The No-cry Potty Training Solution (7 page)

Pre-Potty Training: Getting Ready!

41

Isabella, three years old

toilet training to be a more positive experience devoid of any embarrassment or shame.

Don’t attach negative value to wet or messy diapers.

(That is, avoid words like
bad
,
icky
,
stinky
, or
pee-ewww
.) Try not to make a big production about the smell or texture, and do your best to control big brothers and sisters on this one!

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The No-Cry Potty Training Solution

Your toddler may still see his excretions as part of himself. (Many demonstrate this concept by waving bye-bye before they flush the toilet!) Though it’s perfectly fine and natural if he does this, it’s best if
you
don’t personalize his stool, as you might inadvertently send the message that it is indeed part of his body.

Teaching the Vocabulary

During your everyday events, teach your toddler the words and meanings for bathroom-related items such as body parts, urination, bowel movements, and bathroom tasks. When the time comes for actual potty training, there is so much to learn, so it will be helpful if she already is comfortable with the basic information.

Lots of words that are used during potty training aren’t directly bathroom related but will be important concepts for your child to understand. Descriptive words that you will use during the process are those like
wet
,
dry
,
wash
,
flush
, and
toilet paper
.

Teach your child the concept of opposites and specific ideas that will provide a foundation for toilet training. Wet/dry, on/off, messy/clean, up/down, stop/go, now/later—these are all concepts that will be a part of the potty training routine.

It’s common for parents to use a combination of phrases and terms during the potty process, but doing so can confuse a new trainee. If one day you ask him if he has to “go potty” but the next day you take him “to the bathroom” and later ask him if he has to “tinkle,”

he may not follow your train of thought. It’s best if you decide on your vocabulary terms and stick to them during the learning process.

Pre-Potty Training: Getting Ready!

43

Choose Your Potty Words!

Certain words are common in specific geographic areas, and some are more widely used than others. If you listen in at day care, the park, or the shopping mall, you’ll soon know what words are most often used in your neighborhood.

Here are some of the words most commonly used by families with young children:

Term

Family Words

toilet

toilet, pot, potty, privy, loo

urination

pee, pee-pee, go potty, go pee-

pee, tinkle, pishy, wee-wee, go

number one, wee, wees, tee-

tee, go to the bathroom, go to

the toilet, use the potty, go (as

in, “Do you have to go?”)

bowel movement

poop, poopie, poo-poo, poos,

caca, BM, go poo-poo, number

two, use the potty, go to the

bathroom

vulva (what you can

vulva, vagina, privates, bottom,

see) and vagina

girl parts

(the canal inside)

penis

penis, privates, pee-pee, willy

buttocks/rectum

bottom, bum, tush, tushy,

toches/tuckes, hiney, cheeks,

fanny, behind, buns, rear

flatulence

gas, passing gas, passing wind,

fart*, toot, breaking wind, blow

off, poot, fluffer, stinker

*Considered a rude term for children in some families but normal in others.

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The No-Cry Potty Training Solution

Actual scientific or technical terms sound odd when used with a child. Can you imagine yourself asking your little one, “Do you have pressure in your rectum indicating that you must defecate?” Instead, decide on words that you would be comfortable having your child use.

Use whatever words with which your family is most comfortable and familiar; keep in mind that these words will most likely be called out by your toddler in a public place, so it’s safer to stick to socially acceptable language.

(See the list of common potty words on page 43.) The Value of Demonstrations

It can be helpful to let your child watch you or her siblings use the toilet. It’s not necessary to have her watch every detail; it’s often enough to have her see you sit on the toilet while you explain what you are doing. Tell her that when she gets bigger, she’ll put her pee-pee and poo-poo in the toilet, too, instead of in her diaper.

If your child has older siblings, cousins, or friends, tell her that they used diapers when they were her age, but now they use the toilet. If they are open to company in the bathroom, let your little one get a glimpse of a sibling or peer using the potty. Let her know that when she gets a little bigger, she’ll make that change, too.

Not every parent is willing to have little eyes watching while they use the toilet, and it’s not necessary for you to do this. If you prefer your privacy, then teach your child to respect a closed bathroom door. Keep in mind that as your child masters her own toileting, she is likely to follow in your footsteps and desire her own privacy as well. Set up the bathroom so that it’s safe and

Pre-Potty Training: Getting Ready!

45

Hannah, two years old

manageable for her, and keep an ear open when she is alone in the bathroom.

When Should You Buy a Potty Chair?

Some parents like to wait to purchase a potty chair until active training begins, because the appearance of a brand-new object usually causes a spike in interest.

Others like to get a potty and put it in the bathroom a few months ahead of time to get a child accustomed to 46

The No-Cry Potty Training Solution

it. If you elect to get a potty chair before training begins, you may want to present it to your child with an enthusiastic voice and let her sit on it. Allow her to take the pieces apart and open and shut the lid, if it has one.

