The Mechanical Messiah (32 page)

Corporal Larkspur mumbled and grumbled.

‘Not
Mars,’
the colonel piped up. ‘Venus, actually.’

‘Venus?’ said Cameron Bell. ‘You have acquired special visas to land upon Venus?’

‘Not as such,’ puffed the colonel. ‘Not as such, old chap.’

‘Well now,’ said the private detective. ‘Not so much a hunting party, more a gang of poachers.’

‘A most
exclusive
big-game hunting trip.’ Corporal Larkspur, secured to the floor by magnetised boots, stalked heavily away upon these towards his cabin.

‘Word of advice,’ said the colonel to the private detective. ‘Word to the wise and all that. Never get a chap’s dander up on a hunting trip. One can get
accidentally
shot up the bum parts. Catch my drift?’ He tapped away at his nose.

‘Point well taken,’ said Cameron Bell. ‘My thanks. But tell me, who is the brains behind this most illegal hunting trip?’

‘Jovian chap you just spoke with,’ said the colonel.

But Cameron Bell shook his head. ‘My observations of that gentleman inform me that he is merely a link in the chain, as it were. The man behind this trip is a resident of Earth. He is not aboard this ship.’

‘No idea how you reasoned
that
out,’ said the colonel.

‘But you know your own business best. Larkspur fellow paying me. That is all I know.’

‘Interesting,’ said the private detective.

‘Would someone please pay some attention to me?’ said Alice. ‘I would like a cup of tea. Or better, a gin and tonic.’

The
Marie Lloyd
pressed on through the aether of space. An unappealing hulk of riveted metal, the product of a Martian armaments factory built solely for service with little aesthetics attached. Five thousand miles out from Earth an automated system kicked in and it began to revolve slowly, creating its own artificial gravity. At length the Jovian hunters awoke, surprised to discover Alice and Cameron amongst them. Found themselves amused by their presence, then suggested they all repair to the bar. Corporal Larkspur, now dressed as a barman, served with a practised ease.

Alice Lovell sipped her gin and tonic. She sat at a table with Colonel Katterfelto, Darwin and Cameron Bell. The Jovians engaged in drinking games that involved laughter and falling over. Corporal Larkspur moped behind the bar.

The ship flew on through space.

‘This is a very big adventure,’ said Alice. ‘I wonder what excitements there will be?’

‘You’d best be advised to remain on board, once we get there.’ Colonel Katterfelto downed Jovian rum. ‘Door locked. Blinds down. Better safe than sorry.’

‘Cameron will protect me,’ said Alice, and she fluttered her eyelashes at the private detective.

Cameron Bell, somewhat drained by recent experiences, felt a frisson of excitement himself Was that amorous eyelash fluttering? he wondered. Did this beautiful woman have
feelings
for him?’

Overwhelmed by the very thought, Cameron too sank Jovian rum and sought some other subject for discussion.

Darwin ate noisily from a bag of salted peanuts. Colonel Katterfelto tousled his hairy head.

‘Herr Doktör,’ said Cameron Bell of a sudden. ‘But of course.’

Colonel Katterfelto was startled by this. ‘You have read the book?’ he asked the detective. ‘You know about the Great Quest?’

‘I am referring to your “nephew”,’ said Cameron Bell. ‘I recall now reading of a certain Herr Doktör who claims that it is possible to teach apes to read and write and speak also. In order that they may take the necessary evolutionary step forward, which might otherwise go untrodden for another million years.

Darwin the monkey continued with his peanuts. He had nothing to say.

‘Remarkable,’ said Cameron Bell. ‘And I would gather that his vocabulary is quite extensive.’

‘Why not ask him yourself?’ said the colonel.

Alice looked intrigued.

‘It is an honour to meet you.’ Cameron Bell put out his hand towards Darwin. The ape regarded him with a quizzical expression and then shook the detective’s hand.

‘It is an honour to meet
you,
Mr Bell,’ said he. ‘We have met before, of course, but never been formally introduced.’

‘Most splendid,’ said Mr Cameron Bell. ‘Have you been taught to play chess?’

Darwin shook his hairy head.

‘Would you care to have me teach you?’

Darwin nodded his hairy head.

‘Then splendid once again. I spied a travellers’ chess set on the bar counter. I will fetch it and teach you how to play.’

Alice Lovell made a face. She recalled certain experiences regarding chess pieces that she had been put through beyond the looking glass.

‘Will someone please pay
me
attention,’ she said.

Time passed and routines were established. There were cabins available to all and no one had to share. Corporal Larkspur cooked and cleaned and served behind the bar.

Darwin learned chess and soon proved a worthy opponent.

Alice Lovell sulked for much of the time, whilst staring through a porthole.

Cameron Bell, severely tongue-tied now in her presence, mostly said and did the wrong things and hated himself for so doing.

On the fourth day out they sighted Venus.

And on the fifth day they fell into orbit around her.

ueer as it might seem now, there was a time when astronomers and scientists of Earth actually believed that the planet Venus was an inhospitable horror of a place. Heated to intolerable temperatures, scorched by rains of sulphuric acid and with an atmosphere so poisonous as to spell death in every language or dialect thereof that existed.

In this modern age of progress and of knowledge such nonsenses are easily put aside. Although it did have to be said that very few members of the human race had ever set foot upon Venus. A British Embassy had been set up there, but the British ambassador was forbidden to leave the compound. Certain explorers had made illegal landings, notably Major Thadeus Tinker the famous big-game hunter, but none had ever been seen again. Though how they came to their ends, if they did, remained so far uncertain.

