The Mistress Mistake (24 page)

Connor felt Jessica's muscles seize up and
the breath stall in her lungs, but she remained quiet and he
continued on. "I wanted you like living hell from the first moment
I saw you. When you walked inside that restaurant . . .
Jesus
. I knew it was you, I recognized you from your
picture. But you looked . . . even better in person. You looked
good in the picture, but what it didn't show was . . . your
sexiness."

He reached down to kiss her because he had to
taste her before he went on. She clung to his lips and he could
feel her heart pounding in time with his. "I've never met a woman
more sexy than you. There isn't one. You got it, baby. And you
don't even seem to fucking know it. And I love that. I remember
being completely poleaxed when you walked up to the table. I
remember needing to be polite . . . to stand up . . . but I
couldn't."

"You stood up, Connor," Jessica said with a
softness in her eyes that he couldn't describe.

"I did?
Shit.
I had it bad, baby, from
the very first moment. Even from when I saw your picture. But after
talking to you, I knew you weren't suited for what I had in mind.
Not at all. You were too young, too innocent, too . . . fresh. I
tried to talk myself out of it, I tried that one time to get up and
leave, remember?"

"Yes."

"Dear God,
thank God
you stopped me.
But it was a hard road, the guilt. It started almost as soon as I
saw you, and it kept getting worse. The more I wanted you, the more
guilty I felt. And then when . . . " He inhaled deeply. " . . . you
told me that you loved me, I almost lost it completely. I wanted
that so badly. You'll never know . . . what kind of shit I was
feeling. I kept thinking
, 'I'm alive, and Val is dead, and I
wanted her gone, and all I want is Jessica'.
And then my phone
rang. It was like an omen, you know? It wasn't really, but that's
what I talked myself into thinking. I needed an excuse to run from
you, run from the guilt, and I took it. That's why I kept telling
you that I wasn't going to sleep with her, because there was no
fucking way in hell. But I was ashamed of the way I was feeling,
and you were the last person I could admit it to." Connor stopped
speaking and tried to see what she was thinking, but he couldn't
tell. "And even now, I'm waiting for you to tell me that I'm a
despicable human being, that I don't deserve to have your love, and
that I probably don't even deserve to be alive."

Jessica couldn't believe what Connor was
saying to her, but she
believed
him, absolutely. She could
feel his heart racing like crazy, and she needed to calm him down,
to soothe him. "It's okay." She ran her fingers down his cheek and
up through his hair in a soft caress. "Don't worry. You're a good,
decent person, not despicable in any way. You didn't want her dead,
Connor. You just didn't want to be married to her anymore. I've
taken Psyche classes, you know. You're feeling survivor's guilt,
and every bit of it is normal. On top of that, I think it's fairly
normal, when you want out of a relationship so desperately, to have
thoughts of the other person dying. It happens all the time. It's
not that you really wanted her dead, you just didn't want to be the
one to have to hurt her so badly. We studied the phenomenon in
Psyche class. You've got to let this go. You didn't really want her
dead, did you?"

"God, no, of course not."

"Well, then, you need to forgive yourself and
start living again. You're right. You're alive and she's not.
You've mourned her and your lost relationship in your own way. You
deserve every bit of happiness coming to you."

"You think?"

"Yes, and if you can't get over the guilt,
you need to go see someone about it."

"I feel better just confessing all this shit
to you."

"I feel better knowing why you acted the way
you did."

"Do you forgive me?"

"Knowing the truth, there's nothing to
forgive, but if it makes you feel better, yes, I do."

His forehead shifted down to touch hers. "We
can start again? You and me, without money standing between
us?"

"Yes, please."

"I want you to move in with me."

Jessica gasped. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah, I am. We can find someone to sublet
this apartment but first, we'll move your stuff to my house
tomorrow."

"How . . . how will I get back and forth to
work? And to school?"

"We'll get you a car. Something mid-size,
something safe."

"I don't know, it doesn't seem like an
equitable relationship."

"Fuck equitable. I want you to move in.
Tomorrow, okay?"

Jessica took a deep breath and saw the
nervous tension on his face. "You really love me?"

His eyes blazed into hers. "Yeah, I really
love you."

Jessica felt her heart melt. "Okay, I'll move
in tomorrow."

How had the years flown by so quickly? How
could he possibly be thirty-five years old and Jessica
twenty-seven? As he waited for Jessica's plane to make its descent,
with a chubby little hand clutching his, Connor took a deep breath
and repeated the same prayer he always repeated when she was in the
air.
Dear God, keep her safe, keep the baby safe, give us many
long years together.

As he heard her flight number called and knew
that Jessica's plane had touched down safely, he felt his stomach
unclench as it did every time she made it home in one piece. She
only had to make three or four short trips a year these days, but
it hadn't always been this way.

By far, the worst had been the six months
right after she'd graduated from college. The same petroleum
company she worked for now, the same one that had awarded her the
scholarship seven years ago, had sent her to Antarctica for six
months.
Six months
. He still remembered his panic as if it
had only been yesterday.

It had been Jessica's dream job, the
opportunity of a lifetime, and Connor remembered the spiral of fear
he'd felt when she'd told him she was accepting the job and leaving
within the week. The look on her face and the sound of her voice
when she'd told him formed a memory that he'd never forget. Her
words had been determined but tremulous at the same time, and he'd
quickly figured out he had to support her decision to make the trip
because he couldn't take the chance of losing her altogether.

