The Plain White Room (6 page)

A television bass rumbled from the common room. Lepus groaned and scrambled around under his covers, trying to find where the rest of his sleep had hidden. His hands searched under his pillow but found only each other. He scrunched his eyes tight and buried his face in his pillow, but the whole ward seemed to be rumbling in time with the cheers. It feels as though the noise almost isn’t even coming from the TV but the floor. The screams and applause of millions, ascending somehow from below. No rest it would seem, for this early night sleeping seeker.

Lepus slipped out of his bed. If the crowd was going to keep him awake, he thought he may as well go and stand where he can see what all the fuss is about. He starts walking down the hall and hears sounds of dancing. A lyric and a chord catch his ear as he entered the shared lounge. The sound of Tom Jones singing ‘Delilah’ blasted through the halls. Lepus walks to the opposite side of the TV room and watches Tom sing and bop.

“Jesus,” He said aloud to the room. Two women and a young man turned their heads from the old TV screen to look at him. Lepus saw the thought echo in their minds as they stared at him.

“He never says a thing…” Lepus stayson the far side of the room, where the music was a bearable volume.

“He looks brilliant for his age, is all he pulls off that goatee well!” Satisfied with his reason for speaking they return their gaze to the screen. Early the next morning Lepus left his room.

He had started a good little routine to try and get his mind of his never ending research. The nurses had encouraged him to let go of his research and relax. He got on a running machine that looked out of the main room’s window. Lepus started to jog, looking out on the rising sun.

Feeling warm and free. His mind started to drift to Alice and how they would sometimes get hot chocolate  of a morning before he went to teach a class. They would watch the sunrise.

Lepus had always been an early riser. It wasn’t so easy to get Alice out the door. But the promise of hot chocolate always seemed to turn her jocular moaning into smiling excitement.

Jumping off the treadmill, Lepus walked back to his room to have a shower before breakfast. Walking down the hallway, he noticed a guitar lying against a doorway to one of the arts and crafts rooms.

Knowing he had gotten up for too early for breakfast, he sat in the hall playing the guitar.

His mind wandered, playing random little acoustic tunes he knew. As he started strumming Hallelujah, he saw Fiona walking down the hallway. She was quite a calm woman, speaking with soft self-consciousness. She had dyed blonde hair with dark roots sculpted into a reluctant bob-cut as her natural curls seemed to rebel and continued to curve.

She stood with her hands clasped together in front of her. Wearing a blue pastel coloured track suit. Her gold chain necklace visible only by an inch around her neck.

“Oh that’s beautiful,” she said as he finished.

“Ah thanks,” Lepus said, putting down the guitar and brushing his blonde locks out of his eyes.

“I don’t usually play in front of people,” he said as he stood up. “I’ve never been artistic, unlike my siblings.”

“Oh, you should!” She said smiling.

“Hey, do you want to get some coffee upstairs? The coffee here is terrible; they have a café upstairs,” Fiona said.

Lepus shuffled where he was standing. She had such a pleasant tone, and he felt it would be so rude to say no, but he hated the idea of breaking his routine.

“Okay sure,” he said.

Fiona smiled, and they started walking to the ward doors. There were two sliding doors which they walked through. Then they turned left and went through a smaller door which led to a stairwell.

“I didn’t even know this was here,” Lepus said looking around with concern. “I didn’t think there was anything except the exit doors past the sliding doors of the ward.”

“I have trouble sleeping, so I like to come up here early, I can’t stand the coffee downstairs. It’s horrible.”

Fiona opened the door to the third floor from the stairwell, and they both walked through. It was an empty cafeteria with a courtyard to the left through a row of windows and glass doors. The courtyard must have been on top of part of the ward, and there was a large white wall like in the courtyard downstairs.

