The Melody Girls (27 page)

‘A stranger?' she cried. ‘Josh, don't say that, don't say that! I love you!'

‘And put a dagger in my heart.'

‘I'm sorry, I'm sorry.' She was sobbing again. ‘Can't you see how much I feel for you? I never wanted to hurt you, never!'

Josh moved away, flinging himself into a chair, where he sat looking broodingly across at her. ‘Shouldn't you be leading your band tonight?' he asked coldly.

‘I asked George to take over for me.'

‘Such forethought. Well, I'm not going to be able to play tonight. I'll have to ring Jackie and tell him I'm sick.' He gave a harsh laugh. ‘Which is quite true. I am sick. I've never felt so sick in my life.'

‘Josh, I'm so sorry,' she said, weeping again, and trying to take his hand. ‘I'm so sorry for what I've done to you. Can you forgive me?'

He moved his hand from hers. ‘I told you, I blame Rod.'

‘Can we . . . can we meet again?'

‘I don't know. I have to have some time to myself.'

‘I understand.' Lorna picked up the photograph of Sam from the table where Josh had dropped it, and put it in her bag. ‘Next week, we're going on the English tour. I don't know if you remembered that?'

He shook his head. ‘No, it had gone from my mind.'

‘We'll be away a month.'

‘I'll see you on your return.'

‘You will?' A tiny hope flickered in her heart. ‘I'll ring you, then.'

He inclined his head, not looking at her, and after a long moment, she moved to the door.

‘Goodnight, Josh.'

‘Goodnight, Lorna.'

As she turned from him, he touched her arm. ‘I wonder if you know,' he said, breathing hard, ‘how much you have damaged me?'

‘I know, Josh.'

Their eyes met; hers were the first to look away.

‘I still can't believe what you've told me,' he burst out. ‘It's . . . a nightmare.'

‘It needn't be,' she said eagerly. ‘If we love each other, we can come through this. We can, Josh, we can!'

‘Maybe. But I need time.'

‘I know, I know. Remember, I'm going away. But then I'll ring you when I come back, like I said.'

‘Yes, ring me.'

After a little hesitation, she began to go down his stairs, turning as they curved, to look back to see if he was still there. He was, and watching, his eyes dark as night fixed on her, but as she gave the faintest of smiles, he went into his flat and closed the door.

Going home on the tram, she kept her mind blank, as though she could save herself pain if she didn't allow herself to think. Of course, it was impossible, and by the time she'd reached home, she was back to thinking and nursing the little flame of hope he'd given her when he'd said she might ring him, risking future anguish if the hope turned out to be false. She had wounded him so severely, she knew there was every chance that the time he'd said he needed would work against her. Still, she would cling to her hope.

Back at the flat, her phone rang when she was drearily making tea, and she dived at once to answer it, thinking it might be . . .

It was Flo, wanting to know how things had gone.

‘Intermission here at the moment,' she told Lorna, ‘and we're all missing you, but you're no' the only one who hasn't come. Claire hasn't turned up, either. Probably didn't dare to show her face.'

‘I daresay.'

‘But, Lorna, I've been on pins all evening, thinking of you with Josh. How did he take it?'

After a lengthy pause, Lorna answered, ‘He asked me if I knew how much I'd damaged him.'

‘Oh. Well.' Flo was clearly having trouble thinking of what to say. ‘We knew he'd feel like that, didn't we? But he wasn't . . . violent, or anything?'

‘No.' Lorna's voice trembled. ‘I suppose I was lucky. He was . . . just very shocked.'

‘What about Sam? Can he accept Sam?'

‘I don't know. But I don't think he can accept Rod as his father. He blames Rod for what happened.'

‘And doesn't blame you? Lorna, that's hopeful!'

‘No, because he blames me for not telling him earlier. I should have done, I see that now.'

‘You didn't want to lose him. Surely he understands? Can't he see it's been hard for you, too?'

‘Might be too soon to expect that. All he can see is that I've let him down.'

‘Look, why no' try to look on the bright side? He's upset, but he didn't throw you out or anything. And he hasn't said he doesn't want to see you again, has he?'

