The Mystery of Silas Finklebean (5 page)
“Well, at least one of you has taste,” she said, glaring at Freddy.
“I believe Freddy wanted to keep this a secret because he didn’t want to spoil the surprise.”
“Surprise, what surprise?” she said.
“Yeah, what surprise?” said Freddy before Theodore kicked him in the shin.
Theodore continued, “Quite by accident we stumbled upon this secret area and Freddy thought what a wonderful idea it would be to turn it into an extension of the Burger Castle. We could have seating down here, little rides for the children, perhaps a haunted mansion area with thrills and scary things popping out, and a
stage
where plays could be produced.”
“A stage! For plays!” said Nancy. “I don’t believe it!”
“It’s quite true,” said Theodore. “And Freddy was just now saying that it would be perfect for someone with your talents to oversee such an operation, including perhaps acting in several of the productions. Despite what you might think, he is very well aware of your talent as an actress.” Theodore added diplomatically, “He’s told us many times exactly what he thinks of you.”
Nancy stared at Freddy in disbelief. “Really?”
“Absolutely,” said Theodore. “In fact, we’re in the process of drawing up the plans to build it. I think you’ll be very pleased with the result.”
Nancy gave her brother a hug and then started bawling all over his shirt. “Freddy, that’s the most wonderful thing anyone’s ever done for me. I even forgive you for what you did to my hair. I don’t know what to say, you adorable little cutie-pie,” she gushed between sobs.
“Yeah, me either,” Freddy said, shooting a nasty look at Theodore.
“I won’t let you down, Freddy,” she said. “I’m going to go and start writing up some scripts and picking out some costumes. Oh, I’ve got so much to do.” She hurried away.
Freddy said, “Thanks, Theodore; that was actually a pretty good idea. Until she finds out it’s all a lie, and then I’m dead.”
“Sorry, Freddy, it’s the best I could do at the moment.”
“Well, let’s get back to the lab and start planning how we’re going to turn the tables on Adam.”
They headed back down the passageway, and then Freddy stopped dead. There was the door again that led to the room where he had seen Silas Finklebean floating in the air. And the door was wide open.
“Uh, guys,” he began.
“Don’t even think it, Freddy,” squeaked Ziggy.
“But I saw Silas Finklebean in that room. I don’t know if he was a ghost or not, but he was there.” Freddy looked at Theodore. “What do you think?”
“I think that there’s something behind that door that needs to be investigated.”
Freddy drew a deep breath. “Okay, everybody, let’s go.” They all started forward except Wally, who wasn’t moving. They looked back at him.
The purple Fry said sheepishly, “So when you said everybody you meant, like, everybody?”
“MOVE IT, PURPLE BUTT,” shouted Ziggy, and Wally shot into the room.
The others quickly followed, and the door slammed shut behind them.
THE FINKLEBEAN SPECIAL
Freddy and the gang jumped when the door closed behind them. Meese tried to yank it open. It wouldn’t budge, and he started bawling. “We’re going to die! The ghost of Silas Finklebean is coming to get us.”
Meanwhile, Freddy had been looking around at the room. “Wow,” he exclaimed. “This must be Silas Finklebean’s secret laboratory.”
The dusty place was filled with funny-shaped bottles containing lots of different-colored liquids. In one corner was a long table with electrical wires attached to it that looked like something out of a Frankenstein movie. In another corner was a car, but all its wheels were curved and pointed to the right.
“Freddy,” called out Theodore, who was examining a large, leather-bound book on one of the tables. “Come and look at this.”
They all crowded around the book. The handwriting and diagrams on the pages were neat and clear.
“This must be a log of Finklebean’s inventions,” said Freddy excitedly. “See, there’s his name right there.” He pointed to the inside cover of the book.
Wally picked up a bottle filled with a bright blue liquid off the table and sniffed it.
“Wally,” said Theodore sharply, “Don’t drink that You don’t know what it is.”
Wally sniffed it again. “Not so bad. A combination of mold, lice, and stale fish with just a pinch of body odor.” He took a sip and smacked his lips. “I’ve had worse.”
“Wally, that is gross!” Ziggy exclaimed, horrified.
“IthinkI’mgoingtobesick,” said Curly, who was indeed looking a little greener than usual.
Suddenly Wally grabbed his stomach.
“What’s the matter, Wally?” asked Ziggy. “You look like you’re gonna puke.”
Wally went from purple to green to blue and then back to purple. “No, I think I’m okay —”
But suddenly, fast as a purple wind, Wally shot to the ceiling, bounced off, blasted over to one wall, hit it, and then went zooming across the room to the other side. Everyone dropped to the floor as he rocketed by overhead.
“Wally, can’t you stop?” said Freddy.
“I’m trying, little dude,” Wally yelled back, “But it’s not working.”
Finally, after whizzing around the room for several minutes, Wally finally dropped out of the air and landed with a thud and didn’t move. They all raced over to him.
“Is he dead?” asked Ziggy. “I think he’s dead.”
“He’s not dead,” answered Freddy. “He’s just playing dead. Right, Wally?”
Thankfully, Wally slowly sat up.
“I wonder what that stuff was,” said Freddy, eyeing the bottle.
“I don’t know,” said Wally. “But could I have another little sip?”
“NO!!” Freddy and Ziggy shouted together.
“YEOW!!”
They all turned and saw Si and Meese in the car with the curved wheels. They had somehow started it and were now flying around in circles.
“Let me outta here,” screamed Meese.
Si was driving and looked extremely pleased. “Boy, this baby has some get-up-and-go even if we’re not actually
going
anywhere.”
