The Other Side of Someday (31 page)

Grabbing my phone, I opened Marcel’s text.

Hey Dixie. I know you’re upset about you know who and that’s why you haven’t been around. I don’t believe your writing excuse for a second. We miss you. Don’t celebrate Christmas alone. We’re having our Christmas party tonight at Sophia’s. We would all love to see you. Please think about it.

I knew what I had to do. I had to bury my pride and go see my friends. And also come up with one hell of an apology.

~~~~~~~~~~

B
OISTEROUS
VOICES
ECHOED
IN
the hallway as I approached Sophia’s condo that evening. I could hear Christmas carols in the background, which were almost drowned out by Marcel’s theatrical retelling of his latest drama-filled client. Drawing in a deep breath, I placed my hand on the doorknob and turned, pushing the door open and taking a few steps into the foyer. All the chatter stopped immediately and everyone turned their heads in my direction. The entire gang was there…Sophia, Darren, Cora, Lacey, Marcel, and even his new beau.

Seeing them all, compassion and understanding etched on their faces, I regretted my childish behavior of the past several weeks. True, things with Sebby hadn’t ended the way I would have liked, but was it necessary to shut out the people who had become my family just because they all knew him? I knew it wasn’t.

“I’m sorry I’m such a horrible friend,” I blurted out.

Arms instantly wrapped around me from every direction, forgiveness filtering through the group embrace. This was what I needed weeks ago, but my thick-headedness got in the way.

“It’s okay, Dixie.” Marcel kissed the top of my head. “Real friends won’t abandon you, even when you try to lie to us. You can’t get rid of us that easily.”

I nodded. “Next time I let a guy come between us, slap me.” I grabbed the glass of wine Sophia handed me.

When the familiar sound of paws on hardwood echoed, I snapped my head in the direction of the hallway, my eyes growing wide when I saw Gidget running toward me. Her tail wagging, she jumped up on me and I hugged her, showering her with affection.

“What’s she doing here?” I asked, scratching between her ears.

Sophia shrugged. “It’s just temporary. Sebby didn’t want to put her in cargo on the plane, so I agreed to keep her until he had time to drive her back to New York with him.”

“That sounds like something Sebby would do,” I added thoughtfully.

She nodded and I was lost in the crowd of my friends once more. I spent the next few hours catching up with all of them. We hadn’t spent any time together since we all went skydiving, which seemed like ages ago instead of just weeks. Lacey showed me her latest tattoo and, after several glasses of wine, I agreed to get one. I had no idea what I wanted to brand onto my body for all eternity, but she assured me her “guy” was the best in LA and would work with me on whatever piece of art I wanted memorialized on my skin.

Marcel and his beau, Nicholas, had gotten pretty serious, even talking about possibly moving in together. My heart warmed when he shared this news. I hadn’t known Marcel for long, but the night he met Nicholas, there was this lightness in him I hadn’t seen before.

“Help me open some champagne, Baylee,” Sophia called, interrupting another one of Darren’s stories about some crazy assignment he was on. I glanced at her, the look on her face letting me know she wanted a moment alone with me. I kind of wanted a minute to talk to her, too. I wondered how much Sebby had told her about what happened. By the questioning, yet concerned look on her face as I approached, I figured not too much.

Clutching my arm, she pulled me into the corner of her kitchen where we both set to the task of filling the crystal flutes she had arranged on her poured cement countertops. I had a feeling Marcel did the remodel on her condo, too. He loved poured cement.

“Sebby refused to tell me what happened between the two of you. Technically, he’s still my boss, so I couldn’t beat it out of him. But you’re not, so I
can
beat it out of you. What the hell happened?”

I shrugged, avoiding her eyes, focusing on pouring the champagne into each of the flutes. “Nothing. I found out he was lying to me about Mercedes this entire time.”

Sophia nodded slowly, understanding washing over her expression. “No woman likes being lied to, even if it is just a lie of omission.”

“That’s exactly what I told him!” I exclaimed, facing her. It was about time someone agreed with me. Smirking, she placed her hands on her hips. I let out a long breath. “You’re fucking with me, aren’t you?”