To the right of the cafeteria, Lepus followed her without a thought. She walked up to an automated coffee machine and pulled a styrofoam cup from the machine. Then placed it under the nozzle and pushed a button. Lepus didn’t ever drink coffee, not wanting to embarrass himself by doing it wrong. Once the coffee had finished, she picked it up and held it under her nose inhaling its smooth aroma with a deep breath. Then smiled and took a few steps away from the machine. Lepus replicated the process. Then followed her to a nearby table. For a moment, they sat in silence.

Lepus stared down at his coffee. Being so preoccupied with not having the machine spray him with hot milk or mess up in some other embarrassing way. He had completely forgotten to put sugar in his coffee. The taste appalled him. Not wanting to seem foolish he sat drinking it one small sip at a time.

“So I don’t know if this is impolite to ask but do you mind me asking why you are here?” Fiona said still holding her cup with both hands. Warming them with the heat of the cup.

“Ah no. Not, not at all I don't mind.”

“A girl I suppose.” he said, not knowing how to start or what to say.

“Oh okay,” she said nodding his mind drifting. “I’m here because of my ex-husband,” she said. Lepus didn’t know what else to say and wished he had decided her invitation and gone back to his room.

“He was so smart and manipulative. He was a doctor you see,” she said starting to stare out the window. “He took my son away. I just need some time to get my head straight. A bit of rest and then I can work things out.”

“I see,” Lepus muttered trying to be empathetic.

“How old is your son?”

“Fifteen. He’s a great kid. Big into sport. He’s favourite is hockey. He might be able to get into a state team. He’s so good.” She beamed.

Lepus edged back in his seat trying to seem more comfortable. Whenever she smiled, she had dimples on both of her cheeks.

“What kind of hockey? Like ice hockey?”

“Field hockey! I don’t understand how he runs around with all those sticks flying everywhere. He gets so many scratches on his knees as well. But he just loves it.”

Lepus smiled, nodding. “That’s great.”

“Yeah, he lives with his father.”

“What’s your son’s name?”

“Liam,” she said smiling.

Lepus tightened his grip on his coffee cup. Causing it to bend and the coffee to rise. He eased, and it moved back into its position.

“So what did your husband, I mean your ex-husband do?” Lepus asked with a hesitant tone.

“Well,” she said sighing. “It’s hard to explain I suppose. He would come home late every night. Never tell me where he was. He’s with another woman now, so I suppose he just was always with her.

He had a way of making that seem ridiculous. Looking back I don’t know how. Just some people are good at lying I suppose.

Then when he finally told me he was leaving one day, he’d already moved our savings into other accounts. Made sure our lawyer was going to continue working with him. In the end, I just accepted the package they put forward for the split. I got my own lawyer, but it was hard.”

Her ring made a clicking noise as she rubbed her hands together.

“All I wanted was for Liam to stay with me. I got a job almost as soon as he left. He sold our house. The courts saw that my ex-husband had a new home and his partner. But I’m hopeful I’ll get full custody soon. I just need to organise things, you know? But I’ll be here for a little while longer. Get some rest. Liam doesn’t know I’m here.”

“Right,” Lepus said nodding. Somehow his coffee was empty, despite not taking any conscious sips. He started to feel restless, and his leg was jittering.

He could feel his heart rate rising. He knew it was just the caffeine but still it upset him.

He didn’t want to start yelling or anything just as embarrassing. So he pushed his chair backwards and said “Well I’m sure everything will be okay in the end. It’s great to hear you’re working towards something. I’m going to head back to my room to read” He said standing.

***

Lepus jumped out of his car, excited just at the thought of seeing Alice. Running down the gravel drive, he was almost skipping. Getting closer to her front door he realised anyone could be looking out the window, how silly to be this happy to see her. They had been together for almost five years and still after being apartfor only a week he was ecstatic to see her.

The stairs of the front porch creaked under Lepus's weight. He put his hand on the door of the house, then remembered that Alice’s sister was staying with her. What was the etiquette here? He had entered without knocking hundreds of times before. Leaning in he placed his head against the door, trying to listen to see if he could overhear them talking. Then it crossed his mind how ridiculous that was and started to feel awkward. It was then that he caught a whisper of a sound. A single musical note drifted through the house. Lepus smiled, Alice was playing her cello.

