The Nuclear Catastrophe (a fiction novel of survival) (50 page)

“
You know that they belong with me, Frank. With your appreciation for the female form, you
’
ll very likely be married within a year.
”
Her face broke into a tight smile at the barb.

“
For God
’
s sake, where did you get a hair-brained idea like that? I
’
ve never chased the skirts in my whole damned life,
”
he retorted.
“
Jesus! What a thing to say.
”

“
Come on now. Are you telling me that you haven
’
t had any dates in the last four months—not even one?
”

“
No, I haven
’
t. Not a date. I got together once or twice with this gal who works in Billy Joe
’
s office, but that was all.
”

“
Huh. That
’
s pretty hard for me to believe.
”

“
What about you? Have you been virtuous ever since that night in Washington?
”
he asked, forcing her to remember that last time.

“
What are you getting at, Frank?
”
she asked suspiciously.

“
Your innocence, Paula, your innocence. You didn
’
t exactly try to protect your honor when I spent the night with you.
”

She gave an exasperated snort.
“
How childish! We were still married and you did beg me to let you in.
”

“
Yeah, and I
’
ve often asked myself why you did that. For me it was simple. I hoped we could patch up our differences. Yet—within two months—you filed for divorce. Why did you sleep with me, anyway?
”
he asked as he stared at her.

“
Curiosity, maybe. Or one last stab at making it work.
”

“
Bull, you can be more honest than that.
”

“
All right then. Maybe I was just in the mood, Frank, and you were convenient!
”

Her reply smarted. He gulped back the knot of anger rising in his throat, and fought to control his temper. This last conversation wasn
’
t going in the direction he had wanted. It wasn
’
t easy, sitting here in this big empty chamber, trying to reestablish some rapport with this woman he loved.

“
Here we go again,
”
he murmured under his breath.

“
What?
”

“
Nothing. Nothing.
”

“
Frank, look, there
’
s no point in us badgering each other any more. It
’
s ended. From now on we are nothing more than two people who happen to be the parents of the same kids. Let
’
s leave it at that.
”

“
Is that really the way you want it—nothing more than that?
”
Was it really this easy for her, he wondered.

“
Of course. Why else would we have divorced?
”

“
I can
’
t believe, Paula, that after all those years, two children, and all, we mean absolutely nothing to each other now. That
’
s incomprehensible, completely incomprehensible to me.
”

“
To you, but not to me, Frank.
”
In a moment of weakness, she reached out and touched his arm.
“
I
’
m sorry, really sorry. I hope you
’
ll believe that. If the marriage, if our goals, or whatever, had just been big enough to include my own dreams, then maybe it would have lasted. As it is, it
’
s finished for us. Whether you
’
ll accept this or not, I am very sorry that it has ended this way.
”
She spoke with a rare, genuine warmth.

     Frank carefully examined the fair Scandinavian features, the blond hair, hazel eyes.
“
You know something, you even look like your father, Paula,
”
he finally said.

    
“
Is this another snotty crack you
’
re making?
”

    
“
No, it isn
’
t. It
’
s a fact, and it kind of surprised me that I hadn
’
t noticed the resemblance before.
”

“
In that case, thank you,
”
she answered shortly.

“
You and your old man ought to get along fine. You
’
re sure alike in more ways than appearance, too.
”

“
Suppose we let this subject drop. I
’
m not interested in having a quarrel with you, Frank.
”

He straightened his tie and stood up.
“
Yeah. You
’
re right. We may as well call a truce, huh?
”

“
Let
’
s do. Frank, Jerry said that you had asked him to spend the summer with you. I don
’
t feel good about that.
”

“
Why? What
’
s wrong with a teenager spending the whole summer with his father?
”
he asked with annoyance.

“
He
’
s not a teenager, yet.
”

“
He
’
s thirteen.
”

“
Well, I don
’
t want him running wild while you
’
re working during the day. That
’
s the way a kid picks up bad habits.
”

“
Hell fire, Paula. You can
’
t keep him tied to your apron strings always!
”

“
And I won
’
t let you make a hoodlum of him!
”

The sound of the custodian brought a halt to their heated words. They waited expectantly for him to leave, but he did not.
“
I
’
m late, folks. If you don
’
t mind, I
’
d like to get my cleaning done in here,
”
said the old janitor.

