The Odds of Lightning (24 page)

Outside, her phone buzzed with its fifth new text message. It was really late.

She'd forgotten all about Tiny.

Wait. What had just happened?

Will jumped out of bed and reached for his cargo shorts. He stopped before he put on his T-shirt, and stared at the full-length mirror. He'd lost some of the weight, right? Was he so hideous that she couldn't stand to touch him? She had flown out of there as fast as if she had been a cartoon roadrunner.

He threw the T-shirt on and fumbled into his sneakers. He ran down the stairs and out the front door.

Luella was standing on the street, staring at her phone.

“Luella!” he shouted. She looked up at him sharply. A dog barked down the street. “Lu. Sorry. Lu.”

“What are you doing, Will?”

“I just wanted to . . . Hey, can we talk about this? What just happened?”

Lu looked suspicious.

“Okay. I guess.”

“Look, Lu,” he said, his voice serious. “I was thinking—”

“Stop,” she said, “just stop.” Lu was smiling a weird tight-lipped smile. Will stared at her in surprise. It didn't look like her at all. Something had changed really quickly, and Will had no idea when or how or why. He just knew that it was his fault. He had done something to make her run away. Maybe it was something he didn't even realize. Maybe it was just . . . how he was. Maybe she was running away from
him.
“We all know what's going to happen when we start school. You have a whole new life ahead of you. You're going to be on the soccer team and leave all your mathlete friends behind, and you're never going to want to be seen with a theater girl like me. And I'm going to try out for every play and hang out with super unbearably artsy kids and go to indie concerts and probably start smoking cloves.”

“Cloves?”

“Yeah. Cloves. And my friends will judge guys like you, and your friends will probably talk shit about me and my friends. So why don't we just cut our losses and quit while we're ahead? You go your way, I'll go mine. No hard feelings—it'll save you the trouble of doing it later. Okay?”

“What?” Will's face crumpled. She was lying. He knew her lying face so well.

“Really,” Lu said. “No hard feelings. It was a great summer. But it's over now.”

Will clenched his jaw.

“That's what you were going to say, right?”

It didn't matter now, what he was going to say. She had said enough for the both of them. And then his face hardened into something tighter, colder. Everything was so messed up, and it had happened so quickly. Everything that had made this summer the best summer of his life was slipping through his fingers. All he had wanted was to impress her. He was changing himself for her. The whole reason he had wanted to join the soccer team was for
her.

And she was throwing it all back in his face. How could she do that to him? What kind of person
was
she?

Lu could never love him the way he loved her. She was cold. She was heartless. Where her heart was, there was nothing but a gaping black hole. She felt nothing.

Will could be that way too. He could show her. Suddenly he didn't want to be himself anymore. He wanted to be someone different. Someone who didn't care about anyone.

“Sure,” he replied. “If you say so.”

Something had changed inside him. It only took a moment.

Lu pursed her lips. “All right then.”

Will looked at her. There was more he wanted to say, but he didn't. “Enjoy high school.” Then he turned and jogged up the steps of the stoop, past the red tin mailbox, and through the black lacquered door of the brownstone that stood between two potted cone-shaped shrubs.

The next day was the first day of the rest of everything. Will would make sure of that.

The minerals and gems sparkled around them in the dark. Lu's head was on his chest, and the dark wet spots on his shirt had grown into one big teary wet patch.

“Lu”—he took a deep breath—“when you left that night, did you do it because you were embarrassed to be with me? Did you think—did you think I was gross?”

Lu reared back. “What?”

“You know. Because I looked like . . . this. Because I wasn't ripped like the guys on the soccer team. Or some cool band guy like Owen. Because I wasn't, like, hot, I guess. Someone you would want to be with.”

“How do you know who I want to be with?” Lu said.

“But why do you like me? I'm messy and complicated. I have so many
issues
and I need everyone to like me. You should be with someone like Owen, or Jasper. Someone cool and easy.”

“Right.” She snorted. “Because I'm so uncomplicated? I like you because you're you, not in spite of it.”

“Really?”

“Of course. I liked you that summer because you were there for me when I needed someone. You made me laugh. You let me be me.”

Will shook his head. “Even though I was ugly.”

“You know what, Will? I didn't think that. I thought you were cute. I still think so! And this may come as a shock to you, but I've never thought Jon Heller was cute. I've never wanted to be with someone like him. And Owen is too obsessed with himself, and I don't even
know
Jasper. I like you for you, Will. I always have.”

Will's heart expanded in him, like one of those capsules you put in water that expands into an animal-shaped sponge. He wondered if his heart looked like an elephant, or a koala. He shook his head. “That's so crazy.”

“Why is that crazy?”

“Because you're the whole reason I wanted to change.” He sat there, imagining his tiny capsule of a heart expanding into a big orange gorilla. “So why did you do it, then? Why did you leave? Why did you say all that stuff?”

Lu twisted. “I'm messed up. I really, really liked you. I was just afraid you didn't like me back in the same way.”

“Wow. We were real idiots at fourteen.”

“Seriously.”

“Do you think we've gotten smarter since then?”

Lu let out a big breath. “Man, I hope so.”

Lu opened her mouth to say something else, but Will moved in fast, kissing her before she could say a word. She resisted at first, but soon she let her hand rest on his cheek.

“Even though we didn't do it, you'll always be my first everything, Will Kingfield,” she whispered.

They sat next to each other, their backs against the wall, surrounded by sparkling rocks and gems.

“Will,” Lu said, “if you change back tonight, or if you don't, you'll still be you. You know that, right?”

They sat there quietly in the dark, thinking.

“Do you remember when you said that thing about not knowing what it feels like to be really happy?” Will nodded. “Well, now,” said Lu, “is the perfect opportunity for a happy dance.”

