The Price of Trust (10 page)

"He was like a crazy man, and he was enjoying himself. Every time I punched him once, he'd punch me three times. The neighbor next to my apartment heard all the fighting and called the police. When I turned my back on him to open the door, he knocked me to the floor and starting kicking me. When he opened the door, he tried to block the doorway and act as if nothing was going on, but it was too late. They saw me, and they took him to jail for domestic abuse while I went to the hospital.

"Well, that's when I decided to leave him, but I had already gotten in over my head. Before I could leave the hospital, Ian had paid his way out of jail, and it was too late for me to get away. He came to the hospital every day, crying in shame, apologizing, bringing me gifts, admitting his guilt, begging me to forgive him, and promising he would get some sort of counseling."

"Did you forgive him?" Kelly interrupted.

"No. I'd heard it all before. It was always the same. He'd be kind and loving for about a week or two, maybe even a month, then it would start all over again. No, this time something was very different with me. My love for him had died, and I knew I couldn't marry him.

“While I was staying in the hospital, I had a lot of time to remember how my dad had acted toward my mom. How much he loved her and cherished her, for better or for worse. They were best friends. The day she died, I was sitting on the end of her bed and Dad was rocking her gently to ease her pain. She died in his arms. Dad had taken Mom and loved her dearly through the worst possible circumstances. That was what marriage should be like, and I knew it wouldn't be that way with Ian. If I stayed with him, he would kill me."

"I bet he took it bad when you told him that," Todd said.

"I didn't tell him that time. If I would have told him, I don't think I would have made it out of the hospital," Carly answered evenly. "No, I had to pretend that I still loved him. He took me back to my apartment and acted like nothing out of the ordinary had happened, but he was different. He was more watchful and suspicious, and he was always around. So now, my problem was even worse. I was becoming panicky, and I knew that I would have to leave everything that he'd bought me or given me. Even the money that I'd earned working for him. If I left him, I'd only have the money in my purse, which was about four hundred dollars."

"Why did you leave the money you made?" Joe asked incredulously. "Didn't you put your money in the bank?"

"Yes, I did have a bank account, but when Ian asked me to marry him, we made it a joint account. He told me it was a start for our future together, and I was so stupid that I believed him. I didn't know until I wanted to leave that it was just another way he could control my actions and keep me with him. I was trapped. He would give me money once a week for gas or other things that I might want, but that stopped after I got out of the hospital. He started to pick me up for work, take me to lunch, drive me home, stay as long as he could, and then the whole process would start the next day. I told him I could drive myself to work and that he didn't need to bother about me so much, but he wouldn't hear any of it. I was locked in some sort of fancy prison. I couldn't get away from him.

"About two months after I got out of the hospital, I was at my apartment and he wasn't there (which was very rare), and the new next-door neighbor came over to introduce himself. We were standing in the hallway talking when the elevator door opened, and there stood Ian. He was furious. I couldn't really tell if he was madder that I was out of my apartment or talking to a strange man. He grabbed my arm and yanked me inside, slamming the door behind us. He beat me up pretty good and threatened to kill me if I ever talked to the neighbor again. He left pretty late that night, and the neighbor must have seen him leave. He came over, and I let him in. He saw my black eyes and bloodied lip, and he offered to help me get away. I was desperate now. I knew that I had to run then, I couldn't wait any longer, so I grabbed my denim jacket, two pair of jeans, some shirts, and my purse. I left his engagement ring on the counter, and we snuck out the back of the apartment building.

"He drove me to a battered women's shelter and left me there. I waited until he left, and I got on a bus and headed for a different state. I didn't care which one. Any would work if I could just get away from Ian. That was a little over two years ago, and I'm still running because he finds me wherever I go. I don't use credit cards, I don't have a phone, and I live under assumed names. I've tried everything, but he still keeps finding me. It'll never stop. One day he'll catch up to me and kill me and anyone else I may be with."

