The Messenger: A Novel (11 page)

A
fter the doctor left, Amanda went looking for Tyler and found him in the library. He was sitting at a large desk, bent over some paperwork. He had changed clothes, and she suddenly felt grubby still wearing the clothes she had put on this morning. He wasn’t dressed up, but the jeans and long-sleeved shirt he wore looked good on him.

Shade had been sleeping on a rug before the fireplace, but he came awake when she entered, and wagged his tail. At the thumping sound, Tyler looked up, saw her, and smiled. She felt her breath catch.

“Hello, Amanda. Have you had dinner?”

“No, not yet,” she said. “I’m not very hungry.”

He apparently didn’t believe her, because he picked up the phone and called the kitchen, asking that some sandwiches be brought up to the library. After hanging up, he moved from behind the desk and led her to one of the sofas in front of the fireplace. He paused to gently take her hands in his, and turned them palm up.

“Do the scrapes hurt?”

“It’s really nothing. I’ll be fine. Brad’s the one I’m worried about.”

He let her hands go and motioned for her to be seated. To her disappointment, he sat at the other end of the sofa. Yet there was something in the way he looked at her that made her decide she needed that distance if she was going to concentrate on the conversation. Did he need it, too?

“How is your cousin doing?” he asked, bringing her thoughts back to Brad.

“He’s asleep now, I’m glad to say. I’m supposed to wake him in a few hours because he may have a concussion, but I wish he could just rest. You talked to the doctor?”

“Yes. He was worried, as I think we all are, about how Brad obtained some of his injuries.”

“Did Brad tell you who hurt him?”

“No, although from what I could gather, it has something to do with our friends from the desert.”

“The men in the truck?” she asked, bewildered.

“Yes. He kept apologizing to me, saying he never would have told them I left the party if he had known what they had in mind.”

“But then—how would Brad know Sam’s relatives?”

“I don’t think he does. Although that’s not certain—I couldn’t get very clear information from him. Did you have any luck?”

“No. He isn’t making a lot of sense. I’m really worried about him. Whatever drug was in his system seems to have worn off, but he’s still confused. The doctor said it might be because he hit his head.” She paused. “I called Rebecca, but I couldn’t make her understand that he’s been hurt. She’s—not too sober at this point.”

“Eventually she’ll come looking for him, I suspect.”

“Not right away, I hope.” Seeing his look of surprise, she said, “They’re brother and sister. When they get together, it doesn’t take long before they bicker. He’s in such bad shape, he needs to rest. I don’t think her company would do him a lot of good right now.”

“Hmm. Maybe we won’t press her to come here, then. Instead I’ll ask Alex to try to discover where he has been.”

“Do you think she can do that? I’d really appreciate it.”

“She’s very good at her work. What else did the doctor say? I should ask first—do you feel comfortable with this doctor, or would you rather have someone else in to see Brad? Are you all right with Brad staying here, or do you want to move him to a hospital?”

“Oh, the doctor is wonderful. I like him a lot. If you don’t mind
keeping Brad here, I think it would be best. It’s quiet, and the doctor thinks the best thing is for him to be kept as calm as possible, to let him rest. And Brad knows Ron, so he won’t have a lot of strangers around him like he would in a hospital.”

“Yes, I think you’re right. Right now Ron is sleeping. I’ve asked Alex to send him to us when he wakes up, so that you can tell him about your cousin.”

“Thanks, although I don’t know if I’ll be able to explain much to him. Brad seems so scared.”

“Yes, I noticed that, too,” he said. “Someone has terrorized him. But I couldn’t make sense of what he tried to tell me about who it was.”

“Did he say something about a dark cellar, and a voice, and something rotting?”

“Yes. But he couldn’t say where the cellar was, or whose voice it was. He said he had been beaten by ‘Daniel and Evan.’ Are those names familiar to you?”

“No. I have no idea who they are.”

“Hmm. We’ll have to wait and hope he can tell us more after he’s rested.”

“Yes, I guess so. And please—I’ve asked the doctor to send his bill to me, but he said I’d have to work that out with you. So let me know how much it is, and I hope you’ll let me know of any other expenses so that I can pay for anything this costs you—”

“Don’t worry about it. Since I injured Brad, I’m happy to help pay for his care.”

“You injured Brad! Oh no—he hurt you! Did the doctor look at it? Did you need stitches?”

She heard the slightest hesitation before he said, “No. I’m fine, really.”