Will jumped up and grabbed Lu's hand, and together they did the happy dance, lit by the glowing minerals and gems in the darkest room of the Museum of Natural History. It was the best happy dance he'd ever done.

How could you rewrite the wrongs of the past? The past was behind them, and they could never go back. Maybe it wasn't even about the past anymore. Maybe it was just about trying not to do the same stupid things in the future. They could forgive each other, but they would never forget what had happened. It was too important. It was too important to them now.

  *  *  *  

The four of them stood on the front steps, facing the wilds of Central Park. The wind blew furiously through the trees.

“The next time you guys decide to disappear like that,” Nathaniel said, “can you please do it on a night where all our lives don't depend on it?”

“Oh, you know you loved getting to see all those fossils after hours,” Lu said.

“Listen, Nathaniel.” Will spoke up. “Before we go back to school, there's one more thing I need to do. Everyone has been really brave tonight, and confronted their fears, and I just want to tell you guys something. Lu and Nathaniel and Tiny.” He took his phone out of his pocket, held it up to his face, and hit record. “And, everyone else at school and maybe even the world. I gave up a lot three years ago. I gave up a really brave, really smart, really funny, and really weird girl. Weird in the best possible way. I should have fought for her; I should have made her see that she could trust me and that I wasn't going to leave her. I shouldn't have let my own fears and my own insecurities stand in my way. But it was hard, and there was an easier option, and I took it. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Luella Jane Austen.”

“Ugh.” Lu put her head in her hands, but Will wondered if it was to hide tears. “My middle name is so embarrassing.”

“I gave up my friends, too. Nathaniel, we were buddies; we did everything together. We were like math nerds in crime. I should have fought for you, too. I should have made sure there was still a place for you in my life. I know I only call you when I have to study. I am going to get better about that. It's been really fun hanging out with you tonight, bro.”

“Don't say
bro
,” Nathaniel said, but he was smiling.

Will bowed. “And, Tiny, you are so cool and funny and talented, and you care more about holding this group together than any of us. You're our glue. We need you, and I can't believe we made you feel ignored. But I get it. The world is tough and loud and crowded, and you have to be really shiny and happy and loud to be seen and for people to like you. I think a lot of people just pretend. But that's not good enough for you. It's not good enough for any of us.”

“Thanks, Will.” Tiny grinned.

“I don't want people to think I'm this asshole anymore, who just cares about the soccer team and partying and spending my parents' money and getting into the best Ivy League school. I made everyone believe I was who I wanted to be. Even
I
bought it. I'm not the person I used to be. I don't even know if he's still in there. I've been lying and pretending every single day for the past three years, and I'm tired. And no matter how hard I try, none of it is, or will
ever be
, good enough. No matter how much of yourself you give them, everyone always wants more from you. None of you guys can know what it's like to have that kind of secret. And I'm tired. I'm tired of pretending. Maybe I don't want to go back. I'm still me, inside. I just want to be me. And I don't care what anyone thinks.”

He hit the record button, and the video ended.

“You'd think you just won an Oscar,” Lu muttered. “We should have started playing music when you hit a minute and thirty seconds.”

“What are you going to do with that?” Nathaniel asked.

“The video?” Will looked down at his phone. “I'm going to post it online.”

Nathaniel stood up straighter. “Really?”

“Really?” said Lu, her mouth hanging open.

“Yeah,” he said. He tapped away at the phone. “There. It's uploaded. I'm really doing this! And, Lu”—he held out a hand, and she took it and turned to face him—“I want to be with you. Now. I want to walk with you down the hall at school and hang out at the museum again and go out for ice cream—”

“Will—”

“And make out in my bedroom—”

“Will.”

“What, Lu? Aren't you happy?”

“I don't know. I mean, I think this is all moving a little fast. I mean, we
just
made up. I don't know, I mean, if I'm ready for all . . . that.”

Will stared at her. “What?”

Lu looked uncomfortable. “I just think maybe you should think about this a little more. You're in a really weird place right now. Maybe we could start off as friends again, and see what—”

“Friends?”
Will was aghast. “I just posted a video on Facebook that is basically a big middle finger to everyone I know! I thought you had my back!”

“I do!” Lu grabbed his hands, but Will pulled them away. How could she do this to him? How could she leave him all alone on this ledge, standing a hundred million feet above the city? What if he tripped? What if he fell?

What if he had just given up everything—for nothing?

“Nathaniel?” Will spun around to his former best friend. “What about you?”

“Uh, I want to be friends again. I do. But I don't know. She's kinda right, Will. I mean, you don't know anything about my life now. All this stuff that you're saying, it's awesome, but you don't have to give everything else up for us to be friends again, you know?”

Will was livid. Every dark thought, every dark fear he'd ever had came boiling up in him.

“You think you're smart, Nathaniel? You think you're some brilliant scientist? Then how come we're still like this? How come I'm still morphing? And Lu's still numb? And you're still some superfreak of nature? And Tiny—” He pointed at her. “Oh shit,” he whispered.

Everyone looked. His blood went cold.

Tiny was gone.

Either she had run away again, really, really fast when they weren't looking—

Or it had happened. She had finally disappeared.

She hadn't. Not yet.

But time was running out, and she had a plan. She needed everyone to stop fighting, and to work together.

She needed one more grand gesture.

Tiny could feel something in her changing. It had started after she'd thrown her poems off the top of the Empire State Building. She got a little bit stronger, a little bit more solid. She came back—a little bit. And again, after the ghost incident at the Plaza.

And again, when she ran off while Will was talking.

Before she knew what she was doing, she'd turned around and was running away, down the steps. She was taking out her cell phone. She was dialing.