The Mercer's House (Northern Gothic Book 1) (23 page)

Still he looked at her, saying nothing, waiting.

‘Do I have to go on?’ she said. ‘It seems so. You suggested the messages might have been sent by Will or Alexander Devereux. I didn’t want to believe it, but you had a good point when you said it. I mean, it only started happening when I turned up and started asking questions about where Helen had gone, so it stood to sense they were probably behind it. Then there was the dead seagull on the bed. That couldn’t have been Will, because he was with me most of the afternoon, but his dad could easily have done it while we were out. Then I had that scare on the beach. It was probably mostly my imagination, but there was definitely someone there. Maybe whoever it was just wanted to frighten me. If they did, they succeeded. That might easily have been Will, although he was wearing light colours that night, so I think I’d have seen him in the dark. You had light colours on too—in the pub, anyway, where it was warm.’

Here she stopped to look at the black jacket that Garrett had draped over the kitchen chair when he came in. Garrett followed her gaze but said nothing. Zanna went on:

‘You also said that I might be doing all these things myself without knowing it. First you suggested I was hallucinating because I was coming off the antidepressants too quickly. Then you hinted that I might be psychotic, like Helen was. I have to admit you nearly had me for a while there.’

‘I don’t really think you’re psychotic,’ he said quickly. ‘But you do have to be careful with antidepressants.’

‘And I was,’ she said. ‘I’ve always been very careful with them. I don’t like messing around with that sort of thing. I only missed the dose in Elsbury because I was out of routine at first, and then after that because the tablets went missing.’

‘Lucky I found them for you, then,’ he said.

‘Isn’t it? It’s almost like you knew exactly where they were. Still, I’m glad you gave me them back, or I might have believed I really was hallucinating, especially since the emails and the call logs have all disappeared, the seagull’s safely in the bin and I have no evidence of any of it.’

Still he said nothing. Zanna’s palms were becoming clammy and she could feel herself trembling slightly, but she forced herself to plough on.

‘But the proof is there on your phone. I found your email account in the name of Helen Chambers, and the fake caller ID app, so I wouldn’t know the calls were from you. There’s a voice changer program too, that makes you sound like someone else when you speak into it. It can change a man’s voice to a woman’s and all kinds of other stuff. You used it when you made the first phone call, didn’t you?’

‘Why would I do that?’ he said.

‘Good question. Why would you?’

He didn’t reply.

‘How did you get into my email?’ she said. ‘I found the call log manager on my phone, so I know how you deleted the call records, but how did you get rid of the emails?’

He gave a little huff of laughter.

‘Are you kidding? Your password is “Zanna.” It took me two nanoseconds to guess it and get into your account. Your online security is rubbish. And even if it wasn’t, you kept leaving your phone about so anyone could have got hold of it.’

She stared at him. So it really was true.

‘And I guess that’s how you found out I was going to Elsbury, too,’ she said. ‘You did all those things to me. Why? I mean, the messages were bad enough, but that thing on the bed was just horrible, sickening. It really upset me. Why would you do that to me? You’re supposed to be my friend. I bet you deleted those emails from Will as well, didn’t you? The ones offering me representation. And you had the nerve to accuse him of messing with my head, when it was you all along.’

‘It was for your own good,’ he said, without a trace of a smile. ‘You’ve been through a bad time. You’re not ready to look after yourself yet. You need someone to help you.’

‘And you think that playing nasty tricks on me to make me believe I’m going mad is the best way to help me? How the hell does that work, then?’

‘I just didn’t think that being in Elsbury was good for you, that’s all. You shouldn’t have gone in the first place. If I’d known you were thinking about it I’d have stopped you, but you didn’t tell me. I had to find out for myself, and then come and chase after you.’

‘You’d have stopped me? And how exactly would you have done that?’

‘I mean I’d have talked you out of it. You should have told me you were going.’

She was furious at his assumption that he could just walk all over her like that.

‘No I shouldn’t have told you,’ she said. ‘I do what I want and it’s nothing to do with you. Don’t just think you can turn up and tell me where I can go. Who put you in charge?’