“For the record, I didn’t find out about the breakup until Thanksgiving. None of us did. But if you’re ready to throw away a friendship based on what you perceive to be a lie, be my guest. Remember, though. Regret is a bitch.”

“My uncle told me the same thing.”

“So why did you give Sebby the cold shoulder? You should have seen how heartbroken and dejected he was on the way to the airport. God, that was the longest drive ever, even though there was no traffic.”

I furrowed my brow. “You drove him and Mercedes to the airport? I thought you couldn’t stand her.”

“Mercedes? Hell no. From my understanding, she and Sebby had a bit of a falling out.”

I blinked repeatedly, trying to figure out what was going on. “It didn’t look like that was the case when I went to apologize and she answered wearing one of his Mets jerseys that didn’t leave a whole lot to the imagination.”

“When was this?” Sophia asked, her voice rising.

“The Sunday after Thanksgiving. I had brunch with my uncle, who told me I was being thick-headed. So I went over to Sebby’s to apologize and Mercedes was there. She said he agreed to produce a sitcom out in New York and they were leaving that night.”

“Unbelievable,” Sophia muttered. “He was over here the night before. Darren got him pretty hammered and we had to help him back to his condo. The following day, I went over there to check on him and take Gidget for a walk. When I got back, Mercedes was there, grabbing a few of her things that she had left there while they were together.”

I swallowed hard, my heart falling into my stomach. “So he’s not back with Mercedes?”

“No.” She gave me a knowing look. “And he didn’t go to New York to produce a sitcom. He’s in talks with one of the networks to produce for the NFL.”

My momentary flash of hope quickly deflated. “Then he
is
moving there. It’s been his dream to produce for the NFL for years. I can’t interfere with that.”

“Baylee…” Sophia placed her hand on my shoulder. “I like you. I love Sebby, and I adore the idea of you guys together. It seems that, for the longest time, the universe has plotted against the two of you. Or maybe it was both of your own thick-headedness that did that. It doesn’t matter. But I don’t think Sebby moved to New York for the job. He could do that from anywhere. I think there was another reason he left, and I think you know what that was.”

I nodded. I had barely left my condo the past month, everything about LA bringing forward another memory of my ruined friendship, but it still wasn’t enough. He had invaded my life so fully and completely, it was impossible to find one part of my existence that didn’t remind me of him…of us.

“So what are you going to do?” She crossed her arms in front of her chest, tilting her head.

I hesitated, unsure of what to do with all the new information I had. But did it change anything?

“Nothing.” I sighed heavily. “After I went over to his place, I called and texted him, but he never answered. Maybe he’s moving on. I can’t fault him for that.”

“Think about it, Baylee! Sebby was absolutely hammered that Saturday night. When I went to get Gidget, he was practically comatose. A magnitude eight earthquake couldn’t have woken him up. And he was in the same shape when I dropped Gidget off a few hours later.”

“You don’t think…” I trailed off.

“I do. The Mercedes I had gotten to know whenever she came out here to visit Sebby, which wasn’t often, always had to win at everything…including relationships. It must have killed her to know she lost to you, so when you appeared at Sebby’s door, it gave her the perfect opportunity to gain the upper hand. I wouldn’t put it past her to delete your voicemails and texts so Sebby would never get them.”

“You don’t know that for sure.”

“No, I don’t, but live a little. Haven’t you learned that sometimes you have to take a risk and jump?”

She raised her eyebrows and I stared at her, considering her words. There was a chance Sebby wanted nothing to do with me after my reaction to his confession.
If you can’t tell someone you love them, what’s the point of everything?
I thought. With a spark in my eyes and a flutter in my chest, I spun from Sophia, heading toward the foyer.

“Where are you going?” she called out.

“To take a jump and live.” Smiling, I placed my hand on the doorknob.

“Wait!” Sophia shouted and I stopped. She grabbed a piece of paper off her kitchen island and jotted something down on it. Approaching me, she placed it in my hand. “The address of the hotel Sebby’s been staying at in Manhattan until he can find a place to live. It might come in handy.” She winked. “And don’t come back without him.”

