The Opposite of Wild (30 page)

Maggie stepped in and surveyed the mess. “Haven’t seen you in a while, Liz. Thought I’d stop by, see how things are going with my only great-grandson.”

She approached the baby. Daisy had managed to get dressed, but her pink T-shirt was stained with milk and baby spit-up. She looked bleary-eyed at Maggie. “Would you like to hold him?”

“Did you feed him already?” Maggie asked.

“Yes.”

“Well, let’s go. Babies like motion.”

“Go where?” Liz asked.

“For a drive, come on.” Maggie gestured to the door.

Liz checked to make sure she could go out in public—nope, still in pajamas. Did she brush her hair today? She patted her hair and felt a tangled knot in the back. She handed Daisy the keys to her car. “Go get settled in my car. I’ll be right there.”

She ran to her bedroom and pulled some wrinkled pants from the hamper. She couldn’t bring herself to wear an entire outfit from the hamper, so she snatched a silk tank from the closet that Daisy wore in her prebaby days. Someone had to do laundry around here. They were both just…so…tired. She shoved her hair into a messy ponytail and hurried out the door.

Maggie was already in the front passenger seat. Liz slid into the driver’s seat. She glanced over her shoulder at Daisy trying to get a screaming Bryce to take a pacifier. He kept spitting it out.

“Where to?” Liz asked as she started the car.

“Babies-N-Things,” Maggie said, pitching her voice over Bryce’s never-ending howls. “I’m going to get you a baby swing so you have some help when your arms tire out.”

Liz headed for the highway to Eastman, setting the radio to classical music because she read that it soothed babies, even though it never worked at home. Within five minutes, the car fell miraculously silent. Liz stopped at a light and peeked in the back seat. Both Daisy and Bryce had fallen asleep.

“It worked,” she whispered to Maggie.

“I’m telling you, motion,” Maggie said. “And don’t keep quiet when the baby sleeps. Let him get used to your normal volume, and he’ll learn to sleep through it. No need to tippy-toe around a baby.”

“Okay.” She’d do anything Maggie said. As far as she was concerned, the woman was a genius. It suddenly occurred to her that Rachel had said something similar. She should’ve listened to her.

“So, Liz,” Maggie said, “why’d you quit on Ryan?”

Chapter Twenty-Eight

She said nothing at first. Her feelings were still too raw to talk about, especially with Ryan’s grandmother. She knew Maggie would always be on Ryan’s side before hers.

“I don’t know,” Liz finally said.

“Yes, you do,” Maggie insisted. “And you’re going to tell me. My boy is miserable, and there’d better be a good reason for it.”

Tears stung her eyes. She didn’t want him to be miserable. She gave him his freedom so he could be happy.

“I’m just so overwhelmed,” Liz confessed quietly. “With the baby and not sleeping, it’s like I just can’t handle any additional stress right now. And…and he didn’t sign up for all this.”

“Now you let him be the judge of what he can handle,” Maggie said. “Don’t you go making that decision for him.”

Liz gripped the steering wheel tightly. “I can’t risk getting hurt. I just can’t take one more thing. I’m barely hanging on here.”

“Honey, you can hide under the bed, and then the bed can collapse on you. More accidents happen at home than anywhere else, you know?”

Liz cringed.

Maggie put a hand on Liz’s arm. “Don’t be like me and wait for an accident to give you a wakeup call. Duty and responsibility have their place—where would families be without it?—but you’ve got to take chances too, go after what you want. Your dreams, your hopes,
love
, these things matter. What do you really want in your heart of hearts?”

Liz couldn’t answer. It didn’t matter what she wanted in her heart of hearts. It was an impossibility. Ryan would never be the doting husband, adoring father, nonshedding dog owner that she dreamed of once upon a time. In fact, she should just retire that fantasy because now she had the kid, and that had to be enough.

She parked and turned to the back seat, watching her exhausted sister and her angel nephew sleep. She’d wanted a baby for a long time, and now she had one.

It’s not what I thought it would be.

She felt terribly guilty thinking that. Bryce was a gift.

“I can see you’re thinking, and that’s good,” Maggie said. “Now, let’s shop.”

Liz transferred Bryce’s carrier to a cart while Maggie woke Daisy in the back seat. After they started walking up and down the baby aisles, Bryce blessedly continuing to sleep, Daisy perked up. Maggie let Daisy pick out a swing.