‘I didn’t mean it like that. I want to look after you, that’s all, and I can’t do that if I don’t know what you’re doing.’

‘I’ve told you before, I don’t need looking after, and even if I did I wouldn’t ask you to do it. We’ve got too much history.’ She suddenly remembered what Will had said about Garrett moving in on her while she was fragile. ‘You know,’ she said, ‘I think you just like me depressed. I think you’re terrified that if I get better you’ll lose me.’

‘That’s not true,’ he said. ‘I only want what’s best for you. And that’s me. Adam was never good enough for you, and if you must know I was glad when he dumped you, because that gave me a chance. We were good together, weren’t we?’

‘No, Garrett,’ she said sadly. ‘You must know I only did it on the rebound.’

‘No you didn’t,’ he said. He was becoming increasingly agitated now. ‘Adam was never right for you. I was.’

‘I should never have done it,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry if I hurt you, but you must have known it was wrong. I wasn’t myself at the time. It should never have happened.’

‘You came to me because you knew I was good for you,’ he said. ‘And I could have been, if you’d let me. You were broken and I wanted to mend you.’

‘No you didn’t,’ she said. ‘You liked me broken because you thought I’d be dependent on you. You still want me to be dependent, however many times I tell you I don’t need you. Every time I’ve tried to do stuff for myself you’ve tried to persuade me out of it. When I said I was thinking of going to Edinburgh you said Adam had been asking after me, when he hadn’t. You did that just to remind me I’m supposed to be a mess, didn’t you? That’s how you like me—a mess. That’s sick, Garrett.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous—’ he began, but she went on:

‘Maybe you really are worried about me, but that’s not the way to show it. I’m a grown-up; I can make my own decisions without any help from you. Did you really think I wouldn’t find out sooner or later what you’d been up to? You must have thought I was so stupid. And I was, wasn’t I? Poor, stupid, depressed Zanna, can’t even see what’s going on in front of her face. Well, thank you very much. If that’s what you call looking after someone then you can stick it.’

She was really angry now, and he saw it.

‘Look, I’m sorry,’ he said pleadingly. ‘I know I shouldn’t have done those things, but I was desperate and I couldn’t think of any other way to get through to you. You know how I feel about you, but I could see what was going on with you and that miserable git, and I couldn’t stand the thought of you running off to Edinburgh to be with him, after all I’ve done for you. Don’t be upset with me, please.’

He took her hand but she snatched it away.

‘After all you’ve done for me?’ she said. ‘What have you done? I trusted you and you abused that trust. You accused Will of manipulating me, when you’ve been doing exactly the same thing. Can’t you see I’ll never believe anything you say ever again? Can’t you see how creepy this all looks? You put stuff on my phone to spy on me, then deliberately tried to frighten me. What kind of person does that? That’s what the police would call stalking.’

At that his face darkened.

‘Now, that’s enough,’ he said. ‘That’s a serious accusation.’

‘What would you call it, then?’

‘Looking out for a friend. Making sure I get what I deserve. I’ve waited long enough.’

‘What you
deserve
?’ she said in disbelief. ‘Do you really think that’s how it works? Do you think if you just hang around me long enough I’ll give in? You do, don’t you? Listen to me, Garrett. I can’t give you what you want, not even if you wait until I’m a hundred. I don’t want you. I never wanted you. I thought we could be friends, but obviously we can’t—not without you going all weird. Oh, this is useless. I’m obviously not getting through to you. I think it’s probably best if you leave and don’t come back.’

‘Leave? I’m not leaving,’ he said, and before she knew what was happening he had taken hold of her arms and shoved her hard against the wall in one fluid movement. The shock and the violence of it left her stunned, and her brain, working slowly, struggled to reconcile what had just happened with the Garrett she knew—or thought she’d known. She had never realized how big he was, and only now did it occur to her that she was alone in her flat with someone who was not completely rational, and that she might need help.