“Tyler—”

“Seriously, I’m fine.”

There was a light tap at the door, and Tyler moved to open it for a middle-aged man bearing a tray laden with sandwiches, fresh fruit, and two glasses of milk. He set it on a table at one end of the library. Tyler introduced the man as Ben, a member of his staff.

“We have soft drinks or wine or beer, if you’d prefer to drink something other than milk, miss,” Ben said.

“Milk is fine,” she said. “Thank you.”

Ben, assured that nothing else was needed, left the room.

She sat down and began to eat one of the sandwiches. “These are really good,” she said. “I guess I’m hungry after all.”

“Good.” Tyler cut an apple into neat pieces and placed them on her plate. “Ben’s an excellent cook.”

“Did you meet him through your work?”

“Yes, a little indirectly.”

“I have a feeling there’s a story here. Were you at the deathbed of one of Ben’s family members?”

“No. I was at the deathbed of his former employer.” He fell silent for a moment, then said, “I suppose most of this is public knowledge, so I won’t be breaking confidences. What the public doesn’t know is the background I’ll give you. When he lay dying, Ben’s former employer was anxious for my help because he wanted to confess to poisoning his first wife. He committed the murder in order to be free to marry the woman who became his second wife. Ben had been convicted of the crime.”

“That’s horrible!”

“Yes. Fortunately, the man’s second wife—to whom he made this confession—did the right thing. Her soon-to-be-late husband told her where he had hidden a written statement and evidence that would clear Ben’s name. The widow could have refused to be helpful—destroyed the statement and evidence, and avoided the scandal that followed. But even though it was difficult for her emotionally and in every other way, she led the fight to free Ben.”

“Did you testify about it?”

“No. That would have been a little awkward.”

“Oh—yes, I can see that.”

“Once she made up her mind, she was unstoppable.”

“Is Ben bitter about what happened to him?”

“If he is, he hides it from me. He has every reason to be, of course. Even though eventually he was released and there were public statements
about his innocence, he found it difficult to find work.” He paused and smiled. “That was my gain. I hired an excellent personal chef.”

He took a bite of one of the sandwiches. Amanda breathed an audible sigh of relief.

“What?” he asked.

“I was starting to wonder if I was going to be the only one eating.”

He smiled. “No, I can’t resist Ben’s cooking.”

“Oh.” She took a deep breath and straightened her spine. “Well. There’s a reason I’m relieved to see you eating.”

He raised a brow in inquiry.

“I—no, you’ll think I’m crazy.”

“I don’t think that’s likely. What’s on your mind?”

“I’ve been wondering if you’re, like, um—a vampire,” she said in a rush.

He tried to suppress a laugh and failed. “Really? Just wondering? You’d have dinner with a vampire?”

“Well, not that I was
convinced
you were, but—”

“My teeth seem a little pointed and sharp?”

“No! And I’ve seen you walk around in the sunlight, but—”

“I think there may even be a little garlic in the chicken sandwiches.”

“Yeah, well—”

“And I’m sure there’s a mirror around here somewhere that would show I have a reflection.”

“Okay, okay. No need to rub it in.”

“Sorry.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “That grin isn’t exactly repentant.”

“No, sorry.” He suddenly grew serious. “There are questions you have about me, I know. I stand a much better chance of having you decide
I’m
crazy—or worse—when I answer them. But ask away.”

She had dozens, but where to begin? “After dinner,” she said firmly. “Then I’ll ask.” He didn’t rush her. She let him finish his sandwich, and they moved to the sofa again, sitting at opposite ends. Shade looked between them, as if sensing their tension. But he didn’t move from the rug.

“Okay,” she said. “Twice now, I’ve seen you injured, but you seem to recover faster than is humanly possible.”

He stayed silent.

“Well?”

“What’s the question? Am I human?”

“No—yes—oh, start with telling me if I’m right. Is that true—do you heal fast?”

“Yes. I don’t recover instantly from every injury, but what would require months of convalescence in another person generally takes only a few hours of rest for me.”

She swallowed hard. “Oh.”

He frowned, and his gaze left hers. He watched Shade, who had lowered his head to his forepaws. After a moment he said, without looking at her, “Go on.”

“What about disease?” she asked.

“I haven’t suffered an illness in years. Many years.” She thought he sounded unhappy, but she couldn’t understand why. Since she didn’t know if she’d ever work up the courage to ask him these questions again, she persisted.