“
Oh, we
’
re sorry we detained you,
”
replied Paula, showing her compassion for the tired old man and his weak watery eyes.
“
Come on, Frank. Let
’
s go so he can do his work.
”

Frank shoved the little gate aside, letting Paula precede him along the aisle. Once out on the street, they paused.

“
Where
’
s your car?
”
he asked, looking up and down the street.

“
In the lot. Where
’
s yours?
”

“
By the curb.
”

They glanced toward their vehicles. It would have been too much of a concession for either to go to the other
’
s car to finish the discussion.

“
Getting back to Jerry,
”
said Paula.
“
Why do you want him with you when you don
’
t even have a home, Frank?
”

“
Connie and Billy Joe would like to have him visit. They have already said that. Besides, as soon as I get on my feet I
’
ll be moving into my own place—probably before summer.
”

Paula scanned his face,
“
You haven
’
t mentioned Kim. How do you think she will feel when her brother goes to you and she hasn
’
t been invited? She
’
s going to be hurt, Frank.
”

He looked at her in mock surprise.
“
That
’
s the very thing I told you, Paula. I said this would hurt the kids, that they
’
d be the ones who
’
d suffer. And you reminded me that they expected divorce— that it didn
’
t matter.
”

“
Well, I don
’
t like the idea of you taking Jerry and not his sister. That
’
s not fair to her.
”

It was a problem that defied solution, this matter of the children.
“
I guess it isn
’
t fair, but I can
’
t have them both at the same time. I
’
ll just plan on taking Kim after Jerry returns here. Is that okay? Or have you decided to let him come to me at all?
”
Frank could tell by her expression that she had made up her mind. She always told everything through her face.
“
How about it?
”
he asked.

Paula glanced toward her car, aware that it was late and she ought to be going.
“
Frank, you can have Jerry for the summer.
”

“
Are you sure it
’
s all right?
”
he asked.

“
Certainly. You
’
re a fine father.
”
She patted him lightly on the cheek and hurried off to her automobile.

He throttled an impulse to call after her. But instead, he watched her until she rounded the corner and was lost to sight. Sighing, he unlocked his car and slid into the seat. Summer. He
’
d see her in the summer.
 

Cecil walked along the white sandy beach, keeping above the water line. It was a gloomy overcast day with a chill wind blowing in off the Pacific, a day that would attract no one, not even kids in shiny black wet suits, to the area. Normally, April would have brought out the teenagers and beach bums in droves, but not this year. The long stretch of sand was empty.

He ducked under the frayed twine of a volleyball net, and continued toward the rocks. He hadn
’
t frequented the beach often, having always felt conspicuously out of place among the semi-nude, tanned healthy bodies that frolicked or lounged in the sand. His only other trip here had been made on the spur of the moment, and had left him regretting it. Not that he had any reason to regret it, but the shock of seeing the honey brown body with its two firm mounds of breasts bared had stunned him for a moment, and he had unwittingly been caught staring. The girl
’
s smart suggestion had sent him rushing off the beach.

There were no signs of old campfires, no colored towels littering the view today. Sadly, the entire beach was a wasteland in need of warm bodies, surf boards, and life. Not too different from the rest of the countryside, Cecil reasoned. Huge fields, once lush with vegetables, were now pastures of wild grass, proliferating for the lack of tilling. But what was the use in tilling a field that couldn
’
t grow edible foods?

A cluster of fucus lay in the sand. The tough, leathery ribbon-like thallus of seaweed was tangled and knotted from its beating by the surf. Walnut-sized air bladders were present among the sticky thongs. Cecil dropped his foot on one of the bulbs and pressed down until he heard the popping sound under his shoe. Tiny gnats swarmed around the mess, forming a dark screen as he pushed the pile aside. As an afterthought, he stooped down and separated the thick filaments, searching for fragile brittle stars cloistered within. The delicate pink and orange marine animals were nowhere to be seen. Sadly, he walked on.

Ahead of him were large dark boulders, normally submerged by the tide and invariably coated with dense layers of barnacles. Today they stood dry for the tide was low, one of the lowest of the year. Jumping from stone to stone, he edged out to the most distant rock and climbed atop it. From there he felt above the ills of his world. Damp air soaked through his blue windbreaker, causing him to shiver. Rather than seeking shelter from the dampness, Cecil sat down on the big rock.