The Memory Palace (3 page)

BOOM!

The cannon ball shoots into the seating section narrowly missing your head, and the spark from the cannon sets fire to Henry's robes. He dances around trying to put them out but only succeeds in setting more things alight. Before even 10 seconds have passed, the entire stage is on fire. RUN!

You race to the fire exit, run as fast as you can, and leave behind Shakespeare's Globe burning to the ground. Historically, The Globe burned to the ground during Shakespeare's own time, during one of the first performances of Henry VIII, so this must obviously, most clearly, most memorably, be our last play, Henry VIII, and the fate of Shakespeare's original Globe theater.

Oh sweet bliss.
We have made it.

SHAKESPEARE RECAP

"The true art of memory is the art of attention."
Samuel Johnson

ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..........

1.
In the first place, you are woken by those two smartly dressed gentlemen with the V on their hats.
The Two Gentlemen of Verona
!

2.
Scooting out your room, you have to leap through the hoops along with the extremely well-trained Shrew.
The Taming of the Shrew
!

3, 4, and 5.
Our path to the bathroom is blocked by the Giant Hen laying it's 2 then 3 then 1 eggs straight into the 6-egg box.
Henry VI Part 2, Part 3, Part 1
!

6.
At the top of the stairs you climb onto the tightrope with Ron Weasley and skid your way down.
Titus Andronicus
!

7.
Skidding too fast, you crash into the three-headed Richard Nixon who was lurking at the bottom of your stairs,
Richard III
!

8.
Peering into your front room you see the weird and wild - and hilarious - play rehearsal, with so many errors.
The Comedy of Errors
!

9.
Out your door, you almost trip over the woman giving birth to a baby which pops out and flies across the street.
Love's Labour's Lost
!

10.
Run to your bike, but two-headed Richard Gere is trying to steal it.
Richard II
!

11.
At the end of your street you wait to let a girl and boy cross the road from opposite sides, and they meet in the middle and die.
Romeo and Juliet
!

12.
You call for help but get nothing but snores from the Knight asleep in the gutter.
Midsummer Night's Dream
!

13.
From across the street the little John Travolta dances towards you getting older, until he gets so old he dies.
The Life and Death of King John
!

14.
Just around the corner is the mermaid rowing the boat towards you, trying to get back to Venice.
Merchant of Venice
!

15.
Mermaid Boat gets smashed to bits by the 4 birds from the sky.
Henry IV Part 1
!

16.
To clean up the mess are the happy and jolly wives from the nearest driveway.
The Merry Wives of Windsor
!

17.
The birds come back for more and attack the merry wives.
Henry IV Part 2
!

18.
Next is the wedding ceremony of the four twins.
Much Ado About Nothing
!

19.
A new batch of birds dive bomb and attack, with the 5th destroying your bike.
Henry V
!

20.
You call out for someone to help you get to the play on time, and a Roman soldier on his white horse comes a'galloping.
Julius Caesar
!

21.
Caesar brings with him a spare donkey for you to ride, an ass which keeps licking your arms and face.
As You Like It
!

22.
Super Ninja Pig comes leaping out of the next driveway at Caesar.
Hamlet
!

23.
To take down the pig a dozen knights come to fight, but only the last one survives.
Twelfth Night
!

24.
From across the street, the Giant Troll firing a crossbow attacks our one remaining Knight.
Troilus and Cressida
!

25.
Racing away from the danger, you arrive at the bus stop. The bus door is protected by a Must Be This Tall To Ride sign.
Measure for Measure
!

26.
Bashing through the sign, you try to pay the driver. He doesn't want your money but does want you to sign an oath. Grab the quill.
Othello
!

27.
Sitting down, next to the smelly leering old man, you regret getting the bus.
King Lear
!

28.
Look to the seat next to you. Anne Hathaway and her beautiful, beautiful face! Ask her the time. Just get her attention!
Timon of Athens
!

29.
Sat next to her is darling husband William Shakespeare, eating a McDonalds breakfast.
Macbeth
!

30.
At the next stop, Tony the Tiger and Leonardo DiCaprio climb aboard and take everyone hostage.
Antony and Cleopatra
!

31.
Not everyone is convinced, and Orson Welles leaps out of his seat and swells his hands up like balloons and bashes them flat.
All's Well That Ends Well
!

32.
Off the bus now, the pears hit you in the head. John Cleese being funny, of course.
Pericles
!

33.
Now outside the theater, push past all those carol singers who had nothing at all to do with the word aaaaaaaaanus.
Coriolanus
!

34.
While opening the doors, the white-Lycra-clad sprinter smacks your face with his tail.
The Winter's Tale
!

35.
Now the cymbals and bells band are reminding you how glorious silence is.
Cymbeline
!

36.
And the conductor is in a rageful temper.
The Tempest
!

37.
Sitting down, to finally relax, the big fat Henry 8th sets fire to the entire building.
Henry VIII
!

This list, by the way, is based on the Oxford Shakespeare chronology, but there are several scholarly attempts at constructing a definitive chronology, and not one definite answer exists - it's a lot of interpretation. It's the Oxford Shakespeare Chronology we've plumbed for here.

