The Pitch: City Love 2 (25 page)

I swallowed and regarded Scarlett. Her face was frozen into a mask of disbelief.

“You heard me.” There was no way I was going to be able to take back my words now.

“Holy shit.” Scarlett continued to stare at me. “When did you find out?”

“Yesterday.”

“And you’re okay with it?”

I shrugged. “I’m getting there.”

Her eyes softened. “Will you keep it?”

“I’m keeping it,” I replied firmly.

“Have you told Paul?”

“Not yet.”

Scarlett remained blissfully silent for at least a minute, before she pushed her chair away and went to look out the window. A cruise liner was making its slow journey into the harbor, dwarfing all the other boats bobbing nearby.

“Holy shit,” Scarlett said again.

“So that’s why I can’t make it to New York.”

She frowned. “Forget New York. How are you going to run your business?”

“I’ll figure out a way.”

“I’m sure you will.” She turned to face me, her expression filled with sympathy. “Do you really want it?”

“It might be the only chance I have,” I said simply.

Scarlett nodded, and I was grateful she understood my predicament without me having to say the words. “Just so you know, I’m not really godmother material.”

I bit down on a laugh. “I figured as much.”

She didn’t return my smile. “But it doesn’t mean I’m not with you on this, okay?”

Before I could make a smart remark, Scarlett walked over to me decisively and bent down to give me a short, tight hug. It was completely uncharacteristic Scarlett behavior. I blinked away tears at her sudden tenderness.

She straightened up, choosing to ignore my watery eyes. “I’ve got your back.”

“Thanks.” I gave her a small smile.

I could hardly see her babysitting, but I was grateful for her solidarity. I’d need all the support I could get. Especially if I’d be doing this on my own.

To say I was distracted during dinner at Paul’s would be an understatement. Evident by my accidental confession to Scarlett, I was not good at concealing information. But there was no way I was announcing the news of my surprise pregnancy in front of Jack and Noah.

I spent the first half of the meal frantically trying to think of ways in which I could get Paul alone. Eventually I resigned myself to the fact it would have to be after the boys went to bed. The only problem was, I wasn’t sure I was going to make it until then.

Paul looked at me curiously as I stifled another yawn and attempted to finish my dinner.

“I thought you slept in?”

“I did, but I’m still tired.”

“I’m glad you’ve got the rest of the week off, then. Did you want me to drive you home now?”

“A ride would be nice, but it’s still early.”

“It doesn’t matter what time it is. You look like you need to be in bed.”

Obviously I looked as exhausted as I felt.

“Why don’t you just stay here?” Jack suggested.

Paul and I looked over at him. He was sitting opposite us and had been listening to our conversation.

“Yeah!” Noah piped up. “You can have a sleepover, Maddy.”

I smiled at his innocent expression. His definition of sleepover was very different to mine. It probably involved a sleeping bag on the floor next to his bed.

“That’s a nice offer but I don’t have anything with me,” I replied cautiously.

“Dad could drive you home to pick some stuff up. You only live a few minutes away.” Jack was watching me with blue eyes full of interest. It was pretty obvious he knew what the definition of an adult sleepover was and I felt myself blush.

I turned to look at Paul, hoping for some support. Instead those same blue eyes met mine, except his were full of amusement. “If the boys don’t have a problem with it, the invitation stands.”

Oh shit. Why tonight of all nights? I knew I should have been bouncing up and down with joy that our self-imposed sleepover ban had been lifted – at the insistence of his boys, no less. Instead I felt suddenly ill. “It’s an invitation I’ll definitely take you up on another night.”

“But
why?
” Noah looked crestfallen.

“I’m actually not feeling very well. I’m really tired, but if I’m coming down with something I’d hate to stick around and give it to you,” I explained.

“I’m sure Dad wouldn’t mind.” Jack’s mouth twisted into a sly grin.

The cheeky bastard. Like father, like son. “No, he probably wouldn’t,” I agreed, “but I’d feel horrible if I made you all sick.” And right now, more than anything else, I wanted the comfort of my own bed.

“Alright,” Paul said. “Let’s make it another night then if you’re not feeling well.” Paul’s arm reached protectively around my shoulders. He gave me a soft squeeze. “Why don’t you boys take the dishes to the kitchen and then go play for a bit?”

The scraping of chairs and the clatter of dishes was their noisy response. Paul and I watched as they dumped everything into the sink with a distinct lack of organization.

“Hey, at least it’s cleared,” he said softly in my ear. “Are you alright?”