He without making a sound he opened the door and stepped over the threshold. The front door went into the kitchen, and the music seemed to have stopped. He stood in the kitchen listening for a moment, waiting to see if Alice had heard and was coming out. Then a beautiful long sweet note drifted into his ears; the song must have just gone silent. He moved through the kitchen and into the hallway, as he went he could make out more and more notes. As the pleasant easing melody took form Lepus realised she was gentling singing along. She always refused to do that while others were around. For some reason happy to display her stringed prowess. But would always shy away from sharing her natural singing voice. At the end of the hall, the mournful tones were clear, but Lepus could still not make out the lyrics.

Having only ever heard her sing along to her playing in passing. Or her singing in passing when she thought no one was listening, he couldn’t help but pause at the door.

He pressed his ear against the door, placing both his hands against the door. The vibrations of the door were so soothing; she must have been playing so loud. Now he could just make out the words over the harmony tones;

Sing me a song of a lad that is gone,

Say, could that lad be I?

Merry of soul he sailed on a day

Over the sea to Skye.

Billow and breeze, islands and seas,

Mountains of rain and sun,

All that was good, all that was fair,

All that was me is gone.

Lepus heard soft clapping, opening the door he said “good afternoon” so as not to surprise her.

Alice was sitting in a chair in the middle of her bedroom with her cello between her legs; across from her the March Hare was sitting on her bed. “Oh, hello Lepus, I was just playing March a new song I learnt.” The March Hare smiled, as Lepus’s face grew blank.

***

It was summer; The air should have hung with distant music and balmy content. From the cities dancing lights to the height of the mountains. In the vast modest patch of this world in which Lepus dwelled, a storm was on everyone's lips.

It threatened to break the sky and the rest of cattle. Of course, a storm, no matter how much you say it's a tornado, is still just a storm. It washes over the sky and brings darkness to all that you see. It's fast and powerful and makes the night seem endless, the rain pours and Zeus screams, throwing his mighty bolts down at us. Lepus would never scream back, never expecting any god to notice him.

Alice echoed the storm.

"Are you seeing this? Look at that! You can see the clouds moving in circles, so fast, so dark!"

“I want more lightning, more thunder!"

“I didn't hear anything?"

"Oh right, yeah well there isn't any thunder, I meant, a lights show, sort of thi- LOOK there! Like that, wow! I'm getting out; it's not even raining that much."

"Me too."

They stood, side by side, two children of heart, staring into the abyss of the night sky.

Her hand brushed his and he smiled; he pulled her close under the pattering rain. He was reminded of the time they had once run through the streets. She had pulled back his hand, and he had thought he was going to slip. She pulled him close; it had been pouring like nothing before that night.

The rain began to start to live up to the expectations of the clouds. He got out his phone and searched for something with a beat, two pagans free again at last. A few foolish stragglers thought they were wise to have come to where we were, but all left upon seeing them.

Perhaps they had made them feel awkward, or maybe they had seen what they came to see.

There was so bad they couldn't bare it. I like to think that they felt inadequate compared to how conquering of the spectacle we were. They sky was falling, but we saw only an orchestra and ballet made just for them.

"Time for home?" he said we glee. He felt as if he was the only man who had ever been allowed, by Royal decree of all, ever to utter those words.

It felt an age since he had said them last. She moved his hand from her hip to under her chin.

"I wish you could stay all night," she sighed and rolled her shoulder, almost to see if he was real.

"I know" he smiled, nothing else in the world seemed to matter, except the next few hours and being there.

"I wish it was raining louder, the sound of the roof is so beautiful." although she mumbled it, he heard it as clear as crystal. It was the thought on the tip of his tongue already.

Earlier that day the sun had been bright. Throughout the day, people had made off-the-cuff comments jokingly about the weatherman's predictions of heavy winds and rough seas.

It seemed so strange to him to think that he had wished for louder rain then. Even though the storm hadn't  yet started.

***