‘No. In fact, he said he'd see me when I got back.'

‘There you are, then! Lorna, I'm sure he doesn't want to lose you. By the time you get back from the tour, he'll probably have reconciled himself to the whole thing. And at least he knows the truth now. You'll feel better about that.'

‘Yes, I suppose I do.'

But when she lay in bed, sleepless, Lorna felt a deep and impossible regret for the time that already seemed so long ago, when Josh had not known the truth. When she had not had to hurt him. And had not hurt herself.

Forty-Six

The English tour, so carefully planned by George with Lorna's help, turned out to be strikingly successful. The way it had been planned, they travelled directly to the south coast, moving on from there to the major towns of Surrey and Hampshire, and then to London, which so excited the girls they could scarcely be persuaded to pack for the strung out journey back home. The Midlands beckoned, however, and then Yorkshire, Northumberland and the Scottish Borders. Finally, garlanded with praise, they arrived home.

Everywhere they went, they'd received rave reviews, with Lorna being described as their Titian-haired leader, and the Melody Girls themselves as ‘gorgeous Scottish lassies, who certainly know how to beat out a tune . . .'

‘Watch out, lads, the girls are here!' ran one headline in a music paper, and another sent similar warnings to the big band leaders of the day.

‘Och, I'm sure Ted Heath and company are all crying over their bank accounts,' George commented with a grin, but he was as delighted as everyone else with the girls' success.

‘Particularly here in London,' he told Lorna and Flo, when they were talking in their hotel. ‘Now didn't I tell you it was the place to be? I could find you a dozen venues tomorrow that'd be desperate to have you.'

‘Maybe only because at the moment we're a novelty,' Flo suggested. ‘A Scottish all-girl band, but the emphasis is on Scottish. If we gave up that, we'd lose a lot of our appeal, is my view. Don't you agree, Lorna?'

‘Oh, yes, I've said all along that we're a Scottish band and have to stay that way.'

Lorna's words were definite enough, but her tone, as both listeners noticed, was listless. There was nothing unusual in that; when she was conducting the band, giving interviews, or posing for photographs, she seemed to find reserves of strength and vitality. Away from the professional scene, however, she drooped and withered like a flower out of water.

‘Aye, she's been an unlucky lassie, in some respects,' George remarked. ‘Not because of having Sam, because he's a grand little lad, but splitting up with Rod the way she did, and now this business with Josh. I never did think he'd be the one for her.'

‘Neither was Rod. Had all the wrong ideas. She seemed to have settled for Josh, but now she's told him about Sam, I can't think what's going to happen.'

‘Surprised he hasn't already said goodbye.'

Flo looked thoughtful. ‘The fact he hasn't, could that be hopeful, do you think?'

‘Who knows? What we have to think about now is finding another pianist. Doesn't look like Claire is going to return.'

‘We've managed without her so far. Let's leave it till we get back home, eh?'

‘Suits me, just as long as we don't have to see her miserable face again.'

When it came to it, most of the girls were happy enough to be back in Auld Reekie, even if it didn't have as many clubs, restaurants, and theatres as London. After all, it was home and there were families to see, and young men, and you couldn't stay away for ever, could you? Even Lorna was looking happier, and there were those who'd noticed she'd been looking anything but when down south.

As their coach came over Carter Bar and the volcanic rock that was Arthur's Seat came into view, it was in fact noticeable how much brighter the leader of the band was looking.

‘Been missing Josh,' Trish whispered to Bridie, and those girls nearest nodded their agreement. ‘Tough, being away so long, eh?'

‘Tough for us all,' said Nancy, who'd found a new boyfriend since the German tour. ‘But I wouldn't have missed the trip away, would you?'

‘Sure wouldn't!' came a chorus, until somebody murmured, ‘Wonder what happened to Claire?'

‘As though we cared,' Flo murmured to Lorna.

‘I can't say I'm worrying about her,' Lorna answered. Keeping her voice down, she added, ‘All I want now is to see Sam.'

‘You're going round to your mother's when we get in?'

‘Oh, I am. I've missed Sam so much, and Ma said on the phone that he's been missing me.' Lorna smiled a little. ‘She rang from a call box, you know. Said she wished I could've seen Sam's face when he heard my voice coming out of the telephone!'

‘I thought you might be going to your flat first,' Flo said delicately, giving George a sideways glance.

‘You mean to check my post?' Lorna shrugged. ‘Josh never said he'd write.'

‘You're going to ring him, anyway?'

‘Tomorrow. I'm going to stay the night at Ma's. Help Sam play with the toys I've brought him.'

‘Must be fun, playing with toys again.' George laughed self-consciously. ‘Sometimes we think about being parents, don't we, Flo?'

‘Thinking is as far as we get.'

‘I can recommend it.' Lorna glanced round at her girls who were all talking to one another. ‘In spite of everything.'

‘Princes Street coming up,' George said cheerfully. ‘Want a hand with your luggage, Lorna?'

‘Don't worry, the driver will take it out for all of us. Listen, we're going to take a couple of days off to get sorted out, aren't we? I'll be in touch later, then.'

‘Don't forget!' Flo cried, when the coach drew up in Princes Street under the sombre stare of the castle, and the girls began to disembark, still talking and laughing.

‘Poor old Lorna,' George murmured, as he and Flo watched her flag down a taxi and disappear towards the West End. ‘Hope she gets some good news.'

‘Wouldn't bank on it,' Flo answered.

Forty-Seven

Oh, it was so good to be home, Lorna was thinking as she hugged first Tilly and then dear Sam, holding him close, putting her cheek against his soft little face, as he smiled radiantly and said ‘Mammy, mammy' over and over again.

‘You see, he's missed you,' Tilly said fondly. ‘Couldn't understand why you weren't coming to see him.'

‘But then you spoke to Mammy on the telephone, didn't you?' Lorna asked. ‘Didn't you hear my voice on the funny black thing in the glass box?'

‘Mammy's voice!' he cried joyously. ‘In the glass box!'

‘And now you'll want to look in my bag, eh? I've got some exciting things, and all for you.'

They spent a wonderful time, unpacking the small cars, the fire engine complete with ladders and little firemen, the tractor with levers and imitation bundles of hay, while Tilly made tea and produced the scones she'd managed to find, and the cake she'd made with eggs brought by Cissie.

‘And isn't it a shocking thing that we're still rationed?' she asked as they finally sat down at the table, Sam clutching one of his new cars. ‘Sometimes I wonder if we won the war or not. Oh, and by the way, I saw Ewen in the street this morning – told him to come for a cup of tea, but he said he'd look in later. Knew you'd want time with Sam, you ken. Such a thoughtful laddie, eh?'

‘I'd like to see Ewen,' Lorna said with truth. ‘In fact I was hoping he'd come round.'

As Sam asked if he could get down and tore off to play with his fire engine, Tilly looked at Lorna strangely and poured her some more tea.

‘Someone else came round the other day,' she whispered. ‘Asked if you were here.'

‘Who?'

‘Josh Niven.'

Lorna set down her cup, spilling tea into the saucer. ‘Josh came here? Here, Ma?'

‘Yes, a few days ago.'

‘I don't understand. Why would he do that? He knew I wouldn't be back.'

‘I'm no' sure, of course, but I think he wanted to see Sam. You said you'd told him about your boy, eh?'

‘Yes, I told him.'

‘Well, maybe he wanted to see what the boy looked like. Seemed very impressed. Said he was a fine child, and gave him a pound note for his money box.'

‘A pound note?' Lorna bit her lip, frowning. ‘And then what happened?'

‘He gave me a letter for you. I put it in the sideboard. Wait, I'll get it for you.'

While her mother found the letter, Lorna sat very still, bracing herself for – what? She would know very soon.

‘Here it is!' Tilly cried, placing a small white envelope in Lorna's hand. It bore her formal name, Miss Lorna Fernie, in Josh's firm black handwriting.

‘Now if you want to read it in private, go in the bedroom, pet.'