The Piano Man Project (15 page)

‘You’ll have to teach me one day,’ Honey laughed.

Robin looked serious for the first time that evening.

‘Cards on the table, Honeysuckle. You’re a wonderful girl but you’re just not my type at all, my love. I prefer my dates to be over six foot with an Adam’s apple, but if it’s any consolation you do cook a striking bolognese.’

Honey stared at him, round eyed. ‘Well … in the interests of complete honesty, you’re not my type either, Robin. I prefer my evil twisted neighbour who habitually ignores me and then occasionally flirts with me to keep me dangling on a string.’

Robin’s bushy eyebrows moved up into his equally bushy hair.

‘Tell me everything, darling, he sounds divine!’

And so she did, and Robin topped up her glass every time she reached the bottom of it and then offered to nip across the hall and punch Hal on the nose. ‘If I can reach it,’ he added, making Honey laugh for the hundredth time that evening.

‘Now. Enough maudlin, Jolene. Shall we line dance?’

He jumped up out of his chair and dragged the coffee table to the side of the room.

‘I don’t think I have the right music,’ Honey giggled, three sheets to the wind from the way he’d constantly refilled her glass.

‘Don’t worry about that. I’ll sing,’ Robin said, gesturing impatiently for her to stand alongside him on the rug. ‘You here.’

And so they line danced, and they laughed until Honey collapsed on the sofa with mildly hysterical tears rolling down her cheeks.

‘I give up. I’ll never be Dolly Parton,’ she said, her arm flung dramatically across her brow.

‘Probably for the best. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone worse at it, and I teach a class of ex-offenders at the community centre on a Thursday night.’

Honey laid a hand over her heart. ‘Leave. You’ve wounded me.’

Robin checked his watch and then leaned down and kissed her hand with a flourish.

‘Actually, I should bid you goodnight. It’s almost midnight; I might turn into a pumpkin if I stay beyond the witching hour. Or my mother might put the deadbolt on. One of those things will definitely happen.’

‘I like pumpkins,’ Honey said, as Robin pulled her to her feet by both hands.

‘Fabulous in a pie,’ he nodded, shrugging into his jacket as they made their unsteady way along the hallway.

‘Or soup on bonfire night,’ she muttered, leaning on the wall for support as he opened the door and blew her a theatrical volley of kisses.

‘I won’t kiss you on the mouth, darling. It would ruin you for other men.’

Honey nodded and blew him kisses with both hands in return.

Robin glanced cheekily at Hal’s door. ‘Shall I knock and offer to teach him to line dance?’

Honey shook her head. ‘I don’t think he’s a dancing kind of guy. At least not these days.’

‘There isn’t a person in this world who doesn’t like to shake their tush to a bit of Dolly, given the right circumstances,’ Robin insisted. ‘Get him dancing, Honeysuckle, and you’ll find your way behind that wall of his. I guarantee it.’ He tapped the side of his nose. ‘Trust your uncle Robin.’

‘That’s just creepy,’ she laughed, then clapped softly as he pirouetted across the hall tiles and let himself out of the front door.

She looked at Hal’s door for a long minute after Robin had left. There was no way she’d ever get him dancing, but maybe Robin had been onto something anyway. There was very little in the way of lightheartedness or laughter in Hal’s life, and he had the most beautiful smile on the rare occasions he let her see it. Maybe that was a way in with him. Something to think about, anyway.

Tomorrow morning she’d call Nell up and thank her. She might not have found Honey her perfect man, but she’d certainly given her a night to remember.

If Honey had hoped that Hal would emerge from his lair to find out about her date the next morning, she was disappointed. She’d texted both Nell and Tash and arranged to meet them for brunch, but his door had remained firmly closed when she’d left the house. It wasn’t as if she’d been quiet about it either; she’d slammed her own door once, and then again a minute or two later in case he hadn’t heard it the first time. Then she’d loitered for a thoroughly unnecessary amount of time in the hallway, and she may have dropped her keys on the floor loudly a couple of times too. In the end she’d grown furious with herself and him and slammed out of the house, only to nip back in again after going a few steps along the pavement, just in case that final slam had been the one that brought him to his door. It hadn’t, and Honey stomped out again, even angrier than she’d been already.

