The Mitchell Family Series BoxSet 1-4.5 (95 page)

It was so important for me to be optimistic, because without that, all I had left was doubt.

“I need you.”

He looked me straight in the eyes and I could see the understanding radiate through him. “I’m here. I’ll be here as long as you let me be.”

I couldn’t answer that, because up until my accident, I had been sure I wanted to get far away from him.

Everything had changed.

“Okay.”

Knowing how hard it was to talk, Ty kept our conversations to a minimum. He laid his head next to me on the bed and held onto me as I fell back asleep. I woke up to someone pricking me for another blood test. Ty stirred and winked at me as he sat up. He was so handsome, especially after not being able to shave for a whole day. His brown eyes looked exhausted.

“You should go somewhere and sleep.”

He pulled my hand up to his mouth. “I’m not leaving here unless you’re with me.”

“Well, I’m going to need my driver to be well rested. You will be traveling with a lot of precious cargo.”

Ty rolled his eyes at me. “Trust me; I know how precious that cargo is. I’d die myself before I’d let anything happen to the four of you.”

I let out an air-filled laugh and shook my head. “Let’s not talk about death anymore.”

“Fine by me. I’m kind of glad that I don’t have to start wearing black every day. I mean, for me its fine, but I didn’t want Iz going all Goth on us yet. She needs to at least turn ten before that happens.” His white teeth were displayed for the first time. I loved that he had given me something to smile about. “There’s that smile I love.”

“It hurts to laugh.”

He looked down at my body and pulled the covers away. “Yeah, I bet it does. It looks good though. The doctor says your scars should be minimal. They’ll be hidden anyway. I mean, only I’ll be able to see them when you’re naked.” His reply was loaded and I knew what he wanted out of it. He wanted me to agree with him; to accept his apology in some way and be able to move forward.

“Ty, I’m not ready to talk about this.”

“Being naked or being naked with me?” He was very serious.

“Both.”

I could tell it hurt him. He closed his eyes and looked away from me. His hand that was holding mine pulled away. I watched him run his hands through his hair with his back turned to me. “I get it, I really do. I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but one day when you’re ready, I want you to hear my side of the story. Maybe it won’t change your mind, but you need to hear it.”

He turned around and sat back down beside me, but instead of touching me, he put his hands into his face again. I reached for him. “Ty.” He looked up and gave me his hand. His eyes were full of tears, but none fell. I wondered how many times he’d cried for me in the past day. I couldn’t imagine what he went through. “I’m not going to leave you. I want to raise our children together. You need to know that I love you. I just can’t get over what happened right now.”

He shook his head. “I know.”

“When I’m strong enough to hear it, I’ll let you know.” He put his head down again. “I should have never expected you to be able to change for me. It wasn’t right for me to assume that.”

Ty looked up at me with the most hateful look on his face. “You had every right, Miranda. I wouldn’t have married you if I didn’t want this life. There’s never been anyone else, I swe….”

I held up my hand. “Save it, Ty. Please, I just can’t hash this out right now. I’m still mad as hell and I don’t have the energy to do this. I need your support, so that we can take our kids home together. Just give me that, because I know you want the same.”

He shook his head, but just sat there sniffling for the longest time.

To avoid getting myself upset again, I turned my head away from him and closed my eyes, trying to only focus on being alive and the picture of my living, breathing twins.

Chapter 23

Ty

The first twenty-four hours had been the hardest for me to handle. They got a little easier when our family arrived. Colt was his normal, strong self, while Van and my mother in law seemed as upset as I was. Of course, my mother in law expected an explanation of why Miranda was driving to Kentucky without me. Thank God, Van was there to cover for me. It was bad enough that Miranda hated me for what happened, but I couldn’t have every single person I loved feeling that way too.

Van was great to have there. She’d been the one by my side when they didn’t know if I was going to pull through years ago.  She kept her arm tucked into mine whenever she was near and always said something positive even when the doctor gave us bad news.

After they had resuscitated my wife, she still had issues. At one point, the doctor came out and talked to me about them being worried of her having kidney failure, and other complications from surgery. Thankfully, by the next set of tests her levels started going back to normal.

Once they got her moved into the ICU, also known as the intensive care unit, only one person was allowed in at a time. Colt managed to find a hotel nearby where they could all stay and get some rest. Of course, he offered it to me as well, but nothing could keep me from my wife.

Her mother and I took turns sitting at her bedside, just listening to the beeping of the monitors and praying to God that she would come back to us.

Conner and my mother were due to be there in the morning and with my mother in law being so tired, I told her to go get some rest at the hotel for a few hours. I think she took one look at me and knew I wasn’t giving her an option. I wanted to be with my wife and not even sleep could keep me from that.

I’d dosed off a couple times in between my emotional moments where I couldn’t hold in the tears any longer. Since the family had come, they had Izzy and were visiting the twins more so that I could be with Miranda. It was hard to choose between my kids and their mother, but I knew they were okay and Miranda wasn’t.

