The Navy SEAL's Christmas Bride (11 page)

Regan sat down on the edge of the bed. “Does this have anything to do with a certain rather enthusiastic ex-SEAL?”

“Maybe. Partly.” Sarah shoved a pile of clothing into her suitcase. “He’s just the tip of the iceberg, though. It’s all of them. It’s everyone—the whole damn world.” She whirled around, spotted her comb and brush on the bureau and grabbed them too.

“It must be hard to be a woman in the military.”

“It shouldn’t be.” Sarah rounded on her. “It’s the twenty-first century. Why on earth is it still hard?”

“I don’t know.” Regan was sympathetic. “What I do know is that it’s Christmas Eve. I wish you’d stay.”

Sarah stopped her frantic packing. “I’m not mad at you. I hope you know that. You’ve been a terrific hostess.”

Regan nodded. “I know you’re not mad at me. You’re not mad at all, really, are you? You’re sad. Did something happen between you and Dan?”

“Dan happened,” Sarah said darkly. “It’s like he doesn’t see me at all.”

“Are you sure? He’s been staring at you all week.”

“At my body, you mean. He hasn’t noticed who I am, or what I do, or what my skills are.”

“What is it you’d like him to notice?”

“That I’m one of the best soldiers who ever lived!” Sarah exploded.

“You don’t think he knows that after these past few days? My God, Sarah—it’s amazing what you can do.” Regan smiled at her. “Anyway, I thought you two were getting along pretty well yesterday. Did you have some kind of lover’s spat?”

Sarah bit back a spate of angry words. “We’re not lovers.” Her face heated at the lie. “So we had sex. So it was fun. It didn’t mean a damn thing.”

A sharp intake of breath from the doorway was her first indication they were no longer alone. Both women whirled around to see Dan’s face darken with anger. He hesitated there, his gaze hard as he searched Sarah’s face. Then he turned on his heel and shut the door behind him.

Sarah let her hands drop, the paperback and toiletry kit she’d gathered to pack forgotten. Dan had come after her. Did that mean he cared for her?

“Go after him,” Regan urged. “Now he thinks you don’t like him.”

“He’s right. I don’t like him.” Her voice wobbled with the lie. The truth was, she didn’t like herself. She was always fighting against her circumstances—always at odds with everyone else. Always trying to fit into a system that wouldn’t accommodate her. She didn’t even know who she was anymore. Why was it so important that Dan acknowledge her strengths and skills when she knew how much she’d accomplished? When would she stop waiting for her brothers or father to pat her on the head and tell her how good she’d done when she’d proved to herself over and over again how capable she was?

She was an amazing soldier. One of the best she’d ever met, and the real truth was that the pain she’d been feeling had little to do with the Army, and everything to do with her fear that she wouldn’t be good at anything else.

The time had come for her to leave the military and try something new. She just didn’t know what it was. For one moment she’d thought it was to join forces with Dan, both in his business and in their personal lives. To create a life with him. Maybe even a family someday.

He didn’t want to share his dream with her, though.

“Sarah.” Regan touched her arm and Sarah realized despite her resolution, tears were streaking down her cheeks.

“I don’t know what to do next. I don’t know who I am if I’m not a soldier. I don’t ever seem to fit in anywhere.”

“Oh, honey.” Regan didn’t try to give her an answer, or tell her what to do. She waited patiently until Sarah got herself under control again.

“I’m so lame.” Sarah scrubbed her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt.

“You’re not lame. You think Mason didn’t go through something like this? And Austin too? And Zane?” Regan lifted her hands. “Transitioning from the military to civilian life has got to be one of the trickiest things I’ve ever seen. Give yourself time to figure it out and the space you need to try a few things before you settle on any one of them.”

“In other words, I shouldn’t marry the first SEAL who asks me, especially if he won’t even let me work with him.”

Regan stared at her. “Is that what’s going on? Did Dan ask you to marry him?”

