The Mating Rite (Big, Beautiful Werewolf) (Werewolves of Montana) (20 page)

And he needed Sam as his mate. But was she equal to the task, to the sometimes arduous, always frequent need for sex and bonding? Darius clenched and unclenched his fists and tried to figure out how the hell he could get her back.

Before he lost her for good, again.

Sam woke to find herself alone in bed, feeling as empty and aching as the day she’d seen Darius after all these years.

Sex had not been the blissful joining of their bodies. It had been raging passion, and then frightening in its fierceness. The physical aches and soreness were bad, but expected. Far worse was the savage intensity.

Darius was wolf.

And he’d brought out the wolf in her, a primitive, animalistic part of herself she wanted to repress. She did not want to be like this. Darius had stripped layers from her, peeling them away and leaving her shattered and emotionally raw.

Dreams of intimacy with him had consisted of gentle sex with sweet, loving words. Oh, he’d been tender at first, but then his wolf had emerged, possessive, ravaging and overwhelming as if trying to merge with her body and her very spirit. Her valiant friend, the one who’d protected her and made her feel special, had been absorbed by a beast.

And worse, he’d made her own beast snarl to the surface. Sex with Darius had turned her into someone she no longer recognized. She’d been terrified as his eyes changed color and his wolf partly emerged, because in those wild amber eyes she’d seen a reflection of her own wolf.

Her beast needed to merge with his beast.

She’d spent the last four years concentrating on forgetting him and finding herself.

Only to become lost in pure sensation and heat and uncaring of anything else, except feeling him deep inside her. He’d ensnared her with erotic pleasure until she craved him like a drug. Sam thought of a future with Darius, becoming clingy and needy for the pleasure of his touch until she faded and became a ghost of her former self.

Was this what Lupine sex did? Turned you into a raging animal, hungering for sex until all you could think about was the male lying atop you and needing him more than you needed your own breath?

Sam drew in a deep breath, rubbed her forehead with the heel of her hand as she tried to collect her shattered composure. She felt turned inside out, and no longer a person.

She’d spent so many lonely years pining for him, weaving fantasies about them being together at last, and then had spent the last four learning to live without him. Making a life for herself, proud of her accomplishments. And in one single, devastating night, he’d shattered the illusion that she could remain apart and unaffected.

Slowly she unfurled her palms, studying the marks where her nails had bit into flesh. To keep herself separate, she’d clenched her fists. The pain had kept her from drowning in his touch, his scent, his intensity.

How could she undergo a vigorous mating rite if she could not handle one session of intense Lupine sex? During the mating rite, they would lose their individual selves and merge completely until the bond was complete and they were emotionally tied together for life.

Fear tightened her stomach into a hard knot as she thought of losing control of her inhibitions and submitting to Darius. To Darius, the Lupine who’d promised to return and never had.

They were not the same people they’d been ten years ago. She could not see surrendering her very identity and merging with him so completely.

Sam touched her neck and shuddered, remembering the swift pain giving way to erotic, confusing pleasure when he’d given her his mating mark when she was sixteen. Back then, she had not understood what the bite signified.

And now she did. It was a sexual leash that tethered her to Darius, making her crave only his touch and taking away all choice.

All her free will.

Shivering at the thought, she stepped out onto the balcony. At first, she did not see him, but detected his scent. Her Lupine senses, it seemed, were much sharper now. Of course. Sex with him had unleashed her wolf.

Sam turned, and felt Darius touch her shoulder. She shuddered and moved away.

“Sweetheart, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I was too rough and lost control.” He drew in a shaky breath. “I’ve wanted you for so long, I fucked up. I’ve wanted you in my arms so badly. You’ve haunted my dreams, my thoughts. My every waking moment. I told myself I’d be gentle and tender with you and I wasn’t. I lost control and let my wolf dominate me when I turned feral.”

Sam hugged herself, needing distance, needing comfort but fearing it from him. “Feral?”

“Feral,” he repeated. “When a male Lupine turns savage during sex. Always with his mate, and seldom without consent. It usually happens when he loses control and his wolf takes over.”

“Like an animal.”

“Like a wolf,” he corrected.

“A savage wolf.”

Darius dragged a hand through his hair. “It is what I am, Sam. Like you. We are Lupines and sexual creatures.”

“And you’ll be this way—worse—during a mating rite.” She swallowed hard past the thick lump in her throat. “And so will I.”

“It’s in our nature, Sam.”

Gaze luminous in the moonlight, he went preternaturally still, like a predator studying his target. She could see the reflection of light in his eyes as a car pulled into the parking lot, shining its headlights in their direction. Animals did that, she thought dimly. Wolves did.

“Sam, can you forgive me?” He attempted to close the distance between them.

“No,” she whispered, inching further away. “Don’t touch me.”

“Sam, honey… I need you so much.”

“Need me,” she said slowly. “Is that what Lupine sex is? Such possessive and demanding need that I lose all sense and all I crave is you?”

Darius blinked. “It’s normal, the need for each other. That is the way when Lupines mate.”

Mate. Not make love. Not sex. She’d anticipated the overwhelming passion of regular, vanilla and very human sex. Not this terrifying frenzy of need.

She went to the end of the balcony. “I’m not a wolf. I’m not certain
what
I am anymore. I can’t be Lupine. I’ve been Skin too long to lose myself as a wolf.” Her voice cracked. “I don’t know who or what I am anymore.”

“You’re Sam. You are the most amazing female I’ve ever known, and the strongest. You’re Lupine, like me, and we’re destined to be together.”

