The Memory Key (37 page)

‘You people post more flyers than takeaway pizzerias,’ said Blume. ‘I thought the idea was you smiled and played nice with any walk-in.’

‘We are a serious operation.’

‘And I am a serious customer. He’s in there, isn’t he?’

‘You still have not made it clear who you mean by “he”,’ she pointed out.

‘Smells of aftershave,’ said Blume. ‘Wears a Valentino suit two sizes too small, with wide lapels.’

Her scornful demeanour vanished and was replaced by a smile that revealed a crooked eyetooth. She waved him closer as she lowered her voice, ‘I once asked him what make of aftershave he used, but he didn’t get the hint.’

‘I can tell him if you want.’

She pulled back. ‘Oh no. Don’t say I said anything. His name is Mario Melandri.’

‘Thanks. Don’t worry. I won’t say you said anything.’ Blume made to go through the door.

‘Let me warn him.’

‘Nah, I prefer it this way.’ He made a point of barging through the door and Mario Melandri leapt up like a teenager caught masturbating. A glossy magazine fell from his lap, landing open on the floor and revealing a two-page spread of men in hard hats pointing at a high-rise building surrounded by yellow cranes. He smiled and wiped his palms on the front of his trousers. ‘I wasn’t expecting anyone.’

Blume opened his bag, took out his charger, went over to a wall socket, and plugged in his phone, then turned his attention to the agent who was slowly sitting down again, his hand warily suspended above the phone on the desk. Blume unlatched and opened a window, and said, ‘First of all, where’s my stuff ?’

‘Mr . . . Blume?’

‘Commissioner Blume.’

‘In storage, Commissioner Blume.’ He seemed more pleased with himself for getting the name right than awed by the official title. ‘Do you need to see the receipts? Or do you need the address?’

‘You didn’t warn me beforehand. You just sent in your men, removed my stuff. In a single day. You had that room cleaned out within hours.’

The agent beamed proudly.

‘The only people I know who are that efficient at emptying a flat are thieves,’ said Blume. ‘How much were you thinking of charging me for the privilege?’

Melandri began searching though the papers on his desk that had started flapping in the wind from the window, but Blume could see they were just brochures and publicity. ‘It will be written down somewhere. I’ll have it brought in.’

‘You were going to deduct it directly from the rent you passed on to me, right?’

‘You agreed to removal charges when you signed.’

‘Fine. So, whatever you were going to charge me for the removal and the warehousing, you are now going to charge me half that amount. So, what is half the amount?’

‘I can’t do that.’

‘I know you can.’

‘Are you threatening me?’

‘Not yet. But you were trying to pull a fast one on me, because you detected a certain distraction in me. That’s fine. But I am focused now.’

‘I wasn’t.’

‘And now the good news is that when you finally get round to telling me that you have found a particularly good deal for me, and can cover the removal costs yourself, when you have done that,’ Blume raised his voice over the beginning of a protest, ‘I am going to turn right round and give you the money back again.’

This gave Valentino pause, as he knew it would. ‘I don’t understand.’

‘Trust me. It’s all going to work out for you. We have agreed you are not charging me for the removal, just as I am not going to charge you for the damage to the goods that I and my police colleagues are sure to find, and now you are about to tell me the excellent warehousing deal.’

‘Three hundred euros a month.’

‘So that makes €150. That seems fair.’

‘No, that was already half price.’

‘The hell it was. €150. Even that strikes me as a bit steep.’

‘It’s air conditioned and damp proof. Speaking of which . . .’ he motioned at the window.

‘No,’ said Blume. ‘Keep it open. You smell far too strongly of aftershave. I bet it’s green. It smells green. Is it?’

‘I don’t know what you mean,’ he said stiffly. ‘I do sometimes dab a little cologne on a handkerchief I keep in my pocket. I use it to freshen up if I am meeting clients. 4711.’

‘4711?’

‘That’s what the cologne is called: 4711.’

‘Well, as a client, I say lose the aftershave. Now, back to the storage issue, am I going to have to add the cost of mould to the damage already done?’

‘That’s not fair. There is no mould.’

‘I am sure I and an officer from the
Vigili Urbani
can find some. That stuff you removed from my parents’ study was pretty old.’

‘€250 a month.’

‘Not so much old as antique, and precious. Irreplaceable and invaluable in some cases.’

‘€200 a month for storage. Any lower, and I am running at a loss.’

‘Deal,’ said Blume. He stuck out his hand, forcing Valentino to take it. ‘That argument is completely closed now.’

Finally, he sat down, leaned forward, and folded his arms on Valentino’s desk. ‘Now, a promise is a promise. I said you would be getting the money back, and seeing as I now know I am dealing with an honest man, I would like to rehire you to find me somewhere to live. Oh, ho! I see your face has brightened already. That’s great. Thing is, I don’t have much time to waste searching. Now I am already paying you €200 a month for storage, a vast sum that reduces the amount I can pay by a corresponding amount, but I have the rent from my place, which is €1,800. I need a decent apartment for a single person. It does not have to be central. If you put me in a trendy district full of students, I’ll break your legs. The place I want does not have to be large, it does not have to have a lift, but it must not be on the ground floor or basement. It must cost no more than €1,000 a month and it must be ready by tonight.’

Valentino had taken a piece of headed notepaper and was writing down the demands like a hostage ordered to write the ransom note.

‘Tonight?’

‘Yes, and I am staying in this office until you find one.’

‘For that price, you’ll have to share.’

‘I am not sharing. That is a lot of money.’

