The Night She Disappeared (17 page)

I hear a sound, like cloth tearing. I peep. It’s Mr. Cutler, crying. With my eyes open, I can’t see Kayla anymore. And when I close them again, she’s disappeared. Still, I know what I saw.

I rip my hand away from the stupid psychic and stand up. We’re so close I could kiss her—or bite her. Drew’s eyes fly open.

“You’re wrong,” I say. Everyone is staring at me. “Kayla is still alive. I know it.”

And I do know it. I know it like I’ve never known anything else.

The Ninth Day

Drew

I STARE UP
at Gabie. There’s really no room for her to stand up, but she is, her face two inches away from the psychic’s made-up one. And she’s yelling that Kayla is alive, not lost in the river the way the psychic was saying.

Although the psychic didn’t exactly say that. You could also take what she said to mean Kayla’s near a river or a stream. Or even a pipe full of water. You’ve got to admire the vagueness. The psychic didn’t even really say Kayla was dead.

But you knew what she meant.

And now Gabie is practically snarling at her.

The lady tries to take a step back, but she’s forgotten there’s a coffee table behind her. She lets out a shriek and starts to fall backward. I just manage to grab her wrist. After I pull her to her feet, she shakes off my hand, like I’m some dog on her leg. She steps to the side to get away from us and crosses her arms.

Mrs. Cutler looks from Gabie to the psychic and back again. It’s like she can’t decide who to believe.

“I know Kayla is alive,” Gabie says again. But her voice trembles.

“What did you see, Elizabeth?” Mrs. Cutler asks. “Is Kayla alive?”

“If
someone
hadn’t interrupted me, I would be able to tell you what I saw. But the link is broken now. I can’t see anything.”

Everyone’s glaring at Gabie. I grab her elbow and pull her toward the door. I guess it’s my day for pulling people out of harm’s way. “I think we need to go.”

She resists for a second, then follows. “I’m sorry,” she says to the room.

Four faces look back at her. And none of them looks very forgiving.

“What were you doing in there?” I ask once we get outside.

“I wasn’t doing anything. I was just doing what she asked us to do. I was trying to picture Kayla, and all of a sudden, it was like I could. I could see her. And I knew she was alive.” She takes a shaky breath. “Kayla didn’t look that good, though. She looked sick. But she was alive.”

“That’s what you said down by the river.”

“And you agreed with me.” She takes out her keys.

I shrug. “Maybe. But it was more like I just couldn’t believe Kayla could be dead. You know. It takes a while for that kind of thing to sink in.”

“That’s not what happened in there. I really
saw
her, Drew.”

“Hey, who was supposed to be the psychic in that room? That lady is the one they’re paying to tell them what really happened.”

“She was just hedging her bets.”

Gabie may think she knows Kayla’s alive, but it’s more like she wishes it were true. Everyone wishes it were true. But I think of what Pete said about the bloody rock. I think of the churned up riverbank. Lots of things get lost in the river, and the river never gives them back.

Gabie’s eyes have dark shadows underneath. “Are you getting enough sleep?” I ask as we get in her car.

I think I’m changing the subject, but Gabie obviously doesn’t think so. “What? Do you think I was hallucinating in there? That I’m so tired that when she asked me to close my eyes, I fell asleep and dreamed the whole thing? Because I didn’t.”

Maybe Gabie’s right. Maybe that was what I was thinking.

“Maybe that Elizabeth Lamb does know how to tap into something,” she says. “And just being around her allowed me to see, too.”

I point out the obvious. “Then why didn’t you see the same thing?”

“I don’t know. I could just see Kayla standing behind her. And there wasn’t any of this laying down and putting in. It was just her standing there and looking sad. And it felt like I really saw her. Like it was real.”

Yeah, just like little kids know that Santa is real. It’s all about what you want to believe.
But I don’t say that.

The thing is, I think I might want Kayla to be dead. Because what’s the alternative? That someone took her. Either that Cody guy or someone else, someone worse. Someone took her and has her and can do whatever he wants to her.

I used to like movies with plots like that. Maybe not
like
them, but I watched the DVDs with my mom when she brought them home from the video store next to Thriftway. Slasher movies with hidden underground torture chambers. Handcuffs and gags and chains. Blood splattering on the walls, sometimes in slo-mo. The creative use of a nail gun or a rusty saw or a shiny scalpel.

But when it’s not a movie? When it’s not fake? When you can’t push the power button and watch the light disappear? When it’s really Kayla’s pale skin, Kayla’s blood?

Then maybe it would be better if she were dead and in the river.

Transcript of 911 Call

911 Operator:
911. Police, fire, or medical?

Cody Renfrew:
Uh, suicide.

911 Operator:
Sir?

Cody Renfrew:
I want to report a, a suicide.

911 Operator:
Whose suicide are you reporting, sir?

Cody Renfrew:
Um, mine.

911 Operator:
Hang on…hang on…hang on, sir, stay on the phone with me. We’re dispatching someone to help you. Sir? Sir?

911 Operator:
Man threatening to kill himself—5702 SE Eagle Drive.

Radio:
(unintelligible)…Clear.

911 Operator:
Sir, I’m trying to get someone there to help you. Please don’t do anything, sir. Someone will be there in a few seconds to help you.

Radio:
(sounds of siren)

Cody Renfrew:
(sound of gunshot)

911 Operator:
Need units going toward 5702 SE Eagle Drive.

Suspected Killer Kills Self While on Phone with 911

PORTLAND—A loner. That’s what they called Cody Renfrew.

