The Penalty Box (22 page)

“Yes, I
know
, but you used to have to
pretend
to be a man, didn't you? Fake the feelings of a man?”

“Uh huh,” Denise replied carefully.

“So tell me: As a former man trapped in a woman's body who had to pretend for years to
feel
like a man, do you think he meant it, or do you think he was being glib?”

“I truly wish I had a tape recorder.” Bitsy sighed.

Denise picked up another piece of brownie and popped it in her mouth, chewing daintily. “As a former man trapped in a woman's body, it is my considered opinion that he meant it.”

Katie's face fell. “Really?”

“Yes. Men have a hard time expressing their feelings. That was his roundabout way of telling you how he felt without taking the risk of saying the actual words and being rejected.”

Katie slumped in her seat.

“Don't you agree?” Denise asked Bitsy.

“As a woman who has loved a man who has always been a man and continues to expand into an ever bigger man, I'd have to agree with you,” said Bitsy. Her gaze traveled to Katie. “I think he's in love with you.”

“What should I do?” Katie asked her friends.

Bitsy arched an eyebrow. “Return the sentiment?”

“I can't,” Katie groaned. “I mean I can, but if I do it'll be a big fat mess and I just don't have time for it. I have a book to write.”
And I'm leaving.

“Writing and love are mutually exclusive?” Denise questioned. “That's a new one on me.”

Katie pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes. “You don't understand.”

“Obviously,” Bitsy drawled. “Want to know what I
really
think?”

“No.”

“I'm going to tell you anyway: I think you're being a moron.”

Katie pulled her hands from her eyes. “You do?”

Bitsy nodded.

“You?” Katie asked Denise.

“Total moron.”

Bitsy looked concerned. “What the hell are you so afraid of, hon?”

“Nothing. Everything. Oh, give me a piece of that damn brownie before I start sucking on my own toes. I'm starving!” Katie grabbed a piece of the brownie and crammed it in her mouth, washing it down with a shot of coffee.

“Better?” Bitsy soothed.

Katie nodded.

“Good. Now stop being a twit and just have fun with Paul. What have you got to lose?”

“
Oh
,
man! Did
you see my shot from the blue line? Did you!”

Katie shot her nephew an amused glance as they made their way to the local ice cream shop to celebrate the Panthers' victory against the Polecats.

“Of course I did,” she assured him. Though Paul had spent the first two periods of the game trying to play everyone, by the third it was clear he was trying to win at any cost, putting his best players on the ice as much as possible. That included Tuck. Katie was in a quandary. If she brought it up to Paul, he'd probably bite her head off. But if she kept quiet, wasn't that being complicit?

“Did you see my deke in the second period?” Tuck continued animatedly.

Katie nodded. She had never seen Tuck this happy in her life. The kid was practically jumping out of his seat with excitement and pride.

“The coach used me a lot,” Tuck boasted.

“Yes, he did,” Katie agreed, wondering if the ice cream parlor had fat-free yogurt. She hadn't had time to run that morning, though she planned on doing so when she and Tuck got back to the house.

“I know why,” Tuck replied, his voice laden with significance.

Katie smiled at him proudly. “So do I; you're a great player.”

“Duh! But it's something else, too.” He turned to look out the window, suppressing a little smile.

“Oh, and what's that?” Katie asked. “And P.S., don't ever ‘duh' me again.”

“I think,” Tuck said as he turned back to her, “that he might be my father.”

Oh, shit.
Katie contemplated stopping the car right there. She could barely look at Tuck, whose radiant face shone with the certain knowledge he was right.
He really believes it.
How was she going to let him down gently? “Tuck,” she said carefully, “Coach van Dorn is not your father.”

“You don't know,” Tuck insisted.

“Yes, I do. Coach van Dorn had been out of Didsbury for many years when you were born.”

“So? He could have come back for a visit and slept with Mom.”

Katie was momentarily dumbstruck. Sometimes she wanted to kill Mina.

