I stopped where I was, and she announced that it was forbidden by all the gods and goddesses, especially Chang-Er, for us
to touch one another until the deed was done. I did not ask what deed she was referring to.
“Maybe you will have me one day,” she said, “and maybe you will not have me. Who is to know, Charles? Who is to know anything in this strange, cruel, and mysterious world?”
She let her arm fall from her eyes, let her hand lie where it fell, below the bulge where Yun-shan was alive and growing, stroked herself between her legs a few times, sucked on her fingers, shuddered brieflyâ“And I am Madonna too,” she statedâand sat up. “That is sufficient,” she said.
“You like driving me nuts, don't you?” I said.
“Perhaps,” she said. “Sometimes I am a bad girl.”
“And you're nuts too,” I said.
She closed her eyes. “Sometimes yes,” she said. “But sometimes no.”
She lay down again, her hands clasped on her stomach. “You may play with yourself if you wish,” she said. “I won't mind, or watch if you do not wish me to.”
I flopped into an easy chair, grabbed my cock, but without unzipping my fly. “Is this what you want?” I said. “Do you want to watch me bring myself off?”
“Not at all,” she said. “I just want us not to become lovers today. It would destroy everything.”
“Because you're pregnant?”
“No.”
“Because you don't like me?”
“Don't like you?” She sat up. “But I
love
you, Charles, don't you know that? I love you like a brother, and if we do other thingsâthings brothers and sisters sometimes doâwe will complicate what is really quite simple.”
“That's right,” I said.
“Then we agree,” she said, and she stood and walked in an amazingly straight line toward the bedroom. “I am going to take
a shower now,” she said, “and later on, when I am gone, you are going to make a pot of very strong coffee.”
“But you do like me, yes?”
“I like you very much, and if things were different, of course I would want to be your lover, and bear your son, and even marry you. If⦔
“Heyâif my aunt had balls, we would have called her my uncle, right?”
“âIf my aunt had balls, we would have called her my uncle,'” she repeated. “That's very funny, Charles. In fact, you are a very funny man, I think, and quite wonderful.”
“It's not my sayingâabout the aunt and uncle,” I said. “It's something my father used to say.”
“Then he was a wise man.”
“Still is.”
“And when did you last see him?”
“Three years agoâthree years and three months, to be exact.”
“And you miss him,” she stated.
“Sure,” I said. “I miss him, but it's okay because he has someone living with him now.”
“I said that you miss
him
, not that he misses you.”
“But it's true,” I said, even as I felt my erection go soft. “And anyway, like I said, he has someone living with him nowâa younger woman who used to be his student.”
“Young women give life to older men,” she said.
“Do you really
believe
that?” I said. “For a modern woman, isn't that a backward way of seeing things?”
“Not at all,” she said. “As you put it in your cultureâwhat I have come to rely on as a new and useful mottoââWhatever works.' For we certainly know what does not work, since it is all around us everywhere.”
“Okay then,” I said. “Sure. Whatever works.”
“Do you know this woman?” she asked
“Oh yes,” I said. “She's a well-known writerâSeana O'Sullivan.”
“
You know Seana O
'
Sullivan?
” Yu-huan exclaimed.
“I've known her since I was a boy.”
“Seana O'Sullivan, the author of
Triangle
?”
“The one and only.”
“
Triangle
is a great bookâgreater than
Lolita
!” Yu-huan declared. “Greater than âThe Kiss'! Greater than the novels of Colette!”
“As good as
Madame Bovary
?” I asked.
“Do not mock me,” Yu-huan said. “Do not hurt me double time.”
“Double time?”
“Once to mock me, and twice to have withheld from me the knowledge that you know Seana O'Sullivan.”
“But I⦔
“No âbuts,' Charles.”
“Okay,” I said. “So you tell me: Why didn't I tell you?”
“Exactly. Why did you not tell me?”
“Because.”
