The Naughty List (17 page)

“I’ll follow you guys. Where do you want to go?”

“Well, I did promise Jamie she could have one of those Shirley Temples that your bartender George makes special for her.”

Great. As if seeing Ry and Bram twelve hours a day and dodging their pleas to come back wasn’t enough to deal with, now she’d have to face them with family looking on and pretend that her world wasn’t spinning out of control. “Sounds like a plan, then. I’ll meet you there in a few.”

After giving her aunt a kiss, she ducked out of the auditorium and hurried across the school parking lot to her car. Once inside the cold vehicle, she pressed her forehead against the steering wheel and gulped past the misery congealing in her windpipe.

How the hell had everything turned so wrong?

She’d known giving in to her desire for her two best friends would backfire on her. It was only supposed to be a fun, sexy affair. That she could handle. Love, on the other hand, was something she couldn’t afford to give away. Just thinking about it tightened the ball of tension riding against her sternum.

She’d never survive it if Ry and Bram decided they didn’t want to be with her. Unlike Dan, she knew they wouldn’t try to get out of the relationship by cheating on her. No, they were too good and honorable for that. And somehow that made it worse. They wouldn’t give her an easy out. Wouldn’t commit a despicable act that would make it easy to hate them in the end. No, they wouldn’t do anything. That was the problem. Rather than hurt her, they’d stay in a relationship that they might not want.

A wash of acid burned her throat. It was better to be practical about this and end things now, while their friendship still remained. Ry and Bram might not see things the same way she did, but when they moved on with their individual lives and found the right women to start families with, they’d realize this threesome couldn’t have worked.

She tried not to let the idea of Ry and Bram marrying other women and settling down bother her. Why should it? She wanted them to be happy, to lead fulfilling lives filled with a surplus of love. They both deserved it. So, so much.

Her throat constricting, she lifted her head from the steering wheel and started up the car. Less than fifteen minutes later, she pulled into the Dockside’s parking lot. With it being less than a week away from Christmas, the restaurant was at nearly full capacity.

Good. Hopefully it meant Ry and Bram would be too busy to continue their constant quest to lure her back into their arms.

Right. As if she stood any chance of that not happening. Steeling her spine, she sucked in a deep, steadying breath and pushed open her car door. She made it inside the restaurant just as the first new flurries of snow began swirling from the darkening sky. Unwinding the scarf from her neck, she scanned the dining room for sign of her aunt and niece. Her heart plummeted when she spotted Ry and Bram standing at Eliza and Jamie’s table.

So much for that.

Her steps sluggish, she started toward them. Bram said something to Jamie before tweaking her long blonde braid. The young girl beamed up at him, her gap-toothed smile a mile wide. The cramping in Lacey’s chest intensified. Bram was so amazing with kids, as was Ry. They were well suited for fatherhood.

Didn’t they see what they’d be missing out on if they continued this three-wheeled relationship? She’d be selfish to deprive them of that.

Ry looked up then and noticed her. His eyes were lined with fatigue. Her heart twisted, knowing that in all likelihood, she was a large portion of the reason for his sleepless nights. She swallowed and curled her fingers against her palms to resist stroking his dear face.

“There you are, hon.” Aunt Eliza finished shrugging from her massive down coat before taking a seat. “Would you please tell your men to stop looking so gorgeous? It’s going to give a woman ideas.”

Tell me about it.
She chose to ignore Eliza’s remark, as well as the way she’d referred to Ry and Bram as Lacey’s men. Yeah, best not to allow her mind to dwell on that futile thought. Instead she settled her purse on the table and adopted a bland expression as she glanced between Ry and Bram. “I’m surprised to see you guys still here. I thought you weren’t working the night shift.”

“We’re not,” Ry answered, his dark, penetrating stare never leaving her face. “My cousins dropped off Charlie a few minutes ago. Bram and I were thinking of taking him to see that new action flick.”

“Charlie’s here?” Everything else fled her mind as she peered around the dining room.

“He’s in my office,” Ry said. “Did you want to say hi to him before we take off?”

She swallowed, the guilt surfacing that Ry had even felt compelled to ask. Before the fallout of their relationship, he would never have hesitated over such a simple thing. Hell, it probably would have been a given that she’d be tagging along with them to the movies. She hated that she’d caused this strain between them. “Of course.”