Carly ended her story with a sigh and a rueful look at Joe. They were all silent for a few minutes. Kelly got up and hugged her tearfully while Todd looked at them helplessly. Joe let out a low whistle.

"Would you two mind if I talked to Carly alone?" Joe finally asked. Todd shook his head, took Kelly's hand, and walked toward the pond, leaving them behind.

Joe rubbed his face distractedly, looking toward the mountains. "What do you plan on doing now? Are you planning on just running still?"

"What else is there for me to do? If I stay, he'll find me. I think he already has."

He looked up sharply. "Why? What makes you think that?"

"There's been too many prank calls. One or two, maybe even three isn't anything to worry about, but we get about ten a day. Then there's this weird ugly man that comes into the store every day to buy nails. Nothing else, just nails. Wait, I take that back. One day he bought a hammer. Other than that, I can't explain it to you. It's feelings. I just know. He's found me, and he'll be coming for me if I stay. That's all there is to it. That's why I've been avoiding you. I don't want you to get hurt or take a chance like this. Ian is crazy, and he likes to give people pain, especially me. If he thinks it'll hurt me, he'll do it, and I don't want you to get hurt."

Joe was silent for a moment. Finally, he stood up and helped her to her feet. "Let's go for a walk for a minute." Joe held her hand and led her away from Todd and Kelly, who were coming toward them.

"Carly, what would you say if I told you that I was willing to take that chance? That I was willing to deal with this Ian guy if it meant that you wouldn't go away?" Taking her hands in his own, he looked deep into her eyes. "Would you stay then?"

"I would think you're on drugs," she whispered. He smiled tenderly down at her. Could she trust God enough to stop running away?

"Will you think about staying? I don't want you to leave. I want you to stay here, and I want us to deal with Ian together. Please. Think about it; pray about it. Ask God to lead you, please," he whispered, gently stroking the tops of her fingers.

"Joe, I'm afraid. I don't want anything to happen to you. I'd never forgive myself if you got hurt. You'll find someone, and you'll have a wonderful life together. Wait for her. It's not me. God didn't make me for you." Carly felt as if her heart would break.

"Don't say that!" Joe said harshly, grabbing her by the shoulders and peering into her face. Todd and Kelly looked over at them in surprise. They couldn't hear everything that was said, but they knew Joe was upset by his tone. "I don't want to find anyone else! God brought you here for a reason. Me. And I'm not going to give you up without a fight. If it means that I have to fight Ian to keep you, then I will. I want to protect you. Give you a home. Give you what you need the most, but how can I if you run away?" He pulled her close. "Please think about it. Please don't leave. I need you to stay."

"How can you ask me to hurt you? I never wanted to feel this way about you; I tried so hard to stay away. What if things don't work out between us?" Carly tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let her go.

"Carly. I'm not giving up. God made you for me. I know that. I can't explain it; I can't tell you how I know; I just do. I need you, and I will never get tired of you. You are precious to me. I just know that God created you for me." Carly was silent. "Will you please think it over?" Joe asked, pulling away to see her face. She looked at him, troubled, and nodded slightly.

Todd and Kelly had already packed up most of the picnic things and were back down by the pond, talking quietly. Carly shook out the blanket and folded it while Joe bypassed her to join the others.

"Are you all right, Joe? You look a little pale," Kelly asked, concerned.

He tried to smile, but it just wouldn't come. "She said she'll think about not leaving, but she wouldn't promise me."

Kelly left to help Carly finish packing up, touching Joe sympathetically on the shoulder as she passed.

"She'll come around, she's just scared. Truthfully, I don't blame her a bit for being terrified. I wouldn't put it past that guy to really come out here looking for her. What would you do if he really did? She lives in town, and it takes you a half hour to get there. It'd be all over by the time you showed up. She's right to be scared. She's not trying to hurt you, just to protect you. You've got to realize that," Todd said as Joe kicked at the ground. He knew Todd was right, but he still didn't want to hear it. "Why do you want her to stay so bad anyway?" Todd knew he was prying now, but he was curious.