The insult to his professional knowledge gave Valentino courage. ‘If you want to be anywhere within the ring road, you need to share at that price. There is no room for dispute. I don’t know when the last time you rented was, but the market has changed. Unless you are prepared to make a long commute every morning.’

Blume shrugged. ‘I can commute. You can get a lot of thinking done in a car.’

‘It would be easier if you were prepared to share.’

‘You expect me to spend years in miserable confinement with some poor bastard just to make this day a little easier for you?’

‘Look, can I close that window?’

Blume relented. It was clear that if he wanted a flat immediately, he was going to have to make some compromises. His compromise did not, however, include allowing Valentino his freedom back until some sort of a solution had been found.

There was a moment of rebellion from his hostage, which Blume defused easily enough with a ready lie.

‘I’ve checked up on you.’ He paused. It really would be more useful if he could remember the man’s name. ‘Your record isn’t perfectly clean, is it?’

‘That charge was dropped.’

He had guessed right. Estate agents bullied old people and browbeat the young. Valentino was bound to have forced some ghastly remainderman deals on old women. As his old friend Paoloni used to say, everyone’s a creep.

‘I need to make phone calls. A lot of phone calls.’

‘Make them.’

‘I can’t. Not with you sitting there.’

‘Why not?’ asked Blume.

‘It’s like some people can’t piss when there are others around? I can’t make phone calls.’

‘Do your lies humiliate you? I’ll sit outside the door. I have an appointment, but it’s quite late in the evening. So you have all day.’

He returned to reception, pulled out his book, and started to read.

He read a chapter on the amazing plasticity of children’s brains, which he found depressing. As far as he could make out, his brain and life had probably started their downward spiral from his eighth birthday. By lunchtime, he had learned a sort of nursery rhyme, thanks to which he now knew all the kings and queens of England from William the Conqueror to Elizabeth II, though to what end he was hard pushed to say. He phoned Principe, and got no reply. He went over the ten presidents. Yes, they were still pointlessly there. He felt restless. Now it was a real book he was dealing with, he was able to hop to the appendix, where he finally learned the Memory Key.

He decided to go out for a late lunch, by now trusting Valentino and the girl to work hard on his behalf even without his glowering presence. When he returned, he called Principe in vain, tried to flirt a bit with the receptionist, who subsequently vanished for an hour. He spent another while in the company of Fisher who had a ‘sure-fire’ trick for remembering the periodic table. Fisher’s method relied on imagining a table, colours, images, and faces based on a peg-system story that read like a bad trip on magic mushrooms. Besides, he already knew all the elements, though not in the right order, thanks to the Tom Lehrer song that his father not only used to sing in the shower, but also frequently played on the record player.

There’s antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium,

And hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium?.
. .

The hardest bit was at the end.

And argon, krypton, neon, radon, xenon, zinc, and rhodium

And chlorine, carbon, cobalt, copper, tungsten, tin, and sodium?.
. .

He could hear Lehrer’s voice, but when he tried it, his tongue always tripped between ‘neon’ and ‘radon’.

Valentino opened his office door. ‘Are you singing?’

‘Yes,’ said Blume. ‘And waiting.’

‘Well, you may end your song, Commissioner.’ Ceremoniously, he ushered Blume in, went round, and sat behind his desk, and carefully brought his hands together as if he were protecting a small delicate object.

‘We have found you a place.’

‘Great.’

‘€900 per month, which is an incredible bargain. Especially since it’s in the Borgo. Via dei Tre Pupazzi.’

Blume sat back and waited for the ‘but’.

‘But I just couldn’t get you one that was immediately available.’

Blume knew he has been asking too much for a flat in one day, but he wasn’t keen on going back to the lonely hotel on Via Aurelia. ‘How long?’

‘Eight days.’ He flinched slightly, though Blume had not stirred. ‘It’s the best I could do. The best I can do.’

‘You find anything else?’

A shake of the head, a setting of the mouth in a frown of defiance. He had pushed Valentino far enough.

‘OK,’ said Blume. ‘I’ll think about it. Let me use your computer a moment.’ He found the number of the hotel and phoned them to book another week. They quoted a price per room that was €10 lower than he had been paying. One night free. Wonderful. He needed a toothbrush, underwear and, come what may of it, he needed to get his clothes out of Caterina’s flat. And he also needed to find out why Principe was not answering his damned phone.

Chapter 41

The sun had come out. The white chapel in the corner of the piazzetta was almost blinding. The gleaming cobbles shone like obsidian, and the potted plants around Principe’s building seemed to have been reinvigorated. The rain had rinsed the scooters and cars bright and new.

The building itself had benefited less from the general cleansing. The upper floors were still the colour of dried blood, the lower floors a sickly yellow and grey. The rain, delayed and partially absorbed by the weeds growing on the roof, was still seeping over the edge, sloppy and muddy. The wind caused the windowpanes to flex just enough to shift the light and give the illusion of a figure moving about behind them.

He took out his mobile and called Principe for the umpteenth time. It went straight to voicemail, as he now knew it would. He called the number of the apartment he was looking up at, and let it ring. Finally, he went to the front door and pressed the column of intercom buttons starting at the top and working his way down. Two or three voices, querulous, suspicious, indifferent, responded, and he simply said police, open, and they did. He walked up to the top floor. He went over and started hammering on Principe’s door, ringing the bell and cursing him. Eventually the neighbour opposite poked out his head.

‘Is there a problem?’

Blume took his finger off the bell, and turned round. ‘That depends how you want to look at it. But I’d say no, there’s no problem. Except maybe for you.’

‘Me? What have I done?’

‘Nothing. In fact, it might be to your advantage if you play your cards right. When’s your next rent due?’

The man looked at Blume, then quickly shut the door.