The Pages We Forget (27 page)

“Trevor, would you like for Keith to go riding with you?” This was the opportunity June had hoped for. She wanted Trevor and Keith to spend some time together so they could get to know each other.

Trevor saw his befriending Keith as betraying Alex. He glanced up at Alex, who had stopped chewing mid-bite. He turned and stared at Keith out the corner of his eye. “That's okay.”

“Are you sure?” Keith asked. “It's been a while, but I used to be a pretty good rider.”

“Thanks.” He lowered his head. “I'll wait until tomorrow.”

Alex said, “Tell you what, Trevor. All of a sudden, I feel like riding. So, why don't you, Keith, and I go get saddled up.” He said it before he realized he was saying it.

“Can I, Ma?”

“Sure,” she answered. “When you're done eating.”

“I'm done!” Trevor kissed June on the cheek. “Last one to the stable is a sissy,” he yelled and ran toward the back door.

“Put your jacket on!” June yelled to Trevor.

“It's not cold,” Trevor hollered back.

“Trevor!” Kathryn intervened. “You heard your mother.”

“All right, Gramps.”

Keith gave Alex a grateful smile and a pat on the shoulder before rushing off behind Trevor.

“Alex, you're a good man,” Lucy Kaye said.

“The best,” June said and then reached across the table to cover his hand with hers. She stared into his eyes and allowed him to stare back into hers. “I don't know if I've told you this enough lately, but I love you.”

This was the moment Alex had been waiting for. He had to ask her now. Fear and uncertainty stopped him while June was in the hospital. He'd planned on asking her the previous night, but when he walked into the room, she was sitting next to the window staring at Keith's bedroom window. He couldn't ask her then because he felt her heart and her mind were with the man next door. Now he was seeing what he'd been praying for. Love in her eyes. Love for him.

Bernard saw it coming and tried to warn everybody. “Get ready. Here it comes.”

“What are you talking about?” Lucy Kaye asked.

“He's fixin' to do it!”

“Do what?” Kathryn looked to June for an answer.

“I don't know,” June said.

“Here comes the…” Bernard sang. “Here comes the…”

“Stop before you ruin the surprise!” Leatrice shoved Bernard.

“I was only helping him out,” he laughed. “Giving him a little push.”

“Thanks, but I don't need any pushing.” Alex leaned over and kissed June's hand. “I love this woman. I love her with everything I am, and that's why I'm asking her, actually I'm begging her.” He turned his hand over and took hers in his. He stared into her eyes and touched the one place inside of her that she'd never allowed him to touch. “Junie, I don't know how many times I've asked you this, but here goes again. Will you marry me? Will you be my wife?”

“Yes.”

Alex blinked. “What did you say?”

“I said, ‘Yes.' ”

He stared confoundedly at everyone who was sitting next to him. “What? Did she say?”

“She said she'd rather marry me.” Bernard joked.

“Don't make me nut up in here.” Alex turned to June. “You said yes?”

June smiled.

“Thank you.” He excused himself from the table, still in disbelief, but grateful. “Thank you,” he yelled back as he walked out of the back door. “Thank you.”

“Why can't I find a man like that?” Leatrice asked.

“It's all in where you look,” Bernard advised.

“Tell me about it.” Leatrice winked at June before nodding slyly at Bernard.

“Well, Kathryn, looks like we have a wedding to plan,” Lucy Kaye said. “I'm so happy for you, Junie.” She kissed June on the forehead. “And I want you to be happy. You deserve to be.”

The mini celebration was interrupted when the doorbell rang.

“I'll get it.” Lucy Kaye walked into the living room and opened the door. “Come on in. We're having dinner now.”

Coach Rickards walked into the dining room behind Lucy Kaye. Tall, handsome, and rather young-looking for a 62-year-old, he was the last of the Bacon Street boys. June's dad, Henry, Reverend Adams, and Coach grew up on Bacon Street, and it was a rare sighting when one was seen without the other two. After graduating from high school, they attended the historically Black university, Florida A & M University in Tallahassee, and all three married girls they met at the university. They each came back to Bacon Street; Henry and Coach right after they graduated, and Reverend Adams, a few years later. This was their home.