Aunt Eliza looked up from the picture Jamie was scribbling on the paper tablecloth. “Why don’t you boys and Uncle Charlie join us for dinner first? That’s if you haven’t eaten already.”

Panic started to seize Lacey, but before she could open her mouth, Ry and Bram accepted Eliza’s offer. While Ry went to fetch his uncle, Bram sidled next to Lacey. He stared at her with those pleading puppy-dog eyes, and her stomach clenched.

Why did he have to make this so much harder than it already was?

“How’re you doing, Lace?”

“F-fine. The pageant was lovely. Thank you again for covering for me today.” God, she sounded so stiff and formal. Would it always be like this from now on?

The sorrow that fell across Bram’s face was unbearable to witness. Her heart feeling like it was ripping in two, she stepped around him and took the chair next to Jamie. A few minutes later, Ry showed up with Uncle Charlie. The older man’s face lit up as soon as he spotted her.

Scooting back her seat, she stood and wrapped him in a tight hug. “Heya, Unks.” Although they weren’t blood relatives, she’d always treated him as such. Something that Charlie seemed to like. “It’s good to see you.”

“My stubborn nephew insisted I needed to get out.” Despite the gruffness in his tone, a hint of gratefulness lurked in Charlie’s eyes as he glanced at Ry and gave a wavering smile. It must be hard, even after all these years, to have had the love of his life taken away by cancer. She couldn’t imagine what it must be like.

Aunt Eliza pulled out the seat next to her. “Park yourself over here next to me, Charlie. It’s been a while since we’ve chatted.”

As always, Eliza’s persuasiveness wasn’t to be denied, and Charlie dutifully complied. That left the chairs on either side of Lacey unoccupied.

But of course. Fate would have it no other way than to sandwich her between Ry and Bram when her emotions were running at an all-time low. They wedged in beside her, bombarding her with their nearness and the overwhelming allure of their presence. She struggled not to breathe in the dizzying maleness they exuded. Tried not to imagine their hands and mouths trekking across every inch of her skin.

A brief silence descended on the table, the only sound the scratching of Jamie’s crayon as she drew a detailed depiction of Santa popping a wheelie on a bicycle. Eliza was busy digging around in her bag, hence her uncharacteristic muteness. Finally Charlie cleared his throat. “Carolyn would have liked this place.”

Even without looking in Ry’s direction, she sensed his surprise. It wasn’t like Charlie to mention his wife during the holidays. Usually it was too painful for him.

“She always loved the lake, you know,” Charlie continued. The wobble in his voice was barely discernable. Another first. “We were going to use our retirement savings to go on a cruise. One of those two-week Mediterranean trips. It was all she could talk about.”

Eliza set her purse aside and squeezed Charlie’s wrinkled hand. “You should still go on that cruise. Carolyn would have wanted you to.”

“Yeah, that she would.” Charlie’s eyes filled with tears. “Maybe I should do it. Life’s too short to regret the things we let slip us by because it hurts too much to let go of the past.”

His words settled with a heavy ache in the pit of her belly. Ry’s and Bram’s fingers brushed hers under the table. She could hear their silent pleas loud and clear.

Oh God.
She couldn’t do this. Gulping down the bitter remorse clogging her esophagus, she shoved back her seat and rushed from the table. She reached the ladies’ room just as Ry’s and Bram’s arms tugged her into their embrace. Panicked desperation clawing within her, she pushed away from them. “Please, just let me go.”

“Lace, that’s impossible. We’re in this for the long haul, don’t you see that?”

“Don’t do this to me. It’s not fair.”

Ry’s palm smoothed along her cheekbone. “You know what’s not fair? Running away because you’re too afraid of getting hurt again. Charlie’s right. At some point, you have to let go of the past, baby.”

“Why can’t you understand I’m doing what’s best for all of us? You both deserve to get married. Have a family.”

“What the hell do you think the three of us are?” Ry demanded.

“It’s not the same.”

“Fuck that. It’s the only one that matters to me. Matters to Bram.” The conviction in Ry’s fierce gaze brought tears to her eyes.