By the time she reached their favourite café she’d walked her temper off and she waved at Nell and Tash as she spotted them through the window. They were sitting on low-slung sofas around their favourite table, and a wash of familiarity and contentment washed over Honey as she dropped down beside Tash, who twisted around to face her with a mug of coffee cradled in her hands and eyes sparkling for gossip.

‘Well? I take it the mysterious Robin turned up then, seeing as we’ve been summoned?’

Honey nodded and glanced towards Nell, who looked back at her nervously.

‘Yup. He arrived on the dot.’

‘And …?’ Tash said, drawing the word out.

‘And he was … funny?’ Honey said, taking her time to choose the best word to summarise Robin without doing him a disservice.

Tash’s green eyes clouded. ‘Funny ha-ha or funny peculiar?’

‘Umm, funny ha-ha? He was actually really good company, I don’t think I’ve laughed so much in years. Present company excepted, of course,’ she said, and saw Nell’s shoulders relax a little.

‘I’m getting the feeling that there was no romance involved,’ Tash frowned as she put her empty mug down on the low mahogany table.

‘None at all,’ Honey supplied merrily. ‘Nell, how well do you know Robin?’

Her friend looked a little shifty and glad to see the waiter advancing on them. ‘Well, not massively, obviously. In fact, not at all, really, but I’ve heard him play the piano and he’s practically Mozart.’

‘So what did he look like?’ Tash asked, after they’d placed their orders.

Honey already felt a sense of loyalty to her new friend. ‘He was quite sweet,’ she said, and then, ‘in a short, round, hairy Leo Sayer kind of way.’

Tash shot daggers at Nell. ‘Jesus, Nell, what were you trying to do? Sabotage things?’

‘He’s nice,’ Nell protested. ‘And he was the only pianist I knew.’

Honey nodded. ‘He was really great, Tash; you’d have loved him. Not nice in a sexy way, but then I wasn’t his cup of tea either. He told me he’s looking for a chubby brunette who’s into line dancing.’

Nell started to laugh. ‘I’m sorry, Honey. I promise to try harder next time.’

‘No more.’ Honey smiled, but shook her head firmly. ‘That’s why I wanted to meet up today. Please girls, you’ve tried and I’m honestly grateful, but this just isn’t working out. Deano was hung up on his ex, and Robin … well, he was lovely, but this whole piano man idea is proper bonkers when you stop to think about it, isn’t it?’

‘How about we widen it to other musicians? I saw a sexy cellist at the theatre the other night, the span of his fingers was something else,’ Tash said, splaying her fingers wide to demonstrate.

‘The theatre?’ Nell sounded more surprised by Tash’s social engagements than the cellist’s hands.

Tash nodded. ‘I know! And it wasn’t even a pantomime! Yusef is into all this highbrow stuff, I think he’s turned on by the idea of educating me.’ Her merry eyes danced. ‘I’m not complaining. He had his hand down my shirt through most of the second half and he let me drive his Porsche home.’

‘Not that highbrow then,’ Nell said dryly.

‘He’s filthy rich and filthy dirty, just the way I like ’em.’ Tash’s grin was pure filth too as she winked at the blushing teenage waiter who’d just placed their food down. He spilt a little of Nell’s soup over the edge of the bowl in panic and then tripped on the strap of Honey’s bag in his haste to get away.

As usual, brunch was delicious, soul food they’d built their friendship over for many years. Honey valued these two women like sisters, and listening to them share confidences and laugh softly as they ate, she knew it was time to tell them about Hal.

‘Honey, I know we haven’t come up with the best of candidates yet, but let’s not give up,’ Nell said, her mouth set in a serious line. ‘If nothing else, you’re having fun, and that’s better than staying home alone, right?’

‘I love you both for trying,’ Honey said, covering Nell’s hand and giving it a squeeze, ‘but the thing is, I’m snowed under with all of this drama happening at work, and I’ve kind of got myself ever-so-slightly involved with my neighbour, and Mimi and Lucille need my help with some personal stuff that’s come up …’ she trailed off as Nell placed her spoon abruptly down and Tash held up her hand as if to stop traffic.

‘Hold it right there, lady. Back up.’

Honey had sandwiched the relevant part of her speech in the middle, not because she didn’t want to tell them, but more because she didn’t really know what to tell them. On the one hand, there wasn’t really very much to tell. It wasn’t as if she and Hal were romantically involved on any level that could be deemed as normal; one kiss was hardly enough to call off the search. But then on the other hand, it wasn’t about the kiss at all, and that was where she could really use some advice.