“Just tired.” It wasn’t entirely a lie.

“It’s more than tiredness in my opinion.”

“What makes you say that?” I replied, trying not to go stiff.

“The ACB account has really thrown you, hasn’t it?”

Needing to do something with my hands, I reached out to grab my glass of wine, then thought better of it. My glass sat virtually untouched. For a good reason, I reminded myself as I forced my longing gaze away from it. I could really do with something to take the edge off right now.

“Madeleine?”

Tell him
, my subconscious insisted. I could still hear the boys in the other room and I ignored my impatient subconscious. I took a deep breath. “Sorry, what did you say?”

Paul gave me a strange look. “I said the ACB account has really thrown you.”

“Yes, it has,” I replied quickly, determined to get back on track. “It’s not quite what I expected.”

“Long days, last minute changes, calls at all hours?” Paul’s face twisted into a grimace. “I’m afraid that’s big business.”

“Not all big business, surely?” I refused to believe all clients were this hard.

Paul nodded. “A lot of them.”

I sighed and turned to stare out the window at the city, beginning to shimmer and flicker as dusk settled. “Maybe I should stick to smaller clients.”

“No, what you need to do is set yourself up with a few big clients and pad that out with smaller clients here and there.”

“A few?” I couldn’t imagine a few more like ACB. I was struggling to fathom how I’d cope with a baby and the one big business account I already had.

“Relax.” Paul squeezed my shoulders again. “You just need to find the right clients. ACB is your breakthrough. Stick with them this year and see how things go. It might improve. If it doesn’t, you ditch them and pitch for different ones.”

“Because pitching is so easy.”

“It’s easier than living with an account that doesn’t suit your culture. Besides, I’m here to help with the pitching anyway.”

“You’d do that?”

Paul turned and leveled his gaze at me. “Do you even need to ask? As long as you let me pitch our media services on the side.”

“I knew there was a catch.”

“You’ve got to admit it makes sense.”

It did. “I think you might be able to convince me.”

“Good.”

Paul leaned in for a long, lingering kiss. I realized how much I missed him. And how much I needed to get my news off my chest. I broke away and he gave me a questioning look. I took a deep breath.

“
Daaad!”
Noah’s irate voice echoed down the hallway.

“Shit.” The muscles in Paul’s jaw tensed. “Sorry, duty calls. Give me a sec.”

I watched Paul’s lanky frame disappear from sight. Not much could throw that man, I thought. He was the epitome of cool, calm and collected. I knew the persona that I projected was similar, but underneath the surface I was a mass of nervous energy. With Paul, the calm existed below the shell as well. I wondered if my news would change that.

I picked up my glass of wine and walked into the kitchen area. With a quick glance behind me I tipped the contents down the sink. It was stupid really, considering I was about to tell him my news. There was no need to hide it.

From the other room I could hear the boys shouting. Paul’s voice maintained its same familiar deep monotone. Even when I heard Noah screaming, at the top of his lungs, “
it’s not fair,
” Paul’s response was softer rather than louder.

I shook my head at his perpetual calm and tried to ignore the whirl of conflicting thoughts hurting my brain. I began to tidy the mess on the kitchen counter. The dishwasher was almost packed when Paul returned.

“Sorry,” he said.

“Don’t apologize. What was the problem?”

“The usual. Fancy Feet wasn’t winning.”

I smiled. “He really needs to work on that.”

“Try telling him. He thinks any sort of loss is the end of the world.”

“Having a competitive nature isn’t a bad thing,” I reasoned.

“No, it isn’t, but he can’t win at everything.”

“It makes him feel like he’s in control when he wins,” I said. “A lot of things have changed in his life lately, so the desire for control could be stronger right now.”

Paul’s blue eyes softened. “Speaking from experience?”

I nodded. Paul walked over to me and engulfed me in a hug. I sighed and let my head rest on his shoulder.

“I tell you,” Paul whispered into my ear, “I love them more than life itself and I love having them here, but I couldn’t do it again.”

The breath stopped momentarily in my throat, but somehow I managed to swallow it and exhale. “How do you mean?”

Paul pulled away and looked me in the eyes. “Kids. They’re bloody hard work. I’m so glad you’re happy with mine because I’m done.”

“You’re done?” I replied weakly.

“Completely. Ticked that box.” He leaned in and nuzzled my neck gently.

Oh God. I knew it was said in jest, but the truth of it cut to my core. I couldn’t exactly tell him now, could I?