His deep voice stroked over her exposed skin like velvet, rubbing against her sensitive nerves and making her crave him all over again. Sam hugged herself tight. She needed to center herself. Darius was powerful and overwhelming, wrapping her in a silken web of sensual need. She took in tiny, gasping breaths, struggling against his magnetic pull. It was like drowning in a sea of warm, soft fur.

Sam squeezed her hands tight, the nails digging little crescents into her flesh. The pain once more helped her focus.

“I wish we could go back to back to the days when it was you and me in the woods, reading and laughing and there was no sex, nothing but words and dreams and hopes. I wish…”

But wishes were childish, just as those wistful regrets were.

“Sam, don’t be scared of me. Don’t be scared of your wolf nature. I can help you through this. Trust me,” he said softly.

“I’m going back to Portland and after you sign the contract, I don’t think we should ever see each other again. This was a mistake.”

He gestured to the doors. “Inside. Now. You’re shivering.”

Domineering and demanding. The independent part of her resisted his command, but the sensible part knew she couldn’t stay outside and freeze. She sat at the table by the French doors and avoided looking at the bed with its rumbled sheets and the stains of her lost virginity.

Darius knelt at her feet and looked up at her, his gaze tormented.

The look reminded her of the old Darius, the Lupine who’d give blood and bone to keep her safe, who had brought her bouquets of flowers to make her smile. The Lupine who’d stroked her hair so gently when she rested against his thighs after he’d read to her in the woods. It hurt so badly to fear him, instead of hurling herself against his broad, muscled chest and letting him soothe away her fears.

She thought of the rabbit she’d kept as a secret pet in the woods. A cold shiver raced down her spine. The first time she’d shapeshifted into a wolf, Maxim had taken her on a pack run through the woods. The alpha had spotted her pet, and the rabbit had died beneath his snapping jaws. Her mother had soothed her later, telling her the rabbit was old and sick and the death was merciful, but Samantha had vowed never to hunt again.

“Once you were the one who swore to chase away my demons. Now you’ve become the very thing I fear, Darius. The beast who will turn me into a beast as well. I can’t live that life.”

“Sam, I promise…”

“Promise what?” Her voice came as a rasping whisper. “Swear you’ll never lose control again? Promise it won’t happen, that I can leave your bed with all my wits intact and my life will belong to me? Promise that I will be able to walk away and make my own decisions if we have sex again?”

Darius remained silent, only gazing at her with the same haunted look. Part of her longed to curl up against him, and try to recapture what they’d lost. If she surrendered to his pleading look it meant losing herself all over again. And she already felt lost enough.

“I won’t make any more promises, Sam,” he said quietly. “Not when you were left waiting for ten years after my first promise. But I will say this. I will never again turn feral on you unless you’re with me all the way. The choice is yours. Once you surrender to passion, you’ll find out the experience is not constricting. It’s extremely freeing to need each other, to touch, and bond together.”

She gave a little laugh that bordered on a sob. “Freeing as in the mating rite, when you’ll release all your inhibitions, because that is what the rite is about, and I’ll lose control as well?”

And she would be siphoned into his intense sexuality and never again be her own person.

“It’s about bonding two Lupines together for life, Sam.”

“I can’t bond with you. I can’t lose myself like that for my whole life. I’ve barely begun to live these past four years,” she whispered.

He shoved a hand through his thick curls. She remembered the touch and texture of his hair, thick, dark silk through her fingers, how it felt as he’d slid across her body and moaned in her ear…Sam squeezed her fists tighter.

“We can approach that later. Give me a chance. Give us a chance again. I will not lose control, no matter what.”

Give him a chance.
She wanted to. But she remained afraid, because she wasn’t certain what she was. The Lupine life with its raw, savage sexuality scared her. She felt as if she didn’t belong and would never fit into such a place.

Losing Darius scared her as well.

Everything inside her crumbled. She had only her career left, a job that had been her safe harbor and had given her purpose. She must focus on her career. The job grounded her.

Once Darius had given her purpose, but she’d forged on without him. Now he’d settled into her life and threatened to steal away her heart.

She’d guarded that particular organ far too long to lose it to him again.

Sam buried her face into her hands. “I’m going back to my room, Darius, before the others return. I’m going to sleep. I need to be alone.”

The despair on his face killed her as she walked out of the room and closed the door behind her.

Chapter 10

Contrary to what she’d told Darius, Sam stayed up late, losing herself in work. She compiled statistics for the team to discuss for when Darius signed the contract back in Portland. Surely all her hard work on this trip would land her the promotion she deserved.

So it was with great dismay she learned that her colleague Sienna was arriving this morning to be introduced as Darius’ new account representative.

Samantha stared at Ken as he relayed the news over breakfast. They were leaving that afternoon to return to the city. A crisis had happened at the office, and the others had already departed. Only she, Ken, James and Darius remained at the house. Darius was still in his bedroom, and James had gone jogging on the beach.

A cool breeze whipped her hair as they sat on the deck overlooking the ocean. “You’re passing me over for Sienna? Sienna, who just started working here barely a month ago?”

Ken sipped his tea. “She came from one of the biggest manufacturers of solar panels and has handled multi-million dollar deals. You’re terrific in research, but too inexperienced for sales, Samantha. HG agrees.”

Then he drew his brows together. “And your behavior on this trip has been unprofessional. You did not return to join us at the bar last night, but remained with the client.”

Samantha sucked in a startled breath. “Are you accusing me of impropriety with Darius?”

“I’m simply stating it did not look good that you were alone with him last night. Perception is reality.” Ken sighed and set down his cup. “You’re very young, Samantha, too young to handle a major client. In a few years, perhaps, you’ll gain enough experience, and business wisdom, to handle your own accounts. I’m giving her Darius’ account to start with, and you’ll be her assistant.”