They headed for the clothing section, where the three women poured through racks of adorable outfits.

“Oh, look at this one!” Daisy exclaimed, holding up a puppy sleeper that had puppy dog faces on the feet. “And a matching bib!” She grabbed the bib on a display nearby.

“Get the hat too!” Liz said. She held up a beige hat with brown puppy dog ears on top.

Maggie picked out a sleeper that looked like a red and blue baseball uniform with a soft baseball cap.

“Adorable!” Daisy exclaimed.

“Pick out a few more for the next size up,” Maggie said. “I can tell my great-grandbaby’s growing already with all that good milk you’re feeding him.” She picked out a little fall outfit with a sweater, turtleneck onesie, and elastic waist cords and held it up. “And matching socks too.” She snagged the socks.

Daisy hugged Maggie and beamed at her. “Oh, Maggie, this was a good idea. I’m glad you stopped by.”

“Well, I am too,” Maggie said, looking from Daisy to Liz. “You girls are doing a lot of work with a colicky baby. Believe me, I’ve been there. And you’re doing a great job.” She turned to Daisy. “But, hon, you have to include Trav more. He wants to help. He has every Sunday off. I want you to think about giving him that day. It’ll be good for all three of you. Trav and Bryce can stay with you so you can nurse, or you can hand over some bottles and let Bryce stay with Trav.”

Daisy stopped smiling. “I’ll have to think about that.”

“I’m not saying you have to leave the boy,” Maggie said. “Give Trav the sofa or the floor if it’s better for you. In the meantime…” Maggie gestured for them to follow as she pushed their cart toward the large baby-gear section of the store. “Let’s get him a Pack-N-Play so Bryce has a portable crib and can stay anywhere.”

“Oh, we don’t need that,” Daisy said. “He has a crib in Liz’s room right next to me.”

Maggie raised an eyebrow. “And where does Liz sleep?”

“I’m on the sofa,” Liz said, “which is very comfortable.”
And further from the screaming
.

“Well, you can sleep wherever you want,” Maggie said, turning to the Pack-N-Play section. “I’m still buying it, so we have options.”

Daisy lifted Bryce’s carrier off the cart, making room for the Pack-N-Play. After the cart was loaded up, Liz pushed it toward the register, thinking a strong dose of Maggie was just what they’d needed.

~ ~ ~

The next day, Trav showed up for his first daddy-son Sunday afternoon, taking two bottles of expressed milk and promising to have him back by dinner. Daisy went straight to bed. Liz sat on the sofa, too miserable to sleep. Without the distraction of the baby, she felt the loss of Ryan in her life keenly. But she couldn’t bring him back to this—constant diaper changes, feedings, endless nights, messy house, all the screaming and crying. Heck, she was a mess too. She hadn’t even stepped foot on her treadmill since Bryce arrived. And she’d eaten plenty of take-out Chinese and leftovers from Garner’s because they’d been too exhausted to cook. She’d be packing on the pounds soon.

The walls of the apartment closed in on her.

She shot off the sofa. She’d run outdoors. She normally preferred to get hot, sweaty, and gross in private, but these were desperate times. The treadmill was in the bedroom with her sleeping sister. She left a note for Daisy and quietly shut the apartment door. She’d take a quick run through town and stop at Garner’s after to pick up dinner. She drove to Garner’s to put in her order.

“Hi, Mom, Dad,” she said as she entered the back door through the kitchen.

Her father stepped out of the back office. “Hey, sweetheart.”

Her mother looked up from where she’d been tossing a salad. “Where’s my little angel baby?”

“He’s with his daddy for a few hours. Daisy’s sleeping. I’m going for a quick run, but can I get a double order of steak and baked potato when I get back? Daisy really needs the iron.”

“Anything for my girls,” her father said. “I’ll fix you up.”

“Thanks, Dad. Be back in about half an hour.”

She started at a slow jog as she headed down Main Street, taking in the new Halloween window displays. Pumpkins, scarecrows, and bales of hay decorated the sidewalk in front of the shops. She waved to a few people she recognized, her spirits lifting.
This was a good idea.
She sped up to a run and had gotten to the next block before she was drenched in sweat. There was no shade on Main Street, and the sun was strong this afternoon. She paused to regroup, turned, and headed off Main, down tree-lined Catoonah street with its beautiful Victorian homes.