Coach and his wife, who was from Philadelphia, divorced amicably after three years. Everyone realized the reason for their divorce. She could not live in the wide open confines of such a small town and he could not live anywhere else. She went back to Philadelphia, but still vacationed in Hampton Springs two weeks every summer. Although they never remarried, they never fell out of love with each other.

Years later, after Henry and Reverend Adams died, Coach was the person the community leaned on most. Whatever the mishap, he was there to help fix it. A dead car battery. A leaking faucet. Raccoons during harvest. Those were the extent of their problems. Emotionally, they took care of each other. Financially, they were all well off. So Coach, like the Whitehursts, Mrs. Blue Hen, and the other families on Bacon Street, came with small tokens of appreciation and kind words to brighten June's day.

“These are for you.” Coach gave June a large bouquet of yellow, pink and white tulips. The flowers perfectly complemented the pastel scarf tied around her head. “Happy birthday.”

“Thank you, Coach. These are beautiful.”

“But not nearly as beautiful as you.”

“Sit down, Jordan,” Kathryn said, “and have some dinner.”

“I was waiting for you to invite me.”

“Invite you?” Lucy Kaye went into the kitchen and then returned with a plate and silverware. “Nobody's ever had to invite you to a plate of food.” She handed Coach the plate and utensils. “Everybody always cooks extra because we know you're coming.”

“That's why I love you folks,” he replied. He piled two large spoonfuls of collards on his plate and then a slice of ham, macaroni and cheese, potato salad and a piece of fried chicken.

“Where are my manners?” Kathryn remembered that she had
not introduced Coach to her guests. “Jordan, I want to introduce you to everyone.”

“I already know everybody,” Coach reminded her.

“Well, did you know Alex asked Junie to marry him?”

“Really? What did she say?”

“There she is,” Kathryn said and continued concealing her excitement. “Ask her.”

“Junie?”

“I said yes.”

Coach Rickards walked over to June. “This is from your daddy and me.” He kneeled beside her. Then he took her in his arms and held her. “He would be so happy. Yes, he would.”

As Kathryn watched Coach Rickards hugging June, she imagined it was her husband, Henry, who was proudly holding his daughter. Kathryn smiled and listened intently as Henry turned to her and whispered, “Can you believe it? Our little girl is getting married.”

•  •  •

Where have you been?

Why?

Because I've missed you.

Missed me?

Yes. I miss you when you're not here.

Don't touch me!

Why?

Because I said don't!

Why are you doing this to me?

Why am I doing this to you?

I thought—

You thought?

Shame turned to anger. Anger turned to depression. Depression turned to the need to run. Now, a lifetime later, he was back. And for the first time since he left, he let himself imagine what could have been. Growing old with the woman he loved. Being a dad and knowing the young boy who looked so much like him. Happiness. Fulfillment. Purpose. He longed for that life. But it was too late for wishful thinking because he ran. And he couldn't stop running.

“Trevor! Hold up!” Keith was having a hard time keeping up with Trevor, who seemed to be deliberately losing him on the trails around the old hotel grounds.

Trevor stopped and looked back at Keith, who appeared to be in a trancelike state as he marveled at the once familiar landscape. Trevor waited. After he saw Keith wasn't coming, he rode off.

Keith was trapped, held hostage by involuntarily memories of the long-gone days he and June spent getting lost in the ruins of this once famed resort. It was here, on the crumbling steps that led to the main entrance, that he first told her he loved her. It was the summer he turned fifteen.

Keith smiled.
Remembering doesn't hurt so badly after all,
he thought.

“Where's Trevor?” Alex rode up and asked.

Keith turned around. “I didn't hear you ride up.”

“My bad.”

“So, what were you saying?”

“I was just asking about Trevor.”

“He rode on ahead,” Keith said and grinned. “I think he was trying to leave me.”