Because she knew he was fooling himself, she said, “This conversation is done with. Please, don’t make it any worse.” Before either of them could stop her, she rushed inside the bathroom. Emotionally drained, she slumped against the tiled wall and cried.

Chapter Sixteen

Feeling like a sluggish zombie, Ry swiped the razorblade through the shaving cream lathered on his jaw. He couldn’t bring himself to meet his own gaze. No doubt the hollowness there matched the emptiness residing in his chest.

His life was a fucking mess, and he didn’t know what the hell to do to turn everything around. To make it right again.

No, strike that. He knew what he wanted, what he
needed
to feel whole again. But the one woman who completed him refused to give up her fears.

She’d said she loved him—something he’d dreamt of hearing his entire goddamned life. It was a bittersweet revelation.

He flicked on the faucet and rinsed the last traces of foam from his face before washing out the basin. The task was a mindless one, requiring minimal energy on his part. Fortunate, since he felt completely dead inside.

He yanked on his jeans and a crewneck. Combed his hair. By the time he was finished going through the motions, the coffeemaker spat out the last of its cycle. He poured a cup and took a gulp, not really registering its taste. The hot liquid settled in his gut in an unpleasant way. He dumped the remainder down the drain and scooped his keys from the counter. During the elevator ride down to the main level of his condo complex, he stared at the flickering fluorescent bulb overhead that the maintenance staff kept forgetting to replace.

Why the hell did he continue to live in this damn place? He didn’t even particularly like it.

His thoughts returned to Bram’s suggestion of them all moving into his house. A fresh ache pierced his heart. He couldn’t imagine a future that didn’t include Lacey. Didn’t include Bram.

He’d never felt this fucking alone. Not even when he’d run away as a kid and struggled to survive on his own. The streets might have toughened him, prepared him for life, but they’d never prepared him for this. To the rest of the world, he might still resemble the self-assured guy he struggled at portraying, but inside he was a mushy mess, pining for a woman and a life he would never have.

His motions listless, he cleared the light dusting of snow from the headlights of his truck before making the drive into work. The fortunate part about handling the afternoon shift was missing morning rush-hour traffic on Jefferson Avenue. Even that bit of good luck did nothing to lift his spirits. He pulled into his parking spot in front of the Dockside and killed the engine. Pocketing his keys, he made his way inside the restaurant.

A few of the regulars up at the bar called out greetings. Pasting on a smile, he shot a brief wave in their direction and crossed to his and Bram’s office. He peeled off his coat and tossed it onto his chair. The door snicked open and he turned. His gaze locked with Lacey’s startled one.

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t realize…” Swallowing, she dropped her focus to the floor. Refusing to look at him, she hurried toward Bram’s desk.

He stared at her while she dug through the small pile of invoices. It’d been five fucking days since she’d slammed the restroom door on him and Bram and left them reeling.

God, she was ripping his heart out. “We need to talk.”

She glanced up at him, her expression wary. “I’m kind of busy right now.” She gestured toward the invoice in her hand.

“That wasn’t a request.”

Her lips rolled into a tight line, but surprisingly she nodded. He zeroed in on her mouth, wanting with every fiber in his being to tug her into his arms and kiss some sense into her. If they were anywhere else but here, he would have. But he knew he was treading on perilous ice as it was. One false step and it’d crack right out from under him.

His life was in enough turmoil. He didn’t need to sink it further. “I’ve missed you, baby.”

Her mouth trembled. “You see me every day.”

“It’s not the same. Do you know how hard it is to be this close to you and feel like you’re miles away?”

“Would it be easier if I was?”

His stomach pitched, threatening to send up the coffee he’d choked down earlier. “What are you saying?”

“M-maybe it would be better for all of us if I sold my share of the Dockside.”

It took two angry steps to reach her. Once he did, he gripped her shoulders, resisting the urge to shake her. “Don’t talk fucking stupid shit like that to me, goddamn it.”

She gulped. “I didn’t mention it to make you mad, but I don’t want this to end up something that could hurt the business. I wouldn’t do that to you and Bram.”

“No, you’ll just stomp on our fucking hearts, that’s all.”

Tears gathered in her eyes. “I asked you not to make this worse than it already is.”