“Can you heal other people? Did you heal Ron?”

“I have no power to heal anyone. Ron’s recovery was his own.”

“But you gave him hope.”

He shrugged. “If so, it had nothing to do with any extraordinary power of mine.”

She thought for a moment, then said, “Last night, in the desert, I thought you were dead. Were you?”

“For a time, yes, I believe I was.”

He still hadn’t looked at her, and now she thought that was just as well. It was one thing, she realized, to insist to yourself that you had seen someone revive from death. It was another thing to hear the previously dead man say it was true.

“How is that possible?” she asked.

“If I told you I don’t know,” he said, “would you believe me? For the most part, that is the truth. There is a history I can give you, but that
history doesn’t really explain the—let’s call it the process. So, in fact, I don’t know how it works. If I could get it to stop working, I would.”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

At last he looked toward her. “Amanda, there is nothing—absolutely nothing—I long for more than death.”

O
f all the shocks she had received in the last twenty-four hours, Amanda found that this one hit her the hardest. “You don’t want to live?”

“No.”

“You mean all the time I was giving you CPR—no, wait—that was useless, wasn’t it? I mean, I’m not the reason you revived.”

“No, but—”

“Was that amusing to you? Or were you just disappointed?”

“Amanda, no, please don’t mistake what I’m saying.”

She looked away from him.

He moved closer to her and gently took her face in his hands. “Do you think I’m so heartless, so cold?”

Actually, she thought, when he touched her, cold was the last word she’d use. She found herself unable to resist raising her eyes.

“Amanda, out there in the desert, you forgot all your own troubles and fears and came to my aid—”

“Not really, as it turns out—”

“You didn’t know that at the time. Despite having witnessed a horrible collision and being terrified, I’m sure, by what followed, you didn’t just sit there, weeping over your own misfortune. Do you know how many people would have been paralyzed by their fears in such a
situation? But not you. You came to my side—to the side of someone who had done nothing but irritate you and make you angry—”

“That’s not exactly—”

“Someone you mistrusted, who had just embarrassed you by making a scene at a party.”

“You were sticking up for me. I know that now. At the time…”

“At the time I was calling attention to something you were handling in a much quieter way, while I was failing to control my temper. I frightened you.”

“Do you have a temper? You don’t strike me as a hothead.”

“I will admit it rarely surfaces, but it’s there. I won’t lie to you—which would be pointless, given what you witnessed at the party. But I found it took everything I had in the way of self-restraint to keep myself from killing that little son of a bitch.” He paused. “I’m not proud of hitting him.”

“He did take a swing at you.”

“Oh, he had it coming, I suppose, and I did shut him up, but—it wasn’t really a fair fight. It never is with me, you see.”

“I don’t see.”

He dropped his hands from her face and stared into the fire.

“Todd still has his black eyes, I’m sure. His nose must hurt like the devil. Me, I’m fine. He didn’t know what he was up against. It’s really not right for me, invulnerable as I am, to strike blows at those who are weaker, who will suffer consequences that are never at stake for me. There’s nothing courageous in my going into a fight—I know I won’t suffer what my opponent will suffer. There’s no risk involved for me.”

He fell silent, then said, “Do you know what quality I’ve come to envy in those around me? Frailty.”

“Frailty?”

“Yes. Ask yourself—is there any courage where there is nothing to be overcome? Where there is no vulnerability? I would say I might as well be a machine or a stone, but even machines rust and stones wear down, while I go on and on, unchanged. I look at other humans and wonder if I have the right to call myself one of their number. I look at someone like
Ron, who has struggled almost all his life with illness, with death hovering over his shoulder. I look at people like Larry, Benecia’s husband, who stayed at her side and saw a woman he loved, no matter what disease had done to her. They have courage.” He turned to her. “You have courage.”

“Me? Oh, no.”

“Yes, and not just because of your love for Ron—”

“Sisterly, you understand—”

He smiled. “Yes, sisterly.” He grew serious again. “You’ve known Ron a long time, and the bond you have kept you at his side. But we shared no such bond last night. I was all but a stranger. You probably didn’t even know I was the person on the motorcycle, did you?”

“Not until I got closer,” she admitted.

“You did everything you could for me, and kept at it even when it appeared there was no hope of saving me. Stayed with me, even when Shade approached—this, when he must have represented all your worst fears.”

