The One Left Behind (The One Series) (31 page)

“So, I’m meeting Colin later.” This causes the girls’ attention to turn towards me. Morgan speaks first.

“How did that come about?”

Colby quickly follows. “I thought he was ignoring your texts.”

“Well, I guess he’s not anymore. I stopped texting him and he finally reached out to me. I’m hoping things can go a little better this time around since the last time we talked it turned ugly real fast.”

“Well, what did you expect? In his mind you’re still his fiancé, and you slept with another guy. So as far as Colin is concerned, you pretty much cheated on him,” Colby says.

I feel like I’ve been sucker punched and am a little pissed off at Colby. That was a low blow, and she of all people knows how bad I felt when I left his place. Before I can speak up, Morgan chimes in, “That’s not fair, Colby. Addy doesn’t remember Colin. What is she supposed to do, move in and marry the guy because everyone tells her she should? Give the girl a break. Yeah, it sucks for Colin but Addison isn’t a bitch and she wasn’t out to hurt him. She fell for Pierce and she is happy. She is lucky to be alive and you should be happy for her too.”

All this bickering is exhausting me and I don’t need the reminder on how I’m ruining Colin’s life. I get it. I rub my temples to ease the building tension and say, “Okay, enough. I didn’t call you guys over here so we could banter about Colin all afternoon. Just drop it.”

There’s a long pause that seems to stretch on forever until Colby says, “No, Morgan’s right. I’m sorry. I told you I would support you and want you to be happy and then go say stuff like that. I’m still friends with Colin and sometimes the lines get a little blurry for me. It’s just weird to not see you guys together. You guys would never come over separately, so when I meet up with him and you’re not there it’s just strange. I apologize.”

Colby’s words really hit home. I didn’t realize that all of us spent so much time together and Colin was a big part of her life as well. I think really hard and try to remember any piece of the four of us hanging out together and come up with nothing. I throw my head back in the chair and close my eyes. I’m going to suppress these thoughts since I’m meeting up with Colin later. We have enough problems to resolve right now and don’t want this looming over me too.

A few hours later I’m on my way to Colin’s and I’m a ball of nerves. I want to mend things and move forward. If after today it isn’t possible, I’m closing the door on that part of my life. This whole thing is mentally and physically draining, and as much as I would like to keep Colin in my life, if he’s not willing to accept a friendship then there’s nothing more I can offer him. I call Pierce on his office phone to help calm my nerves. He’s the only thing in my life that’s not complicated right now.

“Pierce Whitmore,” he answers.

“Hey, babe. How’s your day?”

“Hey. It’s fantastic now. I was just thinking about you and I’m glad you called. Are you on your way over to Colin’s?”

When Pierce was getting ready for work this morning, I told him I was supposed to meet with Colin and try and sort out a friendship.

“Yup. I’m a little nervous. I don’t really know him so I don’t know what to expect. I just hope it’s not like last time.”

“Well, his texts seem like he was being genuine. He had obviously reached his breaking point that day. He still shouldn’t have said the things he did to you though, but if he starts that shit again just leave and call me. I will not have anyone disrespecting my girl and if he does, we will have a problem,” he says in a menacing tone.

“Oh, Charming, always trying to defend my honor. How noble of you,” I say sarcastically trying to lighten the mood.

We both laugh a little and he says, “I’m serious, Addison. Don’t let him walk all over you. You’re a strong person and you can handle this.” He’s right, I can do this. I’m so glad I called because he just gave me the confidence I’m going to need to face this.

“I love you. Thank you for making me calmer about this situation. I just pulled up so I’ll call you as soon as I leave.”

“Okay, good luck. I’m sure everything will be fine. I love you.”

I hang up with Pierce and make my way up Colin’s driveway. I’m not nervous anymore after speaking to Pierce. He is right, the texts did seem genuine and I can always leave if things get out of hand. I ring the doorbell and wait.

Colin opens the door and he looks a lot better than the last time I saw him. He is clean shaven and has his hair styled. He has on jeans and a nice Polo shirt. The anger that was in his eyes the last time I saw him is gone.

“Hey, I’m a little early, I hope that’s okay.”

Colin opens the door wide before saying, “Not a problem. I’m used to you being early so I kind of expected it. Come on in.” I walk in and look around. I notice that Colin’s place is looking a lot better too. It is a lot cleaner and things are picked up off the floor. I also notice there are no empty beer bottles laying around.

Colin goes over to the fridge. “Would you like a water?”

I walk over to his couch and sit. “That would be great, thanks.”

Colin comes over with two waters and sits on the chair opposite of the couch. I am a little thankful for the distance. I don’t want any awkward moments of him trying to kiss me again. We sit in silence as we drink our waters. Clearly, we both have no idea where to start, so I go first.

“Colin, I just wanted to say I’m sorry how things went down the other day.”

“I should be the one apologizing. The things I said to you were uncalled for and untrue,” He scrubs a hand over his face and has a pained expression as he apologizes.

I hold my hand up to cut him off. “Although I agree with that, let me just finish please. I know this has got to be incredibly hard on you and I’m trying to understand, I really am. But I can’t put my life on hold and you shouldn’t either.” I wait for a moment for his response.

