The Other Side of Envy: The Ghost Bird Series: #8 (The Academy) (13 page)

I waited for a long moment, trying to think of something else to say to him and then thought of Lily and simply came out with what she said. If I didn’t say it now, I’d hold it inside me forever. I couldn’t keep a secret from him. Not when he might be able to help me process this.

Sang: I’ll need to talk with you about meeting Lily. We went to go see her. I’m sorry if we weren’t supposed to.

Sang: She said I should tell you I met with her and her team today: four men and a woman. She wanted to help me get into the Academy and stay on your team.

Sang: And she said we should focus on us for now, and worry about the past later.

That seemed to be easier to say when I was saying it was Lily’s idea.

Mr. Blackbourne was the only one to respond right away.

Mr. Blackbourne: We’ve got a lot to talk about. Tomorrow.

My heart was in my throat, but I agreed with him. There was a lot to talk about. Exhaustion settled into me. I put my phone away and pushed a palm to my chest. The whirlwind of emotions were making it impossible to think clearly.

Luke stretched in his seat. “I’m going to have to go back. North’s at the diner. He needs me to take over for the evening.”

“He needs to sleep,” I said.

“Like I can make him do anything,” Luke said.

“Taking her back?” Gabriel asked. “Let’s see if Nathan will let me...”

“Can I stay with you, Gabriel?” I asked quickly. I needed him more than ever in the moment. I needed to know what he learned from the others, and thought some time together would work. I needed to process all of it before I went back to Nathan and the others. Nathan would know if I was trouble. Kota would know. How could I look them in the eyes and figure out a lie and not tell them the truth about this?

They both turned their heads to look at me, Luke through the rearview mirror and Gabriel by turning fully in his seat.

“Shit, at my house?” Gabriel asked.

“Why not?” I asked.

“Because it’s a crap hole,” he said.

“It’s not that bad,” Luke said.

“It’s a broke ass trailer,” Gabriel said. “And my bed is small.”

“We offered to get you a bigger bed,” Luke said.

“Why spend the money when I’m always at your house or Nathan’s or Victor’s? I’m going to get a new bed to sleep in maybe twice a week?”

Luke shrugged. “Sang wants to stay with you.”

“Ugh, fine,” Gabriel said. He sat back. “Sang, you can stay tonight. But we have to get up early for Victor when he picks us up tomorrow.”

“I wish I could spend the night,” Luke said, pouting.

“Next time,” Gabriel said. “I never get time with her.”

“
I
never get time with her,” Luke said.

They glanced at each other, almost a glare but something else was between them. A mutual understanding of some sort, like they were trying to get along.

My nerves rattled through me. What had Lily’s guys told them?

GABRIEL COLEMAN, EMBARRASSED

W
e stopped at a fast food place and had dinner together. Quiet gazes and questions flashed between all of us. It was a surreal moment, to have spent the time at Lily’s. It felt like another world. We’d walked through the magical land behind the wardrobe and come back again to the real world and suddenly the real world felt different than before.

Still, we couldn’t bring it up. I couldn’t blame them. I needed time to process. I couldn’t imagine what they were going through.

After dinner, Luke dropped us off at Gabriel’s trailer.

Gabriel had to unlock the door with his keys. The inside was dark, except for a light down the hall in his bedroom. We entered quietly, but from the sound of it, I didn’t think Pam was home. Unless she was dead asleep in her room, the place was too quiet.

Gabriel went into the bedroom and flopped onto the bed. “Good,” he said. “She’s not here. Maybe she went out with her new boyfriend.”

Maybe because she was a parent, it was hard for me to imagine Pam with someone romantically. “On a date?”

“Something like that.” Gabriel rolled over and then sat up. “What do you want to do?”

It was getting dark outside, and while it was still a little early, I was exhausted. Emotions within me felt tight like thin wire, ready to snap and leave me broken. I needed to sleep, to let them settle so I could look at this again with fresh eyes. “I’m tired,” I said.

“Same here,” Gabriel said. He moved to the dresser.

I took his place on the bed, waiting. I resisted simply curling up in it with my shoes on and passing out.

