The No-cry Sleep Solution (77 page)

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The No-Cry Sleep Solution

Mothers-Speak

“I hate to say it, but I have become obsessed with sleep.”

Caryn, mother of six-month-old Blaine

“By morning, I’m a walking zombie. I’d do anything for a full night’s sleep; it’s become my ultimate obsession.”

Yelena, mother of seven-month-old Samantha

“I am ALWAYS exhausted. I walk around all day in a fog. I really, really can’t let my baby cry, but I really, really want sleep.”

Neela, mother of eighteen-month-old Abhishek

These mothers ended their journey revitalized and ready to move forward to the next milestone in their baby’s lives:
Mothers-Speak

“I’m amazed at how far we’ve come. I can’t believe this is the same baby. I feel like a new mother. A happy, energetic mother who sleeps all night and wakes up refreshed and joyful.”

Robin, mother of thirteen-month-old Alicia

“Josh now goes gracefully to bed almost every single night.

And I have the whole evening to work, take a shower, eat dinner, fix his lunch for day care. It’s like having two days in one.”

Shannon, mother of nineteen-month-old Joshua

“Kailee is in bed every night by 8:00 P.M., and the earliest I ever hear from her is 6:30 A.M. It has totally changed our lives. It’s a new freedom that we enjoy wholeheartedly.”

Marsha, mother of eight-month-old Kailee

Final Thoughts: Mom-to-Mom

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We Are Alike

As I worked with my group of test mommies, I discovered how alike we all are. Different names, different places, but the same heart. We love our babies absolutely; we can’t bear to hear them cry, nor can we easily tolerate the cries of other babies. Our lives were irrevocably and completely changed the minute the pregnancy test came up positive. And as our babies grow, the special place in our hearts reserved just for them grows bigger, too.

We also have strong opinions about parenting and are not easily swayed by the media, our friends, or even our pediatricians or other “experts.” We know in our hearts what our babies need; we feel what they want. Blessed by, and mindful of, advances in med-icine, and wary of philosophies developed in the interest of convenience, we are determined to heed our strong instincts. We are even willing to suffer ourselves, if it means the best for our babies.

We are mother lions, mother bears, and father tigers, too. We parent by heart.

If You’ve Just Begun

If you have just embarked on this journey toward better sleep, I know that you are frustrated and anxious. Because you are determined not to let your baby cry, I know that the feedback you get from family, friends, and possibly even your pediatrician isn’t always helpful or supportive.

Talking with others who share your parenting philosophies really does help. If you are lucky enough to find someone nearby who believes as you do, make sure that you both take advantage of this by talking to each other frequently. If you don’t have a local friend, you can find support via the Internet. Many parenting websites have posting boards or chats where you can find like-minded parents. Helpful websites abound, offering information,

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Jill and Kate, two weeks old

articles, message boards, chat rooms, and more. Some I’ve found quite helpful include:

babiestoday.com

babycenter.com

babyzone.com

breastfeeding.com

geoparent.com

mothering.com

myria.com

nursingbaby.com

parenthoodweb.com

parentsoup.com

parentsplace.com

storknet.com

Final Thoughts: Mom-to-Mom

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You may find that having someone to talk to—either in person, by phone, or by computer—can mean the difference between depression and commitment. I encourage you to find the support you need to help yourself through this challenging time.

Living for the Moment?

As your sleep issues cast lengthening shadows over your life, you may begin to live purely for the moment. Your sleep-deprived, foggy brain may focus so intently on sleep that you can’t think beyond the next few hours of rest. What you lack is perspective.

To gain it back, ask yourself these questions:

1. Where will I be five years from now?

2. How will I look back on this time?

3. Will I be proud of how I handled my baby’s sleep routines, or will I regret my actions?

4. How will the things I do with my baby today affect the person he will become in the future?

I know I’ve said this already, but having older children has afforded me the perspective I lacked the first time around. My children have taught me how very quickly babyhood passes. I struggle now to remember the difficulties of those first couple years, as they are so fleeting. And I am proud that I didn’t cave in to the pressures of others around us; instead following my heart as I gently nurtured all of my babies. That time has passed for us, but those memories remain.

I look upon my older children and I like what I see. They are kind, sensitive, and caring young people, and I’ve tried very hard to instill solid values. Yet, they are still young enough—so much closer to the essence of humanity—to react without thought, on

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an instinctual level, to certain situations. Watching them has reinforced what I suspected but what adult logic often obscures.

When their baby brother cries, all three of them run to his aid.

When one of the three is hurt, the others offer an ice pack, a soothing word, or a hug. From the depths of their unjaded souls, they cringe when they see a parent ignore a wailing baby.

My kids know what to do in part because it hasn’t been very long since they were babies themselves. They can still relate to the desperation of a baby’s cry. It’s simple for them because they’re free of adult baggage and clutter: When a baby cries, the right response is, well,
response
. It’s just that simple.

It’s not
all
instinct, however; I believe that my commitment to handling all my babies gently—my refusal to let them cry it out—

has contributed to the sensitive people they are today. Of course, it wasn’t always easy. Attaining anything of true value rarely is.