The Other Brother (11 page)

Mom had maneuvered herself back onto Pops's chest. Her hands closed around his throat. She was squeezing. Weeping.

Pops gasped for air.

Gabriel wrapped his arm around his mother's waist and tugged her away.

Wailing, Mom kicked at Pops, her shoes striking against his ribs. Pops rolled away, still choking.

Gabriel hauled his mother to a chair on the other side of the room. He forced her into it. And then he held her there, braced both his arms around her, using his full weight to keep her in place.

"Stay here, Mama," he said. "Don't hurt Pops, just stay here ""

Mom began to rock as much as she could while trapped within the circle of his arms. "Lord Jesus help me," she cried. "Lord Jesus, Lord Jesus . . ."

Across the room, Nicole lay sprawled in a chair, limp and bedraggled. Dana had left the library.

Maybe she'd decided that his family was too crazy for her and had left. He couldn't say he would blame her.

Pops slowly sat up. He wiped his face with his handkerchief and blew his nose.

"I'm sorry," Pops said again in a tired voice. "I never wanted to hurt anyone. I hope you can forgive me. You all mean everything to me ""

Mom grasped Gabriel's arms, started to peel them away. He didn't stop her. She moved with a deliberate strength that let him know she had gotten herself under control. Freed from his arms, she leaned forward in the chair, her gaze riveted on his father.

"Are there more?" Mom asked in a voice that, though full of pain, was surprisingly strong.

"More?" Pops asked. "I don't understand"

"More children you fathered," Nicole said. "That's what Mom means. Are there any more, or is this son the only one?"

"Jesus" Pops wiped his face. "Who do you think I am?"

"We don't know anymore," Gabriel said, and his mother and sister nodded.

"I can't believe you'd ask me that .. " Pops trailed off. "No, there aren't any more, for God's sake"

"You lied to me," Mom said in a soft voice. She shook her head sadly. "How could you-after all I've sacrificed for you?"

"Marge-"

"I don't want to hear it." Mom raised her hand in a stop gesture.

Pops shut his mouth.

Mom looked from Nicole to Gabriel. "Your father and I need some time alone. Please shut the door on your way out of the library."

Mom's tone was firm and crisp. People who didn't know their family from the inside usually assumed that Pops ran the show. He did, in many ways, but in matters of discipline, Mom called the shots. "Spare the rod, spoil the child" had been her rule, and when she used that strident tone, they knew she meant business.

Gabriel and Nicole quietly left the library and closed the door behind them.

Gabriel saw Dana coming down the hallway with towels draped over her arm. Her eyes widened with alarm when she saw him and Nicole.

"What's going on?" Dana asked.

"Mom and Pops are talking in private." He took one of the towels Dana offered him and wiped his sweaty, tearstreaked face. "Shit, what a night"

Although his watch read half past seven, meaning that only about thirty minutes had passed since they had arrived, Gabriel felt as though several hours had gone by. He could never remember feeling so drained.

He ambled into the kitchen and sat on a stool near the granite-topped island. He buried his face in the towel.

He wanted this night to be over. He wanted to forget that any of this had happened. It was like someone else's life, not his.

But part of him felt as though this family catastrophe was inevitable. Hadn't he always believed that their lives were a little too Cosby Show ideal? Hadn't he always sensed something awful lurking just out of sight, waiting to slither into the light?

Maybe they deserved a shattering revelation like this to disabuse them of their illusions about themselves and drop them back into the real world, where there was no such thing as a perfect family.

No, this is all Pops 's fault. There's no excuse for what he done, and we don't deserve this.

He removed the towel from his face and wrung it with his hands as though choking someone.

Nicole took three Heinekens out of the refrigerator, beers left over from their Memorial Day cookout what a happier day that had been-and handed them out. Neither Nicole nor Dana usually drank beer, but they popped off the caps and took long gulps. Gabriel sipped his, too, but he could have used something stronger to smooth the ragged edges of his emotions.