When you bring this new item home, talk to your child about its purpose. You can even invite your child to sit on her potty when you use the big toilet. You can leave it in the bathroom for a few weeks or more to let your child get used to the idea before the teaching process even begins.

If you decide to wait until training commences, make sure that you purchase the potty and take it out of the box and put it together before presenting it to your child. (Potty chair and potty seat options are compared for you in Chapter 4.)

Learning to Follow Directions

When you start active potty training, your child will need to know how to follow your directions. “Come into the bathroom.” “Pull down your pants.” “Sit on the potty.” The list of instructions will be long.

Start now by giving your child simple directions and helping him follow them. Ask him to put a toy in the toy box. Ask her to put the cup in the sink.

At first you’ll need to do a lot of prompting and reminding. You may even have to go with her to help her carry out your request. Over time, she’ll begin to do things on her own. When she does, praise her and reward her with hugs and kisses. Let her know you’re proud of her for being such a big girl.

Pre-Potty Training: Getting Ready!

47

Helping your child to understand and follow directions and to feel good about doing so are important steps necessary for successful toilet training.

Promote Your Child’s Independence

Now is the time to encourage your child to do things on her own—for example, put on her socks, pull up her pants, take off her jacket, carry a plate to the table, and climb into her car seat. All of these tasks nurture the feeling of independence that will be necessary for potty mastery.

As your child masters each task, her level of confidence will grow. The more that she can do, the more she will be willing to try. Each success builds on previous successes, and your child will see herself as someone who can try new things and be good at doing them.

This attitude will be especially helpful when the time comes to introduce potty training.

Read to Your Child

Most children enjoy books and love to be read to. Many great children’s books, written precisely for toddlers, are available on the subject of potty training. Try to balance those books that have photographs of real children with books that use colorful pictures of animals and pretend creatures learning how to use the toilet.

Reading these books in advance of training will help your child become familiar with the idea in a fun, non-48

The No-Cry Potty Training Solution

threatening way with no expectations attached. You can also use these same books as potty-time reading when training begins. (See “Read About the Potty” in Chapter 5.)

Moving on from Pre-Potty Training to

Active Toilet Training

Take some time to become comfortable with these pre-potty training ideas and include the ones that appeal to you in your daily routine. You can retake the readiness quiz (see Chapter 2) from time to time to help you decide when you’re ready to make the move to active potty training.

4

It’s Potty Time! Setting Up

You’ve decided that the time is here. Your child is ready. You’re ready. So what’s next?

First, make sure your attitude and expectations are in the right place. You should be feeling relaxed and positive. You should also understand that the learning process can take as long as six months or more, so let go of any hope you might have to toilet train your toddler in only a day. Just like learning how to walk, talk, or drink from a cup, learning to use the toilet can, and should, be a gradual, pleasant experience for both of you.

Before you even place a potty in the bathroom,

though, it’s time to set up your supplies and do a little planning.

Deciding on Your Potty Training

Approach

There isn’t just one right way to potty train a child.

There are many different approaches that can lead you to success. As you make decisions about how to embark upon this grand endeavor, take a few things into consideration:

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The No-Cry Potty Training Solution

• What is your child’s learning style?
How has she learned other new skills? Does she observe and absorb before she tackles something? Or does she dive right in and work her way through it? Is she a thoughtful listener or a hands-on doer?

• What things do you do that most encourage her
to try something new?
What actions bring the best results? Is your enthusiasm enough to get your child to attempt something new? Or do you need to convince and persuade her before she’ll give it a try? Will she do anything her older sibling or cousin does?

• What is your teaching style?
Do you explain ver-bally before you show? Do you show step-by-step with commentary? Do you silently demonstrate? Do you set things up and let your child figure out what’s happening on his own?

• How much time do you have?
Are you home all day with your child or home only part of the day? Will you have an uninterrupted chunk of time to get started, followed by snippets of time every day afterward? Or will you be fitting training into bits of time in your already busy schedule?

• What are your goals?
What do you think would be easier for you: changing diapers or assisting your child on the potty? Would you rather focus intently on potty training for a couple of weeks and move things along? Or are you content to coach and teach while you let your child set the pace, mastering one step at a time?

• Who will be the teachers?
Will you potty train on your own? Or will more than one person be involved in the training?

All of these issues will affect the toilet training experience. Taking some time to consider these points will
It’s Potty Time! Setting Up

51

help you plan the best approach for you, your child, and the rest of your family, too.

The Magic Two

Whether you are using elimination communication with a three-month-old, pre-training an eighteen-month-old, or introducing a brand-new concept to a three-year-old, there are two magic factors that will affect the process more than anything else.