‘Your neighbour?’ Nell said. ‘Not the angry one with blood all over his hands?’

Tash looked from Nell to Honey. ‘He sounds delightful. What have I missed here?’

Honey sighed heavily, unsure where to start. ‘Yeah, that one,’ she said, glancing at Nell, and then studiously lining up the bangles on her wrist as she decided how to put it.

‘Have you shagged him?’ Tash burst out, staring at Honey. ‘Oh my God, he made you orgasm, didn’t he?’

The beetroot-faced waiter, who’d just plucked up the courage to clear their plates, put them straight back down and walked away.

‘No! No. Tash, keep your voice down will you?’ Honey hissed, trying not to look at the suddenly silent couple at the next table. ‘Of course I haven’t shagged him. He’s … he’s complicated.’

‘The last time we talked about him you said he was vile,’ Nell said, looking unconvinced. ‘What changed?’

‘I got to know him,’ Honey said simply. ‘A bit, anyway.’

‘Have you been on a date?’ Nell said. Honey half laughed at the idea of a date with Hal. ‘God no. Not unless you count endless hours spent sitting outside his closed door being ignored or swore at.’

She didn’t miss the concerned look that passed between her friends, and she couldn’t blame them for their reticence. She wasn’t painting the best of pictures. She tried again.

‘The thing is, Hal’s not like most men. He’s going through a hard time, and he’s angry, and he’s blind, and he kisses me like there’s no air, and he doesn’t leave the house, and he drinks too much whisky.’

It was a toss up which of her friends looked more shocked.

‘He’s blind?’ Nell said softly.

‘You kissed him?’ Tash said, leaning forward.

‘Yes, and yes. I don’t know what happened to him, but I get the impression that his blindness is quite recent. He doesn’t like to talk about it. To be honest, most of the time he doesn’t like to talk about much at all.’

‘You’re not selling him, Honey,’ Nell said.

‘I know. It’s hard to explain,’ Honey said. ‘There’s just something about him that gets me. He’s a mass of contradictions. He’s a terrible grouch, but then he’s funny and endearing. He dresses like a rock star and acts like a recluse. He ignores me for days on end and then every now and then he is so, so incredible that he knocks the breath out of me.’

Tash ordered a bottle of wine. ‘Aside from the fact that he’s a hot kisser, he sounds like bloody hard work to me.’

Honey nodded. ‘I can see that. And he is, but I don’t think he means to be. But here’s the thing.’

Tash and Nell both sat statue-still as they waited to hear what ‘the thing’ was.

And so Honey let the thought out, the one that had lingered around in her subconscious like a squatter, refusing to leave until she gave it the attention it deserved.

‘I think he’s The One.’ Honey’s words came out barely above a whisper.

‘The One … as in the one who can make you orgasm?’ Tash said.

‘Or the one … as in The One?’ Nell said, her big brown eyes round and watchful.

Honey dropped her head in her hands, trying to make sense of her feelings along with her friends.

‘I don’t know,’ she said, and Nell and Tash moved around the table to squish on the sofa either side of her. She slumped back between them and took the glass of wine Tash offered. ‘I honestly don’t know, and it scares me stupid. Both, maybe?’

When she let herself into the house later that afternoon, Honey took the hall at a run in case Hal opened his door. She couldn’t face him yet, not after spending the last few hours dissecting her burgeoning feelings for him with Nell and Tash. They’d both wanted to come back and meet him, which she knew he’d hate and had vetoed straight away. Nell wanted to vet him for suitability, and Tash wanted to get a look at the man Honey had billed as the sexiest kisser alive. Another time, she’d said, meaning
never
, if Hal had anything to do with it.

After much deliberation, they’d arrived at the shaky conclusion that Honey had a stonking great schoolgirl crush on her neighbour. Nell had ruled out the possibility of love, based on the fact that Honey had only kissed him once and eighty per cent of the relationship seemed to be one sided.

They’d also decided that Honey should explore the possibility of further physical contact with Hal in order to reassess her reaction to him. He’d kissed her when she’d just been rejected by Deano; she’d been at her most vulnerable, which would have rendered her susceptible. ‘In other words,’ Tash had said, ‘you need to snog his face off again and see if he gets your juices flowing a second time.’

So there it was. Piano man mission aborted, and operation snog-Hal’s-face-off underway. She’d just go to bed for a few hours, and then she’d think about it again.