want, what I expect and intend to have. That’s everything. Everything or nothing.”

“Down to ultimatums, are we?”

“Looks that way. Think about it,” he suggested, and strode furiously out.

Steaming, she stood where she was. She listened to the door slam below. It took every ounce of willpower she had not to race to the window, to watch him. Maybe to call him back. Minutes later, she heard the sound of his car.

So, that was that, Savannah thought. All or nothing. He had a nerve, demanding she give him all, leave herself nothing to fall back on. Nothing to cushion a fall. She’d been there once, and the bruises had plagued her for years. By God, she wasn’t going back.

Steadying herself, she went downstairs. She ignored the flowers on the table, the champagne chilling in the refrigerator. Maybe she’d drink it herself later, she mused as she took out some hamburger. Maybe she’d
drink the whole damn bottle and get herself a nice fizzy buzz. It would be better than thinking, better than hurting. Better even than this simmering anger that was still hot in her blood.

But when the door slammed and she looked around she hated herself for the stab of disappointment when she realized it was her son.

“Is Jared mad at you?”

“Why?”

“I could tell.” Uneasy, Bryan sat down, propped his elbows on the table. “He stopped to look at the kittens and stuff, but he wasn’t paying attention. And he said he couldn’t stay.”

“I guess he’s mad at me.”

“Are you mad at him, too?”

“Yeah.” Slapping patties together was a fine way to release a little violence. “Pretty mad.”

“Does that mean you’re not stuck on him anymore?”

She looked over, and her own temper cleared enough that she could see the worry in Bryan’s eyes. “What are you getting at, Bry?”

He moved his shoulders, kicked his feet. “Well, you’ve never been stuck on anybody before. He’s mostly always here, and he brings you flowers and hangs around with me. You kiss each other and stuff.”

“That’s true.”

“Well, Con and I thought maybe you were going to get, like, married.”

A quick arrow shot straight into her heart. “Oh.”

“I thought it would be kind of cool, you know, because Jared’s cool.”

She put the patties aside. To give herself time, she ran water, washed her hands and dried them thoroughly. All the while, all she could think was, what had she done to her little boy?

“Bry, you know that people kiss each other all the time without getting married. You’re smart enough to know that adults have relationships, close relationships, without getting married, either.”

“Yeah, but if they’re really stuck on each other, they do, right?”

“Sometimes.” She skirted the table to lay a hand on his shoulder. “But it’s not always enough to love someone.”

“How come?”

“Because…” Where was the answer? “Because people are complicated. Anyway, Jared’s mad at me, not at you. You can still be pals.”

“I guess.”

“You’d better go out and make sure those kittens keep out of trouble. I’m going to fire up the grill.”

“Okay.” He dragged his feet a little as he started toward the door. “I was thinking if you got married, he’d be sort of like…”

“Sort of like what?” she asked.

“Sort of like my father.” Bryan moved his shoulders again, in a gesture so very much like her own when she blocked off hurt, another shaft of pain shot through her. “I just thought it would be cool.”

B
ryan’s wistful statement dragged at her mind and spirits all through the evening. To make it up to him for a disappointment she felt unable to control, she made the casual meal into their own private celebration.

All the soda he could drink, french fries made from scratch, wild, involved and ridiculous plans on how they would spend the fortune they would amass from selling her paintings.

Trips to Disney World weren’t enough, they decided. They would
own
Disney World. Box seats at ball games? For pikers. They would purchase the Baltimore Orioles—and Bryan would, naturally, play at short.

Savannah kept up the game until she was reasonably sure both of them had forgotten that what Bryan really wanted was Jared.

Then she spent the night staring at the ceiling, thinking of all the wonderful, hideous ways to pay Jared MacKade back for putting a dent in her boy’s heart.

Hers wasn’t all that important. She knew how to hammer it out. Time and work and the home she’d continue to make would all help. She didn’t need a man to make her whole. Never had. She would see to it that her son never felt the lack of a father. But she would punish Jared for raising Bryan’s hopes.

The bastard had made himself part of their lives. Flowers, damn him. Playing catch in the yard, taking Bryan over to the farm, awakening her in bed the way no one, damn him again, no one ever had.

Then looking down at her from his lofty lawyer’s height. Questioning her morals and her actions and her motives. Making her feel more, then making her feel less, than she’d ever been. Making her question herself.

He wasn’t going to get away with it. Without realizing it, she shifted to the center of the bed, so that it wouldn’t feel so empty. He couldn’t worm his way into their lives, then start making demands. Who was she, where had she been, what did she want? She didn’t owe him any answers, and she was going to prove it.

He’d wormed his way in, all right, she thought, scowling at the ceiling. He’d made her feel foolish and inadequate and, for the first time in ten very long years, vulnerable. Now he thought he could worm his way out again because she wasn’t just exactly what he preferred in a…

She sneered at the word. In a
wife.

She hated him for that, really hated him for making
her start to think, start to hope and even plan along those lines, without her even being aware of it. Until Bryan brought it up, she hadn’t realized she was dreaming, just a little, about happy-ever-after.

Like the fairy tales she illustrated, with their strong and passionate princes.