“Not exactly.” Sarah turned back to her packing. “He might want a wife, but he sure as hell isn’t looking for a partner.” Her heart squeezed painfully as she acknowledged the truth of that. As much as she was attracted to Dan, she couldn’t be happy on the periphery.

“You’re still leaving?” Regan sounded bereft.

“I’ll catch the first flight out.”

“She won’t stay.
She’s totally pissed.”

“Can’t you tell her that all SEALs are assholes?”

Dan halted on the stairs when he heard Regan and Mason talking in the kitchen. From the delicious smells wafting from the room, breakfast would soon appear and the rest of the household would join them. He needed to make his apologies and get out of here quick.

He should have known better than to fall for a female soldier. Now he had ruined everyone’s holiday. He’d thought Sarah was different, though. He’d thought she might make a real partner for him—a woman both beautiful and brave.

In the end she’d only slept with him to prove a point—that she was better than him. He’d seen it before; female soldiers so intent on proving their equality they ceased to care about the fun that could come from there being differences between the sexes. Not that this was about sex. Far from it. If things between him and Sarah had only been a fling it would have been easy to walk away from her. But he’d opened his heart to her. He’d let her in.

She’d taken what she could get and turned her back on him.
So it was fun. It didn’t mean a damn thing
.

It had meant something to him.

He stepped forward and cleared his throat. “Mason, Regan—you’ve been great hosts and I’ve enjoyed my time here, but I think I better head out today.”

Mason exchanged a look with his wife. “Not you, too. Sarah’s bailing on us as we speak.”

“I can’t believe you two are going to spoil everything for everyone.” Regan crossed her arms over her chest.

“I really apologize. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

Regan shook her head. “For a couple of elite warriors, you’re the biggest cowards I’ve ever seen.” She flounced out of the room, leaving Mason to shrug at him.

“Sorry, man. She’s pretty upset. She wanted the holidays to be special.”

“I don’t blame her. I thought they were pretty special until today.”

“What happened between you and Sarah?”

“Crossed signals.” He didn’t trust himself to say more.

Mason opened his mouth to say something, but Regan strode back into the room, waving her phone. “I called a cab for you. It’ll be here in fifteen minutes and take you straight to the airport.”

Dan blinked. He hadn’t expected Regan to kick him out of the house quite so quickly. But why wouldn’t she? He was being a lousy guest.

“Regan,” Mason began, but Dan cut him off.

“It’s okay. Thank you, Regan. I’d better go and pack.”

‡

“A
re you angry
at me?” Sarah asked when Regan came upstairs and informed her the cab would arrive soon to take her to the airport.

“I think you’re being an idiot.”

Sarah suppressed a smile, despite the awkwardness of the situation. “I probably am, but I can’t stay with Dan here. Not now. We—” She couldn’t tell Regan what they’d gotten up to last night, and she struggled to express her feelings. “I should have held back, but I didn’t. Now it’s just too uncomfortable.”

“I hope you aren’t making a huge mistake.”

“I’m not.” But she wasn’t at all sure about that. Maybe she was making a colossal mistake. After all, what other man had ever made her feel like Dan had? For a few short hours she’d felt closer to someone than she ever had in her adult life. She’d thought Dan understood her through and through.

She’d been wrong.

Now the future stretched before her empty of all meaning. She already knew the military couldn’t give her what she truly wanted; the chance to be a part of an elite group. The chance to lead. She’d have to find a new career where she could shine. She hadn’t the faintest idea what that might look like.

The honk of a horn had them both moving toward the door.

“I’ll miss you,” Regan said as they went downstairs. “I’ve really enjoyed spending time with you.”

A pang of regret pierced Sarah’s heart as the smell of a delicious breakfast wafted over her. She’d miss the boisterous meals here at the ranch. She was being an idiot, just like Regan had said. She was sabotaging a wonderful vacation with a friend to avoid the embarrassment of being near Dan. “We’ll have to get together again soon.”