1.
The Two Gentlemen of Verona
2.
The Taming of the Shrew
3.
Henry VI Part 2
4.
Henry VI Part 3
5.
Henry VI Part 1
6.
Titus Andronicus
7.
Richard III
8.
Comedy of Errors
9.
Love's Labour's Lost
10.
Richard II
11.
Romeo and Juliet
12.
Midsummer Night's Dream
13.
The Life and Death of King John
14.
Merchant of Venice
15.
Henry IV Part 1
16.
The Merry Wives of Windsor
17.
Henry IV Part 2
18.
Much Ado About Nothing
19.
Henry V
20.
Julius Caesar
21.
As You Like It
22.
Hamlet
23.
Twelfth Night
24.
Troilus and Cressida
25.
Measure for Measure
26.
Othello
27.
King Lear
28.
Timon of Athens
29.
Macbeth
30.
Antony and Cleopatra
31.
All's Well That Ends Well
32.
Pericles
33.
Coriolanus
34.
The Winter's Tale
35.
Cymbeline
36.
The Tempest
37.
Henry VIII

WHAT THE DICKENS!

Now that you've got all of Shakespeare's plays in your head, the next step is the novels of Charles Dickens. The good news is there are only 20 of them.
Only...

This time, we're doing things a bit differently.

I've given you some ideas below for the weird things you can imagine to represent each book, but you will have to come up with the route on your own. It's time to exercise those spatial brain muscles of yours. You need a route with 20 stops along the way, and you need to know the journey well enough that you don't even need to think about it during recall. Maybe you could walk from your library to nearest bookshop, or from your local park to the nearest shop, or work through your kitchen cupboards then out to your garden.
It's time to experiment!

Once you have decided on a route, familiarize yourself with the list of books below. Simply read it out loud a few times. Then we move on to converting them to crazy images along your journey...

1.
In the first place, we have a pile of newspapers burning like a candle. The candle wick is on fire, melting the papers like wax. This is the Pickwick Papers. Careful you don't burn yourself.

2.
Next, we have a little boy, at risk of getting dizzy and falling over from spinning around on the spot, holding a bowl of olives. This is Oliver Twist, our hungry little friend.

3.
We now have Nicholas Cage, looking as cool as ever, flipping a nickel up into the air and catching it. He's trying to get you to guess heads or tails. This is Nicholas Nickleby. Go ahead... take a guess... heads or tails...?

4.
Next we have an old man trying to sell you some really weird stuff. Candle sticks, picture frames, and some other junk. This is The Old Curiosity Shop. You are not really interested in buying anything today, but you take a look at what he's selling anyway.

5.
What a treat we have next. Barney the Dinosaur, our big purple friend, is eating a huge block of fudge. This is Barnaby Rudge, of course. Go ahead. Eat some of that tasty, tasty fudge.

6.
A little group of Carol Singers have gathered at our next stop. They are standing next to a perfectly-decorated Christmas tree, and singing their little hearts out. A Christmas Carol!

7.
Never before seen, we now have Martin Luther King sat on the floor doing a puzzle. Martin Chuzzlewit, obviously. Take a photo. You don't want to forget this odd scene.

8.
At our next location we have a small church bell, pealing out chime after chime. It's loud, and it's The Chimes.

9.
We've got a fireplace at our next spot, with a giant cricket blocking the fire and chirping loudly. This is The Cricket on the Hearth.

10.
Our next spot is dangerous indeed! It's a full-blown battle! We have children on one side, fighting adults on the other. It's The Battle of Life!

11.
Darn it! Your evening meal is ruined! Your Domino's pizza is covered in bees and is melting in the sun. That's your food ruined! This is the next book, Dombey and Son. Your Domino's is covered in bees and melting in the sun. You don't see that every day.

12.
Someone call the Ghostbusters! Next up is a terrified man having a conversation with a ghost. The ghost is trying to give him money, but the man is too scared to move. This is, of course, The Haunted Man and the Ghost's Bargain.

13.
Here we have the magician and illusionist David Copperfield, throwing copper playing cards at you. Pretty easy to remember, this one. David Copperfield!

14.
Alert the Discovery channel! We have a mouse with a beak! He's sat comfortably inside a little toy house. Bleak House, clearly.
The cute little thing.

15.
Tick, tock, tick, tock. We have what looks like a pile of stones, but upon closer inspection you see they are in fact clocks. They're all ticking, telling you the time. A pile of clocks made of stone. Hard Times? Probably...

16.
Wowzers, it's Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz! She's teeny tiny, like a Barbie doll, and she's trying to get your attention. This is Little Dorrit, and there's no place like home.

17.
A model city is up next, it's a perfect model of New York by the looks of things. There's a big bushy tail wrapping it up to stop it from breaking in two. Without a doubt, this is A Tale of Two Cities.

18.
Careful with this one. It's a very sharp and very large X-shaped cheese grater. The X-shaped grater has got to be... Great Expectations.

19.
Company at last! Your best friend is at our next stop, and they're introducing you to someone you don't know. They reach out to shake your hand and introduce themselves. What an awkward moment. This must be Our Mutual Friend.

20.
Oh gosh. At our last spot we have... a severed head! It's wearing a Druid hood, and it's chanting. It's a murdered head of a druid. He's shouting at you that you have won the Dickens game! Success! You've reached the end, and this last book is The Mystery of Edwin Drood.

Starting at the beginning, walk your way through your 20 locations now. From the burning newspapers to the winning head of a druid and back again. You should feel pretty proud of yourself at this point. You've not only learned 37 of Shakespeare's plays, but you've now added 20 more books by Dickens, for a total of 57 items, in chronological order, both forwards and backwards. This is revolutionary!

You are now a genius.
Congratulations.

TEST YOURSELF. BE AMAZED.

"An investment in knowledge pays the best interest."
- Benjamin Franklin