TO SAY THAT I am nervous to see Addison is a gross understatement. The first thing I need to do is apologize to her. So, when she apologizes to me, I am almost shocked. What does she have to apologize for? I try to interrupt her but she holds up her hand, so I let her finish. The fact that she says I shouldn’t put my life on hold feels like a punch to the gut. It’s in that sentence that I know for sure she has given up hope on ever remembering what we had and getting back together. I guess, in a sense, this is what I need to move on. She wasn’t a bitch when she said it, but she made her intentions clear: she’s moving on without me.

I realize I’ve just been looking at her and she’s waiting for a response. I shake my head slightly and look down at the ground. “I know.” I look back up at her so she can see the sincerity in what I’m saying. “I am so sorry for the things I said. I really can’t say that enough to you. I’m appalled by my actions and so grateful that you’re willing to even talk to me again.”

“It’s okay,” she says. “I just want to put this behind us and move forward, you know?”

“I understand that you don’t see me the way I see you. Trust me, I get it now, but I don’t think you realize how bad that hurts. It’s hard for me to accept at times because it’s not like we grew apart and one of us stopped loving the other. A drunk driver hit us and forever changed our lives. That’s hard to swallow. I think it would have been easier on me if the former had happened, but it didn’t. That’s why I haven’t been dealing with this very well. I think I was always holding out hope that you’d come back to me.”

I say that last line in almost a whisper and I’m not sure if she even heard me. I chance a glance at her and I can tell she heard every word. Her eyebrows are drawn together and her shoulders are slumped forward as if listening to me is causing her pain. I don’t want her to feel guilty, I’m just trying to get her to understand why I’ve been acting crazy lately. These last four months have literally killed me.

She starts to open her mouth to speak but I stop her. “After these last few months and then our last confrontation, I’m coming to terms with the way things have panned out. I’m not happy about it. I still love you and it hurts like hell to know you’re with someone else, but I’m trying to accept it. I just want you to be happy, and if you’re happier being my friend than my fiancé, then I’ll have to deal with it.”

She gets a sympathetic smile on her face. “Thank you, Colin. It means a lot to me to have your understanding. I was actually pretty nervous about our meeting. I wasn’t sure how it was going to go, but I feel good about this. I definitely still want you in my life. I don’t want to make things harder on you, but if you think we can be friends then I’m all for it.”

“Yeah, I think I would like to be friends and work on that. Please be patient with me. I promise I won’t lash out at you like that again, but if for some reason I just drop off the map it’s because I need to distance myself. It’s nothing personal; I just don’t want to make a mess of things again. Okay?”

She nods, “Okay. I can give you space when you need it.”

We chat a little awkwardly before she says she has to go. I walk her to the door and tell her goodbye. I feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest at the finality of things, but maybe this will help me move on and be a happier person. As of now, I’ve been wallowing in self-pity and beer. Thinking about it now is about to drive me crazy.

I just lost her. The love of my life will never be mine again. There will be no fighting for her or winning her over. Romantically, we are done.

I need a distraction and one that doesn’t involved getting drunk since I’m back on the whole ‘I’m not going to drink myself to death’ plan again. Against my better judgment, I text the one person I should stay away from.

Me: Hey, what are you doing?

Brooklyn: Sitting around my apartment. Naked. What are you doing?

Me: You. Be over in 10 minutes
.

God, I know this is a bad idea. Especially since I haven’t had a drop of booze. This will be the first time I’ve been with Brooklyn sober. I have a feeling I’m going to regret this.

When I get to her apartment, I half expect her to tell me to fuck off again, but, to my surprise, she welcomes me in with a big smile.

“You looking for a distraction?” she says coyly.

“Yep. I figured this was the place to go.” I’m a little shocked that she’s so welcoming given the way things went down the last time I came over. I don’t give it much thought though. I need a distraction, and if she’s willing then I’m not going to question her reasoning.

“Well, let me help you out there then.”

She pulls me by my T-shirt to the bedroom. Once we’re there, she starts to undress me. All she has on is a robe, and I’m willing to bet she’s naked underneath it. When she has me completely naked, she drops her robe and confirms my suspicions.

She shoves me down on the bed. Every time we’ve had sex I’ve been in control. I guess this time she’s trying to take some of it back. Whatever, as long as it gets my mind off of Addison.

I walk back to the bedroom after I throw my used condom away. I lie back on the bed and stare at the ceiling. I was right; this was a terrible idea. I can’t believe I’ve been doing this regularly. Even sober I can’t wait to get the fuck out of here even though I know it makes me look like a douche. But someone up there must be watching out for me because Brooklyn walks back in the bedroom and says, “Look, I don’t mean to kick you out since you look so comfortable, but I’ve got to go to work soon. So…”

I jump up without hesitation. “Hey, no problem. I have work I need to do anyway. I’ll see you around.”

Once I’m in my car I lean my head against the steering wheel. I really am an idiot. I need to find a better release for my stress because I am never doing that again.

I shudder at the thought. Gross.

WELL, TODAY’S THE big day, and I can’t contain my nerves because I’m bringing Pierce to meet my parents. It’s been a long time since I’ve introduced anyone to them, and it makes me wonder how it went with Colin. Was I this nervous? Did they like him right away? Did they grill him like they did my past boyfriends?

I don’t know how I managed to keep Pierce away for this long. My dad let it slip to my mom that I am dating Pierce and she has been bugging me ever since. She has been doing random visits to try and catch Pierce there so she can meet him. She’s nuts. I told her if she didn’t stop her unannounced drop ins she would never meet him. Mean, I know, but my mother has a way of letting herself into my home and I don’t want her walking in on Pierce and me in a compromising position.