“That's very doubtful, hon.” Katie reached over to give Tuck's knee a squeeze. “I know it's fun to think someone cool like Coach van Dorn might be your dad, and that might be the reason he's giving you so much ice time, but if he was your dad, your mom would have told you that a long time ago. Okay?”

Tuck pushed her hand away and returned to staring out the window. “You're just upset because Coach is
your
boyfriend now and you can't handle the fact he might have fucked Mom.”

Trembling, Katie eased the car to the curb. “Two things,” she said tersely.

Tuck wouldn't look at her.

“Number one: If you ever talk to me like that again, you can find someone else to take you to hockey practice and games. Number two: If you
ever
talk about your mother like that again, your days playing hockey are done.
Got it?
”

Tuck remained silent.

“
Got it?
” Katie repeated loudly.

“Yes!” Tuck yelled back, slumping in the front seat.

Katie eased back into traffic. “Look, I know how hard it is to grow up without a dad. It sucks.”

Tuck continued his silent treatment.

“Tuck?” Katie prodded.

“I don't want any stupid ice cream,” Tuck muttered.

Katie could feel a vein in her forehead fluttering. “Fine. We'll head home.”

Turning the car around, Katie was deeply shaken by Tuck's behavior. He was usually such a good kid, so easy-going and well-behaved. But every once in a while, he'd mouth off. Katie supposed all kids had their moments, but it bothered her that Tuck was only nine and using words like
fuck
so freely, especially in connection with his own mother. Did all nine-year-olds talk like this? She felt out of touch.

“You still talking to me?” she asked.

“I guess.” He paused. “It
is
possible, you know.”

Katie's hands tightened around the steering wheel. “Tuck.”

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Tuck said brightly, changing subjects completely. “Gary Flaherty invited me to sleep over his house tonight. Can I?”

The request brought Katie up short. Just because she disliked Liz was no reason to dislike her son. Gary and Tuck did seem to get along well. In fact, Tuck had taken to referring to Gary as his best friend. “Let's see what Nana says. If it's okay with her, then you can go.”

 

 

Katie had never
been to Windy Gables except on Sunday afternoons, and was frankly surprised to find she was allowed to visit on a Friday night. After being checked to make sure she wasn't smuggling any drugs or alcohol inside, the attendant at the front desk buzzed for Mina. She appeared from around the corner, looking casual in an oversized sweater and jeans. She seemed genuinely happy to see Katie.

“Geez,” Mina said, lightly taking Katie's arm as they walked down the hall, “don't you have anything better to do on a Friday night than hang out here?”

“Not really.”

“What about your hockey boyfriend?”

“I'll see him tomorrow night.”

“Can't take him two nights in a row, huh? I hear that.”

Katie had never thought of it that way, but she supposed Mina was right. Paul insisted on being at his bar on Friday night, and though he always asked Katie to join him, she never agreed. She simply wasn't a bar person. Besides, he spent the whole night playing happy host. He didn't need her there.

Katie had never been in Mina's room before; she'd only met her sister in the lounge. She was surprised to find a very simple but tastefully decorated room with two twin beds. Mina hopped onto the bed closest to the window, sitting cross-legged opposite the most intimidating-looking man Katie had ever seen in her life.

He was at least six foot two, with a shiny bald head and a long, scraggling moustache. Tight black jeans hugged his massive thighs, while a black leather vest covered his bare chest, revealing bulging biceps covered in tattoos. He had a skull tattooed on top of his left hand and spitting cobra tattooed atop the right.

“This is Snake,” Mina said, picking up the deck of playing cards in front of her.

Katie graciously extended her hand, trying to remember all that Mina had told her about him. She knew he was clean and sober and rode a motorcycle. Oh, and he had an apartment and was willing to put Mina and Tuck up until they found a place of their own. An image flashed in her mind of Snake dropping Tuck off at school on his motorcycle. She made it disappear.

“Pleased to meet you,” said Snake. His voice reminded Katie of nails tearing down sandpaper. Snake was obviously a smoker.