“I did it, man!” Alex blurted out. “I asked her to marry me.”

“I'm assuming by the expression on your face that she said yes.”

“Finally.”

Keith looked past Alex and remembered how he had planned to bring June here and ask her to marry him. This was where he wanted to propose to her, because these grounds were special to them.

“Congratulations,” Keith said and started down the trail that led to the old train depot.

“You know she doesn't have much longer,” Alex said after catching up with Keith.

“I know.”

“Do you know what that means?”

“I'm not sure what you're getting at.”

“You have to tell her.”

Keith stopped and turned to Alex. “I have to tell her? Why? It's been over ten years. Why can't we just let it go? Let it stop controlling our lives? It's over. Done with.”

“Is it, Keith?”

Keith couldn't answer. Not honestly, at least.

“Listen, Keith, maybe it is time for everybody to simply forget about what happened and go on with their lives. That's how it should be, but it's not. You may look at Junie and think she's okay, that she's gone on with her life, but you'd be wrong. She succeeded professionally, but personally she's suffered. I did the best I could to take away the hurt, but I couldn't take it all away because I didn't cause it. Keith, she's spent every day since you left trying to figure out what she did wrong and she blames herself. I don't know why you ran away, but I know it wasn't because of something Junie did. Am I right?”

Keith didn't respond.

“You don't have to answer, but I know it wasn't her fault. And that's why you have to tell her. She needs to know the truth.”

“What if there's nothing to tell?”

“Something happened, Keith. You didn't walk away for no reason. I don't know you that well, but I know Junie, and you couldn't walk away from her like you did. I've been with her. I've loved her. I know what her love feels like and how it makes you feel. It makes you feel big, special, like you've been blessed. There's no way, man. You had to have a reason to walk away. And for the life of me, I can't understand what could've happened that was so horrible that everybody in this town is too scared to acknowledge it. Nobody knows what you're hiding, but they're all frightened to death of it. Why?”

Keith wasn't ready to stare the truth in the face all those years ago and he still wasn't ready. “People in towns like this paint pictures,” he tried to explain. “They paint pictures in their minds of who they are and what they represent. Everybody knows their place here. Look around you, Alex. If Hampton Springs and Bacon Street seem like picture perfect places to live, it's because that's the picture everyone here has painted. They keep secrets around here. They hide the ugliness, and they never tell.”

“But—”

“No buts, Alex. Tell me, what would you do if you found out life wasn't as pretty as the picture you've grown up with? What would you do if you learned that the people in that picture weren't who they appeared to be? Would you keep it to yourself or would you destroy everyone's life along with yours by telling? What would you do, man? Tell me. I'm listening.”

Alex shrugged his shoulders. He didn't have the answer to Keith's question, but finally he understood the reasoning behind June's decision to hide the cancer from him and everyone else. Like Keith, she did it to protect the people in the picture that represented her life.

“Are you okay?”

“I'll be fine,” Keith replied. “Do me a favor and tell Junie it wasn't her fault.”

“It would mean more coming from you.”

“Maybe it would,” Keith said, “but I can't.” Keith knew the consequences of coming back here. Hiding away on Philco Road allowed him to eradicate the indelible images that sent him running. But now, being back in Hampton Springs with June, he felt compelled to unlock the door and walk inside that room again with her.

•  •  •

It's okay to touch me.

Touch you?

Yes. Touch me.

Hold up a second.

What's wrong?

Nothing. I just need a minute.

So do I.

Don't do that.

Sshhh.

Please. Please don't.

It was her touch this time. Her touch felt like someone else's. Hers was softer. Sweeter. Gentler. Still, it reminded him of the nights, mornings, and afternoons he was forced to pretend he was outside of himself to escape the deplorable assailments he'd hidden for more than two years. When she kissed his trembling lips, he felt another pair of lips. Not hers. And, it wasn't June who took him inside of her, who he surrendered to underneath the green comforter that night. He loved her and making love to her should not have felt like that.