“Yes,” Yu-huan said. “âBecause' is a very proper answer.” She blinked several times. “
Triangle
is banned in Singaporeâyou know that, of course.”
“Yes.”
“I acquired my copy in Hong Kong when I was there with Nick.” She looked away. “In fact, I am now remembering that I had forgotten you knew her, and⦔
She stopped.
“Yes?”
“That is all.”
“He told you about his wife Trishâhis ex-wifeâand about how the three of us used to play around, right? Like in
Triangle
, only without the incest.”
“Although he has done much good in the world, Nick has
never been a truly honorable man,” Yu-huan stated. “That is why I am going to take a shower and go home. I will meet you later, at his party.”
“You're really going there?”
“Of course. But you must rest now. Please do what I say, Charles.”
“Sure,” I said, and I lay down on the couch. Yu-huan covered me with a blanket, then went to the bathroom, and the next thing I knew, she was at the door, blowing me a good-bye kiss and telling me that to prove her love, she'd gone ahead and made the pot of coffee for me.
Â
By the time I arrived at the party, Nick was totally blotto, and carrying on the way he often did when he got this wayâbalancing glasses on his nose, throwing peanuts and olives into the air and catching them in his mouth, making the rounds of young women and grabbing ass, then making nice to guys we did business with.
When Yu-huan arrived, dressed elegantly in a black strapless gown, and walked straight to him and extended her hand in greeting, asking if he had seen the lanterns in Jurong Park this year, he stared at her stomach for a whileâgaped reallyâthen, very politely, asked her how her family was. Yu-huan put an arm around my waist, kissed me quickly on the mouth, and excused herself, saying she was going to fetch us drinks.
“Well I'll be damned,” Nick said.
“I hope so,” I said.
“Congratulations, buddy,” Nick said, slapping me on the back. “Though in my experience,” he added, “it's never been a good idea to bird-dog a friend with his ex.”
“Why not?” I said.
“Well, for starters, this one's just a little bit knocked up, and if you're the father⦔
“I'm not,” I said. “You are.”
Nick froze for a secondâhe saw that others were listeningâand glared at me with an anger I'd rarely seen him show. He forced a laugh. “You
are
a character, Charlie boy,” he said, “so it's a good thing I'm not the jealous type, right?”
“And if you were?” I asked.
He poked me in the chest with an index finger, but lightly. “We don't really want to go there, do we?”
“No. Especially if you insist on calling me âCharlie boy,'” I said. “I'm not drinking tonight, and you're smashed.”
“So you think you could take me, huh?”
“Not interested,” I said.
“Same old Charlieâall discretion, no valor. Just like the rest of your tribe, right?”
“My tribe?”
“Like lambs to the slaughterâisn't that the way it goes? I didn't agree with much my old man believed, but we did see eye to eye when it came to this.”
“When it came to what, Nick? Be specific.”
“Well, you
are
still a Jew, aren't you?” Nick said. “I mean, being with this little bitch doesn't change your religion, does it?”
I turned away, then swiveled back quickly, blasting an elbow hard into his gut so that he dropped his glass, doubled over, and began sucking air.
“
My
father taught me that move,” I said. “He's Jewish too, and maybe you haven't heard, but Jews don't take crap anymore.” I turned to Yu-huan, who was by my side, drinks in hand. “My father was once an excellent boxer,” I explained.
Yu-huan handed me my drink, led me to the sliding glass doors that opened to the balcony. Nick's apartment was on the sixteenth floor, with a splendid view of the city and its harbor. Because of the festival, the harbor was lit more brightly than usual. In the distance, far to the east, noiseless puffs of fireworks were exploding in the sky. I touched Yu-huan's shoulder, and when she turned toward me, I saw that her eyes were moist.
She bowed her head, and spoke: “I will now ask your forgiveness for the way in which I behaved toward you earlier today.”
“No problem,” I said.
“You are a good man, Charlie Eisner,” she said, “and I hope you receive your reward in this life.”
“Me too.”