Then when?
My subconscious wasn’t very understanding but I didn’t care. There was no way I was telling him tonight.

I pulled away from him. “Would you mind taking me home? I’m not feeling very well.”

“Of course.” Paul’s expression was one of pure concern. “I’ll just go tell Jack,” he said.

I nodded and went to collect my things, feeling sick to my stomach. I hated feeling duplicitous. But I wasn’t ready to break the news to him tonight. To be fair, I’d only just found out myself, and I was still reeling from the shock. It was understandable I needed some time to get my head around it. I owed myself that much. How could I honestly expect him to deal with the news if I was a complete mess about it?

Yes, I reasoned. I needed to give myself a few more days. Once I felt more settled about the whole thing I would tell Paul. That way when he went through the process of absorbing the news he’d see I was calm about it. More importantly, he’d see my resolve about keeping the baby.

Feeling marginally better, I went to stand in the hallway. Paul joined me a moment later and gave me a warm smile.

“Ready?”

“Ready,” I said.

Or at least I would be. Soon.

It was a week later when Christa walked into my office and leaned on my desk.

“Alright. What gives?”

I looked up at her from behind my computer. Today she wore a hot pink fitted shirt with slashes of bright blue splashed across it. It looked like she was wearing a piece of modern art.

“Nothing. Why?”

“Liar. You’ve been really distant.”

I went back to typing my email. Keeping my fingers busy was the best way of hiding my nerves. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“You think I don’t know you after all these years? You’re brooding over something and you need to tell me what it is.”

“I’m not brooding over anything.” The truth was, my plan of coming to terms with my pregnancy was not going well. I wasn’t so much brooding as spending way too much time researching and organizing. I’d gone into control freak mode. In the space of a week, I’d booked appointments with an obstetrician and for an ultrasound. I’d started looking into nanny websites about my options for care when I went back to work. I’d figured out I could manage to take four weeks off from work, then work from home for at least the next month. After that, I’d aim for three days per week in the office.

“You’ve been really distant,” Christa went on. “And Scarlett’s in on it too.”

“In on what?” I asked innocently.

“She’s demanding I go to New York with her in May and she let slip that you said no.”

“Of course I said no. I have a business to run.”

“It’s only one week. Why say no?”

“ACB.”

“By then you’ll have experienced account managers who have been working on it for at least six months. You could trust them for a week.”

“As you know, a lot can happen in a week.” I decided to redirect the conversation. “Are you going to go?”

Christa grinned at me. “I need to check with my boss first.”

“It’s fine. At least then Scarlett will leave me alone.”

“Awesome! She didn’t really need to convince me,” Christa admitted. “And Max is going to come too.”

“I’m sure Scarlett will love that. You could make it a couples’ thing and invite John.”

She shook her head at me. “I wouldn’t dare suggest it. You could still ask Paul and we could all go over together,” she suggested.

I gave her a look of disbelief. “Oh, Scarlett would be over the moon.”

“Have you asked Paul?”

“As I said, it’s not an option because I can’t leave the business.”

Christa sighed and stepped away from my desk. “You’d tell me if anything was wrong, wouldn’t you?”

I steeled myself and met her blue eyes. Her forehead was creased in concern. “Of course.”

“And you’re still right for our girls’ night this Friday after work?”

“It’s in my diary.”

“Great. I’ll leave you to brood.” She gave me a small smile. “Not that you’re brooding.”

I shook my head as she left the office. Feeling deceitful was a constant state of being for me right now and I hated it. Christa was my best friend. If she discovered Scarlett knew before her then I’d have some serious explaining to do. It was inconsequential, though. The next person to learn my news needed to be Paul.

I sighed and turned back to my computer screen. I may not have been brooding, but Christa was definitely right – I’d been very distant. Since Paul’s offhand comment about not wanting to have children last week I’d feigned sickness over the weekend. I’d made Paul stay away so the kids wouldn’t get sick.

Lies. All lies.

I got out of my seat and paced my office. Lying to my mother was just as hard. She had a sixth sense for when something wasn’t quite right in my world and it didn’t help that she sat directly outside my office. She would be only too willing to help if I could build up the courage and tell Paul first.

It’d need to be this weekend, I told myself. I was seeing my girlfriends on Friday night and they were already suspicious, but I’d have to keep up the deceit for a bit longer. If they had a stab at me later on I could simply claim I didn’t feel comfortable telling anyone until the twelve week mark. I wasn’t sure that excuse was going to cut it with Paul, though.