But that hadn't stopped him from hustling her
to the airport, and with one of the best memories of his life
tickling his mind, he thought about the gobsmacked look on her face
as he'd spelled it out and put it on the line for her. He would let
her go to Antarctica without a fight . . . but she was marrying him
in Las Vegas before she went.

Those six months had been hell, but their
marriage and video chat had enabled him to live through it.

But that didn't mean he wanted to repeat the
experience.

He inhaled deeply as the plane began to
debark and a mass of people began coming down the ramp. Finally,
Jessica came around the corner and hurried toward them. Her face
lit up and her eyes flashed wickedly at him, but she went down on
her haunches and took their daughter into her arms first, her
maternal instinct strong and something else he loved about her. She
stood to her feet, their little girl in her arms, and he hugged
them both close, feeling as if his world was right again.

"How was Houston?" he asked.

"The same . . . but worse."

He frowned. "How so?"

"I was sick to my stomach every morning."
With their daughter looking between them with her thumb in her
mouth, Connor studied Jessica thoughtfully.

"You mean--"

"Yes, I mean," she laughed.

His arms tightened around her, pleasure
exploding inside his brain and running through his veins. "How?" he
couldn't stop the question that spilled from his mouth.

"How?
Really, Connor?" Jessica was
fully laughing now, and at the obvious joy on her face, he felt a
river of happiness envelop him as he hugged his precious gifts to
his heart, before taking them home.

###

Thank you for your continued support!

Visit me at
http://www.lyndachancebooks.com
to sign up for my
email list

****

I appreciate all the interest in Josh and
Hannah's coming story, which was the excerpt in the back of Marco's
Redemption. I promised another piece of their story, and here it
is. :) They are teenagers during this scene, as well.

Josh and Hannah--excerpt #2--Copyright Lynda
Chance 2013

A few more slow, agonizing weeks slid by. And
then one day, Hannah was studying at a small, cramped table in the
school library across from one of the sweetest, geekiest boys in
town. Her brain was involved with the advanced trigonometry she was
focused on, and she didn't think anything about her place at the
table or her math partner until something made her look up from her
notebook and she saw Josh standing a few feet away, watching her
with an arrested expression on his face.

For a few seconds he stood completely still
and stared at her, his feet glued to the floor and his gaze glued
to her. Her breath seized up in her lungs as his eyes dropped to
her lips and then slowly, to her breasts. Her muscles tightened and
a thousand butterflies went crazy in her stomach and she barely
managed to take in enough oxygen to sustain her. She licked her
lips and his eyes found hers again, his nostrils flaring. And then
he glanced to her right and as his eyes fell on the boy she was
sitting with, he visibly stiffened.

Steven, her study partner, must have felt the
tension take hold of her because he glanced up from his math book
and his gaze travelled in the direction she was looking. His
shoulders jerked and he swallowed hard, as he no doubt realized
that he was the reason Josh Turner stood glaring in their
direction.

Josh stood erect with his shoulders squared
as his eyes moved away from Steven, back to Hannah and then back to
Steven again. His fists clenched and his mouth flattened as his
gaze narrowed on the younger boy. There was a harsh, distinctive
hardening of Josh's green eyes and Hannah was quietly alarmed as
his stance seemed to grow as he drew breath into his lungs, his
chest and arms tensing in an aggressive manner. There was no
question that he was pissed, even though he seemed to be trying to
control it. The facial scars that always gave him an air of menace
stood out more prominently than usual as his face filled with
heat.

Not a word was spoken, but Hannah could
almost feel the cold sweat break out on Steven. Josh never moved a
step, never said a word, just stood and silently waited, his
hostility more than apparent.

Steven received the silent message, and stood
up with haste and left the room.

Josh's eyes stayed on Steven until the door
shut and then his gaze slid back to Hannah. Almost immediately, his
posture relaxed as his eyes drank her in. His expression visibly
softened, and even though she knew she should be upset by his
display of ownership, she wasn't. Her insides were like
marshmallows, and since she couldn't date him, touch him, or even
talk to him, this was the only source of communication she had with
him. His display of jealousy was like a balm washing through
her.

Hannah had about ten sweet seconds of his
eyes devouring her, his attention focused on her, and during those
seconds, the realization came to her that this wasn't just a high
school crush for her. She wasn't merely infatuated with him; this
was an emotion deep in her soul that she was very much afraid would
never go away.

****

You might also enjoy:

The Diamondback Ranch series by Anne Marie
Novark

The Doctor Wears A Stetson

The Cowboy's Surrender

A Match Made In Texas

Lonestar Heartbreaker

And coming this summer: Tori and Sam's
story

****

Other works by Lynda Chance:

Marco's Redemption

Under the Cowboy's Control

His Indecent Proposal

The Louisiana Liaisons Series:

Seduced by the American Millionaire

Blackmailed Into Bed

Bedded by the Boss

Historical Westerns:

The Sheriff and the Innocent Housekeeper

The Rancher's Virgin Acquisition

Temptation in Texas:

The Thrill of the Chase

Mike and Megan

Ranchers of Chatum County Series:

Staking His Claim

Sarah's Surrender