Meese finally managed to hit a stop button. When they got out, they were so dizzy that they immediately fell over.
Theodore held up the logbook. “That particular device is listed in here as the ‘Spinner-Winner.’ Finklebean noted that it had no practical application because one couldn’t actually get anywhere in it.”
“Candy,” shouted Wally suddenly. He picked up a single candy bar that had been under another cover. He quickly devoured it in one bite, but one crumb of candy fell to the floor. This tiny piece instantly grew it into another candy bar.
Wally’s eyes nearly popped out of his head, and then he looked like he might cry from sheer joy. He ate the second bar, leaving a little crumb behind. It grew into another bar that he ate too. In the space often seconds, he did this a dozen times. “I’m so happy,” he said.
“The Hydra Chocolate Bar,” read Theodore from the logbook. “Billed as the only candy bar you’ll ever need. However, there wasn’t much profit in selling only
one
to each customer.”
“Geez,” said Freddy, “all I’ve seen are stupid inventions that couldn’t possibly make any money.”
“Well, there is
this
,” said Theodore, pointing to some complicated plans in the logbook. “I don’t see a corresponding invention here for these drawings.”
Freddy looked at them. “I wonder what it does?”
“It doesn’t say, which is curious, because all of the other plans are meticulously labeled,” replied Theodore.
Freddy snapped his fingers. “I know, we can ask my Dad. Maybe he’ll be able to tell what it is.”
“But, Freddy,” cried Si. “Remember, the door won’t open.”
“I’ll try the Wriggle-Jiggle.”
But, as they were standing there, the door opened all by itself.
Wally was the first through the door. The others dashed after him before the door shut again. As they disappeared down the hallway, something seemed to be watching them go.
SOME FUNKY ANSWERS
When the gang left the Burger Castle, they were stunned to see that construction of the volcano in the empty lot across the street had started. They stood and watched as Harold, using a remote-controlled robotic arm, built a giant frame of wooden boards.
“Wow, that’s pretty cool, Harold,” called out Freddy across the street.
Harold turned around and smiled. “Hey, thanks, Freddy.”
Suddenly Adam popped up from a lounge chair. He had a super large milkshake in one hand and a huge hamburger in the other. “Hey, no talking to the enemy, Pumpernickel,” he yelled. Harold looked afraid.
“I’m sorry, Adam.”
“Hey, hey, what did we talk about, Pumperhead?” demanded Adam.
“Um, I mean,
Captain
Spanker,” Harold said, glancing nervously at Freddy.
“You wanna give up right now, Freako?” said Adam with a loud snort. “Because you’re not going to be able to beat the volcano.”
“Oh, yeah, you just wait and see what we’re building,” called out Si.
“Yeahjustwaitandsee.Uhwhatexactlyarewe-building, Freddy?” mumbled Curly.
“Atta boy, Curly, you tell him,” called out Si, slapping the green Fry on the back. “Even though I have no idea what you just said, I’m sure it was kick-butt stuff.”
“You dopes don’t have a clue. You’re all losers,” said Adam nastily.
“Just give me the word and I’ll eat Adam for you, Freddy,” said Wally. “Even if he’ll give me really bad gas.”
“The best thing we can do,” said Freddy, “is beat him in the competition.” He held up the logbook. “Come on, let’s go see my dad.”
Alfred Funkhouser was inside the farmhouse working on something when Freddy and the gang arrived.
Alfred pointed at the old logbook Freddy was carrying. “What’s that, son?”
Freddy quickly showed the plans to his father, who started rubbing his chin with his hand, a sure sign his brain was in super-thinking mode.
“Where did you get these plans, Freddy?” he asked, looking at the name “Silas Finklebean” on the logbook’s cover.
Freddy was ready for this. “It was the librarian in town. She knew Silas Finklebean when she was very young. She found this book on the shelf. He must have donated it or something.”
“That’s funny, because it doesn’t have a library card on the back page,” said his father.
Thinking quickly, Freddy said, “Well, it must have come from some special collection. She said no one had ever checked it out before.”
“I see,” said Alfred Funkhouser.
“So what’s your considered opinion, Mr. Funkhouser?” asked Theodore.
“Yeah, Mr. F, let’s have the quick down-and-dirty from that big old noggin of yours,” said Si.
“Well, judging from the drawings and the notations at the bottom of each page, which include standard descriptions of quantum theory, black holes, wormholes, and string theory that serve as the very backbone of the interconnectedness of the entire universe —”
“Me love worms!” shouted Wally.
Alfred smiled. “They’re not those sorts of worms. Anyway, Freddy, to answer your question, I’d say this was a time travel machine.”
“Time travel machine!” exclaimed Freddy.
“Yes. But it’s very curious. The dates in this book are from long ago. Mr. Finklebean must have been a man very much ahead of his time. String theory, for instance, is a fairly recent discovery. I can’t believe I’ve never heard of him. Who is he?”
“Just some guy,” said Freddy mysteriously.
“Well, he was obviously very brilliant.”
Freddy took back the logbook.
“What are you going to do with it, Freddy?” asked his father.
“Oh, nothing.” But under his breath Freddy muttered, “I’m going to beat a volcano, that’s what.”
THE STAR OF NANCY
The next night after the restaurant closed, Alfred Funkhouser was putting on his jacket when Nancy walked up. He did a double take because his daughter was dressed in a long gown, pink flamingo sunglasses, and a tiara.
“Father, have you seen my darling little brother, Frederick?” she said in a perfect British accent.
He looked at her, stunned. “Frederick? Uh, are you feeling okay, dear?”