With a deep sigh I returned to my desk. Since learning about my pregnancy my attention span was limited at best. I eyed my mobile phone gratefully when it rang because it was a reprieve from my work. The display showed John’s name.

“Hi. It’s been a while.”

“Hey Maddy, hope you don’t mind me calling you at work.”

“Of course not.” I hadn’t seen him since December and I realized I missed his company. “How have you been?”

“Pretty good. Managed to take a week surfing up the coast over the Christmas break, so I can’t complain. Did you get some time off?”

“I went to Hawaii with Paul.”

“Nice. Did you show off your surfing skills?”

“Not yet,” I admitted. I wasn’t sure I’d be doing any surfing anytime soon either.

“That’s surfing sacrilege, you know. Going to Hawaii and not surfing.”

I laughed. “Sorry to disappoint.”

“That’s kind of why I’m calling.”

“Surfing?”

“No, sorry. I meant the disappointing bit. Scarlett’s really disappointed you can’t make it to New York.”

“You’re talking again?” I was shocked. Scarlett hadn’t mentioned John in weeks and I’d assumed he was keeping his distance. I hoped to hell she hadn’t told him the real reason I couldn’t go. I’d sworn her to secrecy lest she desired a prolonged, painful death.

“We bumped into each other in the city earlier this week.”

“Oh. Right. How was that?”

I heard John suck in a breath. “Difficult. A week away from the city catching some waves and I’d finally come to peace with my decision to move on with my life. And then there she is.”

“I’m sorry, John. Was she at least nice?”

“Disturbingly.”

“Truly?”

“Yeah.” He sighed and I could imagine him running one of his large palms through his black hair. “I want to go and see her exhibition in New York.”

“Hang on. What?”

“It turns out my firm is sending a few of us to a conference in Philadelphia the week before. When Scarlett was telling me about the art show, I realized I could make it up to New York – if I took some of my leave and delayed my flight home. Do you think I’m crazy?”

Not crazy. Impossibly sweet and Scarlett didn’t deserve him. “I know she’d love all the support she could get. Not that she’ll admit it, but she’s taking the show really seriously.”

“Do you think having me there would piss her off?”

“Honestly? I have no idea. Maybe at first, but then she’d get over it.” Scarlett’s mental state was a mystery to me and I was one of her closest friends. “Did you mention you’d be in the US when you bumped into each other?”

“No. I didn’t realize the dates lined up until I got back to the office and checked.”

We were silent for a moment. I could hear the telltale office background noises down the line. Phones ringing, computers pinging with incoming emails and conversation punctuated by laughter.

“If I decide to go, should I tell her what I’m planning?” he asked.

“Were you thinking you’d surprise her?”

“Yeah. Less chance of being told to piss off that way.”

“She could still tell you to piss off,” I warned.

“And probably will, but by then I’ll already be standing there.”

In another place and time, John’s suggestion was incredibly romantic. Unfortunately in the context of Scarlett, romance was a hard line to walk. “When do you have to decide?”

“Not straight away. I was just interested in your opinion.”

I released a thoughtful sigh. “If you’re going there to support her as a friend, then your gesture will be very much appreciated – after she gets over the initial shock. If you’re hoping for more than that, I’ll say what I always have, and that is I think you’re setting yourself up to get hurt.”

“I know, and I value your honesty. I’m not sure I’m ready for romance with her anyway. I want to attend as a friend, seeing as I was the one who helped to get her the show.”

“Then I think it’s a lovely idea,” I concluded.

“Okay. Thanks. I’d probably better let you get back to work. How are things with you?”

“Hectic.”

“Pretty normal then. Everything’s okay, right?”

I wondered if Scarlett had hinted at anything. “Everything’s fine.”

“Let me know if you want to join me one morning for a surf. You don’t want to lose the skills you’ve developed,” he cautioned.

I frowned, glad that he couldn’t see me. “I’ll definitely keep it in mind when things calm down a bit.”

“Great. Take care, Maddy.”

“You too, John.”

I finished the call and set the phone down, looking at it warily. I was so sick of telling lies. That was the real reason I’d been so distant. The less people I spoke to, the less I had to lie. And the worst thing was, this included Paul too.

*

The bar was crowded and noisy. The summer humidity had infiltrated the room and settled on us like a blanket. Worse still, my clothes were sticking to me. I wiped a bead of very unladylike sweat from my forehead, while attempting to hide my distaste. I wondered why the air conditioning didn’t seem to be making any difference. I also wondered why on earth my girlfriends had decided on this particular venue for a girls’ night. I would have been far happier eating at Christa’s and Cate’s.