“I had nothing to be afraid of and I was—”

“Again, you didn’t know that at the time. He frightens people who aren’t afraid of dogs. And despite that, you stayed with me. You were generous, even at risk to yourself. That means a great deal to me, even if you don’t see the value of it. You thought I was amused by your kindness? You can’t imagine how very far I am from feeling anything like amusement over what you did for me. Please don’t think for a moment that I would ever ridicule you for helping me. And if I’ve failed to say it before, thank you.”

“Well, you’re welcome,” she said, feeling embarrassed. Then she remembered what he had said just a few moments ago. “Tyler, when you say you want to die—”

“Don’t worry. I’m not suicidal—”

“That’s not what I meant.” Her eyes widened. “Could you commit suicide? I mean, is it possible?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“
Don’t think
—so you haven’t tried it?”

“Are you making a request?”

“Of course not! Of all the dumb things to ask me! And you didn’t answer my question.”

He shifted uncomfortably beneath her gaze. “You’ll have to forgive me if I—say dumb things. If I don’t explain this well. I’ve never talked about this directly with anyone who wasn’t on his or her own deathbed.” He paused. “I’ve never tried to kill myself outright, but I’ll confess that there were years, early on, when I did live recklessly. I suppose I was testing my limits. Or rebelling after I realized what a bad bargain I’d made…”

“Bargain?”

“It’s a long story, and I will tell it to you if you care to hear it, but for now, I’ll put it in the simplest terms I can. I was dying, and in exchange for my life, I agreed to become—oh, the messenger boy of the nearly dead, let’s say. I wasn’t merely spared from death, however. I gained Shade as a companion and protector. I gained the ability to survive any illness or injury. Beyond that, I remain in the prime of my life, in prime condition.”

“You don’t age?”

He hesitated. “An interesting question. Physically, no.”

She could hear the shakiness in her voice as she said, “I’ve thought you were about my age, twenty-four. In your early twenties anyway. Although—most of the time, you don’t act much like you are my age. You act older.”

“I am older. Much older. But physically, yes, I’m twenty-four.”

She stared at him, not saying anything. She couldn’t resist studying him, looking for lines, or gray hairs, or weathered skin.

“I know I look as if I’m your age,” he said. “In fact, with the exception of changes in hairstyle and clothing, I look exactly as I did when I was twenty-four. The only scars I bear are ones I acquired before then. I’m extremely fond of those scars now.”

It was a lot to take in. Some part of her brain kept saying, “This is impossible.” But it fit with what she had already seen, what she already knew to be true on some deeper level. If he had said, “You imagined everything, nothing that happened out in the desert was real,” she
would have known he was lying. Still, the truth was not so easy to take in either.

He was regarding her steadily and, she realized, a little nervously. The man who had nothing to fear was afraid. Afraid of her?

No. It suddenly became clear to her that he
needed
her to believe him. He had carried this secret for God knew how long and now—

Shade suddenly came to his feet, just as the ghosts appeared, at the far end of the room. It made her jump, and Tyler asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Long story of my own,” she said, forcing her gaze back to him, ignoring the dog and the crowd at the other end of the room.

“Shade startled you, didn’t he?” he said. “Shade, where are your manners?”

Shade lay down, but he kept looking toward the ghosts. Could he see them? She remembered reading once, long ago, that if you thought there was a ghost in the room and looked between a dog’s ears, you’d be able to see it. She had always wondered who would want to do either.

So here she was, watched by ghosts, ghosts who were seen by a dog that seemed to understand every word spoken to him. She didn’t understand how Tyler’s “bargain” worked, but she knew—deep down
knew
—he was telling her the truth. She took a resolute breath and said, “I’m sure it was really hard to tell me your secrets.”

“I don’t blame you if you don’t believe me. I really don’t. All I ask is that you not repeat what I’ve told you to anyone else.”

“And if I do believe you?”

He looked at her in surprise. “You believe me?” he said, and seemed unable to say more.

“Yes, I believe you, Tyler Hawthorne.”

He reached out and squeezed her hand, and said, barely above a whisper, “Thank you.”

The ghosts started to move closer, and Shade growled.

“Shade!” Tyler said, letting go of her hand. “What’s gotten into you?”

The ghosts retreated. She found herself feeling angry with them—not for the first time. She was determined not to let them interfere in what was happening here, whatever it was, between her and Tyler.

“How long have you been alone?” she asked.