It was embarrassing. It was humiliating. A woman like her, a woman who had managed through sheer will and grit to shrug off the bruises life handed out, to be brought this low by a man.

She’d survived alone. She’d gone hungry, worked until she was dizzy with fatigue, had taken jobs that scraped at her pride. She’d been turned out by her own father when she needed him most.

And none of that, not one of the painful or difficult experiences in her life, had ever left her as low as this.

And none of that, she had made certain, had ever brought Bryan one moment’s sadness.

She took a deep breath, then another. She would show Jared MacKade just what kind of woman she was. The kind of woman who didn’t need him.

Jared decided brooding on the front porch with a beer on a Saturday afternoon wasn’t such a bad thing. He was almost enjoying it. It was a beautiful day, and he was pleasantly fatigued from the morning’s work.

His brothers were with him, and it was a good feeling, to have all of them there. Just passing an hour, he mused, at home. Watching the grass grow and the dogs race over it.

Maybe, just maybe, in a little while, he’d stroll on
over to the cabin. He figured he’d given her time enough to stew, to calm down and see reason.

He’d given himself almost enough time, as well. He was almost ready, not quite but almost ready, to admit he’d been somewhat heavy-handed. Maybe just the slightest bit unreasonable.

Still, she’d been ridiculous. Accusing him of being threatened by a photograph, of wanting a different kind of woman. Of not being satisfied with her because she didn’t read Kafka.

God knew where she’d come up with that.

He didn’t appreciate the comparison of her life with his, either. Made him sound like a narrow-minded sexist. Which he certainly was not.

It was different, that was all.

“Talking to himself,” Devin commented as he whittled a piece of wood.

“Been doing it since he got here yesterday.” Shane yawned and kicked back in his chair. “You ask me, Savannah kicked his butt out.”

That, and Rafe’s snorting laugh, snagged Jared’s attention. “She did not. I left to make a point.”

“Yeah.” Rafe winked at Devin. “What point was that?”

Eyes narrowed, Jared tipped back his beer. “That she’d better start seeing things the way they are.”

This statement was greeted by hoots.

“His way,” Rafe pointed out. “It always has to be his way or no way.”

“Bull.” Unoffended, Jared crossed his ankles. “It just has to be the right way.”

From his perch on the top step, Devin shifted, leaned
his back against the post. “So, what was she doing wrong?”

“She holds back. I get a call from Howard Beels this morning, thanking me for introducing them. Seems she went over there yesterday and he bought three of her paintings.” Just thinking of it had him simmering again. “Does she tell me? No. What kind of relationship is that? I don’t get anything out of her without a direct question, and then she only answers half the time.”

Amused, Shane stretched his arms. “And I just bet you’ve been full of questions, too. What happened then? What did you do? What chain of events led to that? And where were you on the night in question?”

Jared’s punch would have been stronger if Shane hadn’t been a full arm’s length away. “I don’t interrogate her. I ask. I want to know about her. A man has a right to know the woman he’s going to marry.”

Rafe choked on a gulp of beer. “When did that happen?”

“I knew it.” With a heavy sigh, Shane flipped the top of the cooler and got out a beer for himself. “I just knew it.”

Eyes bland, Devin studied Jared. “You asked Savannah to marry you?”

“No. I didn’t get a chance to tell her—”

“Tell her.” Now Devin grinned. “Typical.”

“You might try to see my side of it,” Jared grumbled. “I realized that’s what I want. I was thinking about it, going over it, and then I see she’s gotten the effects from her father. She hadn’t told me it had come. There was a photograph of her with Bryan’s father.”

“Hmm…” Rafe’s comment went for all of them.

“When I asked her about it, she got defensive.”

“Hostile witness,” Shane murmured, and earned a glare.

“She tossed it out,” Jared continued. “Like it meant nothing.”

“Maybe that’s just what it meant,” Devin put in.

“Look, the bastard got her pregnant, then abandoned her. Her father kicks her out. She’s sixteen, for God’s sake. It means something. But she won’t come out with it. She won’t tell me. What she does is start accusing me of idiotic things. Then she says, get this, she says that I figure it was all right for me to sow wild oats or whatever, to get in trouble and kick some butt. But I expect her to be untouched or a victim, or words to that effect. It’s insulting.”

Rafe regarded the lip of his beer bottle. “It’s true.”

“The hell it is.”

“Sorry, bro. You pass the bar, buy yourself a couple of lawyer suits—”

“Do you want me to break your nose again?”

“In a minute. Anyway, after a while you decide it’s time to get married, so you pick out an ice queen, one with no baggage, no secrets, no noticeable flaws. You know why?”

Temper percolating, Jared eyed him. “Why don’t you tell me?”

“Because the image worked for you. It didn’t take you long to realize the woman didn’t, because you’re pretty sharp most of the time. Now, Savannah, there’s a woman with baggage, some secrets, a few flaws. The image is a little hard to tuck into a box, but the woman works.”

He wanted to argue, to debate, to tear the hypothesis to shreds. And discovered he couldn’t. So he swore instead.

“Kafka,” he muttered as a light dawned. “Barbara read Kafka.”