I smiled. “I don’t plan on it.”

C
HAPTER
T
WENTY
-S
IX

November 10

I had my final appointment with my OB this morning. She said our daughter is progressing well, but because of my deteriorating health, it’s best that I be induced while I still have a modicum of the strength that is necessary to go through labor. Of course, I’ve been warned things may not go according to plan. Nothing ever does, does it? I didn’t plan to get cancer. I didn’t plan to leave Perry to grow old without me. I didn’t plan to never know my daughter.

Unfortunately, we’re all dealt different cards in life. Nothing is certain. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, especially mine, particularly based on how I’ve been feeling. I can barely get out of bed these days. Perry has to help me shower. I can see in his eyes how weak I’ve gotten. As I lay awake during the nights when the pain keeps me from slumber, I can hear his quiet sobs. I pretend I’m asleep so he doesn’t know I can hear his prayers.

At this point, no amount of praying can stop the path I’ve chosen.

This past month, I’ve thought a lot about regret. A million what-ifs have floated through my mind. What if I never got pregnant? Would I have had a fighting chance with aggressive chemotherapy? What if I followed my doctor’s advice and aborted the baby to potentially save my own life? Do I regret any of the decisions I’ve made?

The answer has been a resounding no, although there are times I do wish I wasn’t pregnant so I could take medication to relieve the pain of the cancer eating away at my body. The only thing I do regret is the heartache I’m causing Perry but, in my heart, I know that will all become a distant memory when he holds our daughter for the first time. I’m sacrificing my own life to give him a legacy, a piece of both of us. Through her, I will live on.

So, my lovely Baylee Grace, if this journal finds its way to you one day, as I hope it will, here’s what I wish for you…

May you find beauty in the world that surrounds you, even when things aren’t going your way.

May you have a sense of adventure, whether it be dancing in the rain or bungee jumping. Experience everything the world has to offer.

May you find something you love doing and be able to make a life out of that passion because life without passion isn’t a life worth living.

May you confront your fears head-on and not cower in the face of adversity.

Most importantly, may you love. Love hard and without abandon. Love with no regrets. Love like there’s no tomorrow. For so many people, there isn’t a tomorrow. Don’t take it for granted.

Swallowing hard, tears ran down my cheeks in the darkness of a Boeing 737 as I read my mother’s final journal entry. I peered out the window as we flew across the country, nothing but emptiness below me. After leaving Sophia’s, I had gone straight to my condo and threw some clothes into a small suitcase. I then booked the first flight to New York I could get, and four hours later, I was sitting in a first-class seat on a red-eye to JFK. Now, as the plane sped closer and closer to our destination, I wondered if I had been rash in dropping everything and going to find Sebby. Then I re-read my mother’s final line…

For so many people, there isn’t a tomorrow. Don’t take it for granted.

That was exactly what I planned on doing. From this day forward, I would live with no regrets. I would face my fears head-on, regardless of the possible outcome. Sebby could very well slam the door in my face, but that was a risk I had to take. I refused to wonder “what if”. I refused to question whether Sebby really was my someday. In my heart, I knew he was.

The wheels of the plane touched down just after sunrise. There was a pink glow to the sky, snow visible on the rooftops as we made our descent. The cold hit me like a stone wall when I disembarked. I had been so spoiled living in California, I forgot what a real winter felt like. It took my breath away. I pulled my jacket closer, rushing to get off the jet bridge as quickly as possible.

I exited into the busy terminal, surprised at how packed it was at just a little after seven in the morning. Every gate area I passed was swarming with travelers waiting to board their flights. The overhead speakers rattled with a different announcement every few seconds. It was a rude awakening after having spent the last five hours on board a peaceful flight wearing noise-canceling headphones.

This was only the start of the hustle and bustle because I was soon in the comfort of a chauffeured town car and on my way to the heart of Manhattan. Traffic was at a crawl as my driver navigated the streets of New York City. Horns honked all around me, making me think no one would even pay attention to hearing a car’s horn, not with how liberally they were used out here.