“Hi, Ms. Garner,” Alexis and Kayla, twins from her third-grade class, said in unison. They rode up alongside her on their bikes.

“Hi, girls,” she panted.

They sped past her, their bikes much quicker than her slowing pace of running.

She checked the time on her cell. It’d only been ten minutes. She could always run thirty minutes on the treadmill. She kept going, turning down Elm. She smiled at a black lab who appeared to be smiling back as he jogged by with his owner.

Sweat poured down her face, chest, and back, but she was determined to get her full workout in. She might not have the chance to do it again until the next daddy-son Sunday. She decided she’d go one more block and then back up toward Garner’s.

Her pace slowed to a shuffling jog as she sucked in air.

“Hey,” a deep voice said from behind her.

Her heart pounded painfully hard. She’d know that voice anywhere.

She turned and stumbled a bit. Ryan reached out to steady her. He looked the same. Not miserable like Maggie had said. Maybe some more stubble, but the same. Gorgeous. Unlike her.
Dammit
. She knew she looked a mess. She felt like crying.

She felt pathetic.

She slowed to a walk, pushing the frizzy, sweaty hair that had escaped her ponytail off her face.

“How are you?” he asked. He wore a black T-shirt and black basketball shorts, probably out for a run like her. Only not winded.

“Tired,” she said.

“Trav was happy to get Bryce.”

“Good.”

She picked up to a jog again, wanting only to get back to Garner’s and away from him. He kept up with her.

She picked up the pace. He did too.

A cramp hit her side, and she stopped dead in the street, bending over and panting it out.

Ryan seemed to take that as normal because he kept talking. “I’m going in to talk to Chief Bailey tomorrow, see if he has any leads for me. You know, as a cop.”

She straightened. “Good. Good for you.”

“You want to—”

“I haven’t run in a while, so I’d better head back while I have the energy.”

He nodded, his expression neutral, and stepped back.

She pushed herself with pure adrenaline to jog back to Garner’s, ignoring the cramp in her side and the pain in her heart.

~ ~ ~

“Ryan, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” Chief Bailey said, pumping his hand and clapping him on the back. Chief, now in his fifties, had aged well. He had a full head of salt-and-pepper hair, blue eyes always lit with a spark of humor, and he’d kept fit. No donut paunch on this guy.

“I know, I stayed away too long,” Ryan said. “I’ve seen you on patrol here and there.”

“But you haven’t come in. We missed you around here, didn’t we, Linda?”

“We sure did.” Linda, a woman in her sixties, had worked as secretary at the small Clover Park police station since Ryan was a kid. “Coffee?”

“No, thanks.” Ryan leaned down and kissed her cheek. “You look just like when I first laid eyes on you. Beautiful as ever.”

She gave him a playful swat. “Oh, you.” She patted her curly red hair.

“Come on back to my office.” Chief Bailey headed for his back office in the old Victorian that served as the town’s police station. There was an ancient-looking holding cell in the basement where sometimes the chief deposited someone that had too much to drink. Other than that, crime was very low.

Chief Bailey grabbed some old newspapers off a wood chair and dropped them on the floor. “Have a seat.”

Ryan sat and got right to business. “Like I said on the phone, I’m here to—”

“I know why you’re here. What I don’t know is why you left the force.” He opened a file folder. “I kept tabs on you. Top of your class at the academy, numerous commendations for integrity, officer of the month five times, distinguished service award.” He fixed Ryan with an assessing look. “You turned in your badge after you were shot in the line of duty. Why?”

Ryan was prepared for the question, and if anyone would understand why he’d had to leave, it was Chief Bailey. He told him the story of the kid with the gun and his two-year-old sister. The bullet he’d taken in the shoulder.

Chief leaned back in his chair, folding his hands over his stomach. “Back up. When you say you froze, were you staring down the kid with the gun or looking at the little girl?”

“The girl,” he said tightly. He hated the reminder of that day.

“That’s the best thing you could’ve done.”

Ryan’s mouth dropped open. “What?”

“The perp’s attention was on you. When he saw you staring at his sister, he likely shifted his attention to the girl, giving your partner the distraction he needed to disarm him.”

Ryan blinked. He’d never thought of it that way. Course, he couldn’t be sure if that’s how it went down. “Maybe,” he allowed.

Chief closed the folder and leaned forward. “Did they send you to a shrink after?”