The Only Way (The Amish Millers Get Married Book 4) (10 page)

Rebecca did not want to look at
Grossmammi
Deborah’s face, although she knew that
Grossmammi
Deborah was no longer there and that her earthly
body was just a garment.
Grossmammi
Deborah was in her
wedding dress, and her face showed she was at peace. After briefly
viewing
Grossmammi
Deborah, Rebecca slipped away to the
kitchen, hoping no one had noticed her.

Rebecca stood at the kitchen window looking
out over the snow drifting over the fields.
It’s going to be an
early winter
, she thought, wiping a stray tear or two away from
her eyes. A noise behind her made her turn around.

“Are you okay?” Elijah was smiling down at
her, his face full of warmth and concern.

Rebecca nodded, not trusting herself to
speak. She had become quite close to
Grossmammi
Deborah and
had enjoyed her conversations with her.
Grossmammi
Deborah’s
passing had left a void in her world. Her older
schweschders
, Hannah, Esther, and Martha were all now
married, and she had no one left to talk to. Sure, there was Sarah,
but she did not feel she could confide in her, and her
mudder
was not someone she could talk to as a friend;
rather, she was an elder to be respected. Rebecca at once felt
terribly sorry for herself, and to her dismay, burst into
tears.

The next thing Rebecca knew was that Elijah’s
strong arms were around her. She took in his manly scent of honey
and oatmeal soap, tinged with the woodsy scents of the farm.
Rebecca did not want Elijah to let her go, but at the same time,
was afraid someone would come upon them and think something
untoward was going on.

Finally Elijah released her and held her at
arms’ length. “Here, sit down, Rebecca. I’ll make you some hot
meadow tea. I’ll put sugar in it. I know you were close to
Grossmammi
Deborah.”

“
Denki
, Elijah.” Rebecca sat down and
sniffled. Her heart was racing from Elijah’s proximity. Was he
being considerate because he cared for her, or simply because he
was a good, thoughtful person? She had no way of knowing. If only
Elijah would give her some sign of his feelings toward her.

Elijah placed the tea down in front of
Rebecca, and sat opposite her, smiling. “See, I keep telling you
that I’d make a
gut
husband.”

Rebecca could not help but laugh.
“
Jah
, you would.”

Elijah was on the point of saying something
further, when Sarah burst into the kitchen. She too had been
crying. Rebecca had no idea why, as Sarah had not known
Grossmammi
Deborah. Benjamin Shetler hurried into the
kitchen right behind Sarah, and Sarah and Benjamin both stopped and
stood there with their mouths open when they saw Elijah and
Rebecca.

Elijah stood up. “Sarah, is anything the
matter?”

Sarah hung her head, so Elijah guided her to
a seat. “I’ve just made Rebecca a meadow tea, so I’ll make you one
too.”

“
Denki
.” Sarah’s voice was small and
quiet.

Rebecca’s heart fell.
So, Elijah was just
being nice to me because he’s a caring person
, she thought,
and now he’s being exactly the same to Sarah too
. Rebecca
felt like a third wheel, and Benjamin had already left. Without a
word, she stood up and left the room.

* * *

Elijah was a little upset. He had been about
to ask Rebecca to go on a buggy ride, when Sarah and Benjamin
Shetler had hurried into the kitchen. Why had Rebecca hurried out,
straight after Benjamin Shetler? He hoped Rebecca did not have
feelings for Benjamin. After all, he was just as handsome as Nash,
although in a different way. What other reason would Rebecca have
for charging out of the kitchen like that? He had wanted to follow
her, but Sarah was upset.
I need to speak to Rebecca as soon as
possible
, he thought, with growing urgency.

* * *

Nash Grayson was a little upset that his
grandmother had died. She had never been mean to him, not like his
own mother and father had, but on the bright side, he figured that
there was a very good chance she had left him something in her
will. Perhaps it was enough to pay off his gambling debts. If not,
it might be enough for him to bet on just one more race to make
some good money.

Nash wondered how long before the will would
be read, and then after that, how long it would take him to be paid
any inheritance. Then he could escape from this dreadful, dreary
place. He’d go mad if he had to stay with these people too much
longer. All they did was care about other people and God; it was
just not natural.