Nicole covered her mouth and belched. She leaned against the counter, closer to Gabriel. "You've met Isaiah, Gabe. What's he like?"

Gabriel started to say, "I didn't like him at all," but Dana fired a warning glance at him.

"You'll have to meet him yourself and form your own opinion, Nicole," he said. "I'm sure it won't be long before he stops by. You heard what Pops said about accepting him into the family."

"But does he look like he could be Daddy's son?" Nicole asked. "Maybe Daddy is wrong about him."

"Pops isn't wrong, trust me," Gabriel said. "The guy looks a lot like me. He even has gray eyes."

"And you and him are the same age, and have the same birthday?" Nicole said. "That's really weird."

"A bizarre coincidence," Dana said. "Isaiah is only a few minutes older than Gabe"

"Which makes him think he can call himself the firstborn," Gabriel said.

But Nicole hadn't heard him. She patted at her reddened eyes with a towel. "I just can't believe Daddy would do this. I'm still shocked"

Gabriel wanted to shout, "Get over it, Nicole!" He didn't want her to be shocked. He wanted her to be angry. Was he the only one who was truly enraged at their father? To his way of thinking, not being angry at Pops was akin to forgiving him, and his father was a long way from deserving their forgiveness.

While Nicole and Dana continued to talk, Gabriel went back to the library. He cracked open the door.

His father was the only one in there. He stood at the window, nursing another stiff drink. He didn't glance at Gabriel.

"Where did Mom go?" Gabriel asked.

Pops shrugged. "You know your mother. After she cussed me out she went off to pray somewhere."

You need to be praying, too, Gabriel wanted to say. For forgiveness.

But Gabriel only shut the door.

He went to the second level and approached Mom's private study. The door was closed, but soft light glowed underneath.

He knocked. "Mom, it's Gabe."

"Come in," she said.

Mom's personal study was a book-lined room with a desk, comfortable sofa and reading chair, and Tiffany lamp. Mom sat on the sofa in the golden lamplight wearing her reading glasses; a large, leather-bound Bible lay open on her lap and a box of Kleenex stood on a nearby table.

He wasn't surprised to find his mother in there. Her uncharacteristic burst of rage notwithstanding, Mom was an easygoing woman, a devout Christian who placed great emphasis on forgiveness. She wasn't going to let righteous anger rule her. She would set aside her anger and hurt to work to heal their family. For Mom, healing began with seeking God's counsel.

"Sorry to interrupt," he said. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Have a seat." Smiling weakly, she patted the cushion beside her.

He sat next to her. Mom dabbed her eyes with a tissue, sniffled, and then placed a shaky finger underneath a line of scripture.

"Listen," he said. "If you want to be alone, Mom. .

"Please" She placed her hand on his arm. "Sit here with me. For a little while."

"Okay," he said. He looked around the room awkwardly, not knowing what to say. Still struggling to handle his own anger, he felt incapable of comforting his mother.

"It hurts, I know," Mom said. "But we must forgive him."

"Forgive him?" He shook his head fervently. "I'm not there yet, Mom. Are you?"

"No," she admitted. "But I'm upset with your father for ... other reasons"

"Other reasons?"

Mom blinked as though catching herself in a lapse. "Forgiveness is good for the soul, Gabriel. Although I suspect it will take some time for you to reach that point."

"You could be right," he said, nodding. "Or maybe I never will."

Chapter 19

• n hour later, Gabriel drove home, Dana riding in the pasL senger seat.

"Mom talked to me about forgiving Pops," Gabriel said. "Ain't no way in hell."

Dana looked away from the window, where she had been contemplating the night.

"That's kinda harsh, baby," she said.

"Pops cheated on her, Dana. Then he lied to her. Hell, he lied to all of us for years"

"True," she said slowly. "He did a terrible thing. But . .

"But what?"

"But I'd hate to see this tear apart your family. In spite of what your father did, you have a wonderful family. Not everyone is so lucky." Her eyes darkened, and he knew what she meant. She had lost her folks when she was just a kid. To her, he appeared to be blessed beyond measure.