He opened the drawers and picked through the contents. “Get dressed in here,” Gabriel said, tossing the T-shirt at me. “Just put this on. I guess I can’t yell at you for looking like shit if we’re just going to sleep anyway.”

I started to pout. Would I look that bad just wearing his shirt?

“Don’t start that. Fuck what I say, Sang. Jesus. Why do you even listen to me? You’d look good in a trash bag.” He pulled clothes from the drawer for himself. He slammed the drawer closed. He walked out the door, closing it behind himself and stomped off toward the bathroom.

I pilfered through my book bag, pulling out the black underwear with the heart he’d said he liked earlier. He might not see me wearing it if I put the shirt on, but knowing he liked them warmed me up.

Wear what they like seeing you wear. Do what they like.

I stripped out of my clothes. I kept my bra on, slipping out of my old underwear. I was just pulling the clean underwear on my butt when I heard yelling out in the hallway.

“Gabriel Joseph fucking Coleman,” Pam boomed loudly, and the house vibrated, the door shaking, like she was stomping or pounding on the wall. “Get out of the bathroom right now.”

My whole body rattled. I tiptoed to the door, pressing my ear to it. Not that I needed to, but I wanted to lean against something to stop my shaking. I wanted to listen and be able to stay behind the door if Pam wanted to come in here for some reason.

There was the rattling of a doorknob and then a door squeaked open. “Jesus, what do you...” Gabriel said.

There was a loud smack. “What did I tell you about using the lord’s name? Now get out. I have to clean up.”

Gabriel yelled something back at her, but she screeched louder. The door at my ear started to move and I leapt back a few feet to steer clear.

Gabriel stomped in. “Fuck you,” he yelled at her. He turned, facing her in the hallway. Although his body blocked my view of her, I stretched my arms across my bare stomach, as if that would cover my body.

From the other side of the trailer came another voice. “Pammy,” a male voice called. “Is that boy giving you shit?”

My heart raced in my chest.
Who else is here?

Gabriel’s body shook, and he quickly pushed the door closed, shoving his entire body against it as if to hold it in place.

I landed next to him against the door, putting my ear to the door again, looking up at him.

The male voice spoke again, still distant. It was lower this time; he and Pam laughed together.

Gabriel’s eyes caught mine.

“Who is that?” I mouthed. I got that it was probably her boyfriend, but I was rattled. Would it be better if I did know? At this point, I wanted to crawl under the bed and hide until both Pam and the man went away.

Gabriel shook his head. He didn’t want to tell me. He blinked repeatedly, his eyes dropping from my face, sliding over my shoulders, and down, seeming to suck up every revealed inch of my skin. “Fuck me,” he whispered.

I knew my cheeks were heating up, but when I thought about it, Gabriel had seen me naked in the closet in my mother’s house. This was Gabriel, the one who practically dressed me every morning.

And then I realized he was in just his boxers and the blue tank shirt on his chest and nothing else. I admired his collarbones, his wide shoulders and the lines of his body, before I blinked and forced myself to turn away and stop staring.

This seemed to snap Gabriel’s attention back to now. His hand shot out, opening the drawer to the dresser nearby. He fished out one of the large button up shirts, unfolding it.

“Pam,” the male shouted. “Get your ass out here.”

I stiffened, putting my ear against the door again, trying to listen to what was going on. I was worried Pam would come back. Maybe she didn’t know I was here. I wasn’t sure we should tell her.

Gabriel positioned himself behind me, hovering over me and putting his own ear to the door. There was shuffling outside in the hallway, and I was worried the man or Pam might shove the door open on us, but the noise seemed to go away, out into the living room. I heard the voices again. Too low to hear what they were saying.

As I was listening, Gabriel backed off an inch. I wasn’t thinking about it, but then felt his hand on the small of my back, sliding down and touching the hem of my underwear.

I blushed again, looking back at him, confused. Did he want me to move?

His eyes were on my butt. I understood then. I was wearing the heart underwear he had commented on earlier. Now my cheeks were really too hot. I hadn’t expected him to see that.

His fingers traced the edge of the panties. “Hidden heart...” His eyes drifted up, until the deep crystal blue pools caught mine and I found myself unable to reply.