Nash couldn’t believe his luck when he saw
Rebecca, Elijah, Sarah, and Benjamin go into the kitchen, but only
Benjamin and Rebecca come out. He sneaked to the door and leaned
against it, straining his ears to hear what they were saying. To
his great disappointment, Elijah appeared to be lecturing Sarah
about God. All Elijah was doing was telling Sarah what the
ministers had said.

Nash sighed, but then he had a thought.
Rebecca herself had no idea what Elijah was doing in there with
Sarah, and he could use this to his advantage. Nash smiled to
himself as he headed to the closest plate of free food.

Romans 16:25.

Now to him who is able to strengthen you
according to my gospel and the preaching of Jesus Christ, according
to the revelation of the mystery that was kept secret for long
ages.

Chapter
16

“It’s just like one of those movies that my
housemate, Sheryl Garner, made me watch when I was on
rumspringa
,” Martha said. “What was the name of it again?”
She was met with blank looks, so continued, “With the three of us
schweschders
being married, and now the funeral today—oh I
know, the movie was called
Four Weddings and a Funeral
.”

“Martha!” Mrs. Miller shrieked. “You
apologize at once.”

Martha appeared puzzled. “Who to?”

Her
mudder
simply glared at her and
hurried into the kitchen, banging pots and pans. Moses winked at
Martha and she giggled guiltily.

Rebecca watched the whole exchange.
If
only Elijah felt the same way about me that Moses clearly feels
about Martha
, she thought,
and then it would be four
weddings and not just three
.

Several minutes later, the
familye
climbed into their buggies to drive the short distance to the
B&B for the funeral, Martha and Moses in one buggy, and Mr. and
Mrs. Miller, Rebecca and Sarah, in the other. The former cheerful
mood turned more somber the closer they came to the B&B. In
fact, Sarah was still in her subdued, quiet mood of the day
before.

Upon arrival, Rebecca saw many people she
didn’t know, and figured they were from the Flickingers’ former
community. After all, the Flickingers had not been in town long at
all.

When they arrived, Elijah walked over to
Rebecca and Sarah, and Rebecca noted, to her discomfort, that Sarah
smiled at him widely. Elijah helped the two girls carry the food
they had prepared into the B&B, but when they were half way to
the building, Nash hurried over to them. “Is there anything I can
do to help?”

“
Denki
, Nash.” Sarah smiled sweetly at
him. “You could go and help Mrs. Miller bring in more food.”

Nash hurried over to find Mrs. Miller, and
the three continued on their way.

“He seems very nice and thoughtful,” Sarah
said, but Rebecca noted that Elijah looked displeased at her
statement. Could he be jealous of Sarah’s admiration for Nash?

The service started soon after everyone was
inside the B&B. One of the ministers stood up and addressed
everyone present. He said that death is the act of
Gelassenheit
, the final surrender to
Gott
. The
minister then read the words of a hymn, for, like at all Amish
funerals, hymns are read by the minister rather than sung.

Consider, O man!

Consider your death, the end.

Death often comes unawares.

He who is strong and glowing today,

Tomorrow or sooner, may

Pass away
.

Another minister then read prayers from the
Die Ernsthafte Christenpflicht
, “Prayer Book for Earnest
Christians.” Afterward, he spoke on the hope of the resurrection,
and in English rather than in Pennsylvania Dutch. Rebecca looked
around to see if there were any
Englisch
visitors, for, at
funerals, ministers usually only spoke in the English language for
the benefit of
Englischer
visitors. She could only see Nash.
He saw her looking at him and smiled widely at her. Rebecca was
then aware that Elijah was watching the two of them.
I hope he’s
jealous
, she thought,
as that might spur him into
action
. Then her stomach churned.
He probably likes Sarah
and not me
, she thought.

Around ninety minutes later, everyone
returned to their buggies for the solemn procession to the
cemetery. Mrs. Miller was standing by the
familye
buggy, her
hands on her hips. “Hurry, Rebecca, find Sarah. I can’t find her
anywhere. Run along now.”

Rebecca turned around and hurried back in the
direction of the B&B.

“Looking for someone?” Nash was sitting on
the front porch.

“Yes, Sarah. Have you seen her?”