Maybe she was right; maybe he was being shortsighted and immature. He couldn't deny that Pops had been a great father to him and Nicole, and a loving husband to his mother. He looked up to his father as if he were a hero, always had.

Perhaps that was why learning about Pops's lie cut so deep.

"Do you know what's going to happen next?" Gabriel asked. "After Mom is done weeping and praying and forgiving Pops? I can tell you"

Dana sighed, didn't respond.

"Pops is going to bring Isaiah over to meet the family," he said. "Wait and see. It's bad enough that he had to lie for all these years now he's gonna rub our faces in it, too"

Gabriel's house was ahead. He turned into the driveway, too fast, and almost smashed into the garage door before it had finished opening. Calming himself, he slowly maneuvered into the garage, and switched off the engine.

He massaged the bridge of his nose. Dana sat with him, quietly. It was only half-past nine, but he was exhausted and couldn't wait to sleep.

"Your father isn't perfect," she said, ending the silence. "He's only human. He makes mistakes."

"This isn't just a mistake! We're talking about a son. He's out there fathering kids!"

"Okay, then it was a huge mistake. But I think sometimes you expect too much of your father."

"Expecting him to honor his vows to be faithful to my mom is too much to ask?"

"You put your dad on a pedestal. And that's okay. You should admire him, but everyone needs room to make a mistake sometimes."

"Now you think I should forgive Pops, don't you?"

"Whether you forgive him or not is up to you. In my opinion, forgiving is healthy. But I think you first need to accept that your dad isn't perfect"

She had verbalized the same concerns that weighed on his mind. He hated that she was echoing his feelings. Because he wasn't ready to do anything about them yet.

"This is none of your business, Dana"

"You're right, it's none of my business. Excuse me for caring."

"It's not that" He pinched his nose harder. "You just don't understand"

"Don't understand? Oh, I understand, Gabe. I understand that you idolize your father and don't want to admit that he can make mistakes like an ordinary person. You let him run your life-"

"Pops doesn't run my life."

"-and you're starting to worry that if your perfect daddy who-let's admit it-runs your life isn't as perfect as you thought, then what does that say about you? What does that say about the life you've let him create for you? Maybe it's not all it was cracked up to be, maybe it's not all so perfect, maybe it's time you learned to make your own decisions."

"I've heard enough of this shit." He flung open the car door and stomped inside the house.

Dana followed him. "Grow up! Stop relying on Daddy to do it all for you. 'Cause guess what? Daddy ain't perfect! Matter of fact, Papa was a rolling stone!"

At the door to the master bedroom, Gabriel seized the knob so tightly that his knuckles popped. "Are you finished?"

Dana stood in the hallway, fists on her waist, bosom heaving. "What, is a little honesty too much for you to handle?"

"Drop it, Dana"

"I need my husband to be his own man"

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means grow up. Or this isn't gonna work."

There was a threat in her words. A threat he didn't want to consider.

She didn't know what she was saying, he told himself. She was emotionally drained, and so was he. Neither of them was talking sensibly.

"Look, we've had a long night, and we're both exhausted," he said. "Can we discuss this later?"

"I want to talk about it now."

"Well, I don't. Argue with yourself. Good night."

He went into the bathroom to shower. Dana's words reverberated in his thoughts, and he tried to shut them out.

I need my husband to be his own man.

He had never been so insulted. Under a jet of scalding hot water, he scrubbed his skin angrily.

When he finished showering and entered the bedroom, he found Dana sitting on the bed. She sniffled, rubbed her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean everything I said."

"But you meant part of it?" He snatched away the bedsheets and climbed on the mattress. "I'm done talking about it."

"Gabe .. ." She reached for his arm. He jerked away.

"Don't shut down on me," she said.

"I'm just trying to act like I'm my own man," he said. He pulled up the covers and rolled onto his stomach, away from her.

He heard her sigh loudly. Then she went into the bathroom and turned on the shower.

They fell asleep with a cold, wide space between them.