I was praying to God when I heard Miranda say my name. I wanted him to take me instead of her. The kids needed their mother. I couldn’t lose her and be strong enough to be good to them. The pain would overwhelm me, I just knew it.

As soon as I heard Miranda’s beautiful voice, I felt like I could breathe again. I knew she had been through Hell, but the idea of losing her was the worst pain I’d ever experienced. Her voice was like a beautiful song filling my ears. It was raspy and I could tell she was in pain, but she was awake.

I don’t even remember getting up and rushing to her side, but suddenly I was there, kissing her and looking into those beautiful crystal green eyes. She looked so bad. Her hands and feet were swollen and her normal skin color had a white hue. It wasn’t just that she was pale; she was so white that she looked like a ghost. Giant circles set under her eyes and her lips were hard and cracked.  Aside from all of that she had a tube in her nose, giving her oxygen and IV’s attached to one of her hands feeding her more blood.

I’d been so excited about her coming back to me that I’d almost forgot about what got her there in the first place. Of course, it only took us a short while to bring it up. I hated myself and blamed my own actions for putting her in the hospital. She needed to hear my side of the story. I had to tell her that I would never do those things with Heather voluntarily. I hated that bitch so much, for what she’d done to my family.

When Miranda asked me to wait to talk about it, I had to respect her request. It killed me sitting there in front of her having her think the worst of me. I don’t know why I’d assumed she would ever be able to trust me, but hearing Van say she did, gave me hope. At any rate, Miranda said she was coming home to me. She wanted to raise our kids together. It might not have been the perfect result I was hoping for, but I would take it. She would be with me, in our home, where she belonged.

My heart had never strayed from my wife, not for one single second.

After a short nap, Miranda finally woke up again. I was afraid to talk to her, on account of what we talked about before she stopped talking to me. “Hey.”

I hesitated, but then rushed to her side. “You okay, baby?”

“I’m in more pain than before. How long did I sleep?”

I kissed her hands and traced her wedding ring. It made me happy that they never removed it, although it was pretty tight around her fingers from them being swollen. I’d hate for them to have cut it off. “I guess about an hour.”

She brought her hand up to my face. “Did you sleep?”

I shook my head. I couldn’t sleep, not with everything the way it was. My twins were going to be okay but Miranda was still in danger. There was no way in Hell I was going to rest until I knew she was out of the woods.

“Why don’t you go rest? I’m sure my mother would like to know that I’m awake.”

I leaned down and kissed her cheek. “I don’t want to leave you.”

“Ty,” She grabbed my head and held it against her face. “I promise you that I’m not going to die.”

I hated hearing her say it like that. “Don’t even say that word. I can’t hear it anymore. You don’t understand how I felt when I thought you were gone. I’m sorry, Miranda, but I can’t sleep. I can’t eat and I don’t want to spend a second away from you. I can’t lose you. I can’t ever lose you.”

I’ve lost my balls and all of my dignity. I’m a damn crybaby.

“I told you that I’m coming home with you, Ty. I’m not going to take the kids from you. I couldn’t do that.”

I shook my head before resting it back against hers. “You don’t understand.”

Her hand reached for mine and I squeezed it. “I do understand. It’s going to take time, Ty. I still love you, but you ripped my heart out. I hurt so much right now, physically and emotionally. I can’t just forgive and forget. I know it isn’t what you want to hear, but it’s the truth.”

“The damage is done, so I guess I have to take what I can get. I mean, I don’t want to live one second without you. This just isn’t how I wanted our life to be. Just promise me one thing.”

“What?”

I closed my eyes and whispered into her ear as I let my lips drag over her skin. “Promise me you will try to forgive me, no matter how long it takes.”

When she nodded, I grabbed both sides of her face and pressed my lips against hers. Yeah, they were crusty and probably hurt her, but I needed to feel them. I expected her to pull away, but she let me keep them there. As I stood up, I turned around and continued to hold her hand. “I’ll never stop trying.”

She smiled. “Promise?”

“I promise.” I kissed her hand before walking out the door so that she could see her mother. For right now, Miranda still loved me. I was paying the ultimate price for my actions, even if they were forced on me without my say. I wasn’t about to lose my wife, no matter what I had to do, or how long it took me to prove it.

I found Van in the NICU. She’d told the nurse she was Miranda’s sister instead of cousin. Since my boys were still the only ones there, they seemed to be a bit more lenient about visitors. She was holding Jax when she saw me walking in. “Hey, is everything okay?”

I got a big smile on my face, unable to contain my happiness. “She’s awake, Van. She woke up about an hour ago.”

“Oh my God, we have to call her mother?” She handed me my son and pulled out her cell phone. “I’ll be right back.”

I looked down at Jax’s sleeping little body. He was so much tinier than any baby I had ever held, but that didn’t make him any less cute. In fact, he and his brother were both adorable. I couldn’t tell who they looked like yet, but they definitely had my dark hair. I pulled off his cap to run my fingers through his little fuzzy head. I couldn’t believe they were mine.