Nash stood up and walked over to Rebecca.
“Last I saw her, she was kissing Elijah,” he said in a
conspiratorial whisper.

Rebecca could not hide the horrified look on
her face. “What?” she gasped.

“Oh, I suppose I’m not to know,” Nash said
sulkily. “Just because I’m an
Englischer
now, I suppose I’m
not meant to know all your secrets. I didn’t find out deliberately.
I saw you walk out of the kitchen yesterday, so I walked in, and
Elijah and Sarah were kissing. I apologized and left as soon as I
could. They sure looked guilty.” Nash laughed unkindly.

Rebecca felt as if she would pass out. Her
surroundings seemed to be receding. Just then, her
mudder’s
shrill voice pierced her thoughts. “Rebecca! Rebecca! Hurry;
Sarah’s here.”

Rebecca hurried back to the buggy and climbed
aboard, shooting a look at Sarah.
Sarah sure looks guilty
,
Rebecca thought. Rebecca did not trust Nash, but would he go so far
as to tell an outright lie? He did know that Elijah and Sarah were
alone in the kitchen.

The Millers’ buggy fell into procession
behind the horse-drawn hearse containing the coffin, and the
funeral party soon arrived at the cemetery. Rebecca felt as if it
were all a dream, as if it were happening to someone else.

Some of the
menner
in the community
had already dug the grave by hand. One of the ministers spoke
briefly at the graveside stating that
Grossmammi
Deborah was
no longer here but with
Gott
, and then the coffin was
lowered while a minister read a hymn.

Rebecca felt dizzy and somewhat nauseous, and
was unable to concentrate, and the fact that she felt guilty over
this only made matters worse.
Have I truly lost Elijah?
she
asked herself.
How could I have been so silly? Grossmammi
Deborah and Aenti Irene were
right; I should have married
him and let love come later
.

On the other hand, was it possible that Nash
was lying? Yet what motive could he have for doing so? Yet that
would explain why Sarah was so nervous about going to the viewing
and to the funeral, because she didn’t want Rebecca to see her with
Elijah.

Rebecca put her hands to her head. All the
thoughts running around in her head were bringing on a headache.
Already there was a dull throbbing in her temples.

People were starting to leave the cemetery,
to head back to the B&B for a meal which had been prepared in
advance by the women of the community.

Rebecca was still wrestling with her
thoughts, when she saw Elijah over by some gravestones. At first
she thought he might be reading the German names on the older
gravestones, but then he approached Sarah. He handed her a small
slip of paper. She opened it, and smiled widely up at Elijah.
Rebecca fought back tears. Clearly it was a written invitation of
sorts. The facts were clear: Rebecca had lost Elijah, and he was
now dating Sarah.

* * *

Elijah had seen Nash speak to Rebecca on the
porch, and had seen Rebecca’s upset expression moments later. He
did not trust Nash, but Sarah seemed to have a good opinion of him
which meant that Rebecca might too.
I’ll bet Nash is up to no
good
, Elijah thought.

To make matters worse, Elijah had walked off
by himself, hoping Rebecca would seek him out. The two of them
often had private conversations, but his every attempt to speak to
Rebecca, once he had decided to ask her to marry him, had been
thwarted. He had to give Sarah the note from his
mudder
, and
his timing could not have been worse. He had looked up to see
Rebecca watching them, and then she had turned away. Elijah sent up
a silent petition to
Gott
.
Please Gott, help things come
right for me. I am making a mess of things by myself.

Songs 8:7.

Many waters cannot quench love, neither can
floods drown it.

If a man offered for love all the wealth of
his house,

he would be utterly despised.

Chapter
17

Rebecca had spent a miserable week. In fact,
it was the most miserable week of her life. Sarah was still acting
strangely, presumably as she felt awkward about hiding her
relationship with Elijah, and Rebecca was doing her best to be
happy for the pair. After all, she blamed herself for not letting
Elijah know how she felt about him. If she had done so years ago…
yet Rebecca stopped herself right there. Like her
mudder
said, it was no use crying over spilled milk. What was done, was
done. A dozen similar clichés ran through Rebecca’s head, until she
put an empty saucepan down rather too forcefully on the table.
Oh no, I’m turning into Mamm
, she thought.