Scarlett watched me while nursing a Guinness. “You alright?”

“Hot,” I complained. “Whose idea was this again?”

“Mine.” Christa didn’t meet my eyes. Instead she looked as though she was scanning the bar area for someone.

“Why?” I asked.

“Some of the girls at work have been raving about this place,” she replied.

“Let me guess,” I said dryly. “It was the junior staff raving about it?”

Christa turned in my direction. “Well, aren’t you the party animal? I suppose you’d rather be sitting at home brooding?”

I narrowed my eyes at her and didn’t answer. I knew she was still annoyed that I wouldn’t tell her what was going on.

Cate tilted her head toward me. “What are you brooding about, Maddy?”

“I don’t know. She won’t tell us,” Christa said before I could get a word in.

“How are we supposed to make you feel better, then?” Cate asked.

“She doesn’t want us to help her feel better. She wants to take on the world by herself as usual.”

Christa was more annoyed than I’d first realized. Well, she’d just have to get over it. I changed the subject. “Are we planning on eating here?”

Cate looked at me strangely. “You’re still hungry after that plate of wedges?”

“I skipped lunch,” I lied.

“We’ll be having dinner here,” Christa informed me. “I’d like to stick around and see the band. They come on at eight.”

I wrinkled my nose. “A pub band?”

“What have you got against pub bands?” Scarlett asked.

“Nothing. I guess.” Except I could think of about a thousand other places I’d rather be tonight instead of this overcrowded pub. I sighed. “Pass me the menu, would you?”

Cate reached over and grabbed it for me. I scanned the tattered menu, hoping the peeling laminate wasn’t indicative of the standard of food. A burger was probably the safest option and would keep the increasingly persistent hunger pangs at bay.

“Hey ladies.”

I looked up to find my big brother, Max, standing by our table. He bent down and planted a kiss on Christa’s waiting lips.

“Last time I looked, you weren’t a girl,” I observed.

He gave me a relaxed grin. “You’d be right.” Max pulled over an unoccupied stool from another table and squeezed in between Christa and Cate.

“I thought this was a girls’ night?”

Christa shrugged. “He can be an honorary girl.”

“In the most masculine way,” Max added.

Cate laughed, but I didn’t see what was so funny. “If I’d known, I would have invited Paul along,” I said.

“Didn’t you say he had the boys tonight?” Scarlett asked.

I nodded. Still, it would’ve been nice to have known. Tiredness and hunger were making me grumpy, so I stood and picked up my menu. “I’m going to order dinner.”

I made my way to the counter, where I ordered a burger with everything. I only noticed Scarlett had followed me to the bar when I turned around.

“Something – or someone – making you hungry?” Her ruby lips smirked at me.

“You could say that.”

“Can I buy you a drink?”

I gave her a deadpan look.

“You need to keep your fluids up,” she advised me.

“Thank you, Nurse Scarlett. What would you suggest? Everyone’s going to wonder why I’m not drinking wine.”

“So grab a mineral water and tell them it’s vodka lime and soda. I take it that means the charade is still going?”

“The charade is necessary,” I told her.

“Because you haven’t told Paul yet.”

“No, I haven’t told Paul.”

“Are you waiting until the baby pokes its head out?”

I glared at her. “I’m about nine weeks. Most people don’t tell anyone until the twelve week mark.”

“They tell their partners.”

God, I wanted a wine. Right. Now. Instead I raised my eyebrows at her. “Where’s my drink?”

Her mouth curled into a wry smile and she ordered my pretend alcoholic drink, then handed it to me. We barely missed having the entire glass of mineral water sloshed all over us when someone pushed past us to get to the bar.

“Why are we here again?” I asked. “Remind me.”

“It’s called a ‘night out’ and I suggest you enjoy them while you still can. Soon it will be all about sleepless nights and changing diapers.”

I swallowed a gulp of mineral water. Somehow it got lodged in my throat on the way down. “Thanks for that.”

I must have paled because Scarlett reached out and placed a steadying hand on my arm. “It will be alright.”

“You don’t know that,” I said.

“It’s the hormones talking,” she said as we walked back toward our table. “You’re going to be fine.”

I stopped and turned to her, forgetting that we were in the middle of a very crowded room full of people. A few people bumped into us and I was too grumpy to apologize for getting in their way. “I’m not sure I see it. I just keep wondering how I’m going to cope. Especially if …” I looked at the ground, my voice trailing off.