Since I had to take turns with Miranda’s mother, I spent half of my time with my boys. I had changed their diapers and helped the nurse sponge both of them off. Jake peed on me during my first diaper change and I wasn’t prepared for it at all. The nurses had all laughed and said it was normal, but I’d never had that happen with Izzy.

Jax started to wiggle and open his eyes. “Hey, Buddy, Daddy’s back.” I kissed his little soft forehead. “Your Mommy woke up earlier. She can’t wait to meet you and your brother. She’s so happy you’re both okay. Daddy’s happy too. I love you all so much.”

I felt a hand on my shoulder and noticed Van was back. “She’s on her way back from the hotel. She thinks you should take the car and get some rest. I can stay here if you need me to.”

I shook my head and continued to stare at my son. ‘I’m not leaving.”

“Ty, don’t be stubborn. You look horrible. You have to eat something.”

I stood up and put Jax back in his bed, then reached over and grabbed his brother. They were a little hard to get out with the wires hooked to their bodies, but I was extra careful as I did it. “Van, I appreciate you caring about me, but I’m fine. I can’t leave her. I just can’t.”

“Was she able to talk?”

I smiled thinking about her pretty face. “Yeah, she talked. She’s in a bunch of pain, but she could talk fine.”

“Did she talk about…you know?”

I nodded. “A little, she didn’t want to and she refuses to hear my side. Honestly, I don’t know if it would even make a difference anymore. The damage is done. It’s going to take a lifetime to get her to trust me again. If I were in her shoes, I wouldn’t trust me either.”

“So where does she plan on going? She’s just going to move back to Kentucky and take the kids from you? I can’t believe Heather stooped this low. I mean, I guess I can believe it, I just can’t believe she would intentionally break up a family. She had to know you wouldn’t run back to her. I just don’t get it.”

I thought about Miranda moving to Kentucky and my stomach started to ache. “She’s not leaving me. Well, she said we’re going to raise our family together.”

“Are you sure it isn’t the drugs talking?”

Oh, shit! I hadn’t thought of that. What if it was? What if she did take the kids?

“She said she still loves me and even though she can’t forgive me right now, she could never take away my kids. I’m going to prove to her that I’m not the guy she thinks I am. I don’t know how, but I will prove it.”

Van leaned down and brushed the back of her hand over Jakes cheek. “They really look like you, Ty. Miranda is going to freak out when she sees them. I think that even if she did want to leave, these boys would change her mind. It doesn’t hurt that you are such a good father. Miranda knows that. She also knows that you are crazy in love with her. She may not feel it right now, but she knows it’s true. Just so you know, Colt didn’t believe the Heather ordeal either. He didn’t even think twice before he shook his head and said it wasn’t possible. You’ve changed, Ty. I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a part of me that wonders if you could have really cheated again, but I can hear the sincerity in your voice and know that you’re telling me the truth.”

I kissed my other son and set him back in his little bed. “I am. The things in those pictures are something I never would have done to Heather or anyone else for that matter. I only do those things to Miranda, drunk or not, it’s not possible. Besides, why would I want someone else when no one remotely even compares to my wife? That’s ridiculous!”

“Yeah, but you kept it from her. That’s what makes you look so guilty.”

I waved to the nurse as Van and I walked out of the NICU. “I know. Either way it would have hurt her. I was just trying to avoid that. Trust me, if I would have known this would all blow up in my face, I would have done things differently.”

Van reached her arms around me and held them there. I rested my chin on her head and accepted her comfort. “I’m sorry this is happening to you guys.”

“Me too.”

She looked up at my face and ran her hands on my stubble. “When is the last time you showered?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Yesterday morning or wait maybe it was the morning before. Shit, I don’t even know what day it is.”

“Ty, please go to the hotel. Get a shower, grab something to eat and please get some rest. You need to be strong for your family. I haven’t seen you look this bad since your coma. What will your mother say when she sees you like this?”

The elevator doors opened and Miranda’s mother came rushing out. “Is it true? Is she awake?”

“Yeah, she’s asking for you. I’m going to….um, if it’s okay, I’m going to go back and shower.”

She hugged me and pulled away. “Take as long as you need, Ty. I know this is hard for you. Thank you for being such a good husband to her. I think it’s your love that kept her fighting.”

As she walked away I looked toward Van and shook my head. “Just wait till she hears this is all my fault. She won’t be thanking me then.”

Even though I hadn’t seen my parents yet, they had arrived and taken Izzy back to a hotel room so that she could sleep. The poor child must have been so confused.

Van rolled her eyes and pulled out the car keys. “Let’s get you out of here for a while.”

I didn’t want to go, but my lack of sleep was making me dizzy, not to mention that I couldn’t remember the last time I had eaten. Van stopped at a fast food drive thru and I think I was finished my meal before we pulled out of the parking lot. We didn’t say much on the short ride to the hotel. I looked down at my dingy clothes and felt filthy. I hadn’t even thought about how awful I must smell.