His eyes drifted down again, stopping at my mouth. The shirt he’d pulled from the dresser dropped to the floor.

I twisted, until my back was against the door. “Gabriel?”

He breathed out slowly, his hands catching my wrists until they were pinned to the door. His head lowered, his eyes closed.

His lips found mine.

My eyes fluttered closed. The warmth of his lips sent waves through me, making me forget about Pam and the man who were outside the door. I inhaled the mix of musk and lavender; a fresh drop of cologne he’d put on.

His kiss was hard against my lips, desperate. When I thought he was going to release me, his lips dipped in further. I moved my mouth like Silas had taught me, parting my lips, wanting to let him kiss deeper.

His hands released my wrists and slid down to my waist and down further, grabbing my thighs leaning me hard against the door. The door wedged up against the frame, creaking. My arms wove their way around his neck until I was clinging to him, afraid to let go.

His mouth swooped in against mine again and again. He tilted his head slightly, until I felt the need to angle my head the other way. His hands curled under my thighs, drawing them higher, until I was off the floor. I wrapped my legs around his waist. He held me by my thighs against the door.

“Sang,” he breathed against my lips before he dove in for another kiss. “Trouble...fuck...” He’d break the kiss only for a second, only to utter one word, but would return, meeting my lips over and over again. “Stop...wait...” he dove his head in, suckling at my lower lip. “Stop...for a...second...”

Stop?
I didn’t understand. Only I couldn’t back away, because I was against the door. And I couldn’t let go of him, because he had me up off the ground. I tightened my arms around his neck, simply trying to hang on. His kisses were making me dizzy.

“Stop...Sang.” He grunted into the kiss, making his lips vibrate against mine. He sucked at my lip again before releasing it, parting his lips and diving in hard against my mouth, as if trying devour me.

He grunted again, his fingers gripping my thighs. He lifted me away from the door. He turned, holding onto me, and stumbled forward. His kisses alone made me dizzy, and with my eyes closed, I didn’t know where he was going.

His mouth sought out my lips again. I responded, kissing him back.

“Sang,” he breathed against my lips.

I kissed him again, unable to find my voice, not having anything to say. I didn’t want to stop, because I didn’t want to think outside what was happening. I was thinking of Gabriel. Of his handsome face, and the way his fingers massaged my scalp when he washed my hair, and the beautiful art he did. I thought of today, us running through the woods. The chaotic meeting with Lily was complicated. This was simple. I’d been a jumble of feelings and he was here and his kiss was soothing it all.

He stumbled forward, me still in his arms. His teeth grazed my lip. “Sang,” he said, his voice a little stronger, almost stern. “Stop. Fuck.” Kiss. “Sang.” Stumble forward. “Stop.”

But his lips sought out mine again. I didn’t understand. I parted my lips more, mimicking as my teeth grazed against his lower lip.

“Fuck shit...” he called out, and he stumbled forward again, careening to the left and going down.

Gabriel landed on his knees, tilting forward, and letting go of one of my thighs to land a palm on the floor. I was hanging on by my arms around his neck and my legs grabbing around his waist, while he held himself up with one arm. I stopped kissing simply to hang on, clinging to him desperately.

“Fuck, Sang,” he said. “I can’t walk when you do that.”

I kissed his lips again to smother a giggle. He wanted me to stop because he couldn’t walk around with me? Why was he trying to walk?

He grunted and carefully lowered me until I was on my back on the carpet. His palms slid across my thighs, up my hips, until he was holding me at the waist, as if trying to hold me down against the floor. His lips dove in again against my mouth. I felt the ribs of his tank pressing against my stomach.

I kept my arms wrapped around his neck, unsure of where else to put them. His kisses made sparks that zeroed into my heart. His hands warmed me as his palms traced across my skin, feeling my sides, sliding across my hips. My body was electrified and felt every bit of him pressing on top of me. His lips were demanding—exactly what I would have expected from him, like when he would take my hair clip or tell me how to dress. He used his teeth and lips to nip until it almost hurt, but it was an exquisite pain. He needed this. It was comforting to me, feeling needed.