"Why do I want her stay?" Joe looked up in surprise. "Because I love her, Todd. I want to protect her. Wouldn't you do the same for Kelly? Wouldn't you want to erase every hurt she's had to live with? Wouldn't you want to be the one to make her happy?" Joe picked up some stones and hurled them into the pond distractedly.

Todd was quiet. He had known that Joe cared for her, but he was a bit surprised to hear him talk about love. His heart ached and rejoiced for him at the same time.

He had learned to love again.

Joe and Carly rode in restrained silence. It was getting much colder, and Carly shivered involuntarily.

"Are you cold?" Joe asked with concern, suddenly noticing her thin jacket.

"Oh no, I'm fine," she answered with a sweet smile. He could tell she was bitterly cold, and his heart ached for her. He took off his heavier jacket and handed it over to her. She blushed but accepted it and put it on. It swallowed her up it was so big. She inhaled deeply. It smelled of him, and she reveled in it.

She giggled. "I guess this means you didn't believe me." She looked over at him. Joe smiled at her tensely. "What are you going to wear?" He was wearing a blue flannel shirt, rolled up at the sleeves, and worn blue jeans. She couldn't help but admire his broad shoulders and athletic build.

"I'll be all right. I'm a farm boy, remember?"

He looked at her intently. He hadn't expected her wearing his coat to affect him so deeply. She looked so little and lost inside that huge jacket, he wanted to force her to stay with him forever. He looked away but not before Carly had caught his expression. It told her everything he felt, everything he thought, everything he longed for.

Her.

She suddenly knew she wanted to stay. She loved him with a passion that was so unlike any other she had ever known. She knew now that Ian had played on her emotions and had tried to buy her love by helping her dad and giving her anything she wanted. She had been flattered and delighted that he was interested in her and had felt that it would have been wrong not to return his affection, but it hadn't been love. She had desired to love him, but he wasn't capable of giving her any real emotion except anger and hatred, and she had turned to loathing and terror before any love could form.

Could she stay? she wondered. The very wind seemed to breathe, "Stay." The few birds that were left were singing, "Stay." The rustling leaves waved, "Stay." She did the only thing she knew to do. Pray.

Lord, I love Joe. I didn't mean to, and I tried not to, but it happened, and I don't want to give him up now. I'm afraid to stay, but I'm more afraid to leave. Please help me. Let me know what you want me to do. Please lead me in a plain path and guide each step I take. Take care of him, and help us deal with whatever your will might be.
She felt a load lift off her shoulders, and she turned to look at Joe. He was looking straight ahead without expression. Carly reined Ashes in so he could ride beside her.

"Are you cold?" she asked.

"No," he replied evenly. They were silent for a minute but Carly was determined to make him talk to her.

"Oh yeah, I forgot. You have a story to tell me now, don't you? Let me see. What was it about?" Carly teased, but he was implacable.

"Why do you want to hear my story?"

Carly was silent for a moment then went on. "Why don't you want to talk to me? Don't be angry with me, please," she asked softly.

They were getting near the Bairds' farm now; Todd and Kelly were already there.

Joe stopped his horse and she turned to face him. The sun had gone down, but she could still see his face and was surprised at the pain she saw.

"I don't want to love you more than I do if you're going to leave," he blurted. "I don't want you to know my secrets if you're not going to be here to share them with me. I don't want…" He stopped, trying to control himself. He took a deep breath. "I've been praying since we left Wilson's Pond. Maybe that's too soon for you to have an answer for me, but I'm asking anyway. I can't wait, and I want to know if you're going to stay where you are." His face looked hard as nails.

Carly sighed and shook her head sadly. He looked away in frustration, angry with her.

"I'm not going to stay where I am," she said softly, directing Ashes in front of Chessy, forcing him to look at her. "I don't want to live in that tiny apartment forever. It's pretty confining."

Joe frowned, not understanding what she meant. She smiled radiantly at him.

"What are you saying?"