“But for tonight, this,” she said, and opened her purse to show me a switchblade. “Later I will seduce him. Despite his rage, or because of it, he will desire me. Nick remains, for all his triumphs, a very jealous man, and will want to re-possess me.”
“Nick's competitive,” I said. “That's for sure.”
“No,” Yu-huan said. “Not what you say. That is too simple. Jealousy is much more powerful.”
“It's the illusion of possession,” I said, and added quickly: “That's another one of my father's sayings.”
“Jealousy is the illusion of possession,” Yu-huan stated. “Yes. Then he is still a wise man, your father, even though you have not seen him for three years.”
“Probably,” I said.
Yu-huan touched the knife. “When he enters me,” she said, “this will enter him.”
“No,” I said.
“But⦔
“No buts,” I said.
“Because?”
Â
I kept my eye on Nick, who, once he'd gotten his wind back, started drinking again non-stop. Yu-huan and I ate and we drankâno alcohol, only tonic with limeâand a short while later Nick made his way back to us and began taunting me, jabbing me in the chest and asking if I was ready to step outside and settle things between us the way men should, and not with a gutless sucker punch.
I told him I was ready whenever he was. People crowded
around, some encouraging him, a few women telling him to leave me alone in exchange for pleasures more delectable than fighting could offer.
“They don't know Nick,” Yu-huan said quietly.
I turned away, figuring Nick would see my move the way I wanted him toâas a spineless response to his challengeâand walked out onto the balcony. Yu-huan joined me and stood to the side. Nick started shouting now, telling everyone that the truth was that I'd always wanted him, but without a woman in the middle I didn't have the guts to go for it. “That's true, isn't it, Charlie boy?”
“Come and find out,” I said.
Nick grinned madly, then pretended he was a raging bull by making horns on each side of his head with his index fingers, and scraping his feet back and forth on the floor as if preparing to charge. I played along, fluttering an imaginary cape in front of me, then holding it against my thigh like a matador daring him to come at me.
“Vintage Hemingway?” I asked.
Nick howled with laughterâhe was as drunk as I'd ever seen him, and clearly unable to figure out what had gotten into meâhow I could remain so calm and confident when he was getting ready to take me. He started calling me namesâa lame-brained punk, a dickless wonder, a two-bit Jewish pipsqueak whose John Henry was no bigger than what was hanging between the legs of the babe he'd put in Yu-huan's oven.
“
Olé
,” I said, but softly, and flapped my imaginary cape at him. “
Olé
, Nick⦔
“You got it, Charlie boy,” he said, and he came roaring at me. I stood where I was, and just as he was about to plow into my chest, I stepped aside and grabbed for his thighâI was able to slip my arm under itâand then he was on his way up and over the railing.
Yu-huan had moved swiftly as soon as Nick began to charge,
stationing herself between Nick and everyone else to keep them from seeing my movements, but now, Nick's cry slicing through the air, they pushed past her and began screaming things people probably scream whenever they see somebody fall from a great height.
I looked down, hoping to see Nick's faceâto see him look up at me in astonishment, as in: âI didn't think you had it in you, Charlie boy'âbut he'd already gone splat on the concrete below, face down, and instead of a look of astonishment, I imagined an expression of confusion:
Why did you do it?
he was asking, and before I could replyâand even while I was wondering if I'd done anything at all, since once I'd stepped aside, his momentum might have carried him to where he was without my assistanceâhe seemed to know the answer, and to hear what I might have said if we'd had the time to exchange words:
Why did I do it?
That's an easy one, Nick, since there's only one true answer, same as always:
Because I could
.
Make-A-Wish
W
hen, my first night home from Singapore, Max had invited Seana to come on a trip with us to his old neighborhood, she'd replied by saying she preferred not to go home again if she could help it, thank you very much. Now, though, seven weeks after Max was in the grave, Seana and I were driving down to Brooklyn from Northampton, and she seemed even more eager to get there than I was.