“You, too.” Katie edged closer to the bed. “What are you guys playing?”

“Rummy,” said Mina, dealing the cards. “Snake's too dumb to play poker.”

Snake chortled darkly. “Yeah, right.”

Katie sat down. “Mina? Do you think I could talk to you for a minute?”

“Anything you have to say to me you can say in front of Snake.”

Snake nodded sagely, exchanging a three of clubs for an ace of hearts.

“Okay.” Katie puffed up her cheeks, blowing out her breath. “It's about Tuck. He's convinced Paul van Dorn is his father.”

Mina snorted. “I wish!”

“Who the fuck is Tuck? Rummy!” called Snake, throwing down his cards.

“You can't have rummy that quickly!” Mina frowned. “You cheated!” She gathered up the cards. “Tuck is my son. I've told you a million times.”

Snake narrowed his eyes. “You never told me you had a fucking kid.”

“Yes, I did,” Mina countered angrily. “Remember? When you said I could crash with you when I got out, and I said it wouldn't only be me, it would be me
and
my son, and you said that was cool?”

Snake grunted. “I guess I forgot.”

Mina screwed up her eyes. “You doin' H again?”

“No, I'm not doin' H,” Snake replied, looking offended. “I just got a lot on my mind right now. The kid's cool, the kid's cool. As long as he doesn't get in the way.”

A look passed between Snake and Mina that made Katie uneasy.
Get in the way of what?
she wondered. Their screwing? Their setting up a crystal meth lab in the kitchen? Katie hated thinking that way but Snake didn't exactly inspire confidence.

“You in?” Mina asked Katie, holding up the deck of cards.

“No, I'm fine. You two play, I'll just babble.”

Snake chuckled. “She's funny, your sister.”

Katie threw Snake a look. “I'm
in
the room, you know.”

“Gotcha.”

“Snake?” she ventured. “What's your real name?”

“Snake,” he answered gruffly.

“You expect me to believe your mother named you Snake?”

“I named myself Snake when I was reborn into the brotherhood of the highway,” Snake replied solemnly, the look in his dark eyes letting Katie know this line of questioning was going no further. “That's all that matters.”

“Gotcha,” Katie answered. Reborn into the brotherhood of the highway? Yeah, this guy was a
great
role model for Tuck.

“So, what's up with Tuck?” Mina asked, dealing the cards.

“He's doing really well on the hockey team,” Katie began. “Paul's been putting him on the ice a lot.”

“Hockey's for pussies,” Snake muttered.

Katie bristled. “Oh, really?”

“Yes, ma'am.”

“Name a sport you think isn't for pussies,” Katie challenged.
Rolling midgets? Crushing beer cans against your forehead?

Snake thought. “Bowhunting. Sports ain't macho unless something dies.”

Katie found herself dumbstruck for the second time in one day.

“I'm glad he's having fun,” said Mina, furrowing her brows as she decided which card to put down in place of the one she'd just picked up.

“He is, but today in the car, he told me he thought Paul was putting him on the ice a lot because he was his father.”

“Poor little fucker,” said Snake.

Katie took a deep breath, trying to ignore him.

Mina seemed distracted. “So—what do you want me to do about it?”

“Well, when he's here with me on Sunday, maybe you can set him straight.”

“Katie, I can't just bring it up out of nowhere,” Mina said.

“Why not?”

“Because it's weird! If he asks me who his dad is, then I'll tell him. But I'm not just gonna, you know, bring it up.”

“Do you know who his dad is?” Katie blurted.

“Not exactly,” Mina said, watching Snake intently as he perused his cards. “It doesn't really matter.”

“It does to Tuck,” Katie pointed out. “What have you told him in the past when he's asked?”

“Not to ask again,” said Mina. She and Snake laughed.

Katie blinked.
You're a bad mother,
she thought.
You're a bad, shitty mother and you don't deserve a kid like Tuck.
“Don't you think he deserves a better answer than that?” she said quietly.