The Peculiar Miracles of Antoinette Martin: A Novel (15 page)

Not Lily.
She tried to shake her head, but her neck muscles wobbled, and her chin fell to her chest. Lily had only arrived yesterday, but Antoinette already knew she was
not
going to love her. She already had a mother. She didn’t need another one.

Plus, Lily’s name was wrong. The lilies in the house garden were yellow and orange and pink, but there was nothing bright about her aunt. Her hair was brown like tilled soil, and her eyes were a deep mossy green. She was more oleander than lily. Antoinette imagined the flower blooming in Lily’s footsteps.
Beware
, it would say as she walked past.

If Antoinette could bite Lily, she would. She opened her mouth and snapped it shut.

Lily flinched. “I’m making things worse,” she said. “Maybe I should go home.”

Antoinette flapped her hands.
Yes! Go home!

“Give her some time,” her mother said. “She doesn’t know you yet.”

I don’t want to know her.
Antoinette growled at Lily.

Lily dropped the pansy she had been holding. It fluttered to the ground, and when she walked away from the cash register she stepped on it. “Are these from the greenhouse?” She stopped in front of the lavender. “I didn’t see them when I walked through yesterday.” She knelt and lightly touched each plant. Her lips moved, and it looked like she was counting. She whispered, “Twelve.”

The strangeness of it made Antoinette pause.

Her mother trimmed a dogwood stem and inserted it into her arrangement. The red branch was stark against the white flowers.

Lily shook her head. “They shouldn’t be blooming now. Everything’s out of sync.” She pressed her hands into the grass as if the earth was spinning too fast.

“Lily Martin!” Teelia Todd, who sold hand-spun yarn in the booth across from theirs, walked toward them. Teelia was wiry, and her skin as brown as a walnut. Her gray hair swirled around her head in a mass of curls. She carried a milk crate filled with yarn. Frank, one of her alpacas, trailed along behind her.

Antoinette liked Frank. His white fleece was soft, and sometimes he pressed his nose against her shoulder. She shook her hands and wiggled her fingers. She wanted to touch him.

“You found your way back to us,” Teelia said as she set the crate on a table in her booth. Frank was out of Antoinette’s reach right now, but she stretched toward him anyway.

“I knew you weren’t a city girl.” Teelia tied Frank’s lead line to her booth and hurried over to them

Frank hummed. Antoinette loved the sound. She pressed her lips together and sang along with him.

“Is that Frank?” Lily asked as she stood up. “I can’t believe he’s still around.”

Teelia nodded and hugged Lily. “I’ll be gone long before he is. We all missed you.”

No. Not everyone.
Antoinette stopped humming and again tried to shake her head.

“Now that you’re home,” Teelia said as she released Lily, “maybe Seth won’t seem so lost.”

“Oh, Seth and I aren’t . . .”

“I don’t think Seth is lost,” Antoinette’s mother said. She inserted a white daffodil into the watering can and tucked moss around its stem. “A little too serious, maybe. But not lost.”

Antoinette stretched up on her toes and walked to her mother’s side. She opened her fingers and placed her palm against the old steel can. The metal was so cold it made her teeth hurt. It felt like Christmas and icicles and knee-deep snow.

“Maybe ‘lost’ isn’t the right word,” Teelia said. She paused. “ ‘Agitated.’ That boy is agitated. He looks like he’s searching for something.”

Standing this close, Antoinette saw her mother’s pulse beating below her jawline. It wasn’t a steady thump-thump. It was more a thump-pause-pause-thump.

Antoinette reached for her. She wanted to hear her mother’s song, but her mother walked across the booth to Lily.

Antoinette balled her hands and stamped her feet. Lily needed to
go away
.

“You know Seth,” her mother said. “He’s probably pondering the meaning of life. Besides, it’s spring. Opening the farm is a lot of work. If he’s more bothered than usual, that’s why.”

Her mother was wrong. The last two nights, Antoinette had looked out of her bedroom window. She expected to see deer at the edge of the woods. Instead, she’d seen Seth coming in from the drying barn, carrying his violin. He only played in the barn when he was upset.