He smiled. “As for being alone, I’m not, really. Shade has been with me from the start, and he’s an excellent companion. And the dying are invariably willing to befriend me.”

“I can understand why. Let me make sure I understand. For a short time, a few minutes, really, the dying are completely open to you, and tell you their secrets.”

“Yes.”

“And then you have to say good-bye to them.”

“They are always happiest right at that moment. It’s as if they gladly surrender to whatever draws them away. At that point, I don’t think they really notice my being there—or anyone else’s presence—as they leave.”

“But you don’t ever get to leave.”

“No.”

“Hmm. And while I am sure Shade is a great comfort to you—”

“More than you can imagine.”

“I’m sure that’s true. But—does he talk to you?”

“Not in words, no. But he’s excellent at conveying meaning.”

Shade wagged his tail, but he kept his eyes on the ghosts.

“And you befriend a few people, like Ron. Like me.”

“That doesn’t happen very often,” he said.

“I can understand why. You’ve got all these secrets, both your own and those of the dying, and you can’t afford to have someone discover what I learned out in the desert.”

“That’s part of it.”

“So if you befriend someone who isn’t dying, you have someone to talk to for a period of time—without really being able to tell them your own story, of course. And then what?”

“After a few years, I move.”

“Because otherwise people start to wonder why you aren’t aging the way they are.”

“You begin to understand why Los Angeles appeals to me.”

“I’m sure it won’t take long for people to be begging you for the number of your plastic surgeon.”

He smiled.

“So, when were you born?”

“In 1791.”

“Seventeen ninety-one!”

He shrugged.

“Oh. Really?”

“Really.”

“Seventeen ninety-one—
A.D
.?”

That surprised laughter from him. “Not, I will admit, the question I expected at this point. Yes, 1791
A.D
.”

She waved this off. “I can’t help how my mind works. So what happened to you? When you were twenty-four, I mean. That would have been—1815?”

“Yes.”

“Were you here then, in Los Angeles?”

“No, I was in Europe. I was born in England, but at seventeen I joined the army and spent several years fighting on the Continent. I made a brief trip home, but in 1815 I was back and fighting in Belgium.”

“With the British army?”

“Yes.” One corner of his mouth quirked up. “What can I say? Having spent roughly two centuries in the U.S., I’ve lost my accent.”

She didn’t let that sidetrack her. “The British army in 1815—you were fighting Napoleon?”

“Yes. Boney, we called him. Have you studied history?”

“I like it, but I haven’t taken more than basic classes,” she admitted. “Sorry. Does that bother you?”

“No, not really.”

There was a soft knocking at one of the doors leading from the hallway. Amanda saw the ghosts vanish as he called, “Yes?”

Ron came in. “Hi! Alex told me you were in here. Mind if I join you?”

“Not at all,” Tyler said. “How are you this evening?”

“Better, although I wish I had more energy. My sleeping schedule is so crazy. I haven’t been awake much today, and now I’ll probably be up
all night. What time is it? Almost eleven-thirty? What did you two do today?”

“We went to the hospice,” Amanda said, then looked to Tyler.

“I’ll let you tell Ron whatever you want to about today. As for me, I need to take Shade out for a bit.”

“Whatever I—”

“Yes, anything,” Tyler said, standing. He turned to Ron and added, “We have another houseguest—Amanda’s cousin Brad.”

“Brad! No wonder you looked so shaken up when I came in here, Amanda. Brad! Of all the—”

“He’s been badly injured,” Tyler said quickly.

“Oh! Oh…I’m sorry.” Ron looked at Amanda in confusion. “I thought he was with Rudebecca.”

“One of these days,” Amanda said, “you are going to call one of the other Rebeccas we know by that name.”

“Not a chance. I like Rebecca Davis,” he said, naming a friend who now lived on the East Coast. “I like Rebecca Johnson. Those are wonderful Rebeccas. Nice people. The Trainwrecka, though—”

“I hate to interrupt this fascinating recital,” Tyler said, “but I need to get going.”

“Maybe we could talk more, when you get back?” she said. “If you aren’t too tired.”

“Of course. And don’t hesitate to call if you need me. You still have the cell phone number?”

“Yes—but—you aren’t just walking him here, around the grounds?”

“Sorry, no. He has a few favorite places to roam, so I’ll be taking the car. But I’ll be only a few minutes away. And Alex and her crew will be here to protect you while I’m gone.”