"What do you think I'm saying?" she teased. "I'm saying that I'm not going to stay in that apartment forever."

"Carly," he growled.

"What?" she asked innocently, batting her eyes at him.

"Give me a straight answer."

"Do you solemnly swear to tell me your story if I answer you? No matter what my answer is?" She knew she was just aggravating him now, but she was enjoying herself immensely.

"Why is everything so difficult with you? Why can't you just answer a simple question without an argument?"

"Because it's so fun!" She smiled, looking away. "And you better get used to it."

"Are you going to stay?" he asked hopefully. It was getting colder and darker, but neither of them noticed.

"What do you want me to say, Joe?" she asked so softly he had to lean forward to hear her.

"I want you to say yes," he said even softer.

"If you really want me to, then I will," she whispered. She turned Ashes and galloped toward the barn, Joe close behind her.

"Todd!" he yelled as they came into the corral. "Kelly!" They both hurried out of the barn, anxious to see what the fuss was about. Joe hopped down from Chessy and helped Carly down, holding her as if he'd never let her go. "Do you want to tell them?" he asked happily.

She shrugged as if nothing important had happened, but they could tell she was as excited as he was. "I don't have a clue what you're talking about."

"Carly said she's going to stay!" He whooped and swung her around easily, his jacket flapping around her. He stopped and set her down lightly, staring at her, not letting her go.

"I am so glad!" Kelly cried, breaking in between them. She hugged her tightly, wiping tears from her eyes. "I just knew everything would work out!"

Todd stood back and slapped Joe on the back. He was grinning. "Kelly, if you knew everything was going to work out all right, why are you crying?" Todd asked in confusion.

"Because I'm so happy, you idiot!" she cried, tears streaming down both girls' faces now.

"I'll never understand why you women cry when you're happy. That's the dumbest thing I ever heard of," he retorted, ducking as a couple of handfuls of hay were thrown at him. "Come on, Kelly; let's see if Mom's got dinner made," he said, grabbing her hand and pulling her toward the house at a run.

Joe continued to stare at Carly as she wiped her eyes. He was looking at her thoughtfully, making her nervous. She took off his coat and handed it to him.

"No, you wear it," he said, putting it around her shoulders, still staring at her oddly.

"What?" She frowned. "Did you change your mind already? If you did, we don't have to tell anyone else, we'll just act like it never happened."

"No. I didn't change my mind, and I want to shout it from the mountain tops that you're staying," he said, putting his arm around her shoulders, hugging her to him. He led her toward the house.

"Well then, what's wrong? You're making me really nervous."

"How much do you weigh?" he asked casually, looking ahead.

But there was nothing casual about it. He was really worried. "When I picked you up, you didn't feel like you could weigh much more than a bag of feed." He stopped and turned her to face him.

"I don't know how much; I don't have a scale," she said, unconcerned, turning and walking briskly toward the house.

"Stop, Carly." He caught up to her. "Are you eating?"

"Yes, I'm eating," she answered crossly. "I eat fine. Let's go inside before you catch a cold." She tried to turn him toward the house, but he wasn't moving until this was settled.

He gently grabbed her arm, keeping her with him. "What did you eat yesterday?"

"Yesterday? I have no idea. I don't remember. Can we talk about this later, Joe? Please? You're standing out here in the cold, I'm wearing your coat, and your mom isn't going to like me very much if you get sick. Please?" she pleaded. He still wasn't budging. "Fine. Take your coat and put it on, or I'm not telling you anything," she said as she handed him his coat.

He put it on silently, watching her. "Okay, I'm ready. What did you eat yesterday?" he asked, hugging her to keep her warm.

"Breakfast, I had juice. Lunch, I had rice; and dinner, I ate leftovers. Is that okay?" she answered, irritated.

"Leftover what?" He wasn't letting her get away with anything.

"Leftover rice," she said quietly, looking down at the ground.

They stood there for a bit. Carly started shivering, and Joe led her into the house without saying another word.