“Doesn’t surprise me,” Rafe said cheerfully.

Trying it all from a new angle, Jared took out a cigar. “The argument is still valid that if two people want to build a future together, they have to trust each other enough to share the past. I want the boy, too,” he said, blowing out a stream of smoke.

“Are you going to let a photograph stop you?” Devin asked quietly.

“No. I’m not going to let anything stop me.”

“Two down,” Shane complained. “You know, women start getting ideas when your brothers get married.”

“Live with it,” Jared told him.

All of them glanced over at the sound of a car coming up the lane, fast.

So she’d come to her senses, he decided, proud of the fact that he’d given her the night to think it over. Now she was here, sorry she’d lost her temper, he imagined. Ready to sit down and discuss it all reasonably.

He rose, moved over to lean on the post opposite Devin. He’d be big enough to apologize, as well, he thought. And to explain himself more coherently. He was sure that years from now they’d laugh over the whole foolish mess.

He lifted the cigar to his lips, ready to welcome her, when she squealed to a halt at the end of the lane.

The woman who unfolded herself from the car didn’t look conciliatory. She looked wild, glowing and stunning.

“Oh-oh” was all Shane said, but he rolled his eyes merrily at Rafe.

She didn’t speak, but stood with her hands on her hips, scanning the four men. An audience, she thought. Even better. Didn’t they all look smug and pleased with themselves just for being men?

She swaggered around to the trunk, unlocked it. The box came first. The dogs jumped and circled around her in excited greeting as she carried it to the side of the car. With a wide smile she overturned it. Several articles of clothing tumbled out. Suits, ties, shirts, socks. Still smiling, she gave the heap a couple of good solid kicks to spread things out.

Delighted, the dogs trampled over the clothes, sniffing and barking. Fred proved his recognition of Jared’s scent by lifting his leg.

On the porch, four men watched in silence, with varying degrees of emotion.

Ah, Jared’s favorite tie was snagged on her foot, she discovered. Eyes on his, she ground her heel into it.

Rafe grinned like a loon. Shane let out one full belly laugh. Devin watched in rapt admiration.

Jared just watched.

She wasn’t finished. Not by a long shot. Back to the trunk she pulled out a leather-bound address book he’d left on the nightstand. Her smile cool, she held it open as if to demonstrate. Then tore the pages out and let them flutter onto the heap of the now dirty, dog-haired clothes.

She took out his shoes. The good Italian leather first. Holding them down for Ethel to sniff, Savannah let the first one fly, then the second, and the dogs gave grateful chase. Tennis shoes went next. Two pairs, one of which, she was delighted to note, was only two weeks old.

She hoped the dogs chewed them to shreds.

There was shaving gear to deal with. She pitched a piece here, a piece there, drawing out the event until Shane simply rolled out of his chair onto the deck of the porch, helpless with laughter.

But she’d saved the coup de grace. The wine.

There had only been one bottle open, but she’d tossed that before she left. She uncorked all three, all fine vintages, expensively French. Chin up, eyes challenging, she walked back to what was left of his clothes. She tilted her head first, darkly pleased when his eyes went to green slits. With a veteran waitress’s skill, Savannah poured them out, all at once over his best suit.

Done, she let the bottles fall with a clink on the grass. Still without having uttered a word, she strolled back to the car, slid behind the wheel. With a final smile, an arrogant salute, she backed up, swung around and drove down the lane.

Other than Shane’s helpless laughter, there wasn’t a sound until Devin finally cleared his throat. He studied the mess on the lawn carefully, even patted Fred’s head when the dog devotedly brought him one of Jared’s mauled shoes.

“Well,” he said at length. “I’d say she made her point, too.”

“She’s a spooky woman,” Shane managed, mopping his streaming eyes. “I think I’m in love with her.”

Because he knew what it was like to be at the mercy of his own heart, Rafe rose and slapped a hand on Jared’s shoulder. “You know, Jare, you got two choices.”

He was all but quivering with fury. “Which are?”

“Run like hell, or go get her. I know which one I’d choose.”

Jared didn’t do anything for a couple of hours. He knew himself well enough to understand that his temper could be dangerous. He worked off some steam, and worked up a sweat in the barn before washing up.

When he finally headed out, his anger was still there, but strapped in. She figured she was dumping him, he thought, like she’d dumped his things.

But she was going to figure again.

“Hey, Jare.” From the side yard where he was playing tug-of-war with the dogs over one of Jared’s shoes, Shane sent up a shout. “Tell Savannah we really enjoyed the show, okay?”

“Remind me to kick your butt later.”

She’d humiliated him, he fumed. In front of his brothers. Seeking control, he jammed his hands into his pockets and veered toward the woods. Not to mention that she’d ruined a good portion of his wardrobe.

Thought she was damn clever, he was sure. He imagined she’d sat up half the night planning it all out. If he hadn’t been the brunt of it, he’d have admired her finesse. The sheer nerve of it.

But he had been the one who took the brunt of it.

The woods closed around him, but he didn’t experience the usual sense of peace and companionship. His mind was on the other side of them, on Savannah. And, he thought with relish, on revenge. Let’s see how she liked it when he went into her closet and—