‘Listen to me,’ he said, his face close to hers, and had it not been for the fact that he had her hands pinned to her sides she would have said he sounded almost reasonable. ‘You’re not thinking straight again. You’re supposed to be with me. That’s how it’s meant to be. Don’t worry if you don’t feel ready. I’ve waited this long and I can wait longer if necessary, but you’d better not leave me hanging on forever. You’re not well, and you can’t possibly make your own decisions. That’s what I’m here for. I’ll take it all out of your hands. I’ll look after you. You won’t need to think for yourself ever again if you don’t want to. All you have to do is let me do it for you.’

‘Garrett—’ she began. His grip was like iron and her arms were beginning to hurt under the pressure of his hands. She struggled to free herself, but he shook her slightly and pushed her back against the wall. Now she was starting to feel really frightened. Could this be the cheerful, funny Garrett she had once known? Garrett, who had always accepted her rejection with light-hearted nonchalance? Now she began to see something more sinister underneath his persistence. What sort of man kept on hanging around a woman for months after she’d repeatedly told him no? She’d put it down to a thick skin, but now she realized it wasn’t a thick skin at all, but a blind refusal to accept reality. He really seemed to think they had some future together, despite everything she’d told him to the contrary. Perhaps it had been her own fault. Perhaps she should have cut off contact altogether instead of agreeing to be friends, as Will had advised. But now it was too late, and they had gone past the point of no return.

‘Shh,’ he said. ‘Don’t talk. You do what I say, remember?’ He pulled her away from the wall and put his arms around her, resting his forehead against hers, then groaned. ‘Oh, God, you smell so good. Why won’t you just say yes? You will, won’t you? This can’t be just me. I can’t be the only one who feels this.’

He moved to kiss her, and she couldn’t stop herself from pressing her lips tightly together and screwing up her eyes, like a toddler trying to avoid being kissed by an older relative. Two tears squeezed their way out from under her eyelids, and he saw them and stepped back. Zanna sank to the floor and curled up, her arms over her head.

‘And now you’re crying,’ he said sulkily. ‘That’s right—turn on the waterworks and make me feel bad. Get what you want that way. I won’t force you.’

‘Just go, please,’ she said, sobbing.

Just then there was a rattle of a key in the front door.

‘That’ll be your flatmate, I guess,’ he said. ‘OK, I’ll go for now, but don’t think you’re getting off lightly. You can’t avoid it—it’s inevitable. I said I was going to get you and I will. You’re mine, whether you like it or not, Zanna Chambers, and you might as well get used to the idea.’

He picked up his things and went out. Zanna heard him cutting short Megan’s greeting, then shortly afterwards the front door slammed and he was gone.

F
OR THE next two days Zanna hid in the flat and refused to answer the door in case it was Garrett. She would have kept her phone turned off too, but her flatmate, with whom she had previously had a strained relationship, turned out to be more supportive than Zanna had expected, and insisted on her keeping it switched on just in case. Megan had been shocked when she arrived to find Zanna cowering in the corner, sobbing, after her confrontation with Garrett, and when she heard the story she was all for calling the police, but Zanna said no. After all, what had he done? He’d played some petty tricks on her and pushed her against a wall. Hardly anything worth mentioning. And since there were no witnesses to any of it, what could the police do? So she lay in bed with the ringtone turned off, and ignored the flashing that told her he’d left her yet another voice message. The first one had been contrite and apologetic, but had had just a sulky enough undertone that she didn’t feel like listening to the others.

Megan had also suggested that Zanna call the gallery and ask if they were still interested in representing her, but Zanna resisted. She’d messed them about too much already, she said, and it was too far away, anyway. In reality she didn’t think she could face calling Will and eating humble pie, only to face his scornful rejection. He’d told her not to come crying to her when it all went wrong, and she’d had enough of confrontation for now. After a couple more days of daytime TV and unsuccessful job applications, however, she changed her mind and reluctantly decided to call him. Garrett had stopped phoning, and she was starting to feel a little bit more like herself, and so she thought it couldn’t do any harm to call and apologize. She wouldn’t ask Will to reconsider, but she was still smarting from his bad-tempered comments and didn’t want to end things on bad terms. Just to be on the safe side, in case Garrett was still spying on her, she borrowed Megan’s phone, then steeled herself to make the call. Will answered on the third ring, and sounded surprised when she told him who it was.