“I’ve known that boy since he was six years old, running around covered in bruises from his father,” Teelia said. She pointed at Lily. “The only time he had any peace was when he was with you. He hasn’t been himself since y’all broke up.”

Lily pressed her thumb against her index finger and then moved it to her middle finger, her ring finger, her pinky. With each touch, she whispered a number. “That wasn’t my doing,” she finally said.

“The garden show’s in less than two weeks,” Antoinette’s mother said to Teelia. “Are you ready?”

“Almost,” Teelia said. “I want to do a spinning demonstration this year. Do you think Seth could come over and pick up the enclosure for Frank and a few crates of yarn? I’m getting too old to haul everything around myself.”

“I’m sure he won’t mind,” Antoinette’s mother said.

“Maybe Lily could come with him and help out.” Teelia winked at Lily, and at the same time Frank resumed humming. Antoinette swayed along with him.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Lily said. “Things aren’t the same as they used to be. We’re not”—she waved her hand from side to side—“together. Besides, I only got home yesterday, and he seems fine without me.”

“Haven’t you learned yet?” Teelia asked. “Just because a man
seems
fine doesn’t mean he
is
fine. Trust me, even if he doesn’t know it yet, that boy needs you.”

Frank’s humming had grown steadily louder. He wagged his head back and forth. It looked like fun. Antoinette dropped her chin to her chest to imitate him. When she did, she lost her balance and pitched forward.

Right into her aunt.

Lily grabbed Antoinette’s shoulders. “You okay?” she asked.

Antoinette bared her teeth and growled.
Don’t touch me!
Her arms twitched and flew up over her head.

Lily let go and backed away. “What did I do?”

Antoinette’s mother sighed. “Nothing. She just doesn’t know you yet.”

That wasn’t it. Antoinette could have known Lily her entire life, and she still wouldn’t like her. She growled. The few customers in the booth stared.

“I’d better get back,” Teelia said. She took Lily’s hands. “Your parents would be proud of you for helping out.” Then she headed back to her booth.

The man in the Go Green! T-shirt came up to the cash register and set three pots of lavender on the counter in front of Lily. “I’ve never seen lavender bloom this early,” he said.

“Neither have I,” Lily said. She brushed the gray foliage. “Would you like to pick out another one? I plant mine in groups of four.”

“I’ve only got enough room for three.” He held out a bill.

Lily didn’t take the money. Again, she touched the plants, counting as she did. Her behavior was strange. Antoinette cocked her head to the side and watched.

Lily said, “Three.” Then she recounted, as if she would come up with a different number this time. “You could plant two in the garden and two in containers in your kitchen. I do that. Then when I make lavender bread or lavender cookies, it’s easy to snip off some flowers.”

“No, I don’t—”

“Here.” Lily selected another plant. “We’re running a special. Buy three, get one free.”

“I don’t want four.” The man sounded irritated.

“Lily,” Antoinette’s mother said, “he doesn’t want it.”

Lily put the four plants on a cardboard box lid and shoved it toward him. “Take it.”

“You’re one weird lady,” the man said as he walked away.

Antoinette giggled. She flapped her hands and turned in a circle.
Weird Lily. Weird Lily. Weird, weird, weird.
For once, she wasn’t the only strange one.

“Tell me something I don’t know.” Lily swept the remaining yellow pansies from the table. They fluttered down, creating spots of gold in the grass.

Antoinette’s mother stepped back to look at her flower arrangement. She plucked out a flower that was too tall and trimmed its stem before reinserting it. “Do you remember the garden show before you left for college?”

Lily’s cheeks turned bright red. “Of course I do.”

Antoinette’s mother laughed. “I thought Mom was going to have a heart attack when she found you and Seth kissing in the drying barn.”

Lily shook her head. “That was a long time ago.”

Her mother sat down on the stool and brushed her hair back from her forehead. Her cheeks had a pink glow, but dark circles sat under her eyes. “You should talk to him. I know he missed you. He carries a picture of you in his wallet.”