She knew that wasn’t likely, though. She doubted she’d get another invitation to the Hall, and she had no home to welcome guests to.

She nearly collided with Dan in the front hall and frowned when she took in the duffel bag slung over his shoulder. He was obviously leaving too.

“That’s my cab,” he said. “I’m going to the airport.”

“That’s my cab,” she retorted. “I’m flying out on the next plane.”

They only hesitated a second before they both dashed for the front door.

“Oh, for God’s sake!” Sarah heard Regan exclaim behind them, but she was too engulfed by the need to win this final race to care. They both hit the doorway at the same time, struggled through it while doing their best to slow the other down and then Sarah pounded down the front steps and dashed through the snow toward the yellow cab. She got a flash of the driver’s face as he took in their headlong race to reach him. The man’s eyes widened and he flinched back as both of them crashed into the vehicle at top speed.

“I won!” Sarah cried. “I won! Get away from my cab.”

“Your cab? Bullshit—it’s mine!”

The cab’s engine roared to life beneath them. When it started to move, Sarah jumped back in shock. “What the hell?”

It executed a tight U-turn and took off down the lane, bouncing and shuddering over potholes until it reached the country road.

“I guess neither of you won.” Regan’s caustic words sliced through the ensuing silence. “Maybe it’s time to stop competing so damn much and think about something else for a change.”

Sarah hung her head as she slowly turned around. “Guess we’ll have to call another one.”

“Why are you in such a hurry to leave?” Dan said suddenly, his tone betraying his frustration.

She shook her head. She couldn’t explain—not with an audience.

“Come on, Mason, let’s go inside and give these two a chance to talk.” Regan took her husband’s arm and led him back up the porch steps.

“Well?” Dan threw his duffle bag down in the snow and circled around to face her. “Do you think I can’t handle being your holiday fling? I’ve had worse thrown at me than that.”

“My holiday fling?” Her voice rose. “You’re the one looking for a fling. I was looking for a partnership.”

He cocked his head. “A partnership? That’s what I offered you. I told you I wanted to figure out if we were right for each other for the long haul.”

“Not that kind of partnership. A business partnership!” Was he playing dumb? “You said you were looking for investors—for partners. Mason thought I might be a good fit. I thought you might actually consider me for one of your trainer positions. But no—not Mr. SEALs-Are-So-Damn-Special. Far be it from you to sully your little naval brotherhood with a lowly female soldier.” She looked from the Hall’s closed front door to the empty street behind them. “Fucking hell.” How was she supposed to get to the airport now?

Maybe she’d better walk. She picked up the bag she’d dropped when the taxi took off and marched down the lane.

“Where are you going? Sarah!” Dan jogged up beside her. “Come on, let’s talk this through.”

“I’m done talking. I’ve heard everything I need to know.”

“Well I haven’t said everything I’m going to say.” Dan grabbed her arm. She instantly slid into a Krav Maga evasive technique but Dan was on to her methods and countered it. Sarah hit him with an elbow strike, but Dan countered that too, catching her off balance and thumping her to the ground. “Damn it, hold still so I can talk to you.” But Sarah wouldn’t hold still for anything now. They scrapped for several minutes before Dan managed to sit on her and pin her in place. His cheek was bleeding from where her fist had connected with his face and he touched his fingers to it. “Son of a bitch.”

“You’re such an ass.”

“I probably am.” He was as mad as she was. “That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t talk this out.”

“What on earth is there to talk about?” The minute she was out of here she was going to start to pound calories and bulk up. It burned her that Dan could use his superior weight to his advantage. Just let him try it when her scale topped two hundred and fifty.

“Us. The training program. Us.” He wiped his cheek with his arm, smearing the blood. “You should have said you were interested.”

“Of course I’m interested. I’m leaving the military. I don’t know what else to do.”

“You never said that. All you did was try to prove you were better at everything.”