Speaking off the record, a mental health professional described Renfrew’s metamorphosis from a delusional substance abuser to a man committed to his own recovery. But it was a metamorphosis that seems to have ended in murder.

After two years of drug and alcohol abuse, Renfrew, 21, started to put his life back on track, says one staffer who worked with him after he sought help last year at a county clinic. Renfrew even took the first step toward earning a certificate to become a substance abuse counselor.

But the staffer also said Renfrew showed signs of a delusional disorder and occasionally thought others could read his mind.

As Renfrew’s sobriety continued, he began to recognize and deal with his inner demons, the staffer said. Gradually, his disheveled appearance gave way to a more respectable demeanor in line with his ongoing recovery. According to the staffer, Renfrew reached the point where he could keep his delusional thoughts in check and could distinguish between reality and the fantasy world where his illness sometimes took him.

But his recovery hit a setback when the downturn in the economy cost Renfrew the hotel front desk job he had held for only a few months. Depressed, Renfrew turned again to meth, according to his family, and his inner demons returned. Paranoid and angry, he talked about easy ways to make money, including robbing a bank.

Police theorize that Renfrew decided to start small, by robbing and possibly kidnapping a pizza delivery person. Ten days ago, 17-year-old Kayla Cutler left Pete’s Pizza to make a delivery to what turned out to be a false address. She never returned. Her car was later found with the driver’s side door open. There were signs of a physical confrontation on the bank of the nearby Willamette River, including a rock with Kayla’s blood on it. Police theorize that Kayla ended up in the river, which is high, due to spring snowmelt and recent heavy rains, and that it may have carried her body out to the ocean.

A neighbor reported seeing Renfrew’s truck in the vicinity, and he admitted to police that he had been in the area that night. The family hired a psychic, who met with Renfrew and urged him to tell what he knew. Instead, Renfrew shot himself in the head while on the phone with 911 dispatchers. In his pocket was a note begging for forgiveness.

While many of Kayla’s friends and family are relieved that the man believed to be her killer is dead, others are angry that Renfrew did not reveal whether he dumped her body in the river or disposed of it in another way.

The Tenth Day

Gabie

WHEN THE ALARM
goes off, I’m dreaming again of Kayla. In my dream, she called for me and I couldn’t find her. When I finally saw her, she was so far away. I tried to run to her, but it was like someone was yanking her back. I begged her to stand still.

Last night I heard on the news about that guy killing himself. Now after I go downstairs, I read a longer story in the newspaper. My stomach hurts so much that when my mom isn’t looking, I tip my cereal bowl out into the garbage disposal.

At school, it’s all anyone talks about. Kayla’s dead, and so is the guy who killed her. There are new flowers heaped on top of the dying ones in front of her locker. Someone has made the initials RIP out of red construction paper and taped them next to the lock.

It’s over, I keep telling myself as I go through my classes without hearing a word the teachers are saying. Kayla is dead. That sad, crazy guy with the bad teeth is dead, too. He killed her, and then he killed himself. End of story.

It should feel like a relief, but it doesn’t. Instead, it feels like there’s a ball of lead sitting in the center of my chest, making it hard to breathe.

I was stupid to think that Kayla was alive, I think as I sit slouched in calculus. What were the chances? Zero. Maybe some people would say “less than zero,” but as my parents would be quick to point out, in the given example, that’s not possible.

This morning, right before I left for school, my mom hugged me. For once I let her wrap her arms around me and didn’t pull away. She rested her lips against the side of my head, and I heard her soft, slow breathing.

Finally she pulled back, but she kept her hands on my shoulders. “Were you very close friends with Kayla?”

I’m surprised she hasn’t asked me this before. Why not? Maybe now that we know all the answers, it feels safer to talk about her.

“Just work friends.” I force myself to be honest. “Everyone at work was work friends with Kayla.”

I think but don’t say that our work friendship was nothing special. It was stupid to think I had been granted the ability to feel Kayla’s presence. To know she was alive.

Medical Examiner—Coroner’s Report

County of Multnomah

Postmortem Examination of the Body of

Cody Renfrew

Case# AC-142-09

Cause of Death:

Gunshot wound to head

Manner of Death:

Suicide

Attendance:

Under the auspices of the Multnomah County Medical Examiner’s Office, an autopsy is performed on May 17, commencing at 2:30 p.m. The examination is conducted by Dr. Thomas Burgess. In the performance of their usual and customary duties, Autopsy Assistant Mike Smith and Photographer Jane Scott are present during the autopsy. Also present during the autopsy is Sergeant R. E. Thayer of the Portland Police Department.

Clothing on Body:

A red plaid shirt from Target covers the arms, chest, and back.

Blue jeans from Levi’s cover the hips and genitalia. In the pockets are one quarter, one dime, a brown guitar pick, and a handwritten note reading, “Please forgive me.”

Underneath the blue jeans are men’s black briefs from Jockey.

On the feet are white socks and blue and white Nike sneakers.

General External Examination:

Received is the well-hydrated, slightly malnourished body of a Caucasian male aged 18 to 25 years, appearing consistent with the listed age of 21. When first viewed, the body is cool to the touch after having been refrigerated, lividity is posterior, spread in areas of pressure and fixed. Rigor is fixed in the major joints. The body is 72 inches in length and weighs 163 pounds.