Go away, Lily
, Antoinette thought. She slapped the table.

Her mother glanced at her, then dunked a measuring cup in the bucket of water she kept under the table and drizzled it over her flower arrangement.

“Is he okay?” Lily finally asked.

“You know better than to listen to Teelia,” Antoinette’s mother said. “She exaggerates. If he’s troubled, it’s the stress of the show. It’s in a week and a half. Plus, he’s been taking on more responsibility around the farm as I’ve been slowing down.”

When Lily spoke, her voice was soft and tentative. “Maybe you should cancel the show this year. Not just for Seth, but for everyone involved.”

Antoinette’s mother shook her head and went back to work on her flower arrangement. “I want to keep everything the same for as long as possible.”

That was exactly what Antoinette wanted. Which meant Lily needed to go home. She snapped her teeth shut. She might not be able to say
I don’t like Lily
, but there were ways to communicate without language. Her mother would know that when she chomped down on nothing but air, it meant
I don’t like Lily
.

Sure enough, her mother glared at Antoinette. “Stop it, Antoinette. That’s not funny.”

Antoinette stopped biting the air, but her mother was wrong. It
was
funny. She shrieked.
Bite. Bite. Bite
, she thought as she circled past shelves packed with flowers.

A woman trailing a toddler placed two potted azaleas on the counter. “They like acidic soil,” Lily said as she rang up the plants. “Work coffee grounds around their base when you plant them.”

That was true. Antoinette remembered pressing her fingers into the ground near the azaleas flanking the drying barn. The sharp taste of lemons always filled her mouth.

Antoinette stretched up on her toes and walked to the edge of their tent. Frank saw her and hummed. No one was watching. She could slip away, pet Frank, and be back before her mother noticed she was gone.

Antoinette felt light with anticipation. For once her body moved easily. Her knees didn’t pop, and her arms didn’t fly skyward.

She was halfway to Teelia’s when her mother looked up. “That’s too far, Antoinette.”

From somewhere behind her, Antoinette heard her mother’s voice. “Lily,” she said. “Could you go bring her back?”

Lily’s voice was soft. “How do I do that? Will she listen to me?”

“Just pick her up and bring her back here.”

Antoinette hurried. Lily was
not
picking her up. Antoinette would pet Frank, and then she would walk back to the booth by herself. She didn’t need Lily. She didn’t need anyone except her mother.

She imagined running from Lily, and she moved so fast the wind tugged her hair back from her face. Two more steps and she’d bury her face in Frank’s neck. She stretched for him.

Just before her fingertips touched his soft nose, Lily snatched her away.

Antoinette arched her back and screamed.
Don’t touch me! You’re not my mother!

Lily tightened her arms around Antoinette’s waist and started counting. “One. Two. Three. Four.” Her voice shook.

Antoinette flailed her arms and kicked her feet. She screamed until her throat burned. She flung her head back and raked her nails down Lily’s arms. Blood beaded up from the cuts she made, but Lily didn’t let go.

Antoinette kept screaming.
I hate you!
She imagined yelling the words so loud all of Redbud would hear.

They were back at the booth, but Lily didn’t set her down. Antoinette kicked her feet, aiming for Lily’s shins, but this time her body didn’t cooperate. She didn’t hit anything.

“Antoinette, stop! You’re hurting Lily.” Her mother put her hands on Antoinette’s face, trying to hold her head still.

Lily kept counting. “Ten. Eleven. Twelve.” Her arms trembled, but she didn’t let go.

Leave us alone!
Antoinette screamed until she was empty. Until her mother felt so far away that Antoinette couldn’t reach her, even when she stretched out her arms as far as they would go.

Chapter Ten

Any confidence Lily had in her ability to be Antoinette’s guardian evaporated as she carried the girl out of the farmers’ market. Her arms bled from multiple crescent-shaped gouges. Her muscles shook from the effort it had taken to hold on to the girl while she flailed. And now her hands were numb. She wiggled her fingers to get the blood circulating, but it didn’t help.