As the
Marie Lloyd
swung around upon its orbit, each porthole on the starboard side had a face peeping out from it. A green and splendid planet turned below. An emerald world that looked so much as paradise must look. The Jovian hunters cheered and chuckled, clinking their glasses together. The folk of Earth looked out in awe, each alone with their thoughts.

Colonel Katterfelto thought about the Mechanical Messiah. Soon the
Marie Lloyd
would set down upon the beautiful planet and he would be able to avail himself of some
Magoniam.
The missing component. The special something that would enable him to imbue the mechanical marvel with life.

But then what?

As Cameron Bell viewed the gorgeous planet, his thoughts returned to the horrible doings at the Crystal Palace. The destruction of that wonderful building had been
partially
his fault. Although it
was
in a good cause. But what of the creature? What of
I am become Death, the Destroyer of Worlds?
Dead and gone, concluded Mr Bell. As a child, he had read many books of travel and adventure and he recalled one about New Zealand and the Maori people. These savage tribesmen had many cruel habits, but the cruellest of all was the one they meted out to captured enemy chieftains.
Death by Kiwi Bird.
As a child, Master Bell had shuddered at the details and well he remembered them now. Hopefully the creature had literally been consumed by Alice’s avian avengers. Certainly one or two of the birds would have perished in the conflict. But such are the casualties of war. So the baddy was gone and Cameron had time to think. His personal world had been brought to ruination. He was now a wanted man. Things had not gone as he might have hoped that they would.

And he was also about to join an illegal landing party and add the breaking of interplanetary law to the charge sheet awaiting him upon Earth. He did not look forward to going back, but he knew that sometime he must.

But then what?

Alice Lovell had been thinking of her kiwi birds. She had not been worrying about them, however. Because she had no need to. Because had not that kind Cameron told her, when questioned as to the details of what had occurred after she fainted at the Crystal Palace, that the kiwi birds had all been safely rounded up and returned to the Sydenham pet shop to await her return? Such a thoughtful man, that Cameron Bell. But just what lay ahead? She was about to embark on a very great adventure, but it was not one that would add to her fame as it would have to remain a secret. She had topped the bill at the Crystal Palace. But only for moments. Would she ever be given a second chance? And what of the danger she was in from that monster which had attacked her? Cameron’s replies to her questions regarding this had all become a bit contradictory and confusing. But whatever happened on Venus, as long as she survived, she would eventually return to Earth.

But then what?

Darwin, the very first monkey in space, had enjoyed the voyage to Venus. He had enjoyed the learning and playing of chess and he greatly enjoyed the company of Mr Cameron Bell. The big question in Darwin’s mind, as he peered through a porthole towards the planet beneath, was,
Do they have bananas upon Venus?

Corporal Larkspur cast the briefest of glances towards the planet below. He was busily engaged in checking provisions and weaponry and tropical kit. Ticking away at a clipboard and whistling to himself, his thoughts were focused upon the success of the venture. Although his definition of the word
success
differed considerably from that of the Jovian hunters on board.

At midday Earth time he called a meeting in the mess hall that all should attend. Dressed now in frill tropical kit with pith helmet and jungle goggles, he addressed his fellow space travellers.

‘Gentlemen and lady,’ he began, strutting as best a Jovian could, given the girth of his thighs. ‘Thou hast arrived safely unto the orbit of Venus. The journey hath been without incident. Although I hopéd that whoever blockéd the saloon bar toilet might have hadst the grace to umblocketh it.’

There was much laughter at this from the Jovian hunters, but as they were always given to much laughter, it did not necessarily signal that it was in any way actually funny.

‘We shalt be landing,’ the corporal continued, ‘in an area of subtropical Venus knownst as Efland.’

‘Efland?’ queried Alice. ‘As in Fairyland?’

‘The region hast many such names,’ the corporal went on. ‘Goblin Creek, the Bog of the Trolls. We shalt land in Efland for lo it is the farthest region from any Venusian habitation.’

‘No fairies, then?’ said Alice.

‘No
fairies. But—’ And now he read from a dog-eared pamphlet. ‘“An area of outstanding natural beauty with many walks and picturesque vistas. Marvellous rock formations and mineral beds. Docile wildlife makes for an outstanding hunt. Many photo opportunities.”‘

‘What are you reading from?’ asked Mr Cameron Bell.

‘
The Rough Guide to Venus,’
replied Corporal Larkspur. ‘A banned publication. I hast one of the few remaining copies.’

Cameron Bell said, ‘Very well done.’

‘Well prepared is best prepared.’ The corporal continued, ‘I shalt bring the ship in to landeth beneath the giant Nabana trees.’

‘Banana trees?’ asked Darwin.

Corporal Larkspur made an exasperated face.
‘Nabana
trees,’ he shouted. Darwin bared his teeth. ‘Nabana trees,’ the corporal said more softly. ‘Their trunks riseth to nearly one thousand feet before the foliage spreadeth. Once the ship is beneath these trees it will be hidden from the death patrols.’

‘Ahem,’ went Colonel Katterfelto. ‘Hate to interrupt you there, old chap, but did you say
death patrols?’

‘Death patrols!’
shouted the corporal. ‘I meanest
yes.
The valleys, mountains, forests and all are sacred. Venusian aether ships drift across the skies. Shouldst they sight an idolater